I need to tell someone
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Stay here FTBM. I'll remind my SR mates, let's talk with FTBM and not refer to her in the third person. FTBM is here with us, a fully formed person with value and we are talking to her directly. I don't take issue with what you say as much as how you say it or who you say it to. I'll wager FTBM is fine with direct responses but definitely not with members talking into the void, or to the cosmos or the fates or anyone other than FTBM.
How are you doing today by the way FTBM? I hope you are clean and ready to heal up.
How are you doing today by the way FTBM? I hope you are clean and ready to heal up.
I hope our support can help you get clean for good. 
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by jr67 
I am so glad to see you back here today, ftbm. I take it you are making it through Day 2?
You sound very organized. Do you have a plan and maybe a contingency plan or two to ward off (defuse, counteract), in the moment, any triggering situations, events, circumstances, or just plain old familiar cravings?
My meth contact lived in a certain apartment house in a certain town about 4 or 5 miles from my house. There is a certain main road that I drive on all the time, that passes about a mile from his house. When I was using, even when I wasn't even thinking of meth, much less making a purchase, and even if I was with other people in the car, just passing the exit for his apartment would often excite the slightest frisson of associations with the effects of blowing a cloud or two. As I said somewhere else, ice wasn't even my drug of choice (that was/is ethanol). I think over the two-year period of my using I made about 8 purchases from the guy, that lasted me varying amounts of time, but since he was my only meth contact, just passing that intersection was a trigger that I needed to identify and overcome. With alcohol, of course, the dealers are everywhere, not to mention the billboards, print ads, and on and on and on. There are a gazillion triggers for any substance abuser, and when we're actively using (as well as when we're not) any one of those triggers has the potential to trip the activation wire.
So as I said I deleted his contact information and smashed my pipe, small steps perhaps, but they make it that much more difficult for me to try to buy more, if I were to be tempted. I never knew his apartment number in his large building so I could not even realistically think about just trying to stop by his house. Of course I live in a big city so if I wanted to I could put myself into a situation where I'd find another supplier easily enough. An addict will find a way. But (so far), I have kept away, and I plan to continue.
But your situation is way different, so I was wondering whether you have your own plan, or are working on one (both short term and longer). You said your circumstances do not allow you to enter a rehab facility. What about one-on-one mental health counseling? Sometimes it seems that "everyone" sees a therapist at some point in their life these days (and those that don't are often the ones who would most benefit from it). I don't know where you live, but in most places there certainly isn't the stigma attached to seeking therapy that there is to living with untreated substance abuse disorder (aka, in your case, possessing and smoking meth). Therapy is just one idea among many. As is apparent from your decision to post in the first place, something's gotta give.
Please, please please continue to return and browse and post regularly, either in your own thread(s) or those of others, or both. I've been on SR for only a week or so, but I have learned so much from so many fellow members, from their varied experiences and perspectives, their sometimes differing opinions, and their personal styles. You say that most of the responses you received today "made [you] feel good," and apparently one of them did not. Imho, for a mentally healthy person (a category into which I think most of us here at SR would not place ourselves today, although we are healthier than we were yesterday), no one else can "make you feel" good or bad. Immhoos (in my most humblest of opinions), that strength of character comes from within.* Within ourselves,** within the universe.
What's the old bumper sticker?, something like "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt).
So, ftbm, remember this: "No consent."
Welcome back.
* Others can tell you where they have found (or are seeking) that strength; I have found that (some) people on SR are not shy in the least. From your most recent post, I'd put you in that category. You go girl.
** That is not to say we are alone. Far from it. I agree you should think very hard about accepting help from your close family or other trusted supporter(s). But meanwhile, and in addition, we are here.
You sound very organized. Do you have a plan and maybe a contingency plan or two to ward off (defuse, counteract), in the moment, any triggering situations, events, circumstances, or just plain old familiar cravings?
My meth contact lived in a certain apartment house in a certain town about 4 or 5 miles from my house. There is a certain main road that I drive on all the time, that passes about a mile from his house. When I was using, even when I wasn't even thinking of meth, much less making a purchase, and even if I was with other people in the car, just passing the exit for his apartment would often excite the slightest frisson of associations with the effects of blowing a cloud or two. As I said somewhere else, ice wasn't even my drug of choice (that was/is ethanol). I think over the two-year period of my using I made about 8 purchases from the guy, that lasted me varying amounts of time, but since he was my only meth contact, just passing that intersection was a trigger that I needed to identify and overcome. With alcohol, of course, the dealers are everywhere, not to mention the billboards, print ads, and on and on and on. There are a gazillion triggers for any substance abuser, and when we're actively using (as well as when we're not) any one of those triggers has the potential to trip the activation wire.
So as I said I deleted his contact information and smashed my pipe, small steps perhaps, but they make it that much more difficult for me to try to buy more, if I were to be tempted. I never knew his apartment number in his large building so I could not even realistically think about just trying to stop by his house. Of course I live in a big city so if I wanted to I could put myself into a situation where I'd find another supplier easily enough. An addict will find a way. But (so far), I have kept away, and I plan to continue.
But your situation is way different, so I was wondering whether you have your own plan, or are working on one (both short term and longer). You said your circumstances do not allow you to enter a rehab facility. What about one-on-one mental health counseling? Sometimes it seems that "everyone" sees a therapist at some point in their life these days (and those that don't are often the ones who would most benefit from it). I don't know where you live, but in most places there certainly isn't the stigma attached to seeking therapy that there is to living with untreated substance abuse disorder (aka, in your case, possessing and smoking meth). Therapy is just one idea among many. As is apparent from your decision to post in the first place, something's gotta give.
Please, please please continue to return and browse and post regularly, either in your own thread(s) or those of others, or both. I've been on SR for only a week or so, but I have learned so much from so many fellow members, from their varied experiences and perspectives, their sometimes differing opinions, and their personal styles. You say that most of the responses you received today "made [you] feel good," and apparently one of them did not. Imho, for a mentally healthy person (a category into which I think most of us here at SR would not place ourselves today, although we are healthier than we were yesterday), no one else can "make you feel" good or bad. Immhoos (in my most humblest of opinions), that strength of character comes from within.* Within ourselves,** within the universe.
What's the old bumper sticker?, something like "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt).
So, ftbm, remember this: "No consent."
Welcome back.
* Others can tell you where they have found (or are seeking) that strength; I have found that (some) people on SR are not shy in the least. From your most recent post, I'd put you in that category. You go girl.
** That is not to say we are alone. Far from it. I agree you should think very hard about accepting help from your close family or other trusted supporter(s). But meanwhile, and in addition, we are here.
said into consideration, as far as not driving in the area where this person lives, so as to not spark a trigger. I think I will look into getting therapy, I know there is a lot inside I’m trying to hide from. But that’s basically it, I don’t really have a real game plan. I’m just going to try and go with it. Every tine I think about smoking or miss it, I’m going to immediately put my sons image in my head. That always helps me. Thank you so much again for your words.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
FTBM,
I’m also a mom, divorced. Alcohol was my go-to companion to ease the loneliness, smooth over the hurt, celebrate, pass the time. When I quit, there was a big hole that needed to be filled with something.
I did it without IRL support because that’s just the way it is. But I did accept and work on the reasons that led to my drinking. A deep dive into all the emotional BS and a restructuring of all free time was required.
Best wishes to you. My advice is to remember that you can’t just subtract the drug, you have to add something back in to heal yourself, become a better person, which will in turn make you a better mom.
-bora
I’m also a mom, divorced. Alcohol was my go-to companion to ease the loneliness, smooth over the hurt, celebrate, pass the time. When I quit, there was a big hole that needed to be filled with something.
I did it without IRL support because that’s just the way it is. But I did accept and work on the reasons that led to my drinking. A deep dive into all the emotional BS and a restructuring of all free time was required.
Best wishes to you. My advice is to remember that you can’t just subtract the drug, you have to add something back in to heal yourself, become a better person, which will in turn make you a better mom.
-bora
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
Stay here FTBM. I'll remind my SR mates, let's talk with FTBM and not refer to her in the third person. FTBM is here with us, a fully formed person with value and we are talking to her directly. I don't take issue with what you say as much as how you say it or who you say it to. I'll wager FTBM is fine with direct responses but definitely not with members talking into the void, or to the cosmos or the fates or anyone other than FTBM.
How are you doing today by the way FTBM? I hope you are clean and ready to heal up.
How are you doing today by the way FTBM? I hope you are clean and ready to heal up.
keep fighting. I’m ready for it. <3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Originally Posted by fightingtobeme
thank you for that. I am doing well today, still clean and about to take my son to see the new Star Wars movie tonight. I will
keep fighting. I’m ready for it. <3
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by boreas
FTBM,
I’m also a mom, divorced. Alcohol was my go-to companion to ease the loneliness, smooth over the hurt, celebrate, pass the time. When I quit, there was a big hole that needed to be filled with something.
I did it without IRL support because that’s just the way it is. But I did accept and work on the reasons that led to my drinking. A deep dive into all the emotional BS and a restructuring of all free time was required.
Best wishes to you. My advice is to remember that you can’t just subtract the drug, you have to add something back in to heal yourself, become a better person, which will in turn make you a better mom.
-bora
I’m also a mom, divorced. Alcohol was my go-to companion to ease the loneliness, smooth over the hurt, celebrate, pass the time. When I quit, there was a big hole that needed to be filled with something.
I did it without IRL support because that’s just the way it is. But I did accept and work on the reasons that led to my drinking. A deep dive into all the emotional BS and a restructuring of all free time was required.
Best wishes to you. My advice is to remember that you can’t just subtract the drug, you have to add something back in to heal yourself, become a better person, which will in turn make you a better mom.
-bora
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by cantsleep123
Tough love time. In your post I see a lot of "I can't lose this, I can't lose that..." but you know that if you keep doing what you've been doing you absolutely will lose all of that eventually but will also keep using, right? If you end up relapsing I really hope you will consider reaching out for help from your family and/or rehab.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Originally Posted by fightingtobeme
thank you for your response. May I ask what am I supposed to put back or how? When I subtract the drug? I don’t know what’s missing. I don’t know why I keep going back.
Exercise has been huge for me. Yoga (youtube) and running specifically. It has the added benefit of helping me deal with the emotions and stress I used to use alcohol to cope with. A calmer disposition, weight loss, and an improvement in my skin, hair, and overall appearance made my continued sobriety an investment in feeling good about myself. Nightly walks of 1 hour+ with DS became a thing.
I think of my drinking habit as a well-worn wagon path in my brain. I had to break ground and make new, healthier paths. Now the healthy paths are well-worn and easier to follow. But in the beginning, I had to do something different.
Other changes? Reading here daily, getting my finances in order, decluttering my life, researching topics of interest, crocheting, etc. All the adulting I had avoided. What a good feeling.
As you read around, you’ll find tons of ways people shook up their lives. What I see from those who are successful is that they view sobriety as part of a larger effort to be a better person. It's hard, but you have to find things that can help create a feeling of peace and contentment in your life.
IMO, the body does and the mind follows. If I had kept up my same patterns of behavior and just tried to not drink, I don’t think I could have made it.
DS just got an evening job, so our nightly walks are over. I’m devastated, but that’s life. So last night, I went for an evening run (I’m a morning person). It sucked, but it helped deal with my sense of loss. So I’ll keep doing it until it starts to feel better or I figure out something else. What I won’t do is sit here on the couch and think about how much I wish things hadn’t changed. That’s a sure path back to the bottle.
I feel I’m rambling, but I hope this helps.
Best wishes,
-bora
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 546
Hello ftbm.
How's your Day 4 (right?) going? How was the movie?
I had an idea: If your supplier is a contact from way back in your life, and part of the problem is that you can just walk into their house and help yourself to their stash (OMG that's honey to a bee), how about you offer to pay them to change their locks? Unless you're out in the outback somewhere where no one locks their doors. In that case, buy them a lockbox in which to keep the stash, and make sure they never give you a key?
In the immediate term, perhaps it is a bad idea to even suggest you contact them for *any* reason, you'll have to be the judge of that. But if that's how you get your drugs, "losing" their phone number doesn't seem like it's going to help much in avoiding impulse buys.
My point is, you should do anything you can to interrupt the progression from "crave it" to "get it."
I have a few other ideas, but I'll leave it there, for now.
Oh, except for one more. I was thinking of asking you whether it would be ok to send you a PM (private message). But there's a rule here that a member cannot send private messages until they've posted at least 15 times. I'm over that number, but you're not (are you?). So, if I send you a PM you won't be able to respond by PM until you have 15 posts.
Hmm (I'm thinking out loud here):
1. You're probably not too far short of 15 posts, even though you only joined yesterday, so may you could send a few more random ones (well not quite random, but you know what I mean; you could just comment on someone else's thread or post, for example). Once you get to 15 you can send me a PM giving me the all clear to send one to you.
2. I could just send you a PM, knowing that you can't reply to it via PM (so I wouldn't hang out by the mailbox waiting to hear back from you).
All right, I think I'll wait a bit, and see whether I (we) hear from here. If not, I'll decide re no. 2 later. (Don't worry, I'm not going to spam you in any event. If I send you a PM and you would prefer that I don't send you any more, just tell me.)
How's your Day 4 (right?) going? How was the movie?
I had an idea: If your supplier is a contact from way back in your life, and part of the problem is that you can just walk into their house and help yourself to their stash (OMG that's honey to a bee), how about you offer to pay them to change their locks? Unless you're out in the outback somewhere where no one locks their doors. In that case, buy them a lockbox in which to keep the stash, and make sure they never give you a key?
In the immediate term, perhaps it is a bad idea to even suggest you contact them for *any* reason, you'll have to be the judge of that. But if that's how you get your drugs, "losing" their phone number doesn't seem like it's going to help much in avoiding impulse buys.
My point is, you should do anything you can to interrupt the progression from "crave it" to "get it."
I have a few other ideas, but I'll leave it there, for now.
Oh, except for one more. I was thinking of asking you whether it would be ok to send you a PM (private message). But there's a rule here that a member cannot send private messages until they've posted at least 15 times. I'm over that number, but you're not (are you?). So, if I send you a PM you won't be able to respond by PM until you have 15 posts.
Hmm (I'm thinking out loud here):
1. You're probably not too far short of 15 posts, even though you only joined yesterday, so may you could send a few more random ones (well not quite random, but you know what I mean; you could just comment on someone else's thread or post, for example). Once you get to 15 you can send me a PM giving me the all clear to send one to you.
2. I could just send you a PM, knowing that you can't reply to it via PM (so I wouldn't hang out by the mailbox waiting to hear back from you).
All right, I think I'll wait a bit, and see whether I (we) hear from here. If not, I'll decide re no. 2 later. (Don't worry, I'm not going to spam you in any event. If I send you a PM and you would prefer that I don't send you any more, just tell me.)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
PMs
Everyones post count is under their name.
Used to be 5 posts to get to PM status.
We has some unfortunate misuse of the PM system a while back so now the number is 15.
You'll generally find just by posting to others and replying to them that folks get to 15 pretty quick.
all we ask is 'no padding'to get to 15 quickly - no smiley posts, one word posts etc
D
Used to be 5 posts to get to PM status.
We has some unfortunate misuse of the PM system a while back so now the number is 15.
You'll generally find just by posting to others and replying to them that folks get to 15 pretty quick.
all we ask is 'no padding'to get to 15 quickly - no smiley posts, one word posts etc
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,148
Years ago I smoked crack. Lasted about 2 years before I had enough.
The advice to cease all contact and remove yourself as far from the temptation as possible is spot on.
I had many triggers to overcome.
I had to take a different route to work since my normal route went right through crack town.
I even sold my car because as weird as it sounds, just getting in the drivers seat made me want to take the trip to crack town.
it took a while but I haven't touched the stuff in 20+ years.
Good luck and keep coming back
The advice to cease all contact and remove yourself as far from the temptation as possible is spot on.
I had many triggers to overcome.
I had to take a different route to work since my normal route went right through crack town.
I even sold my car because as weird as it sounds, just getting in the drivers seat made me want to take the trip to crack town.
it took a while but I haven't touched the stuff in 20+ years.
Good luck and keep coming back
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by jr67
Hello ftbm.
How's your Day 4 (right?) going? How was the movie?
I had an idea: If your supplier is a contact from way back in your life, and part of the problem is that you can just walk into their house and help yourself to their stash (OMG that's honey to a bee), how about you offer to pay them to change their locks? Unless you're out in the outback somewhere where no one locks their doors. In that case, buy them a lockbox in which to keep the stash, and make sure they never give you a key?
In the immediate term, perhaps it is a bad idea to even suggest you contact them for *any* reason, you'll have to be the judge of that. But if that's how you get your drugs, "losing" their phone number doesn't seem like it's going to help much in avoiding impulse buys.
My point is, you should do anything you can to interrupt the progression from "crave it" to "get it."
I have a few other ideas, but I'll leave it there, for now.
Oh, except for one more. I was thinking of asking you whether it would be ok to send you a PM (private message). But there's a rule here that a member cannot send private messages until they've posted at least 15 times. I'm over that number, but you're not (are you?). So, if I send you a PM you won't be able to respond by PM until you have 15 posts.
Hmm (I'm thinking out loud here):
1. You're probably not too far short of 15 posts, even though you only joined yesterday, so may you could send a few more random ones (well not quite random, but you know what I mean; you could just comment on someone else's thread or post, for example). Once you get to 15 you can send me a PM giving me the all clear to send one to you.
2. I could just send you a PM, knowing that you can't reply to it via PM (so I wouldn't hang out by the mailbox waiting to hear back from you).
All right, I think I'll wait a bit, and see whether I (we) hear from here. If not, I'll decide re no. 2 later. (Don't worry, I'm not going to spam you in any event. If I send you a PM and you would prefer that I don't send you any more, just tell me.)
How's your Day 4 (right?) going? How was the movie?
I had an idea: If your supplier is a contact from way back in your life, and part of the problem is that you can just walk into their house and help yourself to their stash (OMG that's honey to a bee), how about you offer to pay them to change their locks? Unless you're out in the outback somewhere where no one locks their doors. In that case, buy them a lockbox in which to keep the stash, and make sure they never give you a key?
In the immediate term, perhaps it is a bad idea to even suggest you contact them for *any* reason, you'll have to be the judge of that. But if that's how you get your drugs, "losing" their phone number doesn't seem like it's going to help much in avoiding impulse buys.
My point is, you should do anything you can to interrupt the progression from "crave it" to "get it."
I have a few other ideas, but I'll leave it there, for now.
Oh, except for one more. I was thinking of asking you whether it would be ok to send you a PM (private message). But there's a rule here that a member cannot send private messages until they've posted at least 15 times. I'm over that number, but you're not (are you?). So, if I send you a PM you won't be able to respond by PM until you have 15 posts.
Hmm (I'm thinking out loud here):
1. You're probably not too far short of 15 posts, even though you only joined yesterday, so may you could send a few more random ones (well not quite random, but you know what I mean; you could just comment on someone else's thread or post, for example). Once you get to 15 you can send me a PM giving me the all clear to send one to you.
2. I could just send you a PM, knowing that you can't reply to it via PM (so I wouldn't hang out by the mailbox waiting to hear back from you).
All right, I think I'll wait a bit, and see whether I (we) hear from here. If not, I'll decide re no. 2 later. (Don't worry, I'm not going to spam you in any event. If I send you a PM and you would prefer that I don't send you any more, just tell me.)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 546
Nice to see you ftbm.
Are you using a cell phone or a computer? I happened on this site when using my cell phone 9 days ago and exclusively used my phone for access for a week before I opened the site on a computer. Turns out there's lots more info at your fingertips on the computer. For example (I just learned this this morning), the number of someone's posts is right under their name on the left hand side of the page in a forum.
So you have 11 posts right now, I see.
Also: Surprise! I decided to send you a PM earlier today, so it should be in your mailbox. Just poke around and find your inbox. You still won't be able to reply to me via email until you reach 15 posts, but you can see what I said.
Etalk to you elater.
I'm elated that Day 4 is going well, and to esee you back ehere.
Are you using a cell phone or a computer? I happened on this site when using my cell phone 9 days ago and exclusively used my phone for access for a week before I opened the site on a computer. Turns out there's lots more info at your fingertips on the computer. For example (I just learned this this morning), the number of someone's posts is right under their name on the left hand side of the page in a forum.
So you have 11 posts right now, I see.
Also: Surprise! I decided to send you a PM earlier today, so it should be in your mailbox. Just poke around and find your inbox. You still won't be able to reply to me via email until you reach 15 posts, but you can see what I said.
Etalk to you elater.
I'm elated that Day 4 is going well, and to esee you back ehere.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
