thomas11

The holidays have not been good to me. I've gone astray in my sobriety and its been kinda rough. I need to get cleaned up and never go back to days of drinking and doing nothing. Why do we do this to ourselves? Horrible. The next 36 hours are going to be rough.

August252015

Hey Jeff....sorry to hear this- maybe I missed this during your recent posts, but didn't realize.

The therapist is a great idea and I know on your other thread lots of us chimed in.

What else are you willing to do today, next 36 hrs, this week....?

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that as well Jeff, I did not realize you were still drinking either when you went to see the therapist. You have an appointment scheduled for this week to, correct?

How can we help? Do you need to detox somewhere maybe?

Obladi

I'm here too.
How can we help?

thomas11

Not sure what I can do in the next 36 hours other than stay determined not to put any alcohol in my mouth. I've tapered starting yesterday. Once I get a good nights sleep and a couple meals, I am not going back to this garbage.

10AM appointment next Friday with the therapist, in the first session I told him about my anger and struggles, but I also told him that I have not been an angel either. I want him to get a full picture.

thomas11

I am seeing him again this Friday. As far as medical detox....don't know yet. We'll see in the next 12 hours. Very disappointed in myself.

thomas11

I only ask for support. I have NO support system. at all. You guys are it.

Obladi

You've got it. You know we'll be here.

You've been through this enough times to know what to do. Pace. Drink lots of water, Watch movies. Pace some more. Eat something if you can. Watch for scary signs that mean you need to get to the ER. It sucks something fierce, I know, but you can do this. And it doesn't last all that long in the scheme of things.

I'm so glad you're ready to be done with this, Jeff.
Confronting your "stuff" is a big deal, and putting down the drink shows you are really ready to actually give it an honest go.

O

Hevyn

Jeff - the last time I went back out was during the holidays, 12 yrs. ago. I found SR shortly after my horrific binge. It truly was the last time I drank. I had been living recklessly for a couple of months, using the holidays as an excuse to be 'sociable'. I found I had no control over myself at all - it was scary how quickly I tanked. When I came here and started to talk about it I was instantly relieved & began to find the courage to change my life. I'm sorry you're hurting, but so glad you're back with new determination to not let alcohol steal your spirit and your life.

Anna

Jeff, you know we are always here for you. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling and feeling down. Take it easy getting through the day and be kind to yourself.

thomas11

I will be responding to comments on this post as I feel I need to remain connected to you guys. I hope it doesn't bury the thread.

It hurts me to admit this, but my wife took the keys to the car, my debit card and hid or dumped out all alcohol in the house. (wasn't much, few bottles of beer and a bottle of wine).

I scraped up 8 dollars and walked to the liquor store to buy some cheap vodka to keep me from going crazy. Very sad my friends, very sad.

Mary88

We are all here to support you.

Obladi

It's understandable that all of that happened, Jeff. We get it. We've been there. Keep posting, keep telling us how it is. I'm certain that posting through relapse and into recovery was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

What's the plan with the vodka?
How much is there and can you please dump it?

O

ScottFromWI

It's the opposite of course- the vodka will make you crazy. Dump it out...spend time here, drink water and don't rule out medical help if you need it.

Wastinglife

I was in the ER a few weeks ago for withdrawal symptoms. I was having visual hallucinations which are on the severe symptom side of things. They pumped me full of valium and sent me home with some meds to detox at home.

I have been where you are many times. It's awful. If you insist on drinking, you should probably switch to beer. The hard liquor won't help you taper very well.

thomas11

I have this stupid technique where I drink until i get tired and hungry and eat and go to bed. When I wake up, I determine whether I keep drinking or will ride it out. This morning was not a "ride it out" morning. So here I am.

Obladi

Right, I got that.
I did the same.
I'd say, if there was liquor in the house, drinking always won. 100%

So again...
Seeing as you're doing all kinds of new things this year (go, Jeff!), how's about you pour the stuff out?

ScottFromWI

So change your technique. We can all change - including our habits and tendencies. In reality, what you are doing might follow different steps, but It's exactly the same decision each of us made. Rationalizing drinking alcohol when we know it's the wrong thing to do is the textbook definition of addiction really.

So you could say that right now, this minute, is the time that you will affect change. We're here to help you do it- but you need to make the choice.

AnvilheadII

you are right, that IS a stupid technique. it allows alcohol to be in control.

you know exactly what to do Jeff - IF you truly want to stop.
so what negative payoff are you getting out of continuing to drink and make excuses to do so?

Surrendered19

Jeff man, you keep your head about you ok? I am living in Day 54 here and am new on this site, but when you drink, you seem to go to VERY dark places. I know you were wronged extensively by your family and as recently as a few weeks ago that led you down into chaos, assault, and the possible loss of your freedom. Stay on here and vent all you need to. Rage at the sky and scream at the heavens, but at all costs avoid those in your orbit that could cause anything like that to happen again. Can you do anything to get yourself into a new frame of mind? Dump the vodka, get some gear on, and walk and walk and walk? If it is safe, go take a 10-mile walk. You are caught in a bad loop right now. Hang in there Jeff.