thomas11

Yeah, you're right, I don't really want to stop. I just want to lose what little I have in life and be on a path to death by alcohol. I don't make excuses, I own my sh*t.

Surrendered19

No way Jeff. You are going to stop for good and live a healthy life with purpose and at peace. Death by alcohol is NOT a good idea. It is very slow and includes years of suffering and degradation and humiliation. I was a fair piece down that road and trust me you don't want anything to do with that.

suki44883

That's not a technique, it's just drinking alcoholically. My dad did it in his final years after he was too sick to work anymore. In prior years, he thought everything was okay because he didn't drink until he came home from work. He and my stepmom would start drinking as soon as he hit the door, and not stop until they were ready to go to bed. Then they ate a little something before bed. Not real food, just munchy type stuff. It eventually killed him (a very slow and ugly way to die), and years later, killed my stepmom, too.

Please don't let that happen to you. There is still time to save yourself, if you want to.

2ndhandrose

Jeff, I am so sorry to hear this

I support you 100 % and I believe you can and will find your way back.

rose

ScottFromWI

Then you know what you need to do, right? Everyone is here to help Jeff - and you asked us to do so. So own it and make the right choices today.

Obladi

Jeff, you came here to tell on yourself. I, for one, think you should feel good about that.

Dragging yourself back down into that pit of misery is the last place you need to go. Let's plan forward, man.

When will your last drink be?

O

Dee74

Hey Jeff - you know as well as I do...you gotta stop sometime.
Better that's today than Thursday night, right?

As others have said, waking up and deciding to drink again is not really a technique - it's just alcoholism.

Scraping together and buying paint stripping grade vodka is not a technique either it's just alcoholism.

The good news is that alcoholism can be beaten - you won't feel too great the first day but you'll look back and be glad you did.

If you feel really bad when you quit - see a Doctor...and be sure you tell your new psych whats going on as well.

Thinking about opening up, about digging around in your past, is scary - but going back to drinking is scarier still I think.

The pain and fear I had as a newly sober guy was nothing to the pain and fear drinking bought me.

You don;t want to go backwards, Jeff.

You're surrounded by people who've quit Jeff - if we can do it, you can too

D

Dee74

Thats nonsense, man. I know you very much want to hold on to the people and things you hold dear.

Remember the two wolves parable - two wolves are war within us, one good one evil?

It works for addiction too.

there's us - the real us - and then there's our addiction - whichever one we feed the most will win.

Stop feeding your addiction, man.

Dump the vodka, ok?
D

VinnyMcM

I’m only 35. After many years of drinking and knowing the road I was going down, I became very comfortable with knowing that I was living a slow suicide and I just didn’t care. That was 100% the alcohol talking. No part of sober me wants to die.

My last two weeks of drinking should have killed me. My wife and kids left for a week (I didn’t have any vacation left so I couldn’t go). It was party time for me. And by party time I mean, sit in bed and pound vodka, pass out, and repeat. I have no idea if I ate that entire week.

That next week was my annual trip to Vegas. Not the Vegas trip you are thinking. I go with my elderly mom and dad and it’s very relaxing. Not a lot of drinking. I pretended I was sick most days so I could go pound vodka in my room alone.

I got back and I was so sick that the only way I could feel better was to drink more. Three days later I was in the ER for a detox. I took a selfie of myself in the room with the IV hooked up and I look at it every day. Haven’t had a drink since.

Thomas, I urge you to see a doctor. Walking into that ER and fulling admitting I was dying from alcohol saved my life and I haven’t looked back. You can do the same.

Anna

Jeff, I know you want to stop this. That's why you made the choice to see a therapist. But, you need to be sober to make the therapy be helpful to you. We're here for you.

August252015

Hey friend- I sent you back a PM and don't want you to think I"m piling on here - but ya gotta come back and talk with us sober. Look forward to hearing from you.

DontRemember

Did you mention your alcoholic drinking to your therapist? If not, that's something they should know.

thomas11

This was a poor attempt at sarcasm. I don't want to die. Not today anyway.

thomas11

Thank you and I agree.

thomas11

Thanks Dee. I agree. I am hesitant to tell my psychologist about my problem drinking.

I have to quit and quit permanently. No weekend warrior crap. It needs to be full stop. I am about to lose my marriage (again). This is not a "good" life.

thomas11

I definitely fed the addiction over hte last month. He' must be full. I'm a better man than I am right now. I am at my weakest.

thomas11

I was so sick that the only way I could feel better was to drink more.

^^^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!!!!!!!

thomas11

Agreed. I have severe emotional issues as a result of my past. The ONLY way I can succeed in life is sober.

When drunk I belabor the past, and all of its warts. When Sober I use my past to give me strength and confidence as I know a very small percentage of people have lived the kind of life I've lived. When sober I can look anyone in the eye. When drunk and ashamed, I can't look anyone in the eye. It hurts.

Surrendered19

That wasn't sarcasm Jeff. That was anger directed towards a person who was, albeit through some honest words of tough love, giving you their best look at your situation. Sarcasm implies a touch of humor and there wasn't anything funny about your reply. I haven't figured it out yet because I am new here and I am still getting to know the digital you, but you can rally support like almost nobody else can on this site. Yet when your friends and SR members rally to you, you often bite anyone who gets too close. I get it because I've got some of the same tendencies, but you need to actively work against those urges. The common denominator in such reactions seems to be alcohol in your bloodstream. Dump that turpentine you purchased earlier down the sink if you can muster the strength.

Dee74

Thanks the bottom line Jeff. We can beat ourselves up with our past, or we can let it go and achieve peace serenity and happiness.

My past was different to yours but I beat myself up with it too.

I think you'll find most of us have some insight into what that's like.

D