Going to doctor to tell them about alcoholism
 

Hi all

So, I'm reaching a point where the cracks are getting out of hand. They've been there for years, but I'm missing work today and didn't even give an explanation, which is a disaster. Or maybe not, because I think it's obvious that I've been **** recently, but I'm in a position with a lot of responsibility and not much oversight, so, while I'd say it is being noticed, nobody says anything as nobody else would particularly like this job.

So, I'll head to the doctor soon when they open. It will probably be a bit of a wait, but I'm trying to get up the courage to tell them the real reason this is all going on. And, because this is going on for so long, it seems that the next step will be hospital.

Now, I've had anxiety and it seems proper depression for a few years now as well, and the icing on the cake is that I am in a country where I'm just hoping the doctor will speak my language, and, because I've recently moved and am just hopeless at getting things done, I don't have health insurance, so the hospital could cost me a fortune.

I'm thinking of asking for time off work due to stress which would allow me to get health insurance sorted. I have most of it done, but I need to submit a picture by post.

I'm questioning literally everything that I'm doing right now. So, I just don't know what is the correct thing to do.

I am glad you're doing something today. You may not need expensive intervention so just take it one step at a time. Medically assisted detox is a pretty straight-forward deal in most cases and you'll likely be able to do it at home with some inexpensive meds.

You can always go talk about it and at least know the options.

Really proud of you for taking these steps. It was indeed terrifying to me when I finally got completely honest with my drs....but it wasn't a shock to them based on my condition....

For me, whatever I had to do - or thought I'd ruin for ever or couldn't possibly handle like money and work stuff- just had to be put on hold.

You have a chance right now to stop drinking and seek help. You can do it!

If you are able to take a week off, that's what I would do. The doc will give you some options for detox and you can return to work in a week or so feeling a little refreshed. Fix this now before it gets any worse....and it does get worse if we continue to drink. You can do this!

:grouphug:

Hi jjkjlklj,

I'm glad that you came here to tell us about it and even more glad that you decided to get some medical assistance. I hope you'll come back and let us know how it turned out?

O

Good luck! I think that's a wise decision. Sending good thoughts your way. :)

A positive decision jj. Meetings are a good support, as is SR.

How did it go, jjkjlklj?

D

Hi all. So, thank you for your replies.

So, I went to a doctor yesterday but it wasn't so successful because they didn't speak English and I kind of bottled up towards the end, as I could talk about my stress all day long, but I started to downplay the alcoholism.

So, today I went again but to a different doctor. I think I was really lucky. Went to like three different clinics locally and the first two wouldn't see me unless I became a patient which can take ages . And I was kind of desperate so just kept searching.

The last one had a lovely lady doctor and I started with the blah, blah, blah stress thing, and then she asked me if there was anything more personal which I needed to talk about, and there it all came out.

So, long, long story short, I'm going into a clinic on Monday. I will go back go her first thing on Monday morning, and then off to the clinic, which is like a long term stay situation.

Kind of on a high right now because this is the furthest I've ever gotten with talking to a doctor and actually doing this stay, which was suggested to me here years ago, but I never ever did it.

Now, tomorrow I will be freaking out again, but I think I can do this. I have a call with my superior in work on Thursday and I think I'm going to have to explain this, which is really horrible for me, but it has to be done.

Ahhhhh. Scary but imagine if I could do it!!!

This is so wonderful!!!! I wish I could hug you in person and I don't even know you. So proud.

It's hard and I totally get that exhilaration and all that- it is a relief to find someone to tell. I'd just say breathe and spend today being grateful and proud you did this first step.

Stay with us and keep going.

Thank you so much August. That means a lot to me! :)

Great decision and so far so good. I just wanted to say that you dont have to spill your guts to your employer unless you want to. Its a personal issue. Thats about as much as I would say to them. You'll be fine if you dont drink and you will be relieved (bigtime) when you get out of the dr's. Best of luck to you. Not drinking is WAY better than drinking all the time. Trust me, I know all about it, as do the rest of us here. Its quite possible to turn things around. 7 months ago I was a total waste case so to speak. Today, you would never know I ever drank. And my bank account thanks me daily. You will do this. Have you stopped drinking yet? No time like the present if you haven't.

Good for you! The castle built on sand can only stay up so long. Sounds like you've made some great steps already :)

I also hid my drinking from doctors for years. I was put on numerous medications to cure me from the side effects of alcohol. Never told them the truth about my drinking habits so obviously the meds didn’t do anything. I’m only 28 days sober but I’m already off all the meds that were prescribed to me all because I finally was transparent about my drinking.

I know it’s not easy to talk to a doctor about a shameful habit so I applaud you. Well done and good luck on your journey!

So, thanks all for the support and messages. Today I've started telling a few key work people that I will be going to hospital for some time for help with an ongoing health issue. Thanks Abraham, because this makes it easier than going into too much detail with them.

So, I have the rest of the week to sort out work and handover, but I am still committed. Some mild panics this morning, but then I think - ok, I'm getting help. Which means people will help me. It has been such a lonely journey so that thought eases my mind.

I haven't stopped yet. I drank less last night, but still had a vodka breakfast this morning. I stopped myself four years ago, but I didn't sleep for three days and I think I need medical help for this one. But I'm making plans for what I need to do in advance for work, what I need to pack for the hospital, etc.

I'm not sure what the process will be in the clinic (it's a hospital but I'm not sure if there are separate sections for addiction / rehab-type things). I do know that there are therapists there, which is good because I really could do with talking to somebody.

I'm holding off Googling what it would be like, because, maybe it's stupid, but I'd almost like to go in and see how it is done by the professionals there, rather than trying to form my own opinion and freak myself out.

The only thing I'm worried about is how long I might have to stay, as work clearly has to know this, but I guess that's totally up to my situation once I get assessed, so, we will see.

Still positive. It kind of feels unreal. But, telling work people already means it will happen. It's trying to take back some control about my situation instead of questioning everything, but doing nothing.

Oh, and congratulations Vinny. That's amazing and inspirational. Thank you. :)

I'm so glad you persevered jjkjlklj - you sound excited - thats great :)

D

Hi all

So, I'm feeling a bit panicky at the moment. This isn't changing my decision at all, but it's also not super nice.

I could probably list 20 different reasons for this, but I'm not actually sure what is causing this. Or maybe I am kind of.

So, if I could tell a small story.

My boyfriend, who is awesome, told me a few months back that his mum is an alcoholic (although she's off it now). That totally sent me into a tailspin, as I starting thinking - how can I do this to him when it was such a bad part of his childhood.

For the last few years, I haven't even tried to quit, and was kinda just accepting that I would die young and probably not in the best circumstances..

I've noticed since a change in projects that I'm not picking up things or remembering things, whereas I was pretty strong at that before. And I knew it was because of the drinking, so I accepted that too.

But, anyway, the boyfriend's situation with his mum just kept playing and playing on my mind so, eventually, about a week ago, I told him that I'm an alcoholic.

He has his own stuff to deal with, but was super supportive (he said he didn't know, which is what all of the -few- people who I've told said), but at a bottle of vodka a day, I figured there were some warning signs. I'm sure work people have realised, but nobody has ever said anything as I guess they just need to get the job done, which I usually do, even though my standards have dropped, so that would probably only be a matter of time anyway.

Anyway, shortly after telling my boyfriend, he came over and I just didn't even try to control my drinking as I usually would around him. I didn't pour the drinks in front of him or anything, but I blatantly sat beside him with a vodka and coke and got progressively more drunk.

So, later, we were talking, and I just ranted everything at him. So many details, so much information. Pretty much that I haven't naturally slept in about a decade, but get drunk instead, and that the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the thought that I can have a drink before work. And lots of other stuff of course.

It must have freaked him out because this was much further than he would have realised. Unlike when I was younger (I'm 34 now), I have a huge tolerance for alcohol and go to parties and have a good time and drink plenty, but I don't make a show of myself (although usually I'd have some secret drinks at home afterwards), so even when I told him I am an alcoholic, I don't think he could have realised the extend.

Anyhow, understandably, he has to protect himself first, even though he is still so great and is sending me messages about being proud of me about the clinic thing, but I found out that i won't see him this weekend, so, the next time I see him (assuming I haven't flipped it up entirely) will be when I'm in the hospital as a patient for alcoholism.

Ok. That wasn't a short story at all. It helped to write it out though.

In the meantime, got some work and life admin stuff done today. I'll booked a hair and nail appointment for the weekend as I may as well look halfway groomed when I'm wandering around in my pjs in hospital. :) As I said in a previous message, I've started to let work people know that I won't be around for a while from next week, and will update them when I know more about the timeframe. I'm saving my favourite books to read when I'm there. And I'm still not Googling what the process might be like (although I'm tempted at times), because this has to be done, and I'm putting the first steps in my mind as - get myself in there, and be totally honest about my stuff, and take their advice and medication I guess for the detox period, and take it from there.

At this stage, it would be a living dream to get off alcohol. There is literally not one good thing about it.

Oh, and is there a prize for like the longest, rambliest post of the month? :)

You are doing well, jj.

Thank you Phoenix.

Was having a small freak out, but it's better now, and having support here is making a big difference.