Friend in fellowship back out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Friend in fellowship back out
She started at the same time as me so I'm doubly gutted. I guess I can just hope she makes it through and comes back asap.
I've never been in recovery before so never experienced this. It's a gut-wrenching feeling for sure. I thought she was good dammit.
Also it's made me worry more about you folks, so don't f this up okay?
I've never been in recovery before so never experienced this. It's a gut-wrenching feeling for sure. I thought she was good dammit.
Also it's made me worry more about you folks, so don't f this up okay?
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Yeah it sucks ☹️
I remember watching a few guys go back to it, in my first year in AA. One of them in particular, I thought was Rock solid after 5 years, I kinda looked up to him too.
Stick at AA and you will get used to it and eventually you have to just learn from it, be thankful it's not you and move on.
I remember watching a few guys go back to it, in my first year in AA. One of them in particular, I thought was Rock solid after 5 years, I kinda looked up to him too.
Stick at AA and you will get used to it and eventually you have to just learn from it, be thankful it's not you and move on.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Awww Tetrax, its horrible I know. A woman in AA who came in the same time as me (22 months ago) and who has become a good friend has relapsed about 4/5 times now. Luckily she has made it back every time. We are completely powerless over other people and their actions. Keep doing what you are doing and when and if she is ready to come back then you can offer your support.
It does serve as a stark reminder to me that I am not immune to this illness. I have to keep doing what I am doing on a daily basis so I don't have to pick up that drink one day at a time.
🙏❤🙏
It does serve as a stark reminder to me that I am not immune to this illness. I have to keep doing what I am doing on a daily basis so I don't have to pick up that drink one day at a time.
🙏❤🙏
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Awww Tetrax, its horrible I know. A woman in AA who came in the same time as me (22 months ago) and who has become a good friend has relapsed about 4/5 times now. Luckily she has made it back every time. We are completely powerless over other people and their actions. Keep doing what you are doing and when and if she is ready to come back then you can offer your support.
It does serve as a stark reminder to me that I am not immune to this illness. I have to keep doing what I am doing on a daily basis so I don't have to pick up that drink one day at a time.
🙏❤🙏
It does serve as a stark reminder to me that I am not immune to this illness. I have to keep doing what I am doing on a daily basis so I don't have to pick up that drink one day at a time.
🙏❤🙏
Most people don't get sober and stay that way permanently. IMO there's no way to determine success rates definitively tho markers of sober time are certainly legit. But how someone is working a program (of any recovery manner, IMO) is much more indicative of success.
In both personal and professional life I am engaged in recovery work. People do drift in and out - some just stay out and I might never know what happens. Those I've gotten to know a little, I prob reach out occasionally with a how are you. In the restaurant industry group, I keep leading the meetings and doing social media work and sending out a weekly email with everyone ever participating bcc'ed. Some do reconnect.
One thing that always clicks with me is when meetings close with that extra part about "for those still suffering and the children who don't have a choice."
I have watched people I thought were "good" go back out more times than I can count now after 5 years in recovery. Not all make it back. It's a horrible helpless feeling. I felt some pretty substantial grief and guilt when one of those people, someone I had known since high school and had had a pretty serious romantic relationship with a few years ago, lost his battle with the demons and committed suicide in October. He got sober (for at least the 3rd or 4th time, I don't know for sure) a few months before I did. Went back out about 3 years ago. I knew he was out and I tried so hard to reach him. I kept hoping he'd listen to me, that he was worth saving and that I cared and wanted to help. He didn't believe it, I guess.
All we can really do as bystanders and fellows in recovery is to keep trying and keep in touch. I wish there was more I could have done, I still cry about it.
Just let her know that she can lean on you if she wants to come back.
All we can really do as bystanders and fellows in recovery is to keep trying and keep in touch. I wish there was more I could have done, I still cry about it.
Just let her know that she can lean on you if she wants to come back.
Tetrax,
it is an awful jumble of feelings ans thoughts and questions; i've been there and felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. even trhough it had nothing to do with me.
a lot of questions came up for me, a lot of looking at where and how my foundation sat, and a real reckoning with where my power was re other folks.
tough but ultimately helpful.
and it hurts.
keep going, Tetrax. keep going.
it is an awful jumble of feelings ans thoughts and questions; i've been there and felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. even trhough it had nothing to do with me.
a lot of questions came up for me, a lot of looking at where and how my foundation sat, and a real reckoning with where my power was re other folks.
tough but ultimately helpful.
and it hurts.
keep going, Tetrax. keep going.
Hi Tetrax,
I’m so sorry about your friend. It is very difficult, and all you can do is hope they’ll come back and support them when they do. I have had that feeling on SR before. There are people who started on this journey with me who have disappeared, and I hope they are sober and doing well, but I worry. I’ve also seen friends with long periods of sobriety find themselves back at Day One, this always causes me to reassess my own recovery and make sure I’m not getting complacent.
I hope you’re doing well in your new place.
I’m so sorry about your friend. It is very difficult, and all you can do is hope they’ll come back and support them when they do. I have had that feeling on SR before. There are people who started on this journey with me who have disappeared, and I hope they are sober and doing well, but I worry. I’ve also seen friends with long periods of sobriety find themselves back at Day One, this always causes me to reassess my own recovery and make sure I’m not getting complacent.
I hope you’re doing well in your new place.
I had a pleasant conversation with a guy who was struggling at a meeting one night, and I went home thinking he would be fine. The next night, I found out he had killed himself after that meeting.
Meetings were vital in my recovery, but I also experienced for the first time brutal parts of the other side of life. My sponsor said he believed God put those people in his life so that he could see for himself how dangerous alcoholism is. If there are gods, I don't believe any of them would do that sort of thing, but seeing it happen, does underscore the seriousness of the problem.
My sponsor relapsed, I was gutted. I felt for her, but feared for me. Like if she could drink again, I was DESTINED to.
That’s crap, of course.
Thankfully, she got back to it. We’re very close friends to this day.
I hope your friend makes it back. But if she doesn’t, it has nothing to do with you or your sobriety.
That’s crap, of course.
Thankfully, she got back to it. We’re very close friends to this day.
I hope your friend makes it back. But if she doesn’t, it has nothing to do with you or your sobriety.
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