Good News Bad News
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 11
Good News Bad News
Hey all! I'll start with GOOD NEWS- It has officially been 62 DAYS! WHEW- Ill start with some things that I have noticed. First and foremost I have gotten through the fog of early fatigue and now I feel as though I have a lot more energy to face the day. I have re-established my fitness routine and have made nutrition and exercise a priority. I am overall happier, not that this was like a miracle or anything, I am just better able to respond to stressors and I am feeling less overwhelmed in general. ALL GREAT NEWS.
Bad news- I have been with the same girlfriend for 4 years now which is a long time. She has been with me through my drinking and she continues to drink. I have noticed that I have been more and more annoyed with her, not because she continues to drink. I feel as though we dont have much in common if I am not drinking. The reasons I say this is because we will be planning a weekend and she will say "oh there is this great bar we should check out/ are you still not drinking? etc. I get the sense that me not drinking is an inconvenience for her and she is waiting for my "Sobriety to end" so that it can go back to status quo. We have had issues all along the way, nothing major. I am just struggling because I cant seem to shake the thoughts that this relationships really is not what I want. But then I'm like maybe it is because I am newly sober and Im learning how to manage emotions and assert myself. I dont know, I get this sense this post is tangential now. So help!!
Bad news- I have been with the same girlfriend for 4 years now which is a long time. She has been with me through my drinking and she continues to drink. I have noticed that I have been more and more annoyed with her, not because she continues to drink. I feel as though we dont have much in common if I am not drinking. The reasons I say this is because we will be planning a weekend and she will say "oh there is this great bar we should check out/ are you still not drinking? etc. I get the sense that me not drinking is an inconvenience for her and she is waiting for my "Sobriety to end" so that it can go back to status quo. We have had issues all along the way, nothing major. I am just struggling because I cant seem to shake the thoughts that this relationships really is not what I want. But then I'm like maybe it is because I am newly sober and Im learning how to manage emotions and assert myself. I dont know, I get this sense this post is tangential now. So help!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi Travis
Congrats on 62 days. I'm not sure any of us can give you relationship advice.
If you really feel that your gf and you are looking at problems long term over drinking or not drinking, I think you're wise to think about that.
On the other hand 4 years is a long time....
Wishing you strength and clarity to make the right decision for you.
D
Congrats on 62 days. I'm not sure any of us can give you relationship advice.
If you really feel that your gf and you are looking at problems long term over drinking or not drinking, I think you're wise to think about that.
On the other hand 4 years is a long time....
Wishing you strength and clarity to make the right decision for you.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Have you mentioned that to her, that you have chosen not to drink anymore or however you are viewing it? If you haven't told her, she can't know.
Also, what are you interests, what do you like to do? Have you gone back to hobbies etc that you were interested in before you started drinking?
The reason I ask is, to ensure you know what you are about and to ensure that you have made her aware of your non-drinking status. That should be a conversation you have already had? If you haven't told her I would tell her right away. If she doesn't know the full story she can't make her own decisions based on having all the facts.
Congratulations on the 62 days!
Also, what are you interests, what do you like to do? Have you gone back to hobbies etc that you were interested in before you started drinking?
The reason I ask is, to ensure you know what you are about and to ensure that you have made her aware of your non-drinking status. That should be a conversation you have already had? If you haven't told her I would tell her right away. If she doesn't know the full story she can't make her own decisions based on having all the facts.
Congratulations on the 62 days!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I'll start with the bad news first...at some point you will probably have to make a decision about the relationship. The good news...it doesn't have to be made today, that and congrats on the 62 days. How cool is that!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Awesome on 62 days!!! Before you do anything, just make sure she has all of the information about what your plan is with alcohol. She might not fully know?? Or is at least not fully accepting yet?? That is a tough one. Give her a few false starts and gently remind her about what the plan is going forward. She doesn't need to like it. But if she respects it, that is different.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I've read around the traps that not a good idea to make big decisions in early sobriety.
I think what trail mix has to say is important to note. Have a real discussion with her about this being a lifetime choice.
Congratulations on 62 days. Me, 28 days.
I think what trail mix has to say is important to note. Have a real discussion with her about this being a lifetime choice.
Congratulations on 62 days. Me, 28 days.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Congratulations on 62 days of sobriety. Don't feel like you need to make a decision today. Take the time you need so you feel sure you are making the right choice. However, if you feel your gf is unsupportive of your sobriety, then it's a problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I would sometimes think about finding an alcoholic girlfriend as crazy as that sounds because none of the women I have ever been with were 'drinkers'. They were the 2 glasses of wine types.
My alcohol consumption was always the biggest issue in any relationship I was in. The alcoholic in me thought that getting with a fellow drinker would eliminate that problem (instead of just addressing my drinking problem).
Thankfully, I never did find an alcoholic partner. The last thing I need is extra encouragement. Hope you sort things out.
My alcohol consumption was always the biggest issue in any relationship I was in. The alcoholic in me thought that getting with a fellow drinker would eliminate that problem (instead of just addressing my drinking problem).
Thankfully, I never did find an alcoholic partner. The last thing I need is extra encouragement. Hope you sort things out.
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