LastInLine

Hi,

I'm not real sure what I'm doing here. Well, I know why I'm here.

So I've been drinking pretty heavily for the past 12 years. It didn't start out exactly like that, but it ended up like that. I can't remember how long I've been drinking every day, but most of that 12 years. In fact, I can't remember the last time I went a day without alcohol until just a few days after New Years this year.

I just decided I'm tired of drinking. I know it's affected my health, my career and my relationship. Sound familiar?

So, anyway, sorry if I'm rambling. I'm very nervous and sort of I don't know how to say it, confused?

So on to the rambling. After New Years my wife and I got into a pretty big argument over the fact that I pretty much drank my way through the holidays, again. I felt really guilty and I knew she was right and so I decided I needed to put this crap out of my life.

So week before last I gave it a try and I quit for 2 days and then there was someone's birthday and... yep, drunk as *** again. Of course, how can you celebrate without getting dumb **** drunk.

Then I went back to the plan. Today is the 6th day I haven't drank any alcohol. It went great the first several days and OMG I slept so well! I haven't done that in as long as I can remember.

But then day before yesterday around drinking time, 5-6PM, I started feeling sort of sick, nausea, headache. Yesterday, same thing. But this evening, it all went very badly. I just got sick again, but also depressed and wow, I felt truly awful and miserable. I didn't expect this. I've finally snapped out of it a little, but wow! Is this normal? I I've never felt depressed and nervous like that in my entire life. I was almost out the door to get beer. I panicked! But my wife saved me from doing it. Really, is this normal? How long can that last?

Surrendered19

Welcome LastInLine. I'm living in Day 52 here and those intense early days do get better. Your alcoholic voice is talking to you and even hijacking your body to some extent to try to get you to drink again. Those intense physical and mental symptoms will go away in short order I think, but is different for everyone. You are beyond the typical time frame for bad detox symptoms, but again there really isn't any normal. The best thing for you to do would be to get a physical from your doc. Never hurts and if you are like many of us you have neglected regular medical care. Stay away from Dr. Google though and nobody on this site should give you any medical advice.

Welcome to SR. You'll find lots of support here. Keep this post going and tell us how it is going.

fini

just want to welcome you, LiL.
i don’t know if what you’re experiencing is “normal”, but when feeling really unwell, the best place to go is a healthcare place, not the beer store.
your body is likely going through all kinds of detoxification, and your brain and mind have some major adjustments to go through.
some describe it all as a rollercoaster, new sobriety.
also, stuff can come up that we used drinking to mask or suppress...so yeah, all kinds of things are going on.
if you stay the sober course, chances are good things will get easier for you.
lots of support here.

HeadEast

Welcome LastInLine. Withdrawl symptoms are different for everyone including what the symptoms are and how long they last. With any of this stuff you should see a doctor if you are concerned. You may not be past the timeframe of intense symptoms and no one can say how long they will last. Again, if you have concerns, go see a doctor. Welcome to the group and congratulations for quitting alcohol. As I tell everyone, posting here has a psychological effect that will help you continue to not drink. Craving? Post here. I wish you the best of luck.

LastInLine

Hi. Thanks for the welcome.

It's not like I didn't expect some issues after drinking that much for that long when I quit. I was actually very nervous about it because I didn't really know what to expect, so I spent a couple of weeks doing research. I told my wife that I'm going to quit, but I'm a little worried that I might have a hard time of it.

But after 3 days of it I said to her 'wow, this is easy, I should be fine now'. Then like I said on the 4th and 5th days a little sick feeling and then tonight, I really did not expect that at all. I must have had some sort of delayed onset. Now I'm definitely scared. But my desire and determination to quit is very strong.

Still I'm just confused why I made it through what I was thinking by what I read online, that I was just going to be fine. I guess like you said, everyone is different, but today that was really intense. I feel better now though, thankfully, just exhausted. Still looking forward to another morning without waking up having not slept well, feeling dehydrated and just overall blah and dreading the day.

LastInLine

Thanks for the welcome, all. Glad I found this place, it looks to be very active. Luckily I have my wife and tonight she was great and very supportive. But it's nice to be able to talk to people who may have or still are experiencing what I am right now. Hopefully tonight was just a fluke, but it was scary intense. It's sort of what I might have imagined could happen the first few days, but didn't.

I'm rambling. I'll check back in here tomorrow when I'm hopefully more clear headed.

least

I think it's normal to feel a bit 'off' for a while after getting sober. As long as you're eating and sleeping properly, I wouldn't worry. If the feeling persists, seeing your doctor is a good idea.

I've been sober a bit over 10 yrs and have never woken up wishing I had drank the night before.

BarbieKen

No shame in seeking medical advice from your doctor. Personally, I quit at age 55 and I went into a hospital to detox. Your body is physically reacting to not having the alcohol. Just my 2 cents.

I’m 7 years sober, 62 years old, and sobriety started my life going forward again. Willingness & honesty.

Bobbi

Dee74

Hi and welcome lastinline
the more years I drank the worse my withdrawals got - not only hangover wise but emotions wise too - its a thing called alcoholic kindling.

The good news is it does get better - and of course you never need toi feel this way again

I'm glad you've joined us

D

Delilah1

Welcome!

theVman31

Welcome from me too.
You will never and I mean never regret getting sober. Keep going and posting your progress.
Join the Jan 2020 class
👍

NicLin

Hello there!

Glad you came here, this place is magical and I come here every day to check in and see my dear SR family.

I think that once the seed is planted that we may have a problem, the shift begins and we are granted an incredible gift. It is the gift of realization and it is our decision what we choose to do with it. I am glad that you chose to pursue a solution.

The first days are really tough and I do agree that for the most part, you are out of the danger zone in regards to medical effects, but as always, you should talk to your doctor about what your honest goals are. Being monitored and with proper care can only help you.

I will never forget those first 4 days. I was a ball of anxiety and crippling fear, I shook all over and spent each night in sweats and barely slept. I had stomach pains and my blood pressure was through the roof. It was a terrifying time and I never want to forget it. I will always try to keep that feeling fresh because I don't ever want to feel it again. The days started getting easier and slowly but surely, my energy levels came up, I calmed down and began to feel (dare I say!) happy and filled with hope. Be gentle with yourself in these early days because remember, we have been soaked in alcohol for over a decade and this will not normalize over night. Work must be put in and patience must be practiced. Give time, time.

Today I am one week away from 6 months sober and I can without a doubt say that I was not able to do it alone. I logged on here and began sharing and getting honest with my SR family and reading others comments. I walked into the rooms of AA and my life was changed. I never left and have a program of recovery that is beautiful and wondrous and so precious to me. I am learning tools every day through working with a sponsor and connecting with other alcoholics. I am beginning to understand the need and benefits to giving up the power I thought I once had (false) and realizing that there is something larger than me running the show.

I decided, for the first time in my life, to get out of the drivers seat and allow the Universe to get in. It is the only way and surrender is the answer.

I really am rooting for you and hope that you prioritize being willing to try this way of life, it is a beautiful place to be; so raw, so real and so trying but soooooo worth it.

Push through this and you can do anything.

Welcome

Surrendered19

Let us know how things are going today LastInLine. Maybe have a full agenda today (start of a recovery plan???) for that craving and physical stressful time that happened yesterday? Can you put the headphones on and get out for a 3 hour walk? Or something to occupy the time. My sense is that you might be fearful today and I think it would be good for you to write down what your plan is today. Hope your day is a good one.

VinnyMcM

Welcome Last. I’m 26 days in so that first week is a still fresh in my mind. First things first, go see a doctor and be absolutely transparent about your drinking habits. They are there to fix you, not judge you. I couldn’t have quit without medical support.

In my opinion only, the first few days in your mind was experiencing a euphoric state that you were really doing it (quitting alcohol). Then after 3 days your body caught up and was wondering where the hell was the booze was. All my physical symptoms were gone after a week but I was also prescribed a benzo to ease my body through the process. I got very depressed about 15 days in where all I wanted to do was lay in bed. That has now lifted as well. Now my main goal is getting back into hobbies that I enjoyed before I was a drunk. Day by day, my life is coming together again. No doubt yours will as well if YOU really want it.

Good luck and read/post often. We love hearing other people’s stories!

ciowa

Welcome and good work on making it this far without drinking. If you get a chance, read, listen or watch a video about Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome. I used to believe that I only needed to make it thru a hangover and I was back to normal. This is not the case as it takes a while for our body to adjust to no more alcohol. This means we are still affected in our body, emotions and thoughts from the drinking and that adjustment period usually takes awhile for most people. So it's not at all unusual to deal with roller coaster emotions, lethargy, anhedonia and many other things as we are in recovery. But, the good thing is those things eventually go away and you can get there like many others have done before. Good luck.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

LastInLine

No time to post today, have another birthday party today, my first sober one in at least ten years! That's really bad, but true. Guests still here, but I managed to hide out in my office for a few.

Anyway, just wanted to respond to the medical advice. I've had 2 checkups this year and I have a GP. As far as I know, I'm healthy except that I have high BP, probably thanks to all the alcohol. Of course I lied to my doctor about my drinking. I admitted I drink, but I said a few beers every day and maybe a 6 on weekends. Hah. More like 8-10 beers every day and a lot more on weekends, including hard liquor.

I feel really good today so far, but the witching hour approaches I suppose...

Hevyn

Great to meet you, LastInLine - you found an encouraging & friendly place to talk things over. I'm so glad you made the big decision to kick alcohol out of your life.

I drank 30 yrs. and it was part of everything I did, in the end. I couldn't imagine celebrating or having an enjoyable time without it . Wouldn't vacations, birthdays, holidays be boring & sad? I somehow couldn't admit it really wasn't fun anymore. It had become a necessity. I quit after the holidays almost 12 yrs. ago. I felt very strange and disoriented for a while & I think that's to be expected for us long term drinkers. We need to adjust to our new normal. You sound determined to do this & I'm so glad you're reclaiming your life. You can do it.

Anna

The first few weeks are likely to be a bit rocky, as you have found. It will get better the longer you stay sober and hopefully your moods will adjust as well. Try to be patient as your body adjusts.

LastInLine

Ugh, I think I did something wrong trying to edit my own post. I'm not a stranger to posting online, but I feel sort of odd on and off. My head feels like it's filled up with crumpled up wax paper instead of brains.

I really do appreciate all of the welcomes and replies. I want to get into posting here and respond to everyone individually. I feel sort of wiped out, I'm sleeping more than I have in a very long time, but I feel like I want to sleep even more. This morning I was on another plane of dimension or something when my wife woke me up close to noon. As has been the case the last few days, I'm feeling all great and upbeat early in the day, but that gradually gives way to a lower mood, anxiety, and confusion when 5-6PM drinking time rolls around. Tonight is much better than yesterday, thankfully.

Again, thanks so much! 7 days went pretty fast, I'm feeling positive about that.