Maybe i should wait a year!
 

I think I understand why everyone says wait a year before jumping into a relationship! I'm still not drinking but I think that the emotions involved can be a trigger! Anyway if she understand fine but if not, there are literally 3,800,750,379 females in the world. Day 150 for me, have a good day!

Good call honestly.

Waiting won't hurt, I don't think. Or a relationship may be fine. It depends on your confidence. One year may be too long, or not long enough, but you're going to have to deal with it at some point. Hmmm, that didn't help much.

I get what your throwing down :)

You " think" the emotions invovoled could be a trigger?

If ANYTHING external is going to trigger you, its going to be a relationship :)

Be careful ClarkG.

Yeah I'd probably wait. Look at my post. I had a puppy F me up LOL

Relationship troubles have always messed up my sobriety - and even when things went well I found the pressure of having to consider someone else, look good, shave my legs blah blah all added up. It's been a year for me now single and I love it!

I love it too Daisy!

Do you happen to be female, Shift?

I only ask because it always seems like it's the women who say they love being single and it's us men who feel pathetic for being single LOL

I am
You are SO right! Bunch of babies lol

I feel bad for my ex husbands new wife
He got remarried right away not because he LOVES her necessarily but he cant be alone.

Yikes.

I knew it! lol

Yeah I'd never do that. Been divorced 5 years now and while I'd love to have found something meaningful, I'm not going to settle or put myself in a situation where I'm unhappy. I might as well get a roommate if I were going to do that.

I'm living in Day 51 sober. I cannot imagine ever being in a serious relationship again. I'm the sober-equivalent of a 3-year old and would bring about that level of grown up excitement to the table. I am so self-focused these early days of sobriety I surely would seem beyond crazed to any potential mate. But that is just fine for now.

The closest I got to relapsing was when I had a brief relationship that ended last October. Although I'm a year out from using alcohol to cope with negative emotions and pain, once I experienced that breakup, it felt bad enough that the craving came back in full force. I luckily was able to work through it, but yes, they really do mean it when they say don't make any huge changes in your first year. You need to make sure your tools and sobriety are solid and that you've had time to use them before anything big happens.

No way could I enter into a relationship with someone else. I'm hard pressed forming a relationship with myself.

My goal is to form that relationship with self. Sobriety takes focus, someone else, no matter how 'wonderful', would only get in the way.

This is for keeps. Finding me again.

I needed to get know myself first before I could ever hope to truly intimately know someone else, which is what a good relationship is based on. Besides what is a year when compared to the rest of your life, a very small percentage, a blip.

Thats where Im at nez.

Ive never lived alone before this and Im 56. That little Maltese in my avatar had more guts than me and got me through (I love you William!!!)

Ive got work to do for myself now :)

Yep^^^^

I didn't need to be responsible for anyone's emotions when I first got sober - my own were plenty! And when I did get involved (with my now husband - and a big factor is that we had dated in high school, and he reached out after he stopped drinking too), I went into it with a lot of thought and prayer. And counsel from folks with a lot more sobriety than me. We get to make our own choices for sure - I just know that I've never been sorry when I sought advice or thought twice about a big decision.

Subconsciously, whether we like it or not, we attract what we are.

The more even keeled you are emotionally, the better chance you have of pairing with someone similar.

Its not necessarily 'relationships are bad' in early recovery, its more that we tend to pick some hot mess and that doesn't always become apparent till its too late and thats when it gets messy.

2 Hot Messes = 1 Whole MESS

THAT.

I had to finally concede that no healthy man should have wanted a relationship with ME for a long time. Once I got sober, becoming someone who is healthy meant I could seek, and attract, the same.

When my now husband told me a few weeks into dating that I made him play up, and I felt the same about him, I knew I was on the right track.

And, I learned to put a foundation down. Talking about things, not just jumping into it whether sleeping together or smaller stuff and what we described as working on our best respective selves and lives then one together...our process and the investment has paid off in spades as we have encountered some significant stuff. Even if this hadn't been the kind of permanent deal, taking the same approach in any relationship would be my guide.