Mary88

I've been so emotional today. Cried for no reason again in public. Don't know if this is still withdrawal.

​​​​​​My housemate's brother is visiting us. I used to date him. He knows I've quit drinking and he brought wine, even though he's not a wine drinker. I'm sure he's trying to provoke me. He also knows about my problems at work and actually seems to be happy about it. Clearly I had a lucky escape. I'm finding it hard to believe anyone can be so unkind though. In the past this situation would definitely have driven me to drink.

Thankfully, I've no cravings for alcohol today.

cantsleep123

What an awful person. What happened to the wine? I'd open it and pour it down the sink. That sucks that you can't control who comes over. Also congrats on Day 27!

Mary88

He played terrible mind games on me when we were together. He's drinking the wine himself right now. If there's any left behind I'll throw it out later.

Obladi

That's really horrible, Mary. Can you get out of there? Go for a long walk? Head out to a meeting? Go to the library?

Not sure if crying today is still withdrawal, but there's certainly nothing unusual about it at this stage. In fact, I'd argue that it's "good" and normal. I heard this song on the radio that I haven't heard in the longest time, "It's nature's way of telling you something's wrong." So true. Pay attention to those feelings. Give them credence and track them down so you can work on resolving them.

That's what's going to keep you from picking up.

Excellent job coming here to talk about it, Mary. You're doing so well.

O

Mary88

I think if I stay and he sees I don't care he will leave sooner. He's also trying to play some kind of eye contact game. I don't really understand these mind games but usually he flirts then withdraws when the other person is interested. Hopefully he will go away soon.


​​​

Lucinda2

Sounds like a tough situation Mary. Well done for staying strong.

Obladi

How did it work out?

Surrendered19

Eye contact and power-stare games are super-aggressive and the last step prior to physical abuse. A violation of so many norms in a civilized society. I would tell both your housemate and his brother that repetitive unwanted contact can form the basis for a restraining order. That is incredibly abusive in your own home. Be careful dearest. You don't have to live like that.

Mary88

Thanks for the support.

​​​​​​He left after that and my housemate finished the wine. I took an tablet for anxiety to calm down after that.

Well, today is 4 weeks and a miracle with all that's gone on this week.

Mary88

I really think I need to find somewhere else to live. There's no peace there. Housemate's drinking seems to be getting worse. I don't like going home to smell of alcohol after work every day.

Obladi

Agreed, Mary.
Just from yesterday's account, this does not seem like a healthy environment for you.

But on the upside, it's 4 weeks today, right??

O

Mary88

Thanks Obladi

Delighted to have reached 4 weeks. I work a half day today so time to relax a bit.

I know it's not recommended to make major changes for a year but staying on in this situation doesn't feel healthy either. I'm always walking on eggshells around housemate trying not to annoy. Any noise in the mornings makes her angry. I stopped having breakfast because she'd start shouting at me about making noise. The kettle boiling annoys her. Yet it feels like she can do whatever she likes. Now I'm sober the situation seems unhealthy.

cantsleep123

I agree that you should start trying to find a new place to live. I wish you the best.

aasharon90

Good job on staying sober under any circumstances.

Question .....is this your home? Does your housemate
have a job?

Mary88

Thanks, this week was so challenging.

Neither of us own the house. She doesn't have a job at the moment. She lost her last job for drinking at work.

aasharon90

Thanks Mary.....Early recovery maybe challenging
as you strengthen your own resolve to remain
sober under many of lifes obstacles.

Is there another place in mind to move to if you
wanted to?

Mary88

I have family I can stay with. It would be calmer there.

aasharon90

That sounds like a positive plan for you Mary.

Sometimes when we talk about situation in early
recovery that we dont know exactly what to do
with them with others, you'd be surprised at some
of the suggestion offered.

Suggestions that we had not thought of in the
moment. It also gives us time to make sure that
before we leap into that motion, it will be good
for us in recovery. We pause for the moment,
maybe a day or week, months or a yr, making
sure we've dotted all our i's and crossed all our
t's.

We make sure we have recovery first and foremost,
in our back pocket, support with our recovery system
so you are not alone if there are bumps in the road that
would cause us stress or ruffle our feathers.

We dont want to run to store for alcohol or even
pick up if it is around you or in sight. Those temptaions
are always gonna be lurking, waiting for us to be weak,
tired, anger at the moment, and that voice will be on
stand by waiting patiently for you to pick it up.

Alcohol doesn't care if your doing good or bad. It's
not gonna run and hide from us alcoholics in or out
of recovery. But we can arm ourselves with our recovery programs and support to help us achieve what alcohol cant or could never do.

Stay strong and make sure where you are going
will be a positive supportive move for you at this
time.

Continue to talk with us asking for suggestion
on what to do or how to go about doing it or
achieving it so you can grow strong in recovery
and in all areas of your life like so many of us have
already.

PhoenixJ

Mary- sometimes early recovery means dealing with life- which also means dealing with some stuff that IS major. For me- there was stuff I HAD to do- but will not regale you with it all, this is your stuff here. The point is we do not take on EXTRA big changes- like getting a partner. I moved - and needed to for my recovery. There is a difference between doing what we have to do- and choosing new stuff spiked with emotional intensity (like - again romances).
Support to you.

PhoenixJ

Forgot to add- I get teary all the time, ads on TV where the perfect family has just bought the wonderful new lifestyle important car- teary not for car, but the family bit. I can be triggered by a smell, colour- a memory....happens all the time.