First AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
First AA
So yesterday I went to an AA meeting. I was feeling quite down and I thought it might help. I don't really know what went wrong but it was very awkward. I tried to get talking to people before and after the meeting but that didn't go well. (This might be due to my Asperger's).
Anyway I am determined to stay sober but I feel so alone in my sobriety. Maybe I will go back. Or try a different meeting.
Anyway I am determined to stay sober but I feel so alone in my sobriety. Maybe I will go back. Or try a different meeting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 133
You're not alone Mary, you have us. There will always be someone here to help and talk to you.
Well done on going to the meeting, that took guts, don't underestimate that. You did so well to walk through the door. I have no experience of AA, but sure some wise posters who do will be along to help you soon.
Just remember, on here, we are never alone.
Take care
Today, I won't drink.
Sx
Well done on going to the meeting, that took guts, don't underestimate that. You did so well to walk through the door. I have no experience of AA, but sure some wise posters who do will be along to help you soon.
Just remember, on here, we are never alone.
Take care
Today, I won't drink.
Sx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
It took a long time for me to eventually settle into
the many meetings I went to in early recovery.
The more meeting I attended, the more regular
folks there saw me and my willingness to continue
on my path in recovery to remain sober.
Yes, it was awkward until, I began bringing snacks
like cookies or cakes id bake using that as part of my
service work. This allowed me to do something for
others and still make my meetings and learn what
was important in helping me achieve what so many
had already achieved themselves when they remained
sober and incorporated the tools and guideline of
the AA program.
Folks eventually saw me coming with my loaded
platter of goodies and began to smile and hold the
door for me, welcoming me and allowing me to
feel apart of this amazing fellowship of recovery.
With willingness and a little bit of courage id ask
to read one of the reading that was used to start
the meeting. Esp. How It Works. When we begin
reading it, nervous at first, but eventually you
understand the words and what it all means.
Before you know it there is a change that happens
within us that is hard to explain. emotions fill us up
and believe me, it, im sure can be felt thru out the
room by others.
From then on, you will want to hold onto those
feeling and never return to the misery that comes
with addiction.
Stay the course, continue with wiliness, openmindedness,
and honesty incorporating all that you are learning within
those meetings and the Promises will eventually come
true.
Living a recovery life will become a way of life
each day you remain sober building a strong
solid foundation to live upon for yrs to come.
Hold onto all your recovery lifelines and you
will never have to be alone on your journey
in life to achieve health, happiness and many
of lifes amazing gifts.
Of course this is the way it has worked for me,
but, dont shut the door to the many other useful
methods other folks use to help them remain
sober too. Build and add new recovery tools
to add to your own recovery toolbox.
the many meetings I went to in early recovery.
The more meeting I attended, the more regular
folks there saw me and my willingness to continue
on my path in recovery to remain sober.
Yes, it was awkward until, I began bringing snacks
like cookies or cakes id bake using that as part of my
service work. This allowed me to do something for
others and still make my meetings and learn what
was important in helping me achieve what so many
had already achieved themselves when they remained
sober and incorporated the tools and guideline of
the AA program.
Folks eventually saw me coming with my loaded
platter of goodies and began to smile and hold the
door for me, welcoming me and allowing me to
feel apart of this amazing fellowship of recovery.
With willingness and a little bit of courage id ask
to read one of the reading that was used to start
the meeting. Esp. How It Works. When we begin
reading it, nervous at first, but eventually you
understand the words and what it all means.
Before you know it there is a change that happens
within us that is hard to explain. emotions fill us up
and believe me, it, im sure can be felt thru out the
room by others.
From then on, you will want to hold onto those
feeling and never return to the misery that comes
with addiction.
Stay the course, continue with wiliness, openmindedness,
and honesty incorporating all that you are learning within
those meetings and the Promises will eventually come
true.
Living a recovery life will become a way of life
each day you remain sober building a strong
solid foundation to live upon for yrs to come.
Hold onto all your recovery lifelines and you
will never have to be alone on your journey
in life to achieve health, happiness and many
of lifes amazing gifts.
Of course this is the way it has worked for me,
but, dont shut the door to the many other useful
methods other folks use to help them remain
sober too. Build and add new recovery tools
to add to your own recovery toolbox.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,540
I was very awkward too Mary. Excruciating.
I don't go to AA anymore, have not for a long time, but I did stay sober for 5 years by attending. Taking what I needed and leaving the rest.. I had reservations about AA right throughout. . Not the people. Parts of the ideology.
I did make a couple of women friends, and bit by bit I became more comfortable. Important to find a good meeting though. I found women's meetings good.
In the beginning it was important for me Mary because I started to talk about my drinking with someone. Someone who understood.
I no longer attend Mary, but I wouldn't mind dropping in on an old meeting some time. I've lost the black and white attitude. Everyone's trying to get sober. That's good enough for me. Just don't want to be a member, which is ok.
Check out what people (I wouldn't know anyone) are doing. See how meetings have changed.
It's normal to feel awkward Mary. Getting to know people takes Time.
And don't forget what Stevie says. You've always got us. It's all I'm doing Mary.
I don't go to AA anymore, have not for a long time, but I did stay sober for 5 years by attending. Taking what I needed and leaving the rest.
. I had reservations about AA right throughout. . Not the people. Parts of the ideology. I did make a couple of women friends, and bit by bit I became more comfortable. Important to find a good meeting though.
I found women's meetings good. In the beginning it was important for me Mary because I started to talk about my drinking with someone. Someone who understood.
I no longer attend Mary, but I wouldn't mind dropping in on an old meeting some time. I've lost the black and white attitude. Everyone's trying to get sober. That's good enough for me. Just don't want to be a member, which is ok.
Check out what people (I wouldn't know anyone) are doing. See how meetings have changed.
It's normal to feel awkward Mary. Getting to know people takes Time.
And don't forget what Stevie says. You've always got us. It's all I'm doing Mary.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by SoberStevie 
You're not alone Mary, you have us. There will always be someone here to help and talk to you.
Well done on going to the meeting, that took guts, don't underestimate that. You did so well to walk through the door. I have no experience of AA, but sure some wise posters who do will be along to help you soon.
Just remember, on here, we are never alone.
Take care
Today, I won't drink.
Sx
Well done on going to the meeting, that took guts, don't underestimate that. You did so well to walk through the door. I have no experience of AA, but sure some wise posters who do will be along to help you soon.
Just remember, on here, we are never alone.
Take care
Today, I won't drink.
Sx
This forum does help a lot. Maybe I will stick to online. Though I would like to meet some sober people offline too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
As you continue to read around the boards
Mary, you will learn that quite a few folks around
here in SR do use SR a lot as they stay connected,
continue to ask questions and collect a number
of days, months and yrs sober.
Small steps as long as you keep walking forward
listening, learning, absorbing and applying this
helpful knowledge to achieve permanent sobriety.
Mary, you will learn that quite a few folks around
here in SR do use SR a lot as they stay connected,
continue to ask questions and collect a number
of days, months and yrs sober.
Small steps as long as you keep walking forward
listening, learning, absorbing and applying this
helpful knowledge to achieve permanent sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by aasharon90
It took a long time for me to eventually settle into
the many meetings I went to in early recovery.
The more meeting I attended, the more regular
folks there saw me and my willingness to continue
on my path in recovery to remain sober.
Yes, it was awkward until, I began bringing snacks
like cookies or cakes id bake using that as part of my
service work. This allowed me to do something for
others and still make my meetings and learn what
was important in helping me achieve what so many
had already achieved themselves when they remained
sober and incorporated the tools and guideline of
the AA program.
Folks eventually saw me coming with my loaded
platter of goodies and began to smile and hold the
door for me, welcoming me and allowing me to
feel apart of this amazing fellowship of recovery.
With willingness and a little bit of courage id ask
to read one of the reading that was used to start
the meeting. Esp. How It Works. When we begin
reading it, nervous at first, but eventually you
understand the words and what it all means.
Before you know it there is a change that happens
within us that is hard to explain. emotions fill us up
and believe me, it, im sure can be felt thru out the
room by others.
From then on, you will want to hold onto those
feeling and never return to the misery that comes
with addiction.
Stay the course, continue with wiliness, openmindedness,
and honesty incorporating all that you are learning within
those meetings and the Promises will eventually come
true.
Living a recovery life will become a way of life
each day you remain sober building a strong
solid foundation to live upon for yrs to come.
Hold onto all your recovery lifelines and you
will never have to be alone on your journey
in life to achieve health, happiness and many
of lifes amazing gifts.
Of course this is the way it has worked for me,
but, dont shut the door to the many other useful
methods other folks use to help them remain
sober too. Build and add new recovery tools
to add to your own recovery toolbox.
the many meetings I went to in early recovery.
The more meeting I attended, the more regular
folks there saw me and my willingness to continue
on my path in recovery to remain sober.
Yes, it was awkward until, I began bringing snacks
like cookies or cakes id bake using that as part of my
service work. This allowed me to do something for
others and still make my meetings and learn what
was important in helping me achieve what so many
had already achieved themselves when they remained
sober and incorporated the tools and guideline of
the AA program.
Folks eventually saw me coming with my loaded
platter of goodies and began to smile and hold the
door for me, welcoming me and allowing me to
feel apart of this amazing fellowship of recovery.
With willingness and a little bit of courage id ask
to read one of the reading that was used to start
the meeting. Esp. How It Works. When we begin
reading it, nervous at first, but eventually you
understand the words and what it all means.
Before you know it there is a change that happens
within us that is hard to explain. emotions fill us up
and believe me, it, im sure can be felt thru out the
room by others.
From then on, you will want to hold onto those
feeling and never return to the misery that comes
with addiction.
Stay the course, continue with wiliness, openmindedness,
and honesty incorporating all that you are learning within
those meetings and the Promises will eventually come
true.
Living a recovery life will become a way of life
each day you remain sober building a strong
solid foundation to live upon for yrs to come.
Hold onto all your recovery lifelines and you
will never have to be alone on your journey
in life to achieve health, happiness and many
of lifes amazing gifts.
Of course this is the way it has worked for me,
but, dont shut the door to the many other useful
methods other folks use to help them remain
sober too. Build and add new recovery tools
to add to your own recovery toolbox.
Thank you, Sharon. That is very helpful. So it probably takes time and I just need to have patience. Yes, I am willing to try anything to stay sober. I won't give up on the meetings just yet.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by Steely
I was very awkward too Mary. Excruciating.
I don't go to AA anymore, have not for a long time, but I did stay sober for 5 years by attending. Taking what I needed and leaving the rest.. I had reservations about AA right throughout. . Not the people. Parts of the ideology.
I did make a couple of women friends, and bit by bit I became more comfortable. Important to find a good meeting though. I found women's meetings good.
In the beginning it was important for me Mary because I started to talk about my drinking with someone. Someone who understood.
I no longer attend Mary, but I wouldn't mind dropping in on an old meeting some time. I've lost the black and white attitude. Everyone's trying to get sober. That's good enough for me. Just don't want to be a member, which is ok.
Check out what people (I wouldn't know anyone) are doing. See how meetings have changed.
It's normal to feel awkward Mary. Getting to know people takes Time.
And don't forget what Stevie says. You've always got us. It's all I'm doing Mary.
I don't go to AA anymore, have not for a long time, but I did stay sober for 5 years by attending. Taking what I needed and leaving the rest.
. I had reservations about AA right throughout. . Not the people. Parts of the ideology.I did make a couple of women friends, and bit by bit I became more comfortable. Important to find a good meeting though.
I found women's meetings good.In the beginning it was important for me Mary because I started to talk about my drinking with someone. Someone who understood.
I no longer attend Mary, but I wouldn't mind dropping in on an old meeting some time. I've lost the black and white attitude. Everyone's trying to get sober. That's good enough for me. Just don't want to be a member, which is ok.
Check out what people (I wouldn't know anyone) are doing. See how meetings have changed.
It's normal to feel awkward Mary. Getting to know people takes Time.
And don't forget what Stevie says. You've always got us. It's all I'm doing Mary.
Thanks for sharing your experience Steely, it helps to know other people felt awkward too.
Maybe if I try other groups I will find the right group for me.
I'm not too sure about their ideology either but I am willing to try anything.
Yes, the forum is great.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by aasharon90
As you continue to read around the boards
Mary, you will learn that quite a few folks around
here in SR do use SR a lot as they stay connected,
continue to ask questions and collect a number
of days, months and yrs sober.
Small steps as long as you keep walking forward
listening, learning, absorbing and applying this
helpful knowledge to achieve permanent sobriety.
Mary, you will learn that quite a few folks around
here in SR do use SR a lot as they stay connected,
continue to ask questions and collect a number
of days, months and yrs sober.
Small steps as long as you keep walking forward
listening, learning, absorbing and applying this
helpful knowledge to achieve permanent sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Your right Mary about being patience. Most of
us what instant and immediate satisfaction. We
forget that nothing comes easy or quickly unless
we work for them.
Many of us also procrastinate and sit on our tushies
expecting everything to happen on its own. That too
isn't gonna help us either.
Your are showing us here in SR that you are willing
to log on and connect to SR first and thru out your
day, making a positive effort to learn something
new today in helping you remain sober today. Just
for today and not worrying what will happen tomorrow.
When you take just todays at a time, you will look back
one day seeing own quickly staying sober can be.
You are now on a new journey in life sober.
It's okay to enjoy this journey while learning
how to live a life free from your addiction like
so many have already.
Relax, enjoy and stay connected to your SR
lifeline because the support, care, understanding
is always here for you.
Good job Mary…!!!!!
us what instant and immediate satisfaction. We
forget that nothing comes easy or quickly unless
we work for them.
Many of us also procrastinate and sit on our tushies
expecting everything to happen on its own. That too
isn't gonna help us either.
Your are showing us here in SR that you are willing
to log on and connect to SR first and thru out your
day, making a positive effort to learn something
new today in helping you remain sober today. Just
for today and not worrying what will happen tomorrow.
When you take just todays at a time, you will look back
one day seeing own quickly staying sober can be.
You are now on a new journey in life sober.
It's okay to enjoy this journey while learning
how to live a life free from your addiction like
so many have already.
Relax, enjoy and stay connected to your SR
lifeline because the support, care, understanding
is always here for you.
Good job Mary…!!!!!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Mary88
Thank you, Sharon. That is very helpful. So it probably takes time and I just need to have patience. Yes, I am willing to try anything to stay sober. I won't give up on the meetings just yet.
It took a great deal of courage and inner fortitude for me to go to meetings initially - and keep going. Now I have a small handful that I absolutely love and make without fail, but I still go to one somewhere every day because I'm doing everything I can to make sobriety stick this time. Taking no chances on deciding in my mixed up head that I know I "don't need" something that seems to at best not be doing me any harm.
I could do a whole lot worse than sit around with a bunch of drunks talking about how to be better human beings.Definitely go back to that first one and definitely try others. Go to one every day of the week (seriously). It will immerse you in the habit and give you a good feel for the different types of meetings and group personalities that are out there. Some are very informal, some stilted, intimate, huge, book studies, step studies, beginner's meetings, etc etc. If you don't already have the app, download "Meeting Guide." Wherever you are, it will tell you the closest meetings to you right now and what type of meetings they are.
Sharon's post is great, so I won't repeat all of what she said. I'm socially awkward, so think her idea of bringing treats every week to the same meeting is a fantastic idea! People do become conditioned just like Pavlov's dogs.
The other thing I did initially was just sit right back down in my chair after the meeting to write some notes about my observations or reflections from the meetings. This often had the affect of "attracting" someone to come over and sit to visit for a minute. Hang in there. There really is no substitute for human contact, at least not for such a one as me, who only otherwise gets that at work. My cats are nice, but it's just not the same. You know.
O
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
We are all a bit like fish out of water when we get sober.
AA is no different to any social situation really.
But give it a decent shot like going twice a week for the next ten or so weeks.
At least then you can get a good look at things and it'll get easier the more you go.
Bare in mind too that AA meetings are not the foundation stone, the book is.
So you can read that and see if you can identify with the chapters that help you decide if you really are a drinker / alcoholic that needs the type of help on offer from the AA program ie: taking the 12 steps.
Those chapters are 'The Drs Opinion'
Bills Story, There is a Solution and More about Alcoholism.
Probably about 50 pages in total, so easily read in a few hours.
AA is no different to any social situation really.
But give it a decent shot like going twice a week for the next ten or so weeks.
At least then you can get a good look at things and it'll get easier the more you go.
Bare in mind too that AA meetings are not the foundation stone, the book is.
So you can read that and see if you can identify with the chapters that help you decide if you really are a drinker / alcoholic that needs the type of help on offer from the AA program ie: taking the 12 steps.
Those chapters are 'The Drs Opinion'
Bills Story, There is a Solution and More about Alcoholism.
Probably about 50 pages in total, so easily read in a few hours.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 133
Mary, 22 days is amazing. Well done on deciding to keep trying AA. That determination will get you where you you need to be.
I so agree with AAsharon about most of us wanting instant and immediate satisfaction. I used to find that in the drink, until my tolerance meant it was never there, so I kept on trying to find it...you know the rest. I used to feel a bit jealous (not a nice trait, but if I can't be honest here, where can I be) of others who were on day 20 or day 120 or day 1200, whatever, because I was only on day 3 or 4...but then I realised it's irrelevant, we are all on the same journey, we are all one drink away from day 1 again. So patience is so important here.
So much wonderful advice here Mary, so continue to post and continue to try AA - different meetings, the same meeting, everything. Why? Because you are worth it, and your sobriety has to take priority.
Take care - and well done again on day 22.
Today, I won't drink.
Sx
I so agree with AAsharon about most of us wanting instant and immediate satisfaction. I used to find that in the drink, until my tolerance meant it was never there, so I kept on trying to find it...you know the rest. I used to feel a bit jealous (not a nice trait, but if I can't be honest here, where can I be) of others who were on day 20 or day 120 or day 1200, whatever, because I was only on day 3 or 4...but then I realised it's irrelevant, we are all on the same journey, we are all one drink away from day 1 again. So patience is so important here.
So much wonderful advice here Mary, so continue to post and continue to try AA - different meetings, the same meeting, everything. Why? Because you are worth it, and your sobriety has to take priority.
Take care - and well done again on day 22.
Today, I won't drink.
Sx
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Good point, Derringer.
Mary, a lot of what people say in AA meetings can be confusing or sound... um, I dunno, ritualistic, trite? That works for some people, and I truly do respect that - for them. (This guy's share New Year's Eve helped me to understand that's exactly what he needed when he came into the program - he said his head was so messed up he just needed someone to tell him what to think, he was that desperate. So I get that.)
For me, it was absolutely critical that I understand what the program is - and that is contained within the first 164 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Definitely read that at the point it makes most sense for you so that you have a good foundation to allow you to most effectively filter what you hear.
O
Mary, a lot of what people say in AA meetings can be confusing or sound... um, I dunno, ritualistic, trite? That works for some people, and I truly do respect that - for them. (This guy's share New Year's Eve helped me to understand that's exactly what he needed when he came into the program - he said his head was so messed up he just needed someone to tell him what to think, he was that desperate. So I get that.)
For me, it was absolutely critical that I understand what the program is - and that is contained within the first 164 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Definitely read that at the point it makes most sense for you so that you have a good foundation to allow you to most effectively filter what you hear.
O
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Mary88
Thank you, Sharon. That is very helpful. So it probably takes time and I just need to have patience. Yes, I am willing to try anything to stay sober. I won't give up on the meetings just yet.
[BBefore you know it there is a change that happens
within us that is hard to explain. emotions fill us up
and believe me, it, im sure can be felt thru out the
room by others.][/B]
I found this to be true. AA was weird and awkward and such to me at first, and I am very outgoing. I didn't want people up in my personal space. I sat by the door, end of the aisle, in the big meeting room a lot of newcomers attend. Easy to pop out of
But I kept going back. I also heard someone say "look for the people who have what you want" which was some of the best advice I got early on. Lots of people obviously did have friends, chatted and laughed, and also talked about what the program had done to change their lives. I wanted that, and still do.
I can also tell you that those of us who go to any meeting regular DO notice new people and want to make them feel welcome. We aren't perfect and no one has a good day every day or wants to be a friend and engage...but enough do, enough of the time, that the community keeps running.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I think anyone's first meeting is going to be so awkward mine was from me wanting a can of coke before my meeting and the guy taking me thought I wanted to drink !? To the meeting itself it wasn't so bad more revealing listening to people talk about thier experiences - there are beginner meetings and I always always preferred open meetings the closed meetings I had bad experiences with everytime
The open beginnier meetings I think would be a good start if you have one in your area or your locality
You have us 24h a day too
The open beginnier meetings I think would be a good start if you have one in your area or your locality
You have us 24h a day too
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
Originally Posted by Mary88
I tried to get talking to people before and after the meeting but that didn't go well. (This might be due to my Asperger's).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Thank you all for the great advice and encouragement. I read each post carefully and I will take on board all the advice.
I'm going to go back to the same meeting and try other meetings too. And bring cakes or treats.
I will read what was recommended too.
And of course read and post here.
Thanks for all the helpful responses.
I'm going to go back to the same meeting and try other meetings too. And bring cakes or treats.
I will read what was recommended too.
And of course read and post here.
Thanks for all the helpful responses.
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