First AA
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 308
Originally Posted by SoberStevie 
You're not alone Mary, you have us. There will always be someone here to help and talk to you.
Sx
Sx
People IRL tend to side-step any important problems with another person unless they absolutely are forced too. I get it. It’s a hard conversation. I tend to sometimes slowly bring my sobriety into conversation because I can tell they don’t know how to approach it because they’ve known me as a drinker my whole life.
I pretty much live on this site and would preach to any newcomer to do the same for a while. Everyone here gets what everyone else is going through and it’s so refreshing to find a group like this.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by DriGuy
I don't know a lot about Asperger's but I'm wondering if one of your early disclosures to the group might include something about your Asperger's and how that may make it difficult to communicate. It's also possible that your first experience has nothing to do with that, so my suggestion might very well be irrelevant.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
I've had problems all my life. Teachers, doctors, never knew what to do with a kid like me. I'm supposed to be ADD, crazy, put on meds. I was in and out of reform schools all through my teens. Smoked pot at 9, probably alcoholic by 14 years old, on and off "hard drugs" from 14 -41 years old. At one point I'm a company man during the week and getting drunk, smoking crack and doing heroin on the weekends. I recently looked into Asperger's and took some online tests. My scores where sky high! I'm 45, it's a little late for treatment now!
I know how tough it is going to a new meeting but I think mostly people turn out to be pretty cool. One of my sayings is I hate having to talk to "people". These aren't just "people" they are alcoholics, so it's all good. Try and focus as much as you can on the material and see what you have in common with the other alcoholics. I relate to people that are so much different than me. Different backgrounds, skill sets, drinking patterns. There was one meeting I was able to get in a 3 mile hard run between work and the meeting. That helped keep me relaxed like a beer buzz use to do. I even was a speaker a couple of times.
Once you've been to the same meeting a couple of times some of the faces get familiar, you start to know the drill, it becomes a place of comfort.
I think people like us might benefit from a sponsor, one on one interaction, help explain things. I heard lots of drunks share and talked to them before and after meetings in the first 2 or 3 weeks. Then I picked a sponsor that used similar to the way that I did. I guess in a way you need some luck here and I had it that day.
I know how tough it is going to a new meeting but I think mostly people turn out to be pretty cool. One of my sayings is I hate having to talk to "people". These aren't just "people" they are alcoholics, so it's all good. Try and focus as much as you can on the material and see what you have in common with the other alcoholics. I relate to people that are so much different than me. Different backgrounds, skill sets, drinking patterns. There was one meeting I was able to get in a 3 mile hard run between work and the meeting. That helped keep me relaxed like a beer buzz use to do. I even was a speaker a couple of times.
Once you've been to the same meeting a couple of times some of the faces get familiar, you start to know the drill, it becomes a place of comfort.
I think people like us might benefit from a sponsor, one on one interaction, help explain things. I heard lots of drunks share and talked to them before and after meetings in the first 2 or 3 weeks. Then I picked a sponsor that used similar to the way that I did. I guess in a way you need some luck here and I had it that day.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Mary88
Anyway, I might not done anything wrong at first meeting at all.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by VinnyMcM
Agreed. I have a lot of outside support but they don’t understand what I am going through because they have simply never been through what I am going through. I don’t blame them.
People IRL tend to side-step any important problems with another person unless they absolutely are forced too. I get it. It’s a hard conversation. I tend to sometimes slowly bring my sobriety into conversation because I can tell they don’t know how to approach it because they’ve known me as a drinker my whole life.
I pretty much live on this site and would preach to any newcomer to do the same for a while. Everyone here gets what everyone else is going through and it’s so refreshing to find a group like this.
People IRL tend to side-step any important problems with another person unless they absolutely are forced too. I get it. It’s a hard conversation. I tend to sometimes slowly bring my sobriety into conversation because I can tell they don’t know how to approach it because they’ve known me as a drinker my whole life.
I pretty much live on this site and would preach to any newcomer to do the same for a while. Everyone here gets what everyone else is going through and it’s so refreshing to find a group like this.
Totally agree. This site is great! Everyone seems to understand.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
^^That when to speak thing....I didn't have a feel for it at first either. And I'm one who can talk to a wall, has a great performer personality, lots of things that make socializing, sales, any relationship based professional stuff easy but also confirm my trademark alcoholic tendencies!
It's totally OK to just listen. I don't think I said anything for weeks, maybe 6. And I KNEW I was a billion percent "qualified" to be in the rooms but saying "Hi, I'm August and I'm an alcoholic" just wasn't gonna happen. Don't pressure yourself to talk- I've even heard plenty of people say their sponsors said "shut up and sit there for 90 days."
Both listening and sharing are gifts we give each other, and ourselves.
It's totally OK to just listen. I don't think I said anything for weeks, maybe 6. And I KNEW I was a billion percent "qualified" to be in the rooms but saying "Hi, I'm August and I'm an alcoholic" just wasn't gonna happen. Don't pressure yourself to talk- I've even heard plenty of people say their sponsors said "shut up and sit there for 90 days."
Both listening and sharing are gifts we give each other, and ourselves.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk
I've had problems all my life. Teachers, doctors, never knew what to do with a kid like me. I'm supposed to be ADD, crazy, put on meds. I was in and out of reform schools all through my teens. Smoked pot at 9, probably alcoholic by 14 years old, on and off "hard drugs" from 14 -41 years old. At one point I'm a company man during the week and getting drunk, smoking crack and doing heroin on the weekends. I recently looked into Asperger's and took some online tests. My scores where sky high! I'm 45, it's a little late for treatment now!
I know how tough it is going to a new meeting but I think mostly people turn out to be pretty cool. One of my sayings is I hate having to talk to "people". These aren't just "people" they are alcoholics, so it's all good. Try and focus as much as you can on the material and see what you have in common with the other alcoholics. I relate to people that are so much different than me. Different backgrounds, skill sets, drinking patterns. There was one meeting I was able to get in a 3 mile hard run between work and the meeting. That helped keep me relaxed like a beer buzz use to do. I even was a speaker a couple of times.
Once you've been to the same meeting a couple of times some of the faces get familiar, you start to know the drill, it becomes a place of comfort.
I think people like us might benefit from a sponsor, one on one interaction, help explain things. I heard lots of drunks share and talked to them before and after meetings in the first 2 or 3 weeks. Then I picked a sponsor that used similar to the way that I did. I guess in a way you need some luck here and I had it that day.
I know how tough it is going to a new meeting but I think mostly people turn out to be pretty cool. One of my sayings is I hate having to talk to "people". These aren't just "people" they are alcoholics, so it's all good. Try and focus as much as you can on the material and see what you have in common with the other alcoholics. I relate to people that are so much different than me. Different backgrounds, skill sets, drinking patterns. There was one meeting I was able to get in a 3 mile hard run between work and the meeting. That helped keep me relaxed like a beer buzz use to do. I even was a speaker a couple of times.
Once you've been to the same meeting a couple of times some of the faces get familiar, you start to know the drill, it becomes a place of comfort.
I think people like us might benefit from a sponsor, one on one interaction, help explain things. I heard lots of drunks share and talked to them before and after meetings in the first 2 or 3 weeks. Then I picked a sponsor that used similar to the way that I did. I guess in a way you need some luck here and I had it that day.
You are right. One on one interaction is easier. I hope to find a sponsor too.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by DriGuy
That's entirely possible. And it happens with a lot of people. It may be best to just listen for awhile, until you feel more comfortable.
Originally Posted by August252015
^^That when to speak thing....I didn't have a feel for it at first either. And I'm one who can talk to a wall, has a great performer personality, lots of things that make socializing, sales, any relationship based professional stuff easy but also confirm my trademark alcoholic tendencies!
It's totally OK to just listen. I don't think I said anything for weeks, maybe 6. And I KNEW I was a billion percent "qualified" to be in the rooms but saying "Hi, I'm August and I'm an alcoholic" just wasn't gonna happen. Don't pressure yourself to talk- I've even heard plenty of people say their sponsors said "shut up and sit there for 90 days."
Both listening and sharing are gifts we give each other, and ourselves.
It's totally OK to just listen. I don't think I said anything for weeks, maybe 6. And I KNEW I was a billion percent "qualified" to be in the rooms but saying "Hi, I'm August and I'm an alcoholic" just wasn't gonna happen. Don't pressure yourself to talk- I've even heard plenty of people say their sponsors said "shut up and sit there for 90 days."
Both listening and sharing are gifts we give each other, and ourselves.
The only speaking I did at first meeting was with people before and after the meeting.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
The sponsor thing is super important- I almost said it too but didn't want that to seem overwhelming.
Around here, a lot of meetings ask if people willing to be sponsors will raise their hands, or you can go up to the meeting leader and ask. I've had and observed lots of discrete and seeking one-on-one chats early in someone's meeting going. It's also common here to get a "temporary" sponsor. I've worked with a few people thru the first step, or the third, and they've had different paths whether staying in the program or not. Those first 164pp we suggested you read are what I start with when sponsoring.
Also....the steps are in order for a reason and people vary widely in how long it takes to work them. That's the program so it is absolutely worth the commitment, but also learning how not to pressure yourself at the same time you make progress is new.
Around here, a lot of meetings ask if people willing to be sponsors will raise their hands, or you can go up to the meeting leader and ask. I've had and observed lots of discrete and seeking one-on-one chats early in someone's meeting going. It's also common here to get a "temporary" sponsor. I've worked with a few people thru the first step, or the third, and they've had different paths whether staying in the program or not. Those first 164pp we suggested you read are what I start with when sponsoring.
Also....the steps are in order for a reason and people vary widely in how long it takes to work them. That's the program so it is absolutely worth the commitment, but also learning how not to pressure yourself at the same time you make progress is new.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by August252015
The sponsor thing is super important- I almost said it too but didn't want that to seem overwhelming.
Around here, a lot of meetings ask if people willing to be sponsors will raise their hands, or you can go up to the meeting leader and ask. I've had and observed lots of discrete and seeking one-on-one chats early in someone's meeting going. It's also common here to get a "temporary" sponsor. I've worked with a few people thru the first step, or the third, and they've had different paths whether staying in the program or not. Those first 164pp we suggested you read are what I start with when sponsoring.
Also....the steps are in order for a reason and people vary widely in how long it takes to work them. That's the program so it is absolutely worth the commitment, but also learning how not to pressure yourself at the same time you make progress is new.
Around here, a lot of meetings ask if people willing to be sponsors will raise their hands, or you can go up to the meeting leader and ask. I've had and observed lots of discrete and seeking one-on-one chats early in someone's meeting going. It's also common here to get a "temporary" sponsor. I've worked with a few people thru the first step, or the third, and they've had different paths whether staying in the program or not. Those first 164pp we suggested you read are what I start with when sponsoring.
Also....the steps are in order for a reason and people vary widely in how long it takes to work them. That's the program so it is absolutely worth the commitment, but also learning how not to pressure yourself at the same time you make progress is new.
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