Honesty v Deceit and Deception
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
((((Basi)))) Brill OVER 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!!
This was a very low weekend for so many - Thank God we had the gifts of each others heartfelt strength to pull us through - even though it was a minute at a time for so very much of it.
Hope you are feeling abit better today dear Basi???? You are over a week ahead!!!!
of me as I have 8 days today. I am utterly determined that I will devote myself to sobriety today so Big Book, SR and an AA meeting this evening too.
Everyone is afraid that I do not have the strength with the impending visit of my ex into the family home for Christmas. It is over two weeks away - I have to keep this in the day. That is as much as any of us can do. The longest sober alcoholic is the one who got up earliest. Well since I didnt get to bed at all last night I just could be that person - I will strive to be.
Got allllll the children out this morning so way ahead on last weeks start! And now I must get lunch for a couple of them so will sign off for the moment but not before thanking you for your most gratefully accepted love and support and hope I can do this for you too dear Basi.....Luvs And Recovery Ama
Hope you are feeling abit better today dear Basi???? You are over a week ahead!!!!
of me as I have 8 days today. I am utterly determined that I will devote myself to sobriety today so Big Book, SR and an AA meeting this evening too. Everyone is afraid that I do not have the strength with the impending visit of my ex into the family home for Christmas. It is over two weeks away - I have to keep this in the day. That is as much as any of us can do. The longest sober alcoholic is the one who got up earliest. Well since I didnt get to bed at all last night I just could be that person - I will strive to be.
Got allllll the children out this morning so way ahead on last weeks start! And now I must get lunch for a couple of them so will sign off for the moment but not before thanking you for your most gratefully accepted love and support and hope I can do this for you too dear Basi.....Luvs And Recovery Ama
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
My heart goes out to you. Time takes time. What you can do is earn there trust back. I was under the same thing as you. M y ex wouldn't let me have visitation. Now, I have my son living with me. his mom moved away. She let him move in with me. This is what the 12 promises tells us will come true if, we work for them After losing it all. I'm getting it back. The most important thing isn't being on drugs or booze. What's important is placing your faith on a higherpower. My kids mean a lot more to me today then, anything else. You want yours back Pray for that. Pray for the desire to leave. Go to meetings, work with a sponser. As sure as I'm sitting here telling you this. All this will come true but, you have to work for them. There isn't a quick fix. we spend years making a mess. 1 Day at a time you can do the right thing. Everyone in here is pulling for you. Stay posting ok!!!
I am supposed to do a client presentation for a brother of mine via email but really cannot concentrate on such matters. Dont seem to be able to follow through on much and totally avoided my business partner all weekend as I did not want him calling and seeing me so black with tears etc. Feels like I am in hiding until the mess that I now am can clean up! Hope you are having a good and fruitful day - the promised harvest of sobriety one day at a time...Luvs Ama
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by Ama
Everyone is afraid that I do not have the strength with the impending visit of my ex into the family home for Christmas. It is over two weeks away - I have to keep this in the day. That is as much as any of us can do. The longest sober alcoholic is the one who got up earliest. Well since I didnt get to bed at all last night I just could be that person - I will strive to be.
Today, let's focus on our recovery and on doing the next right thing.
One more thing... I am so proud of you for going to meetings. In my opinion, this is the best way to get needed support. I also strongly recommend that you get a sponsor right away if you haven't already done so. My sponsor is terrific. I am accountable to her and she is guiding me through the steps. It works if we work it. Really.
Recovery comes first!
jojo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
(((JoJo)))
Thank you sooo much for that and yes the meetings seem to be the clincher for me with this disease. Simple!!!! When I go I dont drink. When I go my acceptance is nurtured and leaves me in a state which is more resistant to urges etc. When I go I see that sobriety is possible. When I go I see that peace and serenity are possible. When I go I know that I am taking an active and positive part in my recovery. These are all FACTS! I look at the steps and see that those who have persured them wholeheartedly are indeed benefiting from the promises. I am listing them below for any who may not yet have seen them - and it is good to remind even those who do know them of the joys that lie in Sobriety.....achieveable One Day At A Time.....
By following the 12 Step Programme of Recovery we are told that the promises will follow:
The Twelve Promises
1.We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2.We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
3.We will comprehend the word serenity.
4.We will know peace.
5.No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our
experience can benefit others.
6.The feelings of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7.We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8.Self-seeking will slip away.
9.Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
10.Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
11.We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us
12.We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves.
"Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are beingfulfilled among
us -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them."
The Twelve Rewards
1.Hope instead of desperation.
2.Faith instead of despair.
3.Courage instead of fear.
4.Peace of mind instead of confusion.
5.Self-respect instead of self-contempt.
6.Self-confidence instead of helplessness.
7.The respect of others instead of their pity and contempt.
8.A clean conscience instead of a sense of guilt.
9.Real friendships instead of loneliness.
10.A clean pattern of life instead of a purposeless existence.
11.The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and
fears.
12.The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an alcoholic obsession
So with yet another day free from bondage I will bid you all a safe and restful slumber. May tomorrow greet us all with yet another day at a time Luvs Ama
Thank you sooo much for that and yes the meetings seem to be the clincher for me with this disease. Simple!!!! When I go I dont drink. When I go my acceptance is nurtured and leaves me in a state which is more resistant to urges etc. When I go I see that sobriety is possible. When I go I see that peace and serenity are possible. When I go I know that I am taking an active and positive part in my recovery. These are all FACTS! I look at the steps and see that those who have persured them wholeheartedly are indeed benefiting from the promises. I am listing them below for any who may not yet have seen them - and it is good to remind even those who do know them of the joys that lie in Sobriety.....achieveable One Day At A Time.....
By following the 12 Step Programme of Recovery we are told that the promises will follow:
The Twelve Promises
1.We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2.We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
3.We will comprehend the word serenity.
4.We will know peace.
5.No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our
experience can benefit others.
6.The feelings of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7.We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8.Self-seeking will slip away.
9.Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
10.Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
11.We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us
12.We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves.
"Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are beingfulfilled among
us -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them."
The Twelve Rewards
1.Hope instead of desperation.
2.Faith instead of despair.
3.Courage instead of fear.
4.Peace of mind instead of confusion.
5.Self-respect instead of self-contempt.
6.Self-confidence instead of helplessness.
7.The respect of others instead of their pity and contempt.
8.A clean conscience instead of a sense of guilt.
9.Real friendships instead of loneliness.
10.A clean pattern of life instead of a purposeless existence.
11.The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and
fears.
12.The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an alcoholic obsession
So with yet another day free from bondage I will bid you all a safe and restful slumber. May tomorrow greet us all with yet another day at a time Luvs Ama
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Modesto, CA
Posts: 23
((((AMA)))))
You need to hang in there and stay strong. Listen to your sponsor and try to get to as many meetings as you can. During the times that you feel you can't hold yourself up, there will always be one or more to help hold you up. Stay strong, open minded and willing and I include you in my prayers. If one day at a time is a little difficult do it one minute or one hour at a time. You will be surprised how they all add up quick.
A Screw Loose.
:allgetalo
You need to hang in there and stay strong. Listen to your sponsor and try to get to as many meetings as you can. During the times that you feel you can't hold yourself up, there will always be one or more to help hold you up. Stay strong, open minded and willing and I include you in my prayers. If one day at a time is a little difficult do it one minute or one hour at a time. You will be surprised how they all add up quick.
A Screw Loose.
:allgetalo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
(((A Screw Loose)))
Thanks for that and one by one they are adding up!!!! A Day At A Time.....thank you for thinking of me and for including me in your prayers - this site is filled with so much good will and I always feel humbled by it.
((((Eddie)))))
Addiction is addiction - and gets its evil grips on us - the effects of destruction of mind body and soul are the outcome no matter what the poisin!!!
There are a time when I did not want to accept that the word Surrender would have eeked me. But it is a good word - it is a word devoid of ego!
Another one I that I had found useful and you have reminded me of is
FEAR -
F*** Everything And Run
- or -
Face Everything And Recover!!!!
I had forgotten that and it is very true for me. Heard it last year sometime at a meeting - I am remembering quite abit actually.....never a wasted meeting it would seem as it all sinks in Eventually!
I am still sober and out the door now to get a little further aid to recovery!!!!
Luvs and Hugs to All - Ama
Thanks for that and one by one they are adding up!!!! A Day At A Time.....thank you for thinking of me and for including me in your prayers - this site is filled with so much good will and I always feel humbled by it.
((((Eddie)))))
Addiction is addiction - and gets its evil grips on us - the effects of destruction of mind body and soul are the outcome no matter what the poisin!!!
There are a time when I did not want to accept that the word Surrender would have eeked me. But it is a good word - it is a word devoid of ego!
Another one I that I had found useful and you have reminded me of is
FEAR -
F*** Everything And Run
- or -
Face Everything And Recover!!!!
I had forgotten that and it is very true for me. Heard it last year sometime at a meeting - I am remembering quite abit actually.....never a wasted meeting it would seem as it all sinks in Eventually!
I am still sober and out the door now to get a little further aid to recovery!!!!
Luvs and Hugs to All - Ama
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Kept on Keeping On
I stopped drinking in April 2004. About 8 and a half months ago. I drank for 20 years. Alcohol was the direct cause of my losing 36 jobs in my lifetime. Called in sick. Went in LOOKING sick. I was a walking corpse. Im 5 ft 7" tall and weighed 119 lbs. My skin was pale white. You could see the blue veins through my transparent skin. I had terrible skin tone. Teeth were falling out of my head due to total abandonment of hygiene. Lived in my little apartment off of unemployment for a year and half while drinking everyday. Gallon of whiskey and two forty oz of beer every single day if not more. A GALLON!! Imagine,...a gallon and 2 forties at 119 lbs. Doctor says he doesnt know how I did it. He actually said "God,...MUST have a specific purpose for you in this life,...because by all medical standards, you should be dead or atleast bedridden." He DID say that expect to be dead in two weeks time if you continue even remotely close to your alcohol intake. I lost my friends, my family, girlfriends, jobs upon jobs, and was WELL on my way to losing my home. Rent was going late, or unpaid all together. Bills were pileing up on me. Neighbors knew just by looking at me I had BIG problems. I couldnt walk to the bathroom,...I had to literally crawl on hands and knees to the toilet and climb up to a sitting position to pee because within 10 seconds of standing my vision went, all feeling in my hands and neck left,..and a dizzying spell would come over me where Id lost my balance before and cracked my head on the bathtub. This was my life. I got up out of bed ONLY to drink and feed my cat. Thats it. I went to the hospital 7 times for severe withdrawl symptoms and Delirium Tremens. Hallucinations. Dementia. Violent body convulsions, and the 7th time,....my heart stopped for 47 seconds in the ER in front of my mother and brother. For 3 minutes they thought I was dead after the ER staff kicked them out to try and revive me. They had started to gear their minds up to deal with my death. I did that to them. THEN and only then,.....I decided to save my own life. I asked GOD to help me for the first real time in my life. I stopped making excuses why I couldnt stop and began making decisions TO stop. I put down the madness April 14th 2004 and signed into a 28 day inpatient program. I attend 3 meetings a week, have a sponsor,....family has taken me back in,....my girlfriend is now back in my life, and I landed a great job. The promises are coming. All these things God promised me are coming true. In return,..all I have to do is change everthing. If this sounds scary,..well,...it is. But not as scary as dying a miserable painful death. I have REAL sobriety now. The compulsion lifted about 2 months into recovery. I smile at the face Im shaving now. I pray every night and thank my higher power every morning. I tell you all of this to help. I KNOW its hard. I KNOW its lonely. I KNOW its scary. YOU can do it. YOU can make a difference in your own life. AND somebody elses. WE are not stupid people. In fact most alcoholics, they say, are very intelligent, witty, creative people. We simply fell victim to the evils of alcohol. Now we know what we are up against. That IS half the battle. Alcoholism doesnt stand a chance if we are united against it. I hope I brought a little shred of hope if any to you. Believe me,...its a great feeling to be an asset to the world instead of a liability. God Bless..........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
((((Dearest EarlyBird)))))
Thank you for your soulful post - it really has touched me - and gladdened my heart that you are living a good and hopeful life in sobriety! I actually really need this post more than you can ever know. I am sober today - another day - a day at a time!
It is indeed a miracle that you are alive at all - there is a reason you have survived and are now in recovery - of that there can be no doubt. I am so happy that you have reunited with your family and your girlfriend too - yes the promises!!!!!
Intelligent (I have been told but not today), Witty (Ditto), Creative (????). My sobriety is just tooo young and fragile at the moment. Such great things are expected of me you see. Everyone thinks that once I havent had a drink for a few days (10 today) that I will just bounce back and be effective. But there is a huge difference and it is that I know that this is the end of the line. I know that I must put in the work required for recovery - AA meetings, 12 Step Programme and posting and reading here on SR!!!! On my last attempt a month ago, I got my priorities mixed up and thought i could do both. Alas I cannot. And there are a few spanners in the works to boot.
Spending time with my eldest son chatting every night. Trying to become involved with his course material as I am hugely interested in Physics and Quantum Mechanics. Talking to him about life in general and relationships too! But he goes to bed and the suicide watch begins you see and i am so very tired. And then there is the added bonus of my ex coming for Christmas. Eeeekkkk. But I do know one thing for certain and that is my son is more stable when I am sober and a Mum!!! This is a hugely compelling source of drive at the moment in my strive for sobriety and recovery.
So by focusing on gaining Acceptance and Willingness and Humility, it seems that I must let go of business committments and yet this is the source of my income and future etc. I was meant to fly out to Bermuda on Saturday but at least some sense prevailed and I am letting my business partner take care of those matters. Heavens above and this is the scary bit - what on earth or how on earth was I going to afford it. I have an amazing knack of doing the most insane things when acting alcoholically (with or without a drink). Grandiose schemes - Madness everywhere.
I am desperately trying to establish reality in my life. What is real??? Did my personal finances yesterday and was truely shocked at what I had spent and the obligations that i had allowed to slip. Yes it is reclaimable but only if I keep my head straight. That means staying sober and persuing recovery.
You post has brought more than a shred of hope - though as yet I do not feel that i am an asset to anyone. It is just tooo soon and I know it will take time. Patience is not a virtue that I have much of at all but know that I must develop this.
My life is just so multi-faceted you see. On the one hand I am a single parent with 5 disturbed and yet successful (academically to date) children. I also have a man on the periphery of my life who loves me dearly and I he but circumstance dictates that we can never be together other than holidays etc though we are in contact daily. I have my ex coming home for Christmas and he has not seen his children or I for over 2 and 1/2 years. The marriage was both physically and emotionally abusive and the family remain very scarred indeed. This reunion for Christmas is thus being met with much scepticism by my sons in particular. They are further angered by him as he has never supported us at all over the last few years and left us in dire straits when he left!
Then there is my "professional" life???? How professional is an active alcoholic I ask you???? All talk and no action is the only honest way I can describe my actions or lack of them over the last 2-3 months in particular. Today is actually a D-Day and I have to deliver but I have nothing to deliver as I cannot create 2 months work out of nowhere. Yes today is yet another day when I will be exposed. It would be easy but for the fact that I deal with a very elite group - extremely clever people and I cannot pull the wool over their eyes you see. Exposure of who I am has finally come and I do not welcome it. But a minute at a time today is all I will manage. I am writing this post when in fact I should be working you see. Classic alcoholic behaviour and yet I must work out things and know that I have to learn to complete things too! A conundrum that I am sure is characteristic of every alcoholics early recovery period.
Gosh I am rambling on. So many people are depending on me - even cover my ex-s medical care etc and brokering a public offering of shares (GBP100m) for a Jan 3 launch and setting up an off-shore Bermudian company etc etc etc. Sounds completely insane you see. Especially if one looks at my own financial realities - 4 months mortgage arrears eekkkkkk but in fairness all other bills pretty much up to date because they are paid by Direct Debit. Losing my Bank job income too this month as finally they have accepted my 4th letter of resignation - dont actually know or understand why they would not in October when I first resigned??? It is all just too weird. My sponser says I have to start living in the real world - she is the one who says I must dispense with grandiose schemes but they are not mine per se but those of others to whom I have accountability. It is very hard because I live two completely different lives you see. One is Mum and children and Bills and the other is very high-life and fast lane???? I had taken the bank job to try to be ordinary you see but that didnt work. I do actually want to be just ordinary with ordinary pressures. I think my work on the steps will give me this though as it will put my life in perspective.
Sorry to drone on but I am trying to work things out clearly where no clarity exists. At least however I am not crying now and that is progress. And I am SOBER and just for today committed to it and will get a meeting this evening to ensure this pathway to recovery is maintained..........I am very grateful to you and all for your support and kindess to probably the most insane woman on the planet!!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
Thank you for your soulful post - it really has touched me - and gladdened my heart that you are living a good and hopeful life in sobriety! I actually really need this post more than you can ever know. I am sober today - another day - a day at a time!
It is indeed a miracle that you are alive at all - there is a reason you have survived and are now in recovery - of that there can be no doubt. I am so happy that you have reunited with your family and your girlfriend too - yes the promises!!!!!
Intelligent (I have been told but not today), Witty (Ditto), Creative (????). My sobriety is just tooo young and fragile at the moment. Such great things are expected of me you see. Everyone thinks that once I havent had a drink for a few days (10 today) that I will just bounce back and be effective. But there is a huge difference and it is that I know that this is the end of the line. I know that I must put in the work required for recovery - AA meetings, 12 Step Programme and posting and reading here on SR!!!! On my last attempt a month ago, I got my priorities mixed up and thought i could do both. Alas I cannot. And there are a few spanners in the works to boot.
Spending time with my eldest son chatting every night. Trying to become involved with his course material as I am hugely interested in Physics and Quantum Mechanics. Talking to him about life in general and relationships too! But he goes to bed and the suicide watch begins you see and i am so very tired. And then there is the added bonus of my ex coming for Christmas. Eeeekkkk. But I do know one thing for certain and that is my son is more stable when I am sober and a Mum!!! This is a hugely compelling source of drive at the moment in my strive for sobriety and recovery.
So by focusing on gaining Acceptance and Willingness and Humility, it seems that I must let go of business committments and yet this is the source of my income and future etc. I was meant to fly out to Bermuda on Saturday but at least some sense prevailed and I am letting my business partner take care of those matters. Heavens above and this is the scary bit - what on earth or how on earth was I going to afford it. I have an amazing knack of doing the most insane things when acting alcoholically (with or without a drink). Grandiose schemes - Madness everywhere.
I am desperately trying to establish reality in my life. What is real??? Did my personal finances yesterday and was truely shocked at what I had spent and the obligations that i had allowed to slip. Yes it is reclaimable but only if I keep my head straight. That means staying sober and persuing recovery.
You post has brought more than a shred of hope - though as yet I do not feel that i am an asset to anyone. It is just tooo soon and I know it will take time. Patience is not a virtue that I have much of at all but know that I must develop this.
My life is just so multi-faceted you see. On the one hand I am a single parent with 5 disturbed and yet successful (academically to date) children. I also have a man on the periphery of my life who loves me dearly and I he but circumstance dictates that we can never be together other than holidays etc though we are in contact daily. I have my ex coming home for Christmas and he has not seen his children or I for over 2 and 1/2 years. The marriage was both physically and emotionally abusive and the family remain very scarred indeed. This reunion for Christmas is thus being met with much scepticism by my sons in particular. They are further angered by him as he has never supported us at all over the last few years and left us in dire straits when he left!
Then there is my "professional" life???? How professional is an active alcoholic I ask you???? All talk and no action is the only honest way I can describe my actions or lack of them over the last 2-3 months in particular. Today is actually a D-Day and I have to deliver but I have nothing to deliver as I cannot create 2 months work out of nowhere. Yes today is yet another day when I will be exposed. It would be easy but for the fact that I deal with a very elite group - extremely clever people and I cannot pull the wool over their eyes you see. Exposure of who I am has finally come and I do not welcome it. But a minute at a time today is all I will manage. I am writing this post when in fact I should be working you see. Classic alcoholic behaviour and yet I must work out things and know that I have to learn to complete things too! A conundrum that I am sure is characteristic of every alcoholics early recovery period.
Gosh I am rambling on. So many people are depending on me - even cover my ex-s medical care etc and brokering a public offering of shares (GBP100m) for a Jan 3 launch and setting up an off-shore Bermudian company etc etc etc. Sounds completely insane you see. Especially if one looks at my own financial realities - 4 months mortgage arrears eekkkkkk but in fairness all other bills pretty much up to date because they are paid by Direct Debit. Losing my Bank job income too this month as finally they have accepted my 4th letter of resignation - dont actually know or understand why they would not in October when I first resigned??? It is all just too weird. My sponser says I have to start living in the real world - she is the one who says I must dispense with grandiose schemes but they are not mine per se but those of others to whom I have accountability. It is very hard because I live two completely different lives you see. One is Mum and children and Bills and the other is very high-life and fast lane???? I had taken the bank job to try to be ordinary you see but that didnt work. I do actually want to be just ordinary with ordinary pressures. I think my work on the steps will give me this though as it will put my life in perspective.
Sorry to drone on but I am trying to work things out clearly where no clarity exists. At least however I am not crying now and that is progress. And I am SOBER and just for today committed to it and will get a meeting this evening to ensure this pathway to recovery is maintained..........I am very grateful to you and all for your support and kindess to probably the most insane woman on the planet!!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
The College of Knowledge!!!!
Hi All!
Another funny day - morning of tears???? Then got myself together and got out and did a couple of long long outstanding itty bitty things. Then when I came home avoided the work I was meant to do and instead configured my mail an external servers - which yes had to be done but not perhaps today! A very long day......
Well just going to bed now but with another day sober. Went to a meeting this evening and it was so apt. It was a step meeting on the First Step. I needed it so very much. Funny how the right things are there to support us when we are making the right efforts!!!
So it also means that I know where to go next Wed evening and take the step meetings 1-12 in a row though quite obviously it will take years perhaps to do them properly. It will be good though for familiarisation and also to get a better hold on the progession of recovery as it unfolds as each additional step it tackled and done properly. I keep hearing how people rushed them and had to go back and do them. Most members in progessive recovery say they have done them afew times and that as they recover more, the steps mean more!!!! But without the First Step there is nothing.
Getting some shut eye soon as the children will be up for school and college etc but at least they are all safe! Luvs And Recovery Ama
Another funny day - morning of tears???? Then got myself together and got out and did a couple of long long outstanding itty bitty things. Then when I came home avoided the work I was meant to do and instead configured my mail an external servers - which yes had to be done but not perhaps today! A very long day......
Well just going to bed now but with another day sober. Went to a meeting this evening and it was so apt. It was a step meeting on the First Step. I needed it so very much. Funny how the right things are there to support us when we are making the right efforts!!!
So it also means that I know where to go next Wed evening and take the step meetings 1-12 in a row though quite obviously it will take years perhaps to do them properly. It will be good though for familiarisation and also to get a better hold on the progession of recovery as it unfolds as each additional step it tackled and done properly. I keep hearing how people rushed them and had to go back and do them. Most members in progessive recovery say they have done them afew times and that as they recover more, the steps mean more!!!! But without the First Step there is nothing.
Getting some shut eye soon as the children will be up for school and college etc but at least they are all safe! Luvs And Recovery Ama
Last edited by Ama; 12-08-2004 at 11:52 PM. Reason: Add Title
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Ama)))
With life there is hope. Hold on to that thought for the promises lie ahead in the distance. They may appear to distant to see, but are waiting for you.
I left you some angels in the smilie anonymous thread. They remind me of my daughter when she was little girl. The resemblance is quite similar, therefore those angels are favorites of mine. I will be away for the weekend. I'm going Christmas shopping with my family. We will have a good time, but spending money I don't have is a painful reminder of my plight. Unfortunately, it will be another hard plastic Christmas. Fortunately, I have my family to spend Christmas with. Life goes on and tomorrow is another day. With that I will pack up my hope and tuck it away in my suitcase for the next few days. Here is another angel to watch over us from above. Ringing in the new year with hope, health and prosperity. Take care Ama...never give up the fight.
With life there is hope. Hold on to that thought for the promises lie ahead in the distance. They may appear to distant to see, but are waiting for you.
I left you some angels in the smilie anonymous thread. They remind me of my daughter when she was little girl. The resemblance is quite similar, therefore those angels are favorites of mine. I will be away for the weekend. I'm going Christmas shopping with my family. We will have a good time, but spending money I don't have is a painful reminder of my plight. Unfortunately, it will be another hard plastic Christmas. Fortunately, I have my family to spend Christmas with. Life goes on and tomorrow is another day. With that I will pack up my hope and tuck it away in my suitcase for the next few days. Here is another angel to watch over us from above. Ringing in the new year with hope, health and prosperity. Take care Ama...never give up the fight.
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
Ama, you are getting yourself together. I guess it is going to take some of your tears. That is the way it is going to be. Nothing else to do but except those 2 facts. I guess getting sober and learning to live a life without the booze is already worth the price of those tears of yours. One day at a time that is how we get to live now. That is a gift in itself. I bet you have already tasted some of those promises. Got to get them when can. You have to be open to recieve them. They are yours to make and take.
You do have many angels you are a lucky one. There will always be room on the belt for another day.
You do have many angels you are a lucky one. There will always be room on the belt for another day.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Not Giving Up - One day at a time.....
(((Keith)))
Still wearing the pants - that belt sure it helping!!!!! One fine day I may progress to a comfy elasticated waistband
Off to a meeting now but I am so very very tired and thus a bit low. Was going to pick up some groceries first but thought it better not to. Dont trust myself today at all but there is safety in that. I know I will feel better after the meeting because I know that I will have endorsed my CHOICE not to drink today!!
And yes will probably post later and bore everyone to tears - but as I always say - when I am going to meetings and posting and reading threads - I am thinking and doing recovery and I dont drink when I do these right things.....
Luvs and Recovery Ama
Still wearing the pants - that belt sure it helping!!!!! One fine day I may progress to a comfy elasticated waistband
Off to a meeting now but I am so very very tired and thus a bit low. Was going to pick up some groceries first but thought it better not to. Dont trust myself today at all but there is safety in that. I know I will feel better after the meeting because I know that I will have endorsed my CHOICE not to drink today!!
And yes will probably post later and bore everyone to tears - but as I always say - when I am going to meetings and posting and reading threads - I am thinking and doing recovery and I dont drink when I do these right things.....
Luvs and Recovery Ama
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Always inspiration when I think I am at lowest ebb...
Yip!
Got my meeting and such a very good one for reinforcing acceptance - the fact that once we are alcoholic - ALWAYS ALCOHOLIC. These are the facts that I must hear continuously as my acceptance is there - no doubts that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has/(d)!!! become unmanageable!!!! But the nasty demon can still drink on that you see and that is why I have to drill this acceptance so far deeper you see. My will is strong but the mind and body are weak. This I also accept.
I spoke of this to the chair afterwards. Explained that I do accept my alcoholism - I know I am - tooo much evidence you see. Told her that despite this I do not trust myself and know that I must do as many meetings etc as possible to keep sober and give sustenance to the Part of me that is driving recovery.
It was with great relief indeed that she told me that 15 years ago (yes sober that long
) she was exactly in the same position. She too drilled AA and recovery into herself and left no room for idle thoughts of drinking etc. It worked and she is a very very content and serene lady today. I know her husband too as they both recovered at the same time - he too is an inspriation for those who have mad heads in the aftermath. He is sooooo soothing to listen to as his calmness is infectious!
My sons girlfriend is staying over tonight so it means I can actually go to sleep as he wont do anything while she is here so that is a real blessing indeed. And I did get loads of little niggly things attended to today - One meant persistance beyond the norm where I had to hold for over one hour on the phone - thank god for speaker phones as at least I was able to get other things done at the same time.
Dont know where my head is at all - know that it is tired though and that I have a good possibility of sleep tonight and my godson is staying over too. Better do a head count as there are about 7 it would seem tonight. Bless them!!!!
So onto another day - a day at a time.......May you all have a peaceful evening Ama
Got my meeting and such a very good one for reinforcing acceptance - the fact that once we are alcoholic - ALWAYS ALCOHOLIC. These are the facts that I must hear continuously as my acceptance is there - no doubts that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has/(d)!!! become unmanageable!!!! But the nasty demon can still drink on that you see and that is why I have to drill this acceptance so far deeper you see. My will is strong but the mind and body are weak. This I also accept.
I spoke of this to the chair afterwards. Explained that I do accept my alcoholism - I know I am - tooo much evidence you see. Told her that despite this I do not trust myself and know that I must do as many meetings etc as possible to keep sober and give sustenance to the Part of me that is driving recovery.
It was with great relief indeed that she told me that 15 years ago (yes sober that long
) she was exactly in the same position. She too drilled AA and recovery into herself and left no room for idle thoughts of drinking etc. It worked and she is a very very content and serene lady today. I know her husband too as they both recovered at the same time - he too is an inspriation for those who have mad heads in the aftermath. He is sooooo soothing to listen to as his calmness is infectious!My sons girlfriend is staying over tonight so it means I can actually go to sleep as he wont do anything while she is here so that is a real blessing indeed. And I did get loads of little niggly things attended to today - One meant persistance beyond the norm where I had to hold for over one hour on the phone - thank god for speaker phones as at least I was able to get other things done at the same time.
Dont know where my head is at all - know that it is tired though and that I have a good possibility of sleep tonight and my godson is staying over too. Better do a head count as there are about 7 it would seem tonight. Bless them!!!!
So onto another day - a day at a time.......May you all have a peaceful evening Ama
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
2 Weeks Tomorrow!
Dear Friends on the path to Recovery!
Well another day is coming to a close and tomorrow I will have 2 weeks!!!! And what a roller coaster these past two weeks have been indeed. I am on suicide watch again tonight and that is a lonely place I promise you.
Spent the afternoon out shopping with my sponser Pat. She is such a wonderful person and I dont know why she has stuck with me and given me so much friendship and love - but she has and continues to do so. She says I am her best friend and that we are closer than sisters. Funnier still because she knows all my dark secrets - those secrets we all have because of where our drinking has brought us - and for me it has been the depths of depravity. This is not a nice realisation but nonetheless it is true I regret to say. A sober Ama just would never have done such things and of that I have no doubt whatsoever. Alcoholism really destroys mind, body and soul. It attacks our natural goodness - denies our innate authenticity. What a truely dreadful disease it is.
I realise more each day - with more and more AA too that each day I must keep it in the moment. Each day is only one day. I realise that my sobriety must be worked for each and every day. Each day of sobriety is only alcoholism in remission. Tomorrow even if I dont drink - Yes I will still be an alcoholic. The disease I also now realise grows each day even if I am not drinking. Taking that first drink would just spiral both the disease and me into hell again. I must write these facts to help my recovery today. Today I am a sober alcoholic and that is much to be thankful for.
It is my sons birthday today and we are going to go to the gym tomorrow and work out. I am bringing my eldest son too! If I was drinking I simply would not be able to you see......The children are the first always to benefit from my sobriety. They really appreciate it and know that I am trying so very hard. Going to my meetings and reading the Big Book and posting and reading SR. They love my sponser Pat too. She has an 11 year old son with ADD and he loves me too. That is a gift and she has told me that he has never taken to someone as he has done to me. That is such a huge compliment - but he is a great kid though he can be difficult and a handful but that is the ADD you see.
Enough ramblings I hear you say. So I will end this night by saying Thank-you for all your support and that I am a grateful alcoholic in recovery one day at a time......
Luvs And Recovery to us All......Ama
Well another day is coming to a close and tomorrow I will have 2 weeks!!!! And what a roller coaster these past two weeks have been indeed. I am on suicide watch again tonight and that is a lonely place I promise you.
Spent the afternoon out shopping with my sponser Pat. She is such a wonderful person and I dont know why she has stuck with me and given me so much friendship and love - but she has and continues to do so. She says I am her best friend and that we are closer than sisters. Funnier still because she knows all my dark secrets - those secrets we all have because of where our drinking has brought us - and for me it has been the depths of depravity. This is not a nice realisation but nonetheless it is true I regret to say. A sober Ama just would never have done such things and of that I have no doubt whatsoever. Alcoholism really destroys mind, body and soul. It attacks our natural goodness - denies our innate authenticity. What a truely dreadful disease it is.
I realise more each day - with more and more AA too that each day I must keep it in the moment. Each day is only one day. I realise that my sobriety must be worked for each and every day. Each day of sobriety is only alcoholism in remission. Tomorrow even if I dont drink - Yes I will still be an alcoholic. The disease I also now realise grows each day even if I am not drinking. Taking that first drink would just spiral both the disease and me into hell again. I must write these facts to help my recovery today. Today I am a sober alcoholic and that is much to be thankful for.
It is my sons birthday today and we are going to go to the gym tomorrow and work out. I am bringing my eldest son too! If I was drinking I simply would not be able to you see......The children are the first always to benefit from my sobriety. They really appreciate it and know that I am trying so very hard. Going to my meetings and reading the Big Book and posting and reading SR. They love my sponser Pat too. She has an 11 year old son with ADD and he loves me too. That is a gift and she has told me that he has never taken to someone as he has done to me. That is such a huge compliment - but he is a great kid though he can be difficult and a handful but that is the ADD you see.
Enough ramblings I hear you say. So I will end this night by saying Thank-you for all your support and that I am a grateful alcoholic in recovery one day at a time......
Luvs And Recovery to us All......Ama
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
Ama, you ara a special person, You do deserve to be happy. It seems to me that you are a much happier person now that you have become a sober person. I am glad you are going to be enjoying your day with your family they need you. Good luck this evening on suicide watch. We are collecting days and they are turning into weeks. Smlie
.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
2 Weeks!!!!
(((((Keith))))),
Thank you for your post - and I am 2 weeks today!!!! Last night was another long one but as today is the anniversary, my mind is filled with sorrow indeed. Reading the posts is helping soooo very much. My second son is 16 years old today and we have had a good time so far. He gave me a smile earlier that just melted me and I brought him over to my parents and his form is really really good.
My youngest daughter was 13 in September and she did not fare so well for her birthday as I was on a huge bender you see. So I am grateful to give a gift of sobriety to myself and my son and all the children today! Yes that will be my perspective today. I seem to have to write it down to work it out sometimes. Seems to me that I cannot rid the fears of my eldest son and the possibility of him hurting himself. That is a fact and not a figment of my imagination or paranoia. But as my head clears I seem to be using this fear in a more healthy way. Practising viligance is necessary and a fact of life. But I am also observing the good things in my life too or at least trying to and that is positive I believe. I have had tremendous support from AA this past week and the meetings have had a very balancing effect - members who have had such sadness as loss of a child through suicide. They remain sober and in recovery and talk of their lives today and the hope and the promises being fulfilled. I am going to keep coming back!!!!!! Oh I just noticed something too - my hands are not shaking anymore!!!! Will post after my meeting and till then will collect a few more hours to add to another day which in turn as you so beautifully pointed out turns to weeks. I think there will be months too but one day at a time!!!
Luvs And Recovery Ama
Thank you for your post - and I am 2 weeks today!!!! Last night was another long one but as today is the anniversary, my mind is filled with sorrow indeed. Reading the posts is helping soooo very much. My second son is 16 years old today and we have had a good time so far. He gave me a smile earlier that just melted me and I brought him over to my parents and his form is really really good.
My youngest daughter was 13 in September and she did not fare so well for her birthday as I was on a huge bender you see. So I am grateful to give a gift of sobriety to myself and my son and all the children today! Yes that will be my perspective today. I seem to have to write it down to work it out sometimes. Seems to me that I cannot rid the fears of my eldest son and the possibility of him hurting himself. That is a fact and not a figment of my imagination or paranoia. But as my head clears I seem to be using this fear in a more healthy way. Practising viligance is necessary and a fact of life. But I am also observing the good things in my life too or at least trying to and that is positive I believe. I have had tremendous support from AA this past week and the meetings have had a very balancing effect - members who have had such sadness as loss of a child through suicide. They remain sober and in recovery and talk of their lives today and the hope and the promises being fulfilled. I am going to keep coming back!!!!!! Oh I just noticed something too - my hands are not shaking anymore!!!! Will post after my meeting and till then will collect a few more hours to add to another day which in turn as you so beautifully pointed out turns to weeks. I think there will be months too but one day at a time!!!
Luvs And Recovery Ama
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Not what its about!!
Yes,.......I know we think of Christmas time as "HARD" when it comes to abstaining. But, come on,....really,....if we really do care about what Christmas is REALLY about,...then,..why are we attaching booze so much to holidays? Christmas is about being with loved ones. Loved ones hate it when we drink. Most of us will surrounded by loved ones that know about our disease. When you think about,....this should be one of the EASIEST times when it comes to staying sober. If we cant be sober at Christmas,..well, geez,...then we are all in trouble. Now, I know that some of us are alone during the holidays. But not if we go to a meeting. Their are meeting literally everyday of the year. Christmas eve and day included. Hell,...even movie theaters are open Christmas day! That tape has to play thru. Christmas is when that tape should be playing loudly.
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Originally Posted by earlybird
Yes,.......I know we think of Christmas time as "HARD" when it comes to abstaining. But, come on,....really,....if we really do care about what Christmas is REALLY about,...then,..why are we attaching booze so much to holidays? Christmas is about being with loved ones. Loved ones hate it when we drink. Most of us will surrounded by loved ones that know about our disease. When you think about,....this should be one of the EASIEST times when it comes to staying sober. If we cant be sober at Christmas,..well, geez,...then we are all in trouble. Now, I know that some of us are alone during the holidays. But not if we go to a meeting. Their are meeting literally everyday of the year. Christmas eve and day included. Hell,...even movie theaters are open Christmas day! That tape has to play thru. Christmas is when that tape should be playing loudly.
Mad I know. This year will be hard because my ex is coming to stay with us and my son is leaving whilst he is here :-( Much possible friction. And as many friends have pointed out to me - He may not LEAVE!!!! That really is a possibility as He will arrive on the 22nd Dec but has not indicated a departure date. That is the really really hard part you see! I will be getting zillions of meetings in and yes on Christmas day tooo - with my sponser and we are actually really looking forward to that and are going to be dolled up and everything so that is good. No I am not worried about Christmas but I am terrified of the first week in January but that is weeks away and one day at a time is all I will manage at the moment and all that any of us can!!!!
Stay Well - Stay Sober - Rejoice in Recovery......Ama
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