I HAVE to beat this, need support....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 94
I HAVE to beat this, need support....
I've been on and off this site for a few years now. I am fully ready to admit that I need to quit drinking, if for no one else but my 3 teenagers. My husband has always been a well-meaning enabler. There have been times that mentally, I've been ready to quit but he's convinced me that I can just cut down, but the minute alcohol becomes a problem, I'm a useless drunk that cant even quit for my own kids and it gets used against me. Talk about mixed messages.
Long story short, moneywise, i was very low on alcohol this week and weed is honestly my choice of relaxing/relieving anxiety. So I've been having a very hard time. Thinking I could actually let down to my husband and let him know I am having a hard time, sure enough, it came back to bite me. My husband got a bad phone call from a close friend of ours and his wife is not doing well medically and it isn't looking very good for her. I was there for him, 100% sober. I was very tired tonight and fell asleep while we were watching TV. I mentioned something about it may be hard for me to sleep because I couldn't drink tonight and that we were out of weed. He proceeded to hound me about how it would be good for me to get some sober sleep. Having just woken up, I asked him to please stop, I didn't need any preaching. He kept on, so I started getting pissed off.
He kept infuriating me so when he left the room I kept smashing one of my pill bottles on the floor,out of rage, in turn cutting my finger and it was bleeding. It kept getting heated and when I tried telling him he should have left me alone. I went to go outside to cool down and have a cigarette and he got right in my face, saying I wasn't the wife he married, all I care about is the alcohol, he hated me and that I could never be the wife he married, no matter how hard I tried.
I realize his phone conversation was very upsetting but that was no reason to be hounding me about my problem with alcohol, incessantly. So I took what was left of the bottle of rum and dumped it down the drain and tossed the empty bottle near him. Mark my word, things are going to change.
But I'm scared, I know alcohol is not my friend. I know its long way more harm than good. It's been my crutch for anxiety for years. I dont know where to turn or what to do. Due to my anxiety, I cannot do AA. It doesn't do well for my mental health. Any advice? I want so badly to quit and have a sober life because I know it's the best way, it's just so hard
I'm sorry for any typos and if this doesn't make sense. I am just so worn out mentally and just physically exhausted. Any words of advice or encouragement are appreciated, thanks.
Long story short, moneywise, i was very low on alcohol this week and weed is honestly my choice of relaxing/relieving anxiety. So I've been having a very hard time. Thinking I could actually let down to my husband and let him know I am having a hard time, sure enough, it came back to bite me. My husband got a bad phone call from a close friend of ours and his wife is not doing well medically and it isn't looking very good for her. I was there for him, 100% sober. I was very tired tonight and fell asleep while we were watching TV. I mentioned something about it may be hard for me to sleep because I couldn't drink tonight and that we were out of weed. He proceeded to hound me about how it would be good for me to get some sober sleep. Having just woken up, I asked him to please stop, I didn't need any preaching. He kept on, so I started getting pissed off.
He kept infuriating me so when he left the room I kept smashing one of my pill bottles on the floor,out of rage, in turn cutting my finger and it was bleeding. It kept getting heated and when I tried telling him he should have left me alone. I went to go outside to cool down and have a cigarette and he got right in my face, saying I wasn't the wife he married, all I care about is the alcohol, he hated me and that I could never be the wife he married, no matter how hard I tried.
I realize his phone conversation was very upsetting but that was no reason to be hounding me about my problem with alcohol, incessantly. So I took what was left of the bottle of rum and dumped it down the drain and tossed the empty bottle near him. Mark my word, things are going to change.
But I'm scared, I know alcohol is not my friend. I know its long way more harm than good. It's been my crutch for anxiety for years. I dont know where to turn or what to do. Due to my anxiety, I cannot do AA. It doesn't do well for my mental health. Any advice? I want so badly to quit and have a sober life because I know it's the best way, it's just so hard
I'm sorry for any typos and if this doesn't make sense. I am just so worn out mentally and just physically exhausted. Any words of advice or encouragement are appreciated, thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome back redheadJen 
Regardless of who said or did what it sounds like drinking and smoking weed are causing problems in you life and relationship.
The support I found here really helped me turn my life around, I know you;ll fidn the same kind of support too
D
Regardless of who said or did what it sounds like drinking and smoking weed are causing problems in you life and relationship.
The support I found here really helped me turn my life around, I know you;ll fidn the same kind of support too
D
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Welcome back redheadJen.
I think from reading your post you know what you have to do. Wouldnt it be a great way to start 2020. Anxiety and alcohol and weed dont go together btw. Get yourself some decent sobertime and things will become clearer.
Keep going and posting your progress.
Join some recurrent threads like the Jan 2020 class.
Take care !
I think from reading your post you know what you have to do. Wouldnt it be a great way to start 2020. Anxiety and alcohol and weed dont go together btw. Get yourself some decent sobertime and things will become clearer.
Keep going and posting your progress.
Join some recurrent threads like the Jan 2020 class.
Take care !
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 133
Hi redhead Jen
Well done on pouring away the bottle.
You have to get sober for you, and you alone.
And personally, you have to be selfish and do what it ever it takes to achieve sobriety.
As for the weed, well a wise guy once told me that when he started out trying to quit both weed and booze, he was advised to quit the one that was going to kill him first. So he quit the booze, got strong, and tackled the weed.
Just take it day by day. Don't look into the future, just decide, to not drink today. One day at a time.
Take care, if (no, when) you get some sober time under your belt, you will see things clearer and possibly make positive changes. Baby steps
I wish you well
Sx
Well done on pouring away the bottle.
You have to get sober for you, and you alone.
And personally, you have to be selfish and do what it ever it takes to achieve sobriety.
As for the weed, well a wise guy once told me that when he started out trying to quit both weed and booze, he was advised to quit the one that was going to kill him first. So he quit the booze, got strong, and tackled the weed.
Just take it day by day. Don't look into the future, just decide, to not drink today. One day at a time.
Take care, if (no, when) you get some sober time under your belt, you will see things clearer and possibly make positive changes. Baby steps
I wish you well
Sx
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Jen, All I can say is anxiety is one of the main symptoms of untreated alcoholism. I was frightened of my own shadow. Life had become unbearable, totally miserable and the thought of carrying on as I had been was absolutely horrifying, but I was scared to death of the sober life too. In my experience life without booze had not worked out, in fact I was pretty unhappy sober.
I was scared about AA too. The thought of turning up cold to a meeting, a room full of strangers, was too frightening to contemplate, but having tried everything else, AA was the only cab on the block.
My approach was to call AA and ask to see someone on a one to one basis to have a talk about my situation. I went to see this guy one Sunday afternoon and spent three or four hours with him. At the end of that time I had a much better understanding of things, I had a new friend, and many of my fears had been much reduced. That night I went to my first meeting with him. It was much better than I expected. It sure helped to have a friend with me.
I don't remember that much about that meeting except for one thing. There was an old man named Joe who had a bright yellow bush shirt, white hair, a big smile and he was pleased to see me. That was a new experience.
That was along time ago, and apart from one four day binge three weeks after that meeting, I have been happily sober ever since.
I was scared about AA too. The thought of turning up cold to a meeting, a room full of strangers, was too frightening to contemplate, but having tried everything else, AA was the only cab on the block.
My approach was to call AA and ask to see someone on a one to one basis to have a talk about my situation. I went to see this guy one Sunday afternoon and spent three or four hours with him. At the end of that time I had a much better understanding of things, I had a new friend, and many of my fears had been much reduced. That night I went to my first meeting with him. It was much better than I expected. It sure helped to have a friend with me.
I don't remember that much about that meeting except for one thing. There was an old man named Joe who had a bright yellow bush shirt, white hair, a big smile and he was pleased to see me. That was a new experience.
That was along time ago, and apart from one four day binge three weeks after that meeting, I have been happily sober ever since.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
You've got a lot going on there Jen. The thing you need to focus on is yourself and your kids. They still need you and you can be there for them now and as they become adults. It is crystal clear that you have a toxic and unmanageable situation with weed and booze. Leave your husband out of that for now. You need to quit and get some support from folks who have knowledge of addiction. Here on this site, or AA. Many other options for support. Stay engaged with people who have been where you are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 94
Thank you everyone for the kind words and support, I would "like" every reply if I could but this site has changed since I used it last Could someone please link me to the January 2020 class? I will not drink today!
Could someone please link me to the January 2020 class? I will not drink today!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Jen,
I'm glad that you realize you need to stop drinking, and I hope that you do it for yourself. It will be hard to do it for other people. Many people here get sober without AA, using a variety of different methods. I think it depends on your motivation more than anything else.
I'm glad that you realize you need to stop drinking, and I hope that you do it for yourself. It will be hard to do it for other people. Many people here get sober without AA, using a variety of different methods. I think it depends on your motivation more than anything else.
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