jr67

Yes, Sober45, we will be entering our 30s tomorrow. Oh and did you see where somewhere here in SoberRlandia I calculated that we'll be celebrating our first century on 10 April, 2020 (I think it was).

How so? A century in bicycling = 100 miles. A century of sobriety = 100 days.

But first, back here on Day 29:

Congrats on the window treatment. What's up next?

Thanks for the recommendation re the Burns book. I think I've browsed it at bookstores, maybe I'll take another gander.

But I'm thinking if I buy another self-help book any time soon, the one I'd pick up is (and now I'm drawing a blank on the name) ... maybe someone here knows:

ah, it came to me: The Mind Illuminated. (And now I'm drawing a blank of the name of the author ... maybe someone here knows):

Q. What's his name?

John something or other if that helps narrow it down. Also, he published it using some mystical-sounding name, in which he doesn't use the John part.

The book, I gather, is a practical, hands-on introduction and instruction on a mindful meditation practice. I've been practicing MM for several years, based principally on techniques laid out and attitudes explored in the books of Jon-Kabat Zinn that I've mentioned here before so I wont go into (Full Catastrophe Living; Wherever You Go, There You Are, and others).

I also got (get) a lot from a mindfulness practice book specifically geared towards people with anxiety issues. It is not by JKZ, but employs his mindfulness meditation framework.

Ah, here it is, let me just dust off the cover, ... ok its called "Calming Your Anxious Mind," by Jeffrey Brantley, M.D., with a foreword by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Subtitle of book: "How mindfulness and compassion can free you from anxiety, fear, and panic."

My P1 moment, S45: Someone gave me one of those kitchen herb gardens for Christmas, and it's in the kitchen, so I've gotten that far, but it's still in the package, so I'm not savoring a lot of savory or tasting any thyme anythyme soon unless I get to the next step.

You mentioned a kitchen garden in a recent posting, didn't you S45? So I need some advice if you've faced this issue: I know from experience that my kitchen does not get enough light for herbs to flourish, so I'll need to provide some indoor lighting. To be fair to jr, he actually shopped around a bit and picked up a light bulb last week that seems to fit the bill, at least for getting modestly started to get these four herb containers going on a kitchen countertop, under a cupboard. I still have to find the right lamp (not too tall) to fit over the plants and under the cupboard.

Anyways, I'll figure something out, but I'm wondering whether you (or any gentle readers) have any quick tips for a novice indoor agriculturalist.

Congrats on Day 29, Sobes, see you tomorrow if not sooner.

Sober45

Hey Jr, Calming Your Anxious Mind look like an interesting read...i have it saved in my cart on Amazon now. Mediating is one thing I really need to work on.

Re indoor gardening, I have a grow room in my basement. Brought my very own red pepper to work with me this morning.

I couldn't figure out how to put a link here but search the following on Amazon: Sezac 132 LED Grow Lights Sunlike 2019 new version 3-head 360 degree Gooseneck Plant Light. It' a nice little supplemental light that can fit into small spaces. Uses very little energy.

So I made it through a week alone and no booze! And the house is looking nice a clean (for the most part).

Tomorrow is supper at my mom's. I haven't seen her since I quit..she's a pretty heavy drinker and doesn't know I quit. No doubt she's going to be offering up some wine and liquor. So tomorrow will be a real test...one that I'm going to pass and come here to tell you about.

Mom's attitude is "what's the point if I can't have my smoke and a drink". I don't think she appreciates how bad my drinking was because she's in denial herself.

Oh I'm being flooded with memories now! I HATED to see my mother drink when I was child (and she knew it). She comes from a family with no hugs or kisses or I love you's. So i didn't get that either. No affection at all that i can recall.

But whenever she drank she was always laughing and jovial...the life of the party. I couldn't stand to see her like that because I couldn't understand why she didn't laugh and have fun with me. Wow, that has really impacted my life and something I'll have to bring up with the therapist. I feel like crying. But at least I understand now. Maybe I need to forgive and let it go.

The big 30 tomorrow Jr!

jr67

Thanks, Sobes, for the tip re the grow light. I tracked the link you sent and see there are, of course, 1000 options, so I'll figure out which is best for my counter space. I could get ambitious and install recessed lighting under the cupboard, which as I type out the sentence appeals more and more to me.

Lol in my 25 days writing on SR, the first non-work related writing of any substance that I've done in quite a while, there has been many a time when as I start a post, a sentence, or a sentiment, I am finding I surprise myself about what I write by the time I get towards the end of the piece. Then, if the reader is lucky, I go back and edit and delete some of the meandering detours from the version others see, but not always.

Quite the thing re no
fam, no boo, and you even
poured the boo. *****.

Are your husband and daughter back yet? Or when are they due? I don't know where I got the idea they were going on a ski weekend.

And speaking of your fam: You're going to see your mother tomorrow. Will your husband or daughter or anyone else be there? I know you're confident you won't drink, I'm just wondering that apart from that battle, if she tries to make it one, whether it may be easier to spend time with your mother if there are others around. Clearly, as you say, it is an emotionally fraught time, so the more strands of a support system you've got within reach, the better imho.

You write above: "Mom's attitude is "what's the point if I can't have my smoke and a drink". I don't think she appreciates how bad my drinking was because she's in denial herself. "

In that first sentence she is talking about her own smoke and drink, right? Not yours? Well, you seem pretty clear that you'll never be changing her attitude. But that's about her. Where it gets dicier, I surmise, is when, and how, she either overtly or covertly, consciously or subconsciously tries to bring pressure on you to join her in her bad decisions.

Yeah, those may be things to explore with a therapist, but the therapist won't be there tomorrow. I guess I'm just hoping you have plans, or are developing plans to handle specific scenarios that it sounds like quite predictably can be expected to arise tomorrow (as you've referred to in an earlier post or two).

It's all well and good for us to remember, for example, that "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." But it's still no fun to be jeered at. With a parent, you've both got a lifetime of baggage behind every glance and comment, and maintaining one's mental composure and equilibrium can be quite the challenge.

I know you know all that, but still, tomorrow you're in the room with her, in her territory, and you gotta stand your ground, which could mean a lot of different things.

I'm stopping here.

First, I'm heading out for a work meeting. Second, I don't want to go on too long about a situation that after all, I don't know very much of the detail about. Third, I'm wondering whether, if you do want to engage further on this theme with me, you would prefer to do it in PM. If so, PM me and I'll see it later.

I'm cool staying out here in the thread, just wanted to make the offer.