mistory5

With tackling getting and staying sober and not needing or wanting to block out the guilt of what my alcoholism is doing and has done to my son. I find there are many negative things I tend to focus on when I put the bottle down that I just can't stand looking at...I want to escape. The problem is the bottle technique adds on more things I have to escape...jeesh...talking about hamster wheel. What things did u do when trying to get sober to deal with the guilt of the pain and damage you caused your children. Ty. Btw on my way to work so I can read your post but won't be able to respond till I get home. Ty

Obladi

Guilt is useless. It's a whipping board used only to beat yourself up.
Remorse can be helpful - it can be a change motivator.

Focus on the change, mistory.
Guilt is just another nasty trick addiction plays on your brain to convince you to drink more.

C'mon, you can do this.

O

SoberRican

Guilt will keep you stuck feel me? Need a different angle say learn from something that guilted you . apply so that it doesnt happen again. Look we all have carnage from our addiction era. But once you sober up and get some dry time under your belt. Your mind set would be it was all a learning experience.

daisy1

I've said to my family that I can't keep saying sorry and feeling guilty, and they said they will know I'm sorry by getting well and staying sober and that's enough for them.

Sapph21

From my own experience (and believe me, I’m still early on and learning), I had to let go of the guilt and really push aside the hamster wheel tendencies in order to clear my head enough to get sober. As an alcoholic, sobriety was outside my comfort zone; the unknown is horribly uncomfortable. Thinking of the feelings that would come flooding back kept me in the bottle. But, it’s actually a hell of a lot better in sobriety than the chaotic drunken hamster wheel I had been on. If you can push aside the guilt long enough, just to get your head and body a bit clearer, the rest (aka, feelings, relationships, all the other stuff) can be dealt with in time. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but eventually with some sober days racking up, you’ll learn the tools to know when to reach out, to address the crap feelings and to lean on the people that can help you through it. And by then, these overwhelming feelings might not feel so overwhelming and you’ll be able to address them from a stronger perspective. Put the stick down next to the bottle

silentrun

I knew I had to dig myself out first. If I continued to drink the situation would never resolve itself and I'd do more and more damage.

As far as forgiveness, my parents were horribly abusive. I forgive them and they haven't even changed their behavior. Refusing to continue in your alcoholism is the biggest apology you could ever give your son.

MyLittleHorsie

Kids are pretty resilient. Plus they have horrible, selective memories. How was school, I don't know. What did you learn in French, I don't remember... What did you have for lunch, tacos, for the love of god that's the 20th day this month! My girls were 7 and 9 and neither remembers me drinking. My step son was 18, he never realized I was a drunk.
Who knows what effect it will have down the line, hopefully none. However if there is lasting problems from my drinking, I will be sober enough to sincerely apologize, help them find a professional to work through it and properly accept the ramifications of my selfishness. All things I couldn't do if I were still drinking or hadn't accepted my own alcoholism, and wasn't working on myself.

HeadEast

A lot of people find motivation and help by reading and posting on this site. There is a lot of good information here and there are posts from people from years ago. Reading about other peoples experiences can help a lot. Don't focus on the big picture too much yet. Just focus on quitting drinking. There is a reason everyone says "one day at a time".

Atlast9999

Hawkeye13

As a COA, all I ever wanted or needed was my mother to really quit—to embrace recovery for good.

I loved her so much and she loved me. We could have not only healed but thrived.

Guilt heals nothing and just hurts and creates space for relapse.
Feel it if it comes, but then let it pass. Reframe it into determination and compassion for yourself.

Working recovery with everything you’ve got is the way forward.

You can do this

Delilah1

My kids were 8, 11 and 12 when I stopped drinking. I didn’t drink much before they were asleep at night, but there were definitely times I was less present than I should have been.

Mindfulness and remaining in the present has been a cornerstone of my recovery. I focus on being in the current moment, it truly has helped.

I have also read several Recovery books written by moms, Anna has a list in the stickies at the top of the newcomers forum, those stories help.

Focus on today and work on you. Figure out the supports you need to help yourself get sober. For me that was daily reading and posting, and finding new ways to handle daily stress/anxiety, for new that was getting outdoors and walking, also breathing techniques to lessen anxiety that may creep up on me.

Forgive yourself, work on getting sober, and your actions will show your son and others close to you who you really are.

You’ve got this Mistory!

❤️Delilah

thomas11

I went through a period in the late 90's of tremendous guilt and shame. It actually was not from alcohol but something equally as serious. I thought I was branded and outcast for the remainder of my life. But the old adage "this too shall pass" is very true. Took 3 years but I could finally stop hanging my head in shame.

AnvilheadII

What things did u do when trying to get sober to deal with the guilt of the pain and damage you caused your children.

instead of trying to get sober, make the commitment and choose to NEVER drink again. sobriety is the solution. stay sober, no matter what. and do whatever it takes to maintain that commitment. get ACTIVE in your recovery - with as much vigor and energy as you possess. make it your life's mission.