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I have regrets about what I have done.

Old 12-31-2019, 08:51 PM
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The really good thing about my 50s is I get to define who I am and what I do.
I get to define success too.

Nothing wrong with cars and houses and wherever else. I've no quarrel with anyone who chooses those things as success markers for their life either...

but I know I'm more of a success as a human being now without those things, that I was in my 20s when I thought I needed those things to be a success.

There's an intangible equality of being at peace worth more than any Rolls Royce to me, I guess?

D
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Old 12-31-2019, 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
The really good thing about my 50s is I get to define who I am and what I do.
I get to define success too.

Nothing wrong with cars and houses and wherever else. I've no quarrel with anyone who chooses those things as success markers for their life either...

but I know I'm more of a success as a human being now without those things, that I was in my 20s when I thought I needed those things to be a success.

There's an intangible equality of being at peace worth more than any Rolls Royce to me, I guess?

D
I turned 49 in December and I feel the exact same way Dee.
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Old 12-31-2019, 08:59 PM
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“You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the grim reaper.” -Robert Alton Harris :
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Old 01-01-2020, 12:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
The really good thing about my 50s is I get to define who I am and what I do.
I get to define success too.

Nothing wrong with cars and houses and wherever else. I've no quarrel with anyone who chooses those things as success markers for their life either...

but I know I'm more of a success as a human being now without those things, that I was in my 20s when I thought I needed those things to be a success.

There's an intangible equality of being at peace worth more than any Rolls Royce to me, I guess?

D
I agree.

Most of those things are only important when we don't have them. When we do have them, we come to learn that they don't make any of us a better person.

The choice is then about getting more stuff or moving in another direction.

The problem with aiming low is that you always hit the target. Taking the more difficult path shows us who we are; doing what we've always done reminds us of the person we no longer want to be. Or never wanted to be in the first place.

It's a simple though not easy process that bears extreme pressure from without and from within; a process that is loaded with uncertainty, aka one of the ways in which we define important decisions.

What's the worst thing that can happen if I take the risk of living a better life?
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Old 01-01-2020, 12:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
The really good thing about my 50s is I get to define who I am and what I do.
I get to define success too.

Nothing wrong with cars and houses and wherever else. I've no quarrel with anyone who chooses those things as success markers for their life either...

but I know I'm more of a success as a human being now without those things, that I was in my 20s when I thought I needed those things to be a success.

There's an intangible equality of being at peace worth more than any Rolls Royce to me, I guess?

D
I agree Dee 100%. We get to define what we see as success. I personally am about the journey, not the car that took me on that journey. If that makes any sense.
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Old 01-01-2020, 01:00 AM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
What I am coming to realize at this moment is that I have a choice to dwell on the past for forge a future for myself. I will say this, no success in my future will exceed the depravity of my past. I never killed anyone, but I have done some bad stuff. And got rich doing it. I need to bury those thoughts and try and salvage what is left of my life. I look at it as phase 3.
The first sentence is 100% true - we all have that choice but don't always realize it. As to the rest of it, I don't agree. I'm not sure what I would've said three weeks ago before my last relapse, but I'm a different person today. A person with hope, wishing I could take a piece of it and magically transplant it to you. This hope is rising from a certain special place of desperate brokenness that sounds familiar to where you've just been and perhaps still are.

Only you and your therapist-to-be will be qualified to determine the best path forward, but my humble suggestion is that perhaps you might consider that the healthy thing to do now is to excavate those thoughts (face your demons head on) and create a future.

Your phase III could absolutely be the best one yet. I believe that for you because I believe it for me.

O
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Old 01-01-2020, 05:08 AM
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Hi Thomos.

Everyone who drinks has some kind of memories that absolutely make us cringe.

I , like Dee am in my 50s now & i got to a point where i just needed to stop!
Stop overthinking , stop remembering & dwelling on stuff from the past.

I know its easier said than done but you need to cut yourself some slack.

I feel there is a kind of grief we go through when we know that boat has sailed and we cannot change our past.

We feel we have lost something. But there has to come a time when you forgive yourself. None of us can change our past ( god knows, i would in a hearbeat and have been a better mother )

You need to give yourself permission to accept you are not proud of things you have done and start moving forward.
I sense a case of sabotage, almost as though, you have got all your ducks in a row now and fought back from debt , but you feel like you dont deserve it.

It is what it is now. You have to move on , find peace within yourself or you will always feel tormented.

The day i forgave myself was a gift..
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not here yet and all any of us has is today.

Thats how i have been living my life since and its a happy, peaceful, wonderful life.
I dont have a lot of money but nothing is worth being contented at last with peace of mind

You deserve it , i really wish this for you

Xxx
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Old 01-01-2020, 05:21 AM
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I sense a case of sabotage Exactly and guilty as charged. I ruin everything good.
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Old 01-01-2020, 05:23 AM
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I understand completely !

Been there, done that... bought the T shirt xx

You can change it .
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Old 01-01-2020, 06:22 AM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I sense a case of sabotage Exactly and guilty as charged. I ruin everything good.
I’ve done the same but now am changing/have changed that dynamic.

For me it was letting go of self-loathing learned in part from FOO and my own despicable actions and building compassion and love for the child I was and the person I am now who is trying with a good heart to grow.

O is right that for me it has been excavating my history, letting the demons out of their prison, hearing them, and ultimately we have become friends transmuting into a soul worth having—and oh-so hard-won.
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Old 01-01-2020, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I sense a case of sabotage Exactly and guilty as charged. I ruin everything good.
"........finally content with a past I regret..............."

"....................peace with myself........................"

Those are just a few lines from my 2019 anthem song, "I'm Moving On" by Rascal Flatts.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz1N8W8phec


You may feel like peace with others is a ways off ....but you can and perhaps NEED to make peace with yourself FIRST.

".....finally content with a past I regret..........." doesn't mean I have NO regrets.....but for myself it has been a matter of accepting I simply cannot change the past...[."it stays where it lays, for now".]....but I CAN leave the past and put some things to rest that might be plaguing me. No one holds me prisoner to the past moreso than myself! Others probably forgive me better than I forgive myself!

Some people and some things? Maybe I just can't be around them anymore. Maybe it's just not productive and can even be destructive. That doesn't mean you are a coward because of avoidance. It means you are using discernment/wisdom.
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Old 01-01-2020, 11:43 AM
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How many times have I said to myself to grow the F up? Too many to number. I'm pretty old now Thomas, but it's never too late.

You are growing Thomas. Coming back here with a desire to talk is real growth. I'm trying to do that now too. I think we both want to be better people. And we will be, with sobriety, the sharing, and the acceptance.

I don't know what to say Thomas except like you I want to grow. Phase 3 sounds like an awakening. And my eyes are still blinking.

And through these blinky eyes I see for sure, and as others have said, a clapped out Rolls, but not my heart. We can call it the Heart Mk1.

And we're goin' for it!

I hope you get along really well with your new therapist Thomas.
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:23 PM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I ruin everything good.
Used to be one of my areas of expertise.
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Old 01-02-2020, 09:40 PM
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
Used to be one of my areas of expertise.
And I was good.
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Old 01-03-2020, 05:41 AM
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Nice to see you again EndGame.
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Old 01-03-2020, 11:14 PM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Nice to see you again EndGame.
Same here.

I admire your willingness to continue to struggle.
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Old 01-04-2020, 03:52 AM
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I do too.
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