Dascha

Hi Taplow...

I'm lost right now too...I hope you're just thinking aloud. Those same thoughts flashed through my head lately. They still are. You were very nice to me when I was down. I just want you to know that...

Steely

And you seem very nice too, Patterson.

Hope you are doing ok.

My thinking is that the intrusive thoughts you describe will fade as sobriety grows. And we'll grow right alongside.

Take care.

MythOfSisyphus

Hi, Taplow. I hope you'll check in with us soon. I've been low like you are now, and while I don't know exactly what's going on I know it's got you pretty low. As hard as it seems to believe right now though there's still hope for something better.

theVman31

Hello Taplow,
I honestly dont remember if we ever exchanged here before but I just wanted to say I have felt that way too all too often.
Put the bottle down.
Tell us more...

taplow

Hi everyone. I had a really bad night last night. I've never felt like that before, a bit of a crisis. It felt hopeless. I said that I wouldn't have the guts to kill myself. But I reckon that I could have done that yesterday. Today I've just been lying here on the sofa. I hardly did anything at all. I'm a lot better. It doesn't seem dark today. I've just been really low for a while. it's like the mental is physical.
I haven't worked in a while, I'm socially isolated. It's my fault. Something happened yesterday, a final straw type thing. I couldn't see things changing and something hit me yesterday.
I thought I should explain. I made a post and didn't ask for anything in it. There was no question there like "can you help in this way or that?" There was no elaboration. It's just someone saying they're in trouble.
I didn't want to look on here today because of what I posted but eventually I did and I read my post again and saw people had read it and replied. I haven't read any of the replies. I will. It's not because I don't care or don't want to but because I can't face reading them. I can't take interaction.
What few friends I've got I couldn't speak to. They wouldn't get how low I've been.
Anyway, I'm feeling better today. I didn't want to leave it like some cliffhanger. I'm okay.
I just wanted to clarify. This is a good place and I know people look after each other here.

HeadEast

Thank you for the update, taplow. We all were concerned about you.

Hevyn

Extremely relieved to hear from you, Tap. Say as much as you want - whenever you want. We have all been there to one extent or another. You're never alone with this.

Obladi

I'm really glad you checked in, tap. That's a pretty decent thing to do for a guy who thought yesterday he had nothing.

I think when you screw up the *whatever* to read those posts, you'll find that it's your turn to be looked after if you'll let us help you.

O

D122y

I am learning staying clean is not as hard as getting clean, but staying clean is forever.

The crave attaches to anything and everything and takes on new personalities and agendas.

While it definitely is not around as much these days, when it comes around, the craves lands firmly on my brain.

It aches and is tiresome. For the moments the crave lasts, it feels like a little piece of hell on Earth.

I have to put on a brave face and suffer.

Thanks.

Delilah1

I’m really glad you checked in Taplow. I still think you should try to get into a doctor to talk about how you’ve been feeling. Sending lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah

iAmSam

really glad to see you post
I have a hard time asking for help, offline and even moreso online.
You've helped me by coming back and writing what you did.
I have aversions to interaction myself and you worded your post in ways I hope to learn how to do.
thanks

Outonthetiles

Thanks for checking in, Tap. We were all worried.

Hawkeye13

You aren't alone. It's so hard when you are low to pull up and out, but you can and we are here to support you.

Thank you for checking in taplow

Dee74

I'm glad you checked in Tap.

By the end of my drinking I seriously thought I was mentally ill. The thoughts i was having were so wild and powerful in their darkness I scared myself.

Active alcoholism is a progressive condition - it gets worse.

I just didn't know the extent of that progression - on both physical and mental health - until I stopped drinking.

D

saoutchik

Credit to you for posting Taplow, that would have been tough after feeling so down.

Delilah1's suggestion about seeing a doctor is a good one, he or she might be able to obtain some counselling - sometimes in situations like this a third party can help to reset our perspective so that the way forward can at least be seen.

thomas11

Taplow, so glad you checked in. I think its pretty unanimous that you are loved here. I hope you find your way. Many of us have been to the pits of he*l and made it back. So can you. In fact, you will make it back. If you had truly given up, there would be no posts IMO>

PhoenixJ

Tap- I will not share my miserable, hellish story- except to say I did lose everything, including- for a time, my life, from horrific burns.

You posted here. That means somewhere in your soul- you have hope. Keep posting - share, get support here. Where there is life, there is hope.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad today is better. I hope you never feel like you can't say something. For many of us SR is that one safe place we truly can vent because people here understand. We understand.

herby

Please don't give in. There is hope. No matter how bad things are ,in time you will feel better.. Even tomorrow after sleep and after morning blues, you will feel better. Phone for help NOW. You need a rest from your troubles in order to work out what to do next. Doing nothing is good. You need time. Nurture yourself. The inner power inside you will guide you, just be still and feel the silence. Please keep posting and keep going. We need you to be ok. Love Herby. Xx

b0glerd69

Hi Taplow, I can relate to what you say, the way you were thinking reminds me of the way I used to feel when coming off a drunk - paranoid, depressed and feeling like the cops were about to break my door down and arrest me. In this condition, I would also be unable to read and process any replies. It was as if the world was closing in.

There is a way out if you can stop the drinking.

I hope you are feeling better - keep posting.