First post, question about black out
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I will relate an experience I had while a university student. I was a member of a fraternity. Just like you see in movies, we had raucous parties with kegs of beer and giant Gatorade containers full of 'Purple Jesus' (vodka mixed with grape kool-aid). The sororities would come in large groups and there would be about 200 people. Pretty much everyone drinking.
A fellow fraternity member of mine 'hooked-up' with a girl from the sorority next to our fraternity house. I, and other members, knew her personally. She was drinking and dancing all night and being very flirty with my friend. Sitting on his lap, 'making-out' in full view of everyone. They eventually went up to my friend's bedroom and had sex. I saw her leave after the party had ended. I was still up with a few people and we all saw her walk down the stairs and say "good night".
A few days later, another member of her sorority came by to accuse my friend of raping her. The girl in question didn't remember most of the night. Just that she knew she had been having sex. It was very out of character for her to have a one night stand so it must of been hard for her to reconcile the fact she willingly had sex with my friend.
She 'blacked out'. Meaning her level of intoxication from alcohol prevented her brain from forming and storing memories. She was not in any way incapacitated. My friend was also quite drunk, but did not experience a black-out. I believed him when he said it was entirely consensual and that she was the one who initiated the entire encounter.
Many eyewitnesses saw her behaviour. No one backed her account up, including her fellow sorority sisters, that she was incapable or too drunk, or taken advantage of.
She almost ruined my friend's reputation and unfortunately, she ruined her own in the process and eventually dropped out of school.
No one would have even known she had hooked-up with my friend in the first place if she had just realized she had too much to drink and acted out of character.
I relate this story only because of the potential 'blow-back' a woman will receive when it comes to these "he said, she said" situations that also involves alcohol. It's impossible to prove in a court of law.
A fellow fraternity member of mine 'hooked-up' with a girl from the sorority next to our fraternity house. I, and other members, knew her personally. She was drinking and dancing all night and being very flirty with my friend. Sitting on his lap, 'making-out' in full view of everyone. They eventually went up to my friend's bedroom and had sex. I saw her leave after the party had ended. I was still up with a few people and we all saw her walk down the stairs and say "good night".
A few days later, another member of her sorority came by to accuse my friend of raping her. The girl in question didn't remember most of the night. Just that she knew she had been having sex. It was very out of character for her to have a one night stand so it must of been hard for her to reconcile the fact she willingly had sex with my friend.
She 'blacked out'. Meaning her level of intoxication from alcohol prevented her brain from forming and storing memories. She was not in any way incapacitated. My friend was also quite drunk, but did not experience a black-out. I believed him when he said it was entirely consensual and that she was the one who initiated the entire encounter.
Many eyewitnesses saw her behaviour. No one backed her account up, including her fellow sorority sisters, that she was incapable or too drunk, or taken advantage of.
She almost ruined my friend's reputation and unfortunately, she ruined her own in the process and eventually dropped out of school.
No one would have even known she had hooked-up with my friend in the first place if she had just realized she had too much to drink and acted out of character.
I relate this story only because of the potential 'blow-back' a woman will receive when it comes to these "he said, she said" situations that also involves alcohol. It's impossible to prove in a court of law.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 327
Stay sober , stay close. See your therapist, Take a bath in AA or any program that will work for you. My Blackouts were sporadic for 20 yrs , then almost daily for the next 10. As far as what happened to you I am in no position to give any suggestions, Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Everafter, i'm sorry to see the discussions going off repeatedly into these weeds.
if you are still reading, here is my suggestion:
SR is a good place to get sobriety support, and i hope you will "use us"for that. you can choose a different username.
i would not, personally, open myself to random strangers' opinions on the internet about whether i was raped or not. and i am sorry to see that continuing to go on in this thread.
i hope you get the assistance and understanding from qualified people for what you're going through.
if you are still reading, here is my suggestion:
SR is a good place to get sobriety support, and i hope you will "use us"for that. you can choose a different username.
i would not, personally, open myself to random strangers' opinions on the internet about whether i was raped or not. and i am sorry to see that continuing to go on in this thread.
i hope you get the assistance and understanding from qualified people for what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Hey EverLast 
I hope that you are feeling a little bit better Even a little bit.
Unfortunately, these topics as you can see can create a lot of debate. So I assume with all these "personal opinions", your head is about to explode!
If I were you, I would go to a therapist and tell them what happened. I am 100% that they will guide you through the right path. I am sure people here mean good, however, I think that you have to do what is going to be good for you and your recovery from this event.
I know it might be hard to see right now but EVERYTHING has a solution.
Big hug!
I hope that you are feeling a little bit better
Even a little bit.Unfortunately, these topics as you can see can create a lot of debate. So I assume with all these "personal opinions", your head is about to explode!
If I were you, I would go to a therapist and tell them what happened. I am 100% that they will guide you through the right path. I am sure people here mean good, however, I think that you have to do what is going to be good for you and your recovery from this event.
I know it might be hard to see right now but EVERYTHING has a solution.
Big hug!
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Hope you’re doing ok Everafter? x. Whilst others may be judging my previous comments I am a person who has been promiscuous whilst drunk but also was drugged and sexually assaulted by multiple individuals as a teenager. It took many years for me to even realise that against my will I had been drugged or assaulted. I understand both sides of the debate as I have lived it. All I can say from the heart is in my gut I knew something was not right about the night I was drugged before I knew what really happened. I subsequently did sleep with other people when blacked out drunk and yeah I felt bad but it was a different feeling. Something in me knew I was complicit. My gut never said that about the night I was assaulted, I have no memory at all of it, not even a mini or fleeting flashback. Follow your heart and your gut, if you have this deep unexplainable feeling something isn’t right then follow that. My posts before were based more on the times I had blacked out and got myself into situations I am not proud of but those are the ones I have to own.
Follow your heart and gut. Do check in and let us know how you’re getting on. Despite everyone having different opinions on this everyone cares and supports you no matter what. xx
Follow your heart and gut. Do check in and let us know how you’re getting on. Despite everyone having different opinions on this everyone cares and supports you no matter what. xx
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