hellrzr

Mistory5, just from reading some of the above it sounds like you have a lot going on at home. At the very least your son needs to be in Al-Anon. If things are to the point that he is physically attacking you due to your drinking than that his HIS problem. I'm sure he is far beyond frustrated with the situation and he needs to talk about it with others who understand and that's where Al-Anon comes into play. He needs to understand that there is absolutely nothing he can do to make you stop taking the actions you take.

For your part you have to decide that you really want to change. That starts with working the program of AA. Attending meetings and visiting with folks is great and helpful but it's not the program. You need to work closely with a sponsor and follow their directions. You need to work the steps as soon as possible. You need to be completely honest with your 4th and 5th steps and at that point I believe you will see your life change. It sounds like you are in a group of folks that you have felt comfortable sharing with. I don't know if that is your sponsorship line or not but if it's not and you aren't working with a sponsor it might get a good group to get in with. Get working with a sponsor and follow their advice and I have no doubt that you will have better days ahead!

Delilah1

Hi Mistory,

I am going to join those who are very concerned about you. The drinking is something you can definitely stop with the right support, and this is a great forum to start.

Your son attacking you is definitely something that you need to protect yourself from immediately. Regardless of the fact that you were drinking his actions were unacceptable, and nobody deserves that. He is 19, you can tell him to leave, if you are scared you can call the police.

The suicidal thoughts are also a big concern, if you are feeling this way you should call either a crisis line, your doctor or go to the ER. They may keep you for a few days which would help you with both detoxing and getting some counseling to address feeling about killing yourself.

Please check in and let us know how you’re doing today. Also, please seriously consider heading to the ER.

OtterIsland

Mistory, I too am a chronic relapser and heading into the holidays this year and through Christmas and all of last week I had similar feelings. Why do I deserve this wonderful family that loves me so much? How can they possibly love someone as awful as me, who continues to make poor choices on the inside, but I seems to perfect on the outside. That's called a highly functioning alcoholic.

I'm starting work with a recover coach next week, in addition to my regular counseling sessions with an addiction counselor that I've been doing. I'm only 1 month into this round of sobriety, and it sure has brought its ups and downs.

Please reach out and get some help.....I hate the shame that surrounds one when they want to reach out for help but feel they can't or shouldn't.

And please keep us posted on how you are doing - we care deeply for one another here.

Formy2boys2

I apologize for assuming this was a much younger child. It still wouldn't be appropriate for a young teen to violate you. A young man knows better. Please take care of yourself and do not allow others to abuse you. Everyone has rights until they violate someone else's rights. Assault is a huge and scary violation He clearly is in the wrong. Is he using anything?

Please seek help. Do not hesitate to call the police if you feel the need. You are worth it!!!

Gabe1980

I just want to send you my love, support and prayers to you.

Please find the belief that you cam move forward. We all believe in you 💕💕

Soberwolf

I don't have all the answers all I do know is I think trying to sober up with us right now is more beneficial than meetings atm

I was gonna ask has your son got relatives he can stay at so we can really focus on helping you Mistory because no one wants you to be feeling how your feeling right now. Don't think it's all over it's very easy to think that but the end is far front over honey .. We can take it 1 day at a time 1 message at a time 1 post at a time whatever works

Point is I want you around your son obviously wants you around but you have got to want you around

All of us here want you around x

Dee74

I'm really sorry for all the parts of this story mistory.

Please keep posting and updating us. We want to know you're ok.

I was once at the point where I could not go 3 days without drinking - next year (2020) marks 13 years sober.

My point is - we can change and we can stay sober - I really believe that of all of us.

There's a lot of good reading and crisis numbers here - maybe speaking to someone might help?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

Wastinglife

I can only relate my experience with suicidal ideation. It happens spontaneously with me no matter what mood I'm in or whether drunk or sober. I always snap out of it however when I remember that I am going to eventually die anyway so I may as well stick around and see what happens.

Steely

Just saw your post Mistory.

NO-ONE is permitted to strangle ANYONE no matter what they might have done. Call the police if you are ever feel threatened like that again. Call them now just to have them read you your rights. And you have rights!

Strangulation comes into a different class of offence. It is the most common reason for death amongst (usually) women victims.

I'm a chronic relapser too Mistory, but reckon I've finally seen the light. There is no future in drinking for me at all. None. Zero. Zip. It feels so much better to be sober.

You CAN do this thing Mistory, and I look at it this way:

If AA members, or anyone for that matter, become judgemental and imperious because you tell your truth, I'd be looking for another meeting, or new friends.

You have us to start.

We've got to banish that old judgemental style of thinking and view alcoholism as a health issue not some shameful crime.

You can get well Mistory.

Keep coming here and go back to your meeting unflinching from the truth. It will feel good.

DO NOT ALLOW YOUR SON TO LAY A FINGER ON YOU EVER AGAIN!

Onwards.

cantsleep123

You being an alcoholic is no excuse for your grown son to strangle you. He needs to be in jail.

Delilah1

How are you doing today Mistory?

mistory5

I just want to ty all for your perspectives on my situation. I'm feeling less like not leaving this world. But from reading all of your posts I really need some professional help to work on the multiple issues that are going on. AA alone and the so called addiction counseling is not cutting it. I'm even considering a sober living situation. I'm glad I shared my thoughts and what happened with my son with SR because I just wouldn't share it with my AA community. I'm still trying to figure them out...I don't feel I'm not completely trusting them at this point. I took everything that everyone said on SR and don't negate any of it. Ty again. Btw my son agreed to family counseling. He's been very remorseful. He really is a good kid. He has been putting up with my alcoholism since he was four and all the crazy and scary stuff that goes with it. Only thing is I don't know how we can start therapy if he leaves to go back to college January 20th? We probably can't even get an appointment by then. We could wait to the summer, but we are in crisis mode...I'm in crisis mode . Ty again SR. I might of not been here today if I didn't share what was going on...I can't tell anyone in my world know what has happened since xmas eve .

mistory5

ty

mistory5

Ty!!!
QUOTE=hellrzr;7345006]Mistory5, just from reading some of the above it sounds like you have a lot going on at home. At the very least your son needs to be in Al-Anon. If things are to the point that he is physically attacking you due to your drinking than that his HIS problem. I'm sure he is far beyond frustrated with the situation and he needs to talk about it with others who understand and that's where Al-Anon comes into play. He needs to understand that there is absolutely nothing he can do to make you stop taking the actions you take.

For your part you have to decide that you really want to change. That starts with working the program of AA. Attending meetings and visiting with folks is great and helpful but it's not the program. You need to work closely with a sponsor and follow their directions. You need to work the steps as soon as possible. You need to be completely honest with your 4th and 5th steps and at that point I believe you will see your life change. It sounds like you are in a group of folks that you have felt comfortable sharing with. I don't know if that is your sponsorship line or not but if it's not and you aren't working with a sponsor it might get a good group to get in with. Get working with a sponsor and follow their advice and I have no doubt that you will have better days ahead![/QUOTE]

mistory5

ty!
QUOTE=aasharon90;7344805]Committing suicide is a permanent means to
a temporary addiction problem. There is a solution.

This solution can help you get pass these dark
thoughts and moments and help you achieve
what many of us have always wanted in life.

To be happy and healthy In all areas of our life.
Healthy in heart, mind and soul.

This help is always available to all those sick
in their addiction. This help would be by placing
ourselves into the hands of those capable of
helping us. Teaching us. These folks are knowledgeable
about addiction and have a healthier solution
to help you achieve better health and happiness.

It may take a good month for starters, like it
did for me and others. I was placed into the hands
of those capable of teaching me about my alcohol
addiction thru a court ordered rehab facility some
29 yrs ago.

For me, I too had reached a bottom to where
I was sick and tired of failing so many times to
get off that merry go round of insanity that goes
along with addiction.

I did try to stop the pain by taking a hand full
of pills. Thank God the attempt wasn't successful.
My loving, caring concerned family stepped in
and made calls to find out what to do.

Thru a few helpful steps, I was placed in a rehab
which was suppose to be for 2 weeks. When 2 weeks
came, folks there could see that I was not ready
to return to my everyday life at home and wanted
to send me to a halfway house for 6 weeks.

I begged and pleaded to stay where I was and
complete a 28 day program with a 6 week out
patient aftercare program in which I did.

Once I was released and the seed of recovery
was planted, I began to incorporate this program
of recovery, a gift taught to me, to help me build
a strong, solid recovery foundation to live upon
for yrs to come.

With willingness, openmindedness and honesty,
I took each day as it came and applied what was
taught to me to get me where I am today.

Never did I think thru out the yrs. that drinking
alcohol would improve or make my life any better.
To make any struggle or any situation that seemed
unbearable, better with alcohol or drug.

Over the yrs and being here in SR, an awesome
recovery lifeline for a few yrs now, I have come
to learn that there are many other ways to achieve
success in sobriety.

Folks who have the willingness to do whatever it takes
to remain sober have a number of days, weeks, yrs,
by incorporating helpful effective tools and knowledge
of recovery to their everyday life, have achieved happiness,
contentment, freedom from addiction, honesty and
an over all better life for themselves, inside and out.

Ask for suggestion, guidance from others here in
SR for whatever you need and you will recieve it.

There are lots of caring, experienced folks here
that while share with you what has worked for
them. If you like what these folks have, grab a
hold of them and follow them or use their suggestions
as a guideline to help you achieve success in your
own life and sobriety.

You never have to pick up a drink of alcohol or
drug again in your life moving forward. Put your
addiction to rest once and for all and find the joy
that comes with living sober like so many of us
are living today.[/QUOTE]

Obladi

Thanks so much for the update, mistory.
I've been thinking about you.

I think your notion that counseling (not only addiction focused) is probably a really good next step for you. The guy I see is a psychotherapist who specializes in dual diagnosis (substance abuse + other mental illness) and I've found that combination to be tremendously helpful.

It's not a bad idea to start with yourself first, particularly since your son will be off to school shortly. I'm sure you could help set him up with his own individual counselor there. Then when each of your respective counselors agree you're ready, you could set up a time to meet together with one of them - or a separate counselor altogether if you want to do ongoing treatment together.

In the meantime, could you "strike while the iron is hot" and convince your son to go to alanon, do you think? Seems like this is an ideal opportunity to get him in the door.

One other thought about treatment, since you mention being in crisis mode. Please check to see if there is a listing for Crisis Intervention Services in your county. They may be able to find you an immediate resource to provide some very short-term services while you are working on more mid-to long-term solutions.

Oh, I'm just so thankful that you posted here and things have calmed for you somewhat. It's a scary, lonely, trapped place you've been in, and you don't need to be there anymore.

I'm concerned about the AA stuff, but we can talk about that a different day. First things first, huh?

Dee74

I'm glad you posted again mistory.

I don't know what to say about your and your son. There's a lot to unpack there from both sides and it's not going to resolve easily.

My advice would be to do what you can do right now,

Focus on yourself and your recovery - there is a better life for you to live, and a better place for you to be

D

silentrun

I'm so sorry. It's a lie we tell ourselves that we can't stop drinking. Our minds tell us that to protect the addiction. You can do this.

mistory5

Ty so much for your concern. I'm doing a little better not feeling like checking out but very sorrowful. I haven't drank since xmas. U can read my thoughts...like what I'm thinking in my recent post in this thread. Ty again...its really serious stuff.

mistory5

<br /><br />Ty so much for your concern. I'm doing a little better not feeling like checking out but very sorrowful. I haven't drank since xmas. U can read my thoughts...like what I'm thinking in my recent post in this thread. Ty again...its really serious stuff. <br />