Just blown 3 years sober.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Zanna, I think it's completely understandable (though regrettable) to have had this knee-jerk reaction to such unsettling news. I'm truly sorry for your loss and also sorry that you drank over it. Good on you for coming here to fess up. You know it's totally natural that your first instinct would be to omit that information - I think that would be the case for any one of us. It sure would be, has been for me.
In the case of your fiance, I'd suggest having another think about that one. Does he need to know? Right now, probably no. But what about a year or three years down the road when you inadvertently let something slip about this lapse? Or you don't, but you start feeling guilty that you never told him? As he is your soulmate, he surely has your back through thick and thin. And though he is not an alcoholic (thank the Lord, right?), surely he has enough compassion for you to imagine how you might have felt you needed to drink?
I don't know... I just think it's never a good idea to keep secrets from spouses, unless they are good secrets.
And hey, no offense taken here, I can barely associate the word "president" with the man. Enjoy your cocoa and tunes.
In the case of your fiance, I'd suggest having another think about that one. Does he need to know? Right now, probably no. But what about a year or three years down the road when you inadvertently let something slip about this lapse? Or you don't, but you start feeling guilty that you never told him? As he is your soulmate, he surely has your back through thick and thin. And though he is not an alcoholic (thank the Lord, right?), surely he has enough compassion for you to imagine how you might have felt you needed to drink?
I don't know... I just think it's never a good idea to keep secrets from spouses, unless they are good secrets.
And hey, no offense taken here, I can barely associate the word "president" with the man. Enjoy your cocoa and tunes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
No politics please.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-politics.html (Politics)
I don't want to have to close this thread.
Dee
Administrator
SR
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-politics.html (Politics)
I don't want to have to close this thread.
Dee
Administrator
SR
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,524
I had 5 years up and drank again Zanna, but unlike you I did not stop straight away. I kicked on for years and it was horrible.
You have the opportunity to pull up now Zanna. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you do. Serious grief.
You don't have to tell your partner if you don't want to. Tell him in a year's time when you've clocked up some days.
.
Idk
You have the opportunity to pull up now Zanna. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you do. Serious grief.
You don't have to tell your partner if you don't want to. Tell him in a year's time when you've clocked up some days.
. Idk
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,524
Obladi, no, you caused no offence at all.
I don't attend AA anymore, but know a little bit about it.
I remembered one of the Steps, to do with "making amends", and the rule was to be honest, but not if it caused harm to others. I wondered who might be hurt if Zanna told her partner. Maybe no one?
You could well be right.
Thought too, if Zanna were stressing about it, no need to tell now.
No offence was taken.
Hope you are travelling well.
I don't attend AA anymore, but know a little bit about it.
I remembered one of the Steps, to do with "making amends", and the rule was to be honest, but not if it caused harm to others. I wondered who might be hurt if Zanna told her partner. Maybe no one?
You could well be right.
Thought too, if Zanna were stressing about it, no need to tell now.
No offence was taken.
Hope you are travelling well.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Morning Zanna xx. Hope you’re feeling ok today and ready to put this down as a valuable lesson, move on and get back in your seat on the sober train. I’m sorry for your terrible news but playing devils advocate here there were probably some other signs a relapse was coming.
I know there were for me, the reason I caved and had that first drink was just the final one I chose to justify a drink to myself at that moment in time. In reality I had been stressed for a while. I had slipped on my self care, wasn’t sticking to the boundaries I had set for myself and gave toxic people/relationships a seat at my table which affected my ability to stay positive about life and myself.
An analogy that works well for me is where we see emotions and inner self as a glass of water, life and situations are dripping a drop at a time into that glass. When we take proper time for self care and deal with things and as the glass gets fulller we tip a little out each time we do the right thing for ourselves and keep the glass at a safe level. When we stop doing the right things, forget to take care of ourselves, don’t stick to our boundaries the glass is not getting emptied regularly and eventually overflows. That visual really works in my head.
Today is a new day and you are a super strong and determined lady Zanna!!
Much love xx
I know there were for me, the reason I caved and had that first drink was just the final one I chose to justify a drink to myself at that moment in time. In reality I had been stressed for a while. I had slipped on my self care, wasn’t sticking to the boundaries I had set for myself and gave toxic people/relationships a seat at my table which affected my ability to stay positive about life and myself.
An analogy that works well for me is where we see emotions and inner self as a glass of water, life and situations are dripping a drop at a time into that glass. When we take proper time for self care and deal with things and as the glass gets fulller we tip a little out each time we do the right thing for ourselves and keep the glass at a safe level. When we stop doing the right things, forget to take care of ourselves, don’t stick to our boundaries the glass is not getting emptied regularly and eventually overflows. That visual really works in my head.
Today is a new day and you are a super strong and determined lady Zanna!!
Much love xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Lockport, NY
Posts: 4
Zanna I feel for you......I was only sober 3 plus months and my life went haywire.....I started drinking again......then as Readyatlast stated I have been on and off for the past 8 months.....I believe that at some point people do decide to kick it for good......but it doesn't always go that way......just get back on the wagon and trail ahead......that's what I am trying to do......good luck.....
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
My last relapse was 7 days, cut short by my daughter toting me to detox.
I commend you for the brevity of your lapse and am 'glad' for your sake that you were remorseful even in the midst of it.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your cousin and am also grateful on your behalf that you will be able to be fully present to mourn his passing.
O
I commend you for the brevity of your lapse and am 'glad' for your sake that you were remorseful even in the midst of it.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your cousin and am also grateful on your behalf that you will be able to be fully present to mourn his passing.
O
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,433
I am so very sorry about your cousin love.....that is just shattering. So young....what a shock. Love and prayers for you and all of your family sweetheart. 
s ❤️
And I agree wholeheartedly with Dee ~ you haven't thrown anything away.
Those three years helped you see that this is not your way of handling things anymore....not what you want for yourself.
Pain can rock us, for sure, but you came straight back.
That is massive strength in my books.
s ❤️❤️
s ❤️And I agree wholeheartedly with Dee ~ you haven't thrown anything away.
Those three years helped you see that this is not your way of handling things anymore....not what you want for yourself.
Pain can rock us, for sure, but you came straight back.
That is massive strength in my books.
s ❤️❤️
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