becky7

I'm a successful professional, whatever that means, but I can't stop drinking. It's more " controlled" when I ask my husband and abide by his wishes on how much to drink... but that often spirals out of control and into a binge. I'm not posting how much I drink since it varies... I know it's a problem since I don't seem to be able to control it, or have the willpower to stop for more than a few days at a time. I also hide it and am deceitful about what I have or have had which is not normal for me ATALL. And it feels 'unfair" so many can drink and not have a problem... can anyone say pity-party? Feels like I'm on a path to destruction.

Honestly not sure why I'm posting since my logical brain can easily solve the dilemma for me but I also believe many understand what I'm talking about.

Thanks for listening ♡

Dee74

Hi and welcome Becky

sometimes logic just can't compete with desire - but support can really help even up the balance.

I have never regretted quitting drinking - I love my sober life and who I am sober...I'm not envious of others drinking because not drinking in hands down the best choice for me

Read around, post as much as you like - this is a good place to be

D

gypsytears

Hi & welcome Becky. This is a great place for understanding and support. Glad you found us.

VinnyMcM

Hi Becky! You will meet people here that have been sober 30 years to one day. I myself am 10 days. I know what you are going through.

My first advice is to find your loved ones and tell them what you are going through. I tried to do it alone and failed. It wasn’t until I confided my “weakness” to my friends and family until I got better. You’d be amazed how much people actually don’t judge you.

Also, I needed to see a hospital to deal with the withdrawals. Not sure where you are at with your drinking but any visit to the doctor won’t hurt.

Again, I’m only on 10 days but life has never been better and more clear. Keep reading and posting here and no doubt you can get through this.

Looking forward to your updates!

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
You're fooling yourself. Your logical brain can't, alone, solve your problem with drink. Wouldn't it have done it by now if it could? If there actually is a logic part of the brain in substance or just thought.
When I was drinking logic went out the window.
I had no control over when I would drink or how much I would ingest. That certainly was controlled by my brain, and body, because my brain was addicted to alcohol. And one of the ways it manifested itself was in my body.
So, it was an entire mind/body loss of control.

The only way I could save myself was to quit drinking alcohol entirely.
I'm actually glad you don't mention how much you drink. It doesn't matter.
What matters is the effect alcohol has on us when we drink, regardless of beverage or amount.

I was on the path to destruction, and reached it. More than once.
No matter the logic, or my best intentions, I could not control how much I drank after I took the first drink. I lived like that for thirty years and no amount of self-awareness, or logic alone could save me.
It took help.

You've found a great spot where people understand.
You can quit. Many of us successfully are in remission from alcoholism.
Reaching out here is a great start. There are programs of recovery many use.
I hope you stick around, and best to you.

Paperbag

I can't remember how many times I have told my wife that I was going to stop drinking. She never believed me anyway so I just ended up feeling more guilty over it. I tried loads of times over the years and failed. I ended up just stopping the final time and really put everything I had into it. I will be 1 year sober in 3 days.
I know I can't drink sensibly as I've tried, so I can never drink again, but I'm happy with that now.
What I will say though is that many people I know who I thought were casual drinkers, drink a hell of a lot more than they say they do. They are also appologetic when they get caught out.
I found it very hard to stop, and I didn't end up using the support from my family in the end, or friends. I relied on this site where I knew that I didn't personally know anyone here and there were plenty of people in the same situation. It really helped me, especially through the first few months.
If you think you have a problem, then you have a problem. After a while you realise that alcohol isn't actually as great as you thought it was and you adapt to living without it fine.

Surrendered19

It doesn't sound like anything is ever controlled, at all. It spirals out of control you said. It absolutely doesn't matter how much you drink. Folks on SR drank a bunch more than you and some less than you. Deception and lying is normal for you it sounds like. As it was for all of us, not just you. There are no stupid people here and our logical brains work just fine. Your logical brain cannot solve this problem. Reread your post and then post again. The one thing you said that is accurate is that you are on a path to destruction.

abgator

Science is showing the alcoholic "gene" is a result of the lack of a certain chemical productions from a particular section within the brain. We can say we're being "logical" when we choose to get sober, make a plan, go to AA, rehab, whatever the case is. But that isn't really logic, they are requirements of survival. We know what will happen if we drink, but whatever logic the rational, unbroken portion of our brain says, there's still a section that isn't capable of being logical. Logic alone isn't enough to get sober for the vast majority of us.

Obladi

Hi Becky, and welcome.

Perhaps you're posting because you're confounded and perplexed that the same logical brain that helped you to become a successful professional is failing you in this arena? My brain sure let me down in that way, and it was completely demoralizing. I'm a person who solves problems for a living, fer cryin out loud. Could. Not. Solve this one.

Yeah, it's a drag that we can't drink like "normal" people. It's also a drag that I'm short, divorced, have a genetic tendency to be overweight and have little to no athletic ability. But those are the breaks. I've long been "over it." In fact, I'm not sure I ever had a resentment that I couldn't drink like other people because I think I always knew that I didn't. so it really wasn't an option. If that makes sense.

Anyhow, back to you. I think it's important that you stop because you want to stop (or at least know you should stop). Putting control over how much you drink in the hands of your husband is not a good idea. It will likely lead to more sneaking and deceit, and that just feels bad. Also, it's much easier if you switch your perspective. It's not a matter of "willpower." It's a matter of making a decision and sticking with it. As with any new habit, the best way to do that is to reinforce your new behavior with action. Post here daily, read up on recovery, meditate, pray, go to meetings (there are many varieties), get into treatment... there are loads of possibilities. My point is that you will have a much better chance of success and be happier with your efforts if you design a program for yourself and stick with it.

I'm really glad you found us.
I haven't encountered one person yet who has regretted stumbling in.

O

p.s. Disclaimer: I've been here a very long time and have "failed" more than I've succeeded. But I have learned an awful lot about what to do throughout this time. First and foremost - to thine own self be true.

abgator

Same here

Except I was more pissed off than demoralized. But I also quickly accepted I had a problem that I couldn't engineer my way out of. ...just didn't do anything about it for several years.

least

Welcome to the family. For me to stop drinking, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Not easy, but simple. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

ciowa

Welcome Becky7,

Its good that you recognize that you have a problem with drinking and thats a step in the right direction. To go further is going to be up to you, but others can definitely support you. If there are barriers that prevent you from finding solutions to the problem, what do you think they might be?

One last thing, I used to a "normal drinker" at one point but I kept it up until I was an out of control binge drinker. A drinking disorder, addiction etc is a thing that progresses and gets worse over time so those you envy could vey well end up as out of control drinkers, they are just earlier in the stages that we are, so i don't think its any use in envying them. You likely have many things in your life they would envy as well so its all relative.

There are good articles, podcasts and videos out there to check out if you are interested. Good luck.

joe801

Usually logic stands alone but can also go hand in hand to self preservation, how many people would actually quit any substance is there wasn't any physical and mental complications? Logic can help you see the path, but desire is also needed on the journey. You even dissect the discussion all way down to personal diet and the effects. I think logic does play a role.


Since this is newcomers I don't want to step out of bounds, I'll just leave with logic can help you see the path, but desire is also needed on the journey.

Welcome Becky, I think we all can agree it starts with no drinking.

Finalcall

Welcome, this is a great place to start and has stopped me going further with my problem since I first came here 2 years ago. Still trying but getting better.
Another source of information I found useful is a book called this naked mind by Annie grace. It explains addiction logically. I think there is podcasts too.
i wish U well on your journey

Derringer

AA calls it an "allergy" to alcohol.

Which just means abnormal reaction.

That reaction being the inability to find the off switch like the vast majority of the population can.

So like people who can't really help the fact that they react to seafood, peanuts, strawberries ... whatever.

If you have an allergy to alcohol it's just one of those things you gotta come to terms with.

Zevin

Welcome, Becky! Sounds like you realize you are an...ALCOHOLIC.
I know, I know ...I too was horrified when I first had to admit that. I think most of us were.
And, yes, I felt like it was very unfair that others could stop after 2 drinks when I couldn't. For whatever reason, we just can't drink anymore. At all.

The sneaky deceitful behavior, when it came to drinking? Yep, that was me too. I was practically James Bond when I decided I was going to have "a drink". Of course, it NEVER was just one drink which, as you probably know, can be problematic because of the covering up you have to do.

Soooo, you need to get off this path to destruction, right? I went to rehab and then AA. There are other ideas and ways to quit and you will find a ton of info on them and support for yourself on this website.

I think it's GREAT you realize you have a problem and are addressing it now instead of waiting until something tragic happens.
Life is so much easier when you get on the sober path! Welcome again!

Callas

Sounds like you caught this problem early. That is good. The sooner you tackle the inevitable i e to stop drinking the better. Your chances of full recovery will be so much better. All the best to you.

VinnyMcM

The sneaky deceitful behavior, when it came to drinking? Yep, that was me too. I was practically James Bond when I decided I was going to have "a drink". Of course, it NEVER was just one drink which, as you probably know, can be problematic because of the covering up you have to do.

This. So much this.

When I told my family and friends about my addiction, they were dumbfounded. No one suspected anything. I thought “how is that possible”. If I focused all my energy on how I could sneak my next drink into my professional career, I’d be VP of Sales by now.

ClarkGrizwold

Take an hour and get to a meeting in your home town!! Many many many people have walked in your shoes and understand what your saying trust me. You made the first step just by posting on this site, which means your brain is teling you that you need to follow this path instead of the one your on!! let that sink in and go to an AA meeting

becky7

I truly appreciate your thoughtful, encouraging posts with sprinkles of tough love thrown in! This is the first time I admitted something so personal to anyone, much less a group of strangers. I'm not sure how I feel about counting days as I have in the past as it feels a bit obsessive but will write today's date as my stop date. I've strung together 30 - 120 days a few times so know I can do it but this time around I want to identify the triggers that start me down that slippery slope in time to stop the slide!

Anyway... thanks again and best to all of you ♡