daisy33

Today I found out that the reason I got sober almost two years ago was complete and utter crap. I was in a 4 year abusive(on both ends) relationship. We both drank heavy, codependency at it's worst. For a good chunk of that time he either couldn't or wouldn't pay his own bills, leaving me to pay for his life and mine. Which I did gladly because I "loved" him. Clothes, booze, food...a place to live. I was only included in his life when there was no other option for him. I cook for him, do all of the grocery shopping, most of the cleaning. At this point he is into me for over $10k. I was unfortunate enough to have to borrow money from him and he made sure that it was paid off as quickley as humanly possible, but even though he has been getting back on his feet for a while now he has never once offered to pay me back a cent. Chalk it up to a good time, right?

Since getting sober he has not been intimate with me on any level. I have never pressured him because we all have our own journey. Give him time. Let him figure out life. Maybe someday he will realise what a good and loving person I am. Maybe he will figure out that I have reordered my entire universe for him.

Today I find out that he has decided to start dating again. Not because he has been honest and forthright with me and told me. No, that might make him a decent human being. Whatever, dude. Pay your rent. Clean up your own stuff. I will still buy food, but after today, your cooking your own meals. Or maybe someone else can xook for you. Good luck in life. Thank you for setting me free!

JK130

No, the reasons why you got sober (and intend to stay that way) are not crap. You are important, and now you are physically and mentally 2 years free from alcohol. The ex partner made decisions that show that he no longer deserves your loyalty and care. But you, are stronger now. You are sober. And you have choices. I hope you share your next steps with us, so we can celebrate with you!

ShiftHappens

This is a sign from God/The Universe - there are better things for you and he/she/it is taking this person out of your life.

Be done!

Move on to those better things and let him be someone elses problem.

The reason you got sober was to live a healthy life, which you cant do with unhealthy entanglements

Ladysadie

No Daisy, this is truly a gift and a great time for you to personally get your life going in positive ways. Some of us only "think" we are betrayed but with both of you on your own recovery paths, his job is to take care of himself, and YOUR job is to take care of YOU. Get healthy, start saving $$, learn new skills, try out other interests such as classes for fun, classes for education, develop business connections, etc. It's your life, live it sober and fully -- and don't look back. Have no regrets including the ex.

ReadyAtLast

Are you still with him ? I dont understand why you are still cooking for him if he is an ex. Apologies if I got the wrong idea

Anna

I hope that you believe you got sober for yourself. You are worth it. I'm sorry that the relationship isn't working out, but you are worth taking care of yourself at this difficult time.

Wastinglife

I am a little puzzled. You are still going to stay with him and buy his food while he dates other women?

Surrendered19

You are two years - TWO YEARS!!! - sober, and that is amazing. Questions like why you would pay the way for him yet borrow money from him and have to pay him back??? Or is he still drinking and are you buying booze for him??? Or is he still living in your home but dating other women??? The answers to those questions don't really matter if you just pack his ****, leave it on the curb and move on from him. I'd give anything to have two years of sobriety. Take that and run. TWO YEARS SOBER IS AMAZING!!!!

ShiftHappens

Just a FYI,

before you pack anyones things and leave them on the curb folks need to make sure they have a legal right to do so.

In the US you need a court order to evict anyone from their legal place of residence, which is the place their mail goes to.

If his mail is going there guess what? Its his legal residence.

Just saying. He just needs to call the police to be let back in. He can also file a police report for his missing property.

Surrendered19

Sorry ShiftHappens. You are right. I meant all that metaphorically. Just time to move on is what I should have said.

trailmix

You are on the right track here except perhaps you only want to buy food for yourself as well?

There is a book called Codependent no more by Melody Beattie (not saying you are codependent btw). It has a lot of good information about boundaries and relationships and boundaries in relationships!

This is for your personal protection. You must always look out for yourself and protect your feelings. He is obviously very untrustworthy, not someone you want to be "helping"?

Look after yourself, be nice to yourself, he can look after himself. That's his side of the street, your side of the street is you.

HeadEast

I never thought about that, but it's true. Unless she can somehow get him to go voluntarily she might have to hire an attorney.

ShiftHappens

Hollywood and The Springer Show are really not doing the public, especially younger people, any favors by showing things like some woman getting revenge by throwing her spouses clothes out the window, dousing them with bleach or setting his car on fire.

In real life you end up with legal problems if the offended party decides to call the police.

ShiftHappens

I have a feeling he would go voluntarily if he was no longer catered to.

Sounds like he's already lining up another victim.

faith823

Congrats on two years sober!

That sobriety is priceless. 10 grand is a drop in the bucket of the atrocious expenses of hard ship/lost items/legal/glass of wine .
You kept your side of the street clean paid him back now cut your losses and move on.
Keep sober-more miracles will be revealed in your life.:grouphug ::grouphug ::grouphug :

NicLin

The Universe removes to replace and the things that were never yours are leaving you...leaving room for better and more well-suited things (and people) to begin to enter your life.

Thank your Universe or whatever your Higher Power is that you are not married, with children or really have any other ties to this person and move on from what could potentially become an ugly mess.

Looks like you are starting to see the light in regards to situations and people who no longer serve your higher purpose, so gladly walk away from them gracefully and start taking care of you.

Whatever the reason you got sober was, you are sober today and I am so proud of you. Despite what a mess this turned out to be, you should see the blessing in it that you got sober.

Stay positive, do not seek revenge and just move on about your own business and learn the lesson provided to you.

Stay strong!

Nic.