Outonthetiles

Bars and drinking are a way of life everywhere, but I'm sure there are people in Wisconsin and elsewhere who have socially satisfying lives who don't go to bars. I think it's a bad idea to tempt fate like that. It literally takes two seconds to go from not drinking to drinking.

Derringer

The test will come on the day that you are in a bar, trying to be a sober guy and for whatever reason, your new found funny sober personality deserts you.

And there's booze everywhere and your mind starts chattering stuff like "2 tequila shots and we are back in the game funny guy"

On that day, hopefully you can walk out sober and maybe give yaself a little fright and a little reality check.

Don't underestimate this thing

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing this, Vinny.

No one is trying to gang up on you for choosing to go to a bar.

I spent 13 years in bars on almost a nightly basis.

Like you, I drank at home a fair amount, too.

But I really hit the bars very hard - mostly dive bars and taverns, but some nicer ones as well.

But bars are for drinking and I don't drink.

The old-timers on this thread who are cautioning you against the advisability of going to bars in early recovery don't want you to relapse.

For me, I didn't dare try to go to a bar until I had been sober for a very long time and only then it was to the bar/restaurant types of facilities that MLD51 describes.

Your sobriety is yours and mine is mine, so we each make our own rules.

But I have been highly protective of my sobriety and I have been sober for quite a long time now.

I hope that you give this matter some more thought before you do it again.

If all social life in Wisconsin revolves around bars and you are a recovering alcoholic, you may live in the wrong place.

But I suspect that there are at least a handful of people in that beautiful state who don't go to bars to have a good time.

Best of success to you.

Obladi

I'm also from Wisconsin and can attest to the fact that there are virtually zero places one can grab a bite and socialize in the evening in the northern regions of that state that don't include booze as a central facet. The overwhelming majority of these are bars, although there are a few "fancier" places we call supper clubs still around. Also heavy on the booze - they just have tablecloths.

And I think this does tie in with the point that you can still be your loveable (even more loveable) self, Vinny. True connection to other people is something that many of us lose when we get lost in addiction. I most certainly did. When I visit my most dear friend in the world who has been also my very most supportive ally and toughest-love doler at her home in Steven's Point, where do we go to dine? A bar, of course. Or sometimes a nice brunch kind of place. Alcohol is available in either location - and there is alcohol in her home as well. It's not a problem or temptation for me whatsoever. Because she knows what my problem is and she understands it and she loves me without judgement, and that's all I need from her. Because the last thing I would want to do is drink around her (even when I am withdrawing and would like nothing better than a drink, you know?). I am my best self with my best friend. She is not the problem. Alcohol is not the problem. I am the problem; my reaction to particular types of stress is the problem. My unarrested addiction is the problem. Or was.

I know without a doubt in my mind that I could go to any watering hole today without fear of drinking as long as I was with someone who loves me and knows that I struggle with addiction to alcohol. Would I try it on a lark? Hell no. But for a family or friend function that was important to me? Without a moment of hesitation.

But that's just me. I think when it gets right down to it, each of us has to dig really deep for anything that might resemble a hidden motivation or desire to drink. If there's even the slightest hint of a tug, we have to skip it, no matter how important the occasion might seem.

VinnyMcM

Thank you for all the responses. Definitely don’t feel ganged up on. This is my first time getting sober so I haven’t been through a relapse yet. There are some really thoughtful and well written posts in this thread. Will I relapse? I can’t predict the future. All I know this is the best I’ve ever felt and don’t intend to go back to that hell.

Again, thanks for everyone caring enough to take the time to write.

Outonthetiles

Not ganging up, but I always think of those Wisconsin, Michigan, type of bars as depicted in Fargo, Deer Hunter, and Zoolander! It just doesn't seem like an attractive place to be. There's more to life than spending time in some dark, dingy bar in the backwoods.

Dee74

Actually with relapse I believe you can make (or break) the future yourself.

We're not passive players here, relapse is not something that happens to us - we relapse (or don't relapse) according to the choices we make.

If you do everything you can to stay sober and make decisions based on that desire to stay sober you'll be fine.

Relapse is not part of my recovery it's part of my addiction .

As long as I stay within recovery, I can't be at home to Mr Relapse

D

ShiftHappens

I was thinking of The Drew Carey Show outonthetiles