Red78

I'm very hungover today and I want this to be the last time.. I am grieving so deeply for the loss of my friend and I don't wanna go into a spiral, she wouldn't want that. She came here because she had spiralled out of control due to losing a close friend to addiction, I won't do the same..

I had an anxiety attack today which I've never had before, I don't know if this was due to the grief or being hungover but it's quite scary and I don't wanna to take the risk of it being booze, so Im done..

Alcohol does not belong in my body anymore, I will attack this grief head on and sober, I owe it too myself and too the memory of my beautiful friend..

​​​​​​


​​​​

HeadEast

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

theVman31

You can do it Red.
For yourself and Nichole and all who know you. Drinking wont make anything easier.
Start 2020 on a new page.

Red78

No it won't.. I have 22 days sober this month already so I will pick that back up..

I come to SR 3 years ago today and although I've had many sober stints over those 3 years I'm still not sober and this needs to change..

Dee74

the thing about drinking on grief is we never give ourselves a chance to process the loss - the wound stays red and raw, we get no closure or healing, and we have to drink more and more to numb the pain of the wounds that won't heal.

The AV is so low down it will take the grief you feel and use it to get a drink.
Thats a dog act, and you can refuse to play along.

Honour her memory, She'd want you to get sober and stay sober more than anything, Red.

D

NicLin

I am so sorry for your loss. This disease is ruthless, takes people every day and is to be taken very seriously.

We are all fighting for our lives, and the support that we can find here is invaluable.

We are all here for you. I hope that you find some peace and continue to move forward and honor the blessing and memory of your dear friend.

Keep logging on, every day. We are here.

Pressmetilihurt

Yay for making that decision. We all do this together. So glad You came back.

Red78

​​​​​​One good thing will come from her passing and that is my sobriety.. I have to do this for us..

MythOfSisyphus

You are not alone.

Red78

Thank you, you have bought tears too my eyes as I certainly feel alone without her...even if I'm not..

Steely

When the hangover lifts you will see more clearly Red. Alcohol is a cns depressant. You'll be feeling negative.

I'm learning that sobriety, and "life on life's terms", is the better way to live. It is more genuine. More real. It has integrity, whereas drinking does not. Alcohol is an imposter. I want genuine, and that takes practice. Day at a time.

I'm trying to face it head on too Red. I can't live the life of the imposter any longer.

Rock on a Red. See you in Class.

Formy2boys2

Im sorry to hear about your loss and pain. Please drink plenty of fluids. The hangover will definitely amplify the grief.
Hope you can get some rest and have someone close to help you start the process of grieving in a healthy way. It's hard. Its fresh. It's raw. But it will not always be that way. You're friend is smiling on you and wanting you to be well. You've got this.

Surrendered19

I'm so sorry Red. There is no pretty face to put on that situation. Stay with us and keep posting. Your friend would want you to stay sober and do battle on this earth as best you can, sword sharp and mind ready.

SoberRican

Hello and welcome back. Sorry for the loss Hey we are only here part time. That said lets get you back in shape yeah? Keep working out them sober muscles your body and mind will thank you. Ball and chain is a bit#h to break but is breakable. One day at a time. Just worry about today. ✌

Wastinglife

I understand Red. My mother died suddenly last year before Christmas and I went on a month long bender. I assume that Nichole's death is what you are referring to. I have no other coping mechanisms myself to deal with grief outside of alcohol yet it was basically alcohol that killed my mother. I get anxiety attacks whenever I try to stop drinking and it just perpetuates more drinking.

I am only day 7, so no judgment here. Just keep trying your best.

Red78

Thank you for all your msg and replies..

I am in a much better space today, sober..
I have been talking with my friends husband about her and the funeral and what's happening, it has been a great joy to hear as he is honouring the person she was down to a tee. Nichole and I shared the same beliefs which aren't shared by a lot of people and he is honoring this and doing it her way, I am over joyed at this. I can not be there as I live in a totally different country and there is no live stream but it brings peace to know he is doing this for her, it will make her beam in the afterlife...

So for today I am at peace..

emme99

Thinking of you Red and glad to hear you’re feeling a little better x

PalmerSage

You can do this, Red - there are so many people here to support you!!!

Red78

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone here on SR for your support. This place has gotten me through the last week when I felt soo empty inside and without you all I would be in a much different place than I am now. This place is truly a blessing.

I hope 2020 brings to you all what you want and for those of it it doesn't I hope you find the strength and support to get through it sober.. Facing pain head on and sober is far easier than trying to do something or not with it in complete chaos..
Blessed be..

Daisybelle

((( Big hugs))) Red and lots of love to you. We are all here for you, we've got your back. xxx