Crap
 

So I had 12 whole weeks and I fell like a bag of ****. I kid you not I am so crap, everything a out me fells crap. So the word for me is crap. I can't believe I did it

Oh, Boggle.
I'm so sorry to hear this. Believe me, I know how it feels. :(
Do you know what happened?

How can we help?

O

p.s. You are not crap - your addiction is crap. Huge difference, that.

Many of us faltered a time or two Boggle. Pick yourself up,dust to yourself off.
Think about wht happened this time and make plans to avoid that putfall in the future.

It's one battle not the whole war :)

D

No worries. Love the addict hate the addiction. Dust them knees off partner. Keep on Rollin. One day at a time

I drank, that's how simple it was, and not so simple at all, my wee back shed was just so full of drink for Christmas, beer wine more beer, brandy, gin, whisky, I think it is my own fault cos I don't make it be a big thing, well if it wasn't I wouldn't be here, I kid you not, I thought about coming on here and not saying a word about what I done, but I'm so disappointed in myself, did ever anyone of you ever think of this lie, I'm sure this makes no sence to you all, but in my head it makes sence to me

I know as female, mother, grandmother, wife, I am not crap, but I just feel crap, thank frig for auto correct spelling or id be buggeroud

Did I ever drink when I promised myself I would not? absolutely.
Did I ever think I'll just have one or two and then drink the house dry. Yuh Huh
Did I not let on the enormity of my problem to family and friends? Yep.
Did I feel so disgusted with myself I wasn't sure I could go on? that too.

Its a hard thing we're doing Boggle. I underestimated the task and what I'd need to do to stay sober for many years - but I got it right in the end.

Everyone here understands - you're no different to any of us :)

D

Use your feelings as motivation to get and stay sober. You never have to feel this way again as long as you don't drink! That's what I did when I relapsed the last time. I vowed I'd get sober for good, and with the support and guidance here, I never gave up and now have over 10 yrs sober. :)

You can do it if you want to be sober more than you want to drink. :)

Did I ever think about continuing to post without mentioning that I drank? Yep.

But what's the sense of that, right? After all, what are we all here for?

Dee74, that was just the nicest thing I ever heard, I flipping hate to have to go back and say I'm back this is day one but I'm gonna have to accept what I've done, I don't even like the taste of the bugger, but I listened sure its Christmas. Oh frig I have to go back to day one again. Its 3.52am my time I. N ireland and I need to sleep and start myself all over again. Sending you all much love j

12 weeks is amazing Boggle. Let's focus on that. You can do that again. Whatever that shed is out back I'd go ahead and empty that out if you have that kind of agency in your house. And lying isn't a shock to any of us so don't feel bad about considering that. And, you didn't anyway so let that one go. At times most of us addicts will look at a white car, look another dead in the eye, and swear it is black. Is today your Day 1 or will that be tomorrow? Either way, let's hit 2020 with a few sober days under our belt.

Before I go to bed I have to say, I and my phone are going round and round, I know what joy is In that, God give me the stegth to move on from this crap

That is the worst feeling Boggle. Lie your head down and close your eyes dearest. We'll deal with this in the morning light.

Boggle, keep going, this is a bump in the road and one huge lesson. Each time we fall down, we learn something new, so take the lesson and move forward.

Won't do any good to beat yourself up, you already have a step ahead by coming on here and being honest, no matter how hard that was.

Good onya.

Nic.

Well I had that drunk sleep, see for me I don't do things in half measures its either all or nothing,
I had just started to feel better in myself sleeping all night, you know the feeling, now I have to step up and go through the heart pounding, the headache, oh the joys of being an alcoholic

Yes, isn't it wonderful? This is the last time you ever have to feel like this again Boggle. Welcome to Day 1 and let's hit 2020 and the new decade together with some sober days under our belts.

so throw yourself ALL in a program of recovery like millions of us have!

:thanks

Boggle, I've been there, too and I know it's miserable. I'm so glad that you're back and ready and willing to do this again. You must not give up. :) Be kind to yourself today.

My first serious attempt at sobriety other than pregnancy and nursing was in October 2012. I made it to the 90 day mark and was so excited. Not long after that we rented a little cabin in the mountains, and after the kids went to sleep I thought how nice it would be to have a glass of wine by the fire. I then had another glass, and soon found myself struggling with trying to moderate. I did this for close to three years, short periods of sobriety followed by failed attempts at moderation.

I finally said enough, I was done feeling less than my best mostly every day. On January 1st I will celebrate four years of sobriety, and I can’t imagine ever going back to that cycle.

I know how you’re feeling today, I’ve been there. My best advice is change your mindset to one of recovery. I stopped focusing on not being able to drink, and started focusing on making healthy choices for myself emotionally and physically, and the first choice was alcohol wasn’t an option no matter what. I read lots of recovery books, and learned lots from each person’s story. I make it a point to get outdoors and exercise each day, even if it’s just a short walk, the combination of nature and exercise always makes me feel better. I read and post here daily, it’s been my biggest support. I also work hard at remaining in the present moment. There are some great mindfulness apps to help with this, and even just learning a few breathing techniques.

You can do this, I know you can!

❤️Delilah

So last night I had an awful time in bed, was absolutely exhausted, but nope sleep was speradick, I drempt I had a stroke, woke up soaked in sweat, Jack hammer in my head, still sweating this morning, heads eased a bit, must have drank a gallon of anything cold in the fridge, non alcoholic obviously, checked back shed, totally void of any booze at all, I was so relieved, loads of fruit juice and sparkling water, so my friends onwards and upwards as I start my journey again, my name is Jacqueline, and I'm an alcoholic, much love guys for all the help ans support xx❤️