Back Again.....Failed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 68
Back Again.....Failed
I need to start over. I had a good run going, 38 or 39 days, and lost a person(uncle) that was like a second father to me and then family drama that took me over the edge. I feel like a loser and am very disappointed in myself. Not drinking like I used to but I am heading back in that direction. I really want to do this. Really need to put in the work and figure this out. My wife has even noticed and mentioned that she thinks I am drinking again. I came clean and spilled the beans. The fact that I disappointed her makes it worse. She was so proud of me. I need to start visiting here daily like I was. That really helped and everyone was very supportive but I was too embarrassed to admit I started back up. Day 1...…..again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
Hey MJP73, I know how it feels to be on the right track and then to open that first drink. I know it had to be hard to not want a drink after a loss of a family member, but the decision not to drink has to be made before any life situation occurs. It is the way for us to be able to cope with life circumstances with a clear mind without any booze. This will help us react the right way when things get tough in life. Post more about how you feel at times on here or find an AA group to help. It’s great that your starting again for sobriety!...I hope my messaged helped. Stay strong!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 68
Thank you Dee. I was keeping myself busy on my days off so I will start by adding daily, time consuming activities. I really wanted to join the gym again. This always helped in the past drive my beer consumption way down. I am also going to steer clear of the toxic environment that seems to surround my family when it arises. I am sure there is a lot more I am going to do I just have to prioritize them. Might hit meetings again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
doing stuff to fill the day is important but I think it's vital we also think about what we're going to do next time we want a drink, cos that will happen.
No one can stay busy all the time for the rest of their lives.
Check this link out
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
No one can stay busy all the time for the rest of their lives.
Check this link out
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
I would hope you'd want to honor his memory by staying sober and living the best life you can. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,534
Just so long as you are back MJP.
Steering clear of toxic family (people) environments sounds like a great idea. I'm planning same. This time it has to be about us, and what keeps us sober.
We're wrapping our heads around it, which is a good thing in itself.
Steering clear of toxic family (people) environments sounds like a great idea. I'm planning same. This time it has to be about us, and what keeps us sober.
We're wrapping our heads around it, which is a good thing in itself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 68
You know what I find truly amazing is how good I was feeling, both physically and emotionally and still managed to get back on the poison. All of the drinking related issues were fading away nicely. Makes me sick that I chose to drink again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Sorry for the loss mate but this is what untreated alcoholism does ... waits for the opportunity to present itself and before you know it, booze is back on the agenda.
Stopped posting, no meetings, no other significant plan other than to "just not drink"
You are undoubtedly smarter than that, so step up and throw down with a decent plan of action this time.
Stopped posting, no meetings, no other significant plan other than to "just not drink"
You are undoubtedly smarter than that, so step up and throw down with a decent plan of action this time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I am so sorry for your loss MJP. Regarding you, what happened, happened. Don't beat yourself up too much about it and start again. There is some really good advice here, including using a recovery plan to help you. Best wishes!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Glad you are back with us and on Day 1. Something to be proud of, not ashamed. I went back out after 3 yrs. once & it took me a very long time to recommit. I was feeling good too, MJP - and I don't know what I was looking for by picking up again. Comfort maybe? There's none to be found by turning to our old 'friend'. Now that we know better, we won't be fooled again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 68
Day 2 and thank you all for the support. Slept great this morning as I was on the night shift last night and tonight is my last one for a couple days. I find the AV to be pretty sly when it comes to talking us into it. "Oh, just have a couple. It will be fine." I don't do a couple, and I know it. A couple turns to twelve pretty damn fast. The dry mouth, runny damn nose and hacking up every morning happens every time I drink like I do. Can't hardly look at myself in the mirror without calling myself an idiot or looser when I wake up. Going to concentrate on myself and my family and keep posting. Thank you for the support again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle.
Glad you're back! Maybe it would be a good idea to put a plan in place so that next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, you will be ready? You can do this!
Glad you're back! Maybe it would be a good idea to put a plan in place so that next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, you will be ready? You can do this!
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