Honestly believe I was one week away from death
 

I knew I had a serious problem when I started working from home. Good money but I hated my job and began drinking all day (drinking til I passed out at noon and then drinking when I woke up and repeat). It was beer at that point.

I knew I had to stop but couldn’t get over the withdrawals. Beer didn’t work anymore. I switched to vodka. Pretty much straight.

I got a new job where nobody knew if I would go into work or not. So I didn’t. Some days I would drink an entire 1.75 and pretty much stopped eating and throwing up about 8 times a day. This went on for about 3 weeks but I got very good at hiding it.

December 17, 2019 at 4:02 a.m. I drove myself to the ER. Pulled over in the middle of the road and threw up again. Admitted myself with alcohol withdrawal and they took me back right away.

Blood pressure 193/126. Pulse of 176. Liver levels 10x normal.

They immediately put an iv in me and pumped me full of what seemed like 10 drugs I can’t even pronounce. I’ll never be sure of this but I believe I overheard them outside my door asking if they should have a defib close by.

I was sent home that day when heavy doses of Librium and bed rest. Hospitals have really advanced their treatment system with this.

I can’t even began to explain how much this experience has changed my life. I know it’s only a few days but these have been the best few days of my life! I’m already finding my passion for old hobbies and have even starting exercising. It’s going to be a long road but I’ve already gained something I haven’t had in 20 years: HOPE!!

If you’re still with me, the moral of my story is I would not be here if I finally didn’t open up to my loved ones about my addiction. Also, please seek medical attention. There are so my resources and people are not as judgemental as I thought.

Thanks for reading!

Welcome and I'm glad you decided to go to the hospital. I hope you decide to stop drinking for good. :) Do you have a plan in mind for how you will stay sober and recover?

After going through the pain of withdrawals, I can’t even imagine drinking ever again (I know that’s easy to say right now). I have an amazing support system I plan on seeing a therapist to see what started all this.

You've made the right decision.
The fear of judgement....I hear you. I think we judge ourselves harder than anyone else ever judges us.
So glad you are here.

Thanks for sharing your story. It , in a way, is close to mine. I, too, was close to death. But I had been before. I am a slow learner.
I went through what you describe five times.
I really shouldn't be alive. And if not for a power greater than myself I wouldn't be.

I'm glad you made it through, and remember, you never have to drink again.

Glad you went to the ER and got help. Thanks for sharing your story.

Welcome and you are making the the right decision in staying away from alcohol. I don't know how familiar you are with recovery but here are a couple of acronyms that I found useful in learning about when I first stopped. FAB fading affect bias and PAWS post acute withdrawal syndrome.

FAB is the process where we tend to forget the negative portions of an experience while remembering the positive parts, even romanticizing the experience as time goes on. Its one reason I think I used to go back to drinking after sweating I was done. As my body rebounded I would forget about the horrible experience and only focus on the brief moments of enjoyment. A lot of people will try to have "just one" and find themselves back where they started or worse.

PAWS is the process our body goes thru in hearing after we stop drinking. I used to believe I was completely normal once the hangover passed but this isn't accurate. This kind last several months from what I've read.

Anyway, best wishes in recover. You can do it.

Vinny - I'm so glad you joined us & told what happened. Must have been terrifying, but sometimes that's what it takes to make us surrender.

I think talking things over here at SR, with those who understand, will help you stay determined & positive. I'm very glad you are beginning a whole new life with a clear head. Be proud of yourself for admitting what needed to happen & taking action. Some never do.

Welcome to the family. :) I hope you will stop drinking for good. There's lots of support here, use it to help you get sober. :hug:

Hello,
So glad you are ok- and saw the light.
I myself have been in detox/er high blood pressure racing heart. No way to live. Must be nice to feel some relief.
I also worked from home. I did not enjoy it and followed pretty much the same pattern as you. I was let go- (that was a definite) Do you still have your job? Do you still work from home or go into an actual office?
I just got a part time job- but I have to leave my home and interact with the world. I also was fortunate to get part times so I have time to go to meetings and get outside support with this.
So glad you are ok and found this forum. Look forward to hearing your sober journey.
:grouphug:

With that blood pressure and pulse rate I think your title might be right. Congratulations on your decision to stop. You won't regret it.

I can relate Vinny.

You had an epiphany. You are so lucky. So glad you are here.

So glad I am, too.

Glad you are sober now!!
Keep moving forward.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Love and hugs,
~SB

I think you're lucky to be with us, still. I hope you successfully stop drinking. God bless.

I can relate too VinnyMcM - make the most of this second chance :)

welcome to SR :)

D

I got out of that job. I also had a very toxic boss who actually got fired after I left. I now have a job that I get out of the house and interact with people on a daily basis.

Heart rate is already down to 68 and BP has went down to 150/95. Still high but I’ve seemed to substitute booze with caffeine which is causing a lot of that.

Damn, alcohol really wrecks your body.

I'm glad you're starting to feel better, Vinny.

Just keep it going now. These next few weeks can be tough but it gets easier. After 6 months now for me, and it does go by fast, I dont even want to drink or even have that buzz that I once thought was great. It's way better sober and not all messed up. I've been there. It sucks. Use your new hope to make this permanent

Welcome Vinny!

This is an understatement.

Drinking even moderately puts your body into a sort of fight or flight mode - the cells in your body will prioritize processing ethanol into acetic acid (vinegar) if they are able to do so; this predominantly occurs in the liver. Other cells will just die. Ethanol is toxic to pretty much everything it touches.

Additionally, drinking the way you said you were drinking puts you at significant risk for alcoholic ketoacidosis - if your body is using alcohol for its only fuel, it produces excess ketone bodies which make your blood pH acidic. This is a medical emergency and it will make you feel very ill. This occurs in alcoholics when they start to lose appetite as an initial withdrawal symptom - or forget to eat because they're too drunk.

It's also a neurotoxin, can cause pancreatitis (leading cause of this actually), kidney issues, digestive system issues, nervous system issues, and is really bad for your brain chemistry. End stage alcoholism is not a fun way to die.