I'm so embarassed
 

My join date is November 2015 and here I am, still trying to get clean. I can only imagine the damage I've done to my body and the countless hours lost by drinking.

I'm very angry with myself. My drinking costs, monetarily, are about $3 a day. But multiply that by (with the exception of a few dry weeks and days) 4 years, it amounts to over $4300 dollars! I could have spent that money on my grandchildren.

Then there are the hours lost. Alcohol makes me sleepy so I nap. 2, 3 even 4 hours at a time. Adding that time up ( and I'm afraid to see what that number is) 182 days using the 3 hour number. That's half a year, at least.

I drink to escape - anxiety, hurt and work I don't want to do.

I am determined to make it work this time. How nice it would be to go to bed Christmas Eve with a week clean!

Just felt like sharing what was happening in my head. It's rough seeing written out, but I think it will help me.

I welcome any thoughts, comments or suggestions any of you may have.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I tell myself this every time a drink pops into my mind: "I had my last drink. I will never drink again."

The anxiety and worries and other life-stuff gets a lot better with some sober Time. Not in a week, but in a few months. You can do it!

I hope you'll stick with us and start your new sober life/new sober decade. :)

Hi Optimist,

I’m so glad you came here and posted this morning, sobriety sounds like the perfect gift to give yourself this holiday season.

I joined SR in March of 2012, had my first long stretch of sobriety in October 2012, then finally took my last drink on December 31, 2015. I spent more then. 3.5 years coming back here and posting that I was starting again.

I will celebrate four years of sobriety on January 1st, and I wouldn’t have that time if I hadn’t kept coming back here. The thing that shifted and allowed me to finally get sober for good was shifting my mindset to one of recovery vs. not drinking. I decided that I was going to make healthy decisions for myself both mentally and physically. Below are the things that were the biggest parts of my recovery plan:
-Reading and posting daily on SR. I still do this, and in the beginning I was on here many times throughout the day.

-Joined the January of 2016 class on SR. Having the support of others at the same stage of recovery was really helpful. I also joined the 24 hour thread on SR, I love that one because people have various periods of recovery, so you can learn from those with longer periods and soon you’ll become one of those with longer periods of sobriety.

-Reading recovery books

-Speaking to a therapist, this was a healthy way for me to deal with some of the emotional things I had going on in my life.

-Exercise, I find the getting out for a walk each day helps to clear my head and refocus me. The combination of nature and exercise really helps.

-Reading recovery books, I learned from each of the stories people told.

-Mindfulness, I still work on this one, I find remaining focused on the present moment allows me to truly enjoy life. I cannot change the past, only learn from it, and stressing about what might happen is dangerous. Remaining in the present truly has changed my outlook on life.

-Gratitude, this is another big one for me. I try to approach life through a lens of gratitude, no matter how difficult the current situation. I have so much to be grateful for, and I take the time to recognize that each day.

- Drinking is just not an option, no matter what. Taking alcohol completely off the table needs to be the first thing you do.

You can do this Optimist, I know you can! Think how great it will be to celebrate one year of sobriety right before the holidays in 2020!

No need to be embarrassed. This site has hundreds of thousands of members. Alcohol is a universal problem. We all struggle to find solutions. Best wishes to you.

We've been there Opt. And some of us have come from the exact same place and gotten clean for good - you can too. I had a 2013 join date before I finally put down the booze for good last spring. Read up, get the leverage you need, accept accept accept and keep checking in here.

I think we all are embarrassed in some way by our prior drinking.

More importantly, what are you going to do so that you are no longer embarrassed by it?

One thought would be to do something you are proud of, which is sort of the opposite of something you are embarrassed by.

Posting on this website a year from now, that you have been sober for 1 year would be something to be proud of.

You are going to need a plan to make that happen though.

That was a great post, Optimist. For me, sharing here has removed a lot of the anxiety associated with quitting. As others have said - please know we all understand, as most of us have had false starts. (I had 3 yrs. once & went back out for 7!)

I drank 30 yrs. When I found SR I really didn't see how it could help. I found that no longer feeling alone made a huge difference to my attitude. I had no one else in my life who understood the struggle. You can do it this time - I'm going to have 12 yrs. next month, so I know it's possible - even for us older die hards. :)

It's absolutely amazing how much money we've spent on alcohol. Don't be embarrassed at all. There is some good advice above. I especially like what Delilah said.

I hope you'll find the motivation you need to get sober for good. :hug:

Welcome and I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking and to live a sober life.

We're here to offer support. :)

I would recommend putting the calculator away, what's done is done. I say that because I can relate and that negative train of thought can be hard to get off.
Forgive yourself.
Glad you're here.

O4E- my suggestion is to joi lots of threads in the newcomer's forums. There is a thread to check in every 24h, for weekends, there is also a Class of December '19. I joined C/O March '16 and use it daily, I consider the people I have met a SR to be my friends. When I get depressed or sad- I post, read, share and learn.

Support to you.

Thank you, Bimini :)

This is so much wonderful information, Delilah. Thank you!

I am currently working the Celebrate Recovery program, worksheets and all. I'm learning some things about myself that are very interesting.

Exercise is the key word for me! I have 3 pups that would love to take a walk with me. I think that block of time I used for napping would be a great time to walk!

I've been writing three things I'm grateful for each day in my journal, which I've been doing for many years. Isn't there a grateful thread? I think that would be another good one for me to get involved in. In fact, I believe I have posted there in the past.

Drinking is NOT an option. Got it.

Thanks again :)

Thank you, Callas!

Lessgravity, good advice. I stop posting when I fail, and feel as though I've let everyone down.

There is no room for failure. Not an option.

Thank you!

Zebra, my grandson and I were just talking about what I can do. My dream would be to prepare meals for homebound people, or others who just can't do it themselves. I don't want to make money, just cover my costs as I love to cook. I'm going to put that as a New Year resolution and maybe put it out on FB to see if there is a need.

Thank you!

12 years is AWESOME!!! I'm so happy for you, Hevyn :c011:

I've suffered from GAD since I was a child, but for some reason, quitting this time doesn't seem to be causing me much anxiety, for which I am very thankful.

It's just those surprise visits that get me, but I know that it will pass .

Thank you for responding, Hevyn!

I'm not going to revisit it again! Yes, I am thankful for all the responses, HeadEast. Thank you.