63 days...still hoping
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
63 days...still hoping
Today is 63 days.
Doing a few things differently, but still can't tell how far I've come in my healing. My ER visit left me with okay bloodwork two weeks ago, but I cant help but believe that my organs are ruined. My stomach and transient abdominal issues are mild, but lingering.
My sleep isn't great, and I'm working on my anxiety. Follow up with the doc on the 30th for abdominal issues. No vomiting, diarrhea, no fevers, no low energy, appetite is back.
Scared I was too late to stop on this relapse and I've ruined my chance at a good healthy and happy life.
Still moving forward, but very discouraged that I don't feel drastically better at over 2 months sober. Terrified in fact.
I have appreciated all the support so far, and I've taken some advice onon nighttime meditation, still exercising, diet pretty decent.
Just mostly scared that I'll never get better and always feel moderately sick and anxious.
Reaching out...no one else to really turn to for support, you guys are it.
Doing a few things differently, but still can't tell how far I've come in my healing. My ER visit left me with okay bloodwork two weeks ago, but I cant help but believe that my organs are ruined. My stomach and transient abdominal issues are mild, but lingering.
My sleep isn't great, and I'm working on my anxiety. Follow up with the doc on the 30th for abdominal issues. No vomiting, diarrhea, no fevers, no low energy, appetite is back.
Scared I was too late to stop on this relapse and I've ruined my chance at a good healthy and happy life.
Still moving forward, but very discouraged that I don't feel drastically better at over 2 months sober. Terrified in fact.
I have appreciated all the support so far, and I've taken some advice onon nighttime meditation, still exercising, diet pretty decent.
Just mostly scared that I'll never get better and always feel moderately sick and anxious.
Reaching out...no one else to really turn to for support, you guys are it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hello,
You are so doing the right thing for yourself. Congrats on day 63
Also you are tending to your needs. I hope you get more clarity with your follow up appointment on 30th. Blood work-ok!! thats is very good news
Instead of the glass 1/2 empty lets say 1/2 full at this point in your sobriety.
Your glass is filled with 63 days of sobriety
no vomiting
regulated bowel
no fever
more energy.
better sleep
healthy appetite.
Posting here for support
Dr's visits!!
I think that is alot for two months of sobriety
You are so doing the right thing for yourself. Congrats on day 63
Also you are tending to your needs. I hope you get more clarity with your follow up appointment on 30th. Blood work-ok!! thats is very good news
Instead of the glass 1/2 empty lets say 1/2 full at this point in your sobriety.
Your glass is filled with 63 days of sobriety
no vomiting
regulated bowel
no fever
more energy.
better sleep
healthy appetite.
Posting here for support
Dr's visits!!
I think that is alot for two months of sobriety
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi sadforldr7 
I couldn't believe that my insane drinking and assorted foolishness didn't leave me with some kind of ticking health time bomb...but that was not the case.
I breathed easier when I started to feel consistently better - for me that started around 90 days.
Eating right, trying to rest every night if not sleep, and getting a little regular light exercise helped too
I hope you'll start to feel consistently better too.
Congrats on 63 days.
I couldn't believe that my insane drinking and assorted foolishness didn't leave me with some kind of ticking health time bomb...but that was not the case.
I breathed easier when I started to feel consistently better - for me that started around 90 days.
Eating right, trying to rest every night if not sleep, and getting a little regular light exercise helped too
I hope you'll start to feel consistently better too.
Congrats on 63 days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by ClarkGrizwold 
Today is 127 for me and I still feel bad 2 to 3 days a week and my Doc says everthing is fine. Your body isnt going to heel itself over night. Just give it some time,!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
Thanks Faith, Dee and Clark.
In tears tonight and grateful for the support...everything else in my life I've mostly confronted alone and fairly confident I could handle it. This relapse has been horrible and terrifying and like nothing I've experienced. Just don't feel right.. inside or out. I look haggard, exhausted, bloodshot dry eyes....just ugh.
I'd go back to Afghanistan and mortars before I'd go through this again.
In tears tonight and grateful for the support...everything else in my life I've mostly confronted alone and fairly confident I could handle it. This relapse has been horrible and terrifying and like nothing I've experienced. Just don't feel right.. inside or out. I look haggard, exhausted, bloodshot dry eyes....just ugh.
I'd go back to Afghanistan and mortars before I'd go through this again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by sadforldr7
Thanks Faith, Dee and Clark.
In tears tonight and grateful for the support...everything else in my life I've mostly confronted alone and fairly confident I could handle it. This relapse has been horrible and terrifying and like nothing I've experienced. Just don't feel right.. inside or out. I look haggard, exhausted, bloodshot dry eyes....just ugh.
I'd go back to Afghanistan and mortars before I'd go through this again.
In tears tonight and grateful for the support...everything else in my life I've mostly confronted alone and fairly confident I could handle it. This relapse has been horrible and terrifying and like nothing I've experienced. Just don't feel right.. inside or out. I look haggard, exhausted, bloodshot dry eyes....just ugh.
I'd go back to Afghanistan and mortars before I'd go through this again.
Try and read some positive literature online. Self nurture and self care.
I promise things will get better if you stay sober. You will never have to go through that horrible and terrifying experience again. That passed. You are on the road to recovery. Can you get some eye drops to moisten your eyes ? Light exercise will boost your endorphins, healthy diet. I felt stuck some days and people on this board coaxed me out of it . Keep us posted on your progress
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by faith823
I have 53 days tomorrow- I myself when through a terrifying time while detoxing. Two weeks in a black out. Just remember you are not alone .
Try and read some positive literature online. Self nurture and self care.
I promise things will get better if you stay sober. You will never have to go through that horrible and terrifying experience again. That passed. You are on the road to recovery. Can you get some eye drops to moisten your eyes ? Light exercise will boost your endorphins, healthy diet. I felt stuck some days and people on this board coaxed me out of it . Keep us posted on your progress
Try and read some positive literature online. Self nurture and self care.
I promise things will get better if you stay sober. You will never have to go through that horrible and terrifying experience again. That passed. You are on the road to recovery. Can you get some eye drops to moisten your eyes ? Light exercise will boost your endorphins, healthy diet. I felt stuck some days and people on this board coaxed me out of it . Keep us posted on your progress
Congrats on 53 days, you're progressing really well from what I've followed in your posts.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
From day 1, I was mentally in Shambles, physically I was getting stronger. Mentally i felt like I was going to collapse, I had routine mini panic attacks. Sometimes I would have one while laying in my bed and just about to doze off. Of course it would cause me to wake up.
Nightmare stuff. That going away is a reason to never drink again, but there are many other cool healing occurances.
So blessed to have found Sr and you all.
Thanks.
Nightmare stuff. That going away is a reason to never drink again, but there are many other cool healing occurances.
So blessed to have found Sr and you all.
Thanks.
AKA ComputerMan
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by sadforldr7
Thanks Faith, Dee and Clark.
In tears tonight and grateful for the support...everything else in my life I've mostly confronted alone and fairly confident I could handle it. This relapse has been horrible and terrifying and like nothing I've experienced. Just don't feel right.. inside or out. I look haggard, exhausted, bloodshot dry eyes....just ugh.
I'd go back to Afghanistan and mortars before I'd go through this again.
In tears tonight and grateful for the support...everything else in my life I've mostly confronted alone and fairly confident I could handle it. This relapse has been horrible and terrifying and like nothing I've experienced. Just don't feel right.. inside or out. I look haggard, exhausted, bloodshot dry eyes....just ugh.
I'd go back to Afghanistan and mortars before I'd go through this again.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 57
Day 54 here. I've had fits and starts of feeling better since my last binge, but just as many days where I've felt like s%$t. This is the longest I've ever been, from probably 16 years old to 46 now. I get mad sometimes because I thought I'd magically feel spectacular if I got past 30. I did dry January the last three years without much trouble, and felt pretty good by the end (which I used as an excuse to "prove" to myself I wasn't an alcoholic). Wet February followed.
Anyway, it can be depressing because the AV tells you it's too much work for not enough benefit. I know for a fact that's a lie, but it still creeps into my mind from time to time. Hang in there. We'll get through this and it WILL get better.
Anyway, it can be depressing because the AV tells you it's too much work for not enough benefit. I know for a fact that's a lie, but it still creeps into my mind from time to time. Hang in there. We'll get through this and it WILL get better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I'm living Day 28 and I am still coming out of the toxic state I had myself in for 2-3 decades. I don't ever expect to feel 100 percent again as I have to pay the tab I ran up on my body. But I am really trying to not think about that too much until I have a year sober. I think 63 days is an amazing accomplishment and that still feeling rough after what we did to ourselves is to be expected. I'm sorry you are still feeling rough SadForLdr, but this is preferable to 64 days ago, no?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by BartShelbyGT
Day 54 here. I've had fits and starts of feeling better since my last binge, but just as many days where I've felt like s%$t. This is the longest I've ever been, from probably 16 years old to 46 now. I get mad sometimes because I thought I'd magically feel spectacular if I got past 30. I did dry January the last three years without much trouble, and felt pretty good by the end (which I used as an excuse to "prove" to myself I wasn't an alcoholic). Wet February followed.
Anyway, it can be depressing because the AV tells you it's too much work for not enough benefit. I know for a fact that's a lie, but it still creeps into my mind from time to time. Hang in there. We'll get through this and it WILL get better.
Anyway, it can be depressing because the AV tells you it's too much work for not enough benefit. I know for a fact that's a lie, but it still creeps into my mind from time to time. Hang in there. We'll get through this and it WILL get better.
Thank you. I have no cravings to drink at all. Just feel achy and not sleeping well and weird symptoms. I just try to wake up grateful I'm alive, but I'm convinced that at some point the physic wreckage will show up and my liver cannot be undamaged after all I've done. Trying so very hard to be positive, take the great advice and move forward, but I'm struggling pretty bad with believing I won't see next Christmas. Is this normal???
Feel as if I've ruined my life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
I'm living Day 28 and I am still coming out of the toxic state I had myself in for 2-3 decades. I don't ever expect to feel 100 percent again as I have to pay the tab I ran up on my body. But I am really trying to not think about that too much until I have a year sober. I think 63 days is an amazing accomplishment and that still feeling rough after what we did to ourselves is to be expected. I'm sorry you are still feeling rough SadForLdr, but this is preferable to 64 days ago, no?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by sadforldr7
I suppose part of this is guilt and shame. I was exercising and eating well while drinking heavily. Few symptoms then and felt okay, drank at night, functioned fine during the day. I feel worse sober truth be told and trying convince myself that my body is trying heal. Most days though it feels like my body is winding down.
I certainly was.
I was physically and psychologically defeated.
But everything healed up and I eventually got healthy again.
My chronic alcoholism was a full frontal assault on some rather important organs and systems in my body.
I didn't heal all at once.
It sounds like you're making good progress.
We're glad to have you here, amigo.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 57
I don't know if it's normal to think you're dying, but my experience so far has been that yes, I wonder that fairly often.
I've been kind of a hypochondriac. My blood work looked fine.
But been taking my BP constantly, still high at 135/85ish, but way better than the 165 over 100 it was the first weeks.
Every time I forget something, I wonder if I've damaged short term memory.
Trying to nonchalantly take my pulse at work, under the conference table in meetings at work. Freaking out that it's too fast (which is a self fulfilling prophesy, as anxiety makes it faster, which in turn creates anxiety, viscous circle that)
Every ache, pain, or stiffness gets attributed to my years of hard drinking.
My logical brain realizes that I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill on the health stuff, but it still haunts me.
It's not that I feel awful, and I certainly feel better than I did (comparatively). I can't put my finger on something specific, it's just that I don't feel quite "right" yet.
I've been kind of a hypochondriac. My blood work looked fine.
But been taking my BP constantly, still high at 135/85ish, but way better than the 165 over 100 it was the first weeks.
Every time I forget something, I wonder if I've damaged short term memory.
Trying to nonchalantly take my pulse at work, under the conference table in meetings at work. Freaking out that it's too fast (which is a self fulfilling prophesy, as anxiety makes it faster, which in turn creates anxiety, viscous circle that)
Every ache, pain, or stiffness gets attributed to my years of hard drinking.
My logical brain realizes that I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill on the health stuff, but it still haunts me.
It's not that I feel awful, and I certainly feel better than I did (comparatively). I can't put my finger on something specific, it's just that I don't feel quite "right" yet.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by BartShelbyGT
I don't know if it's normal to think you're dying, but my experience so far has been that yes, I wonder that fairly often.
I've been kind of a hypochondriac. My blood work looked fine.
But been taking my BP constantly, still high at 135/85ish, but way better than the 165 over 100 it was the first weeks.
Every time I forget something, I wonder if I've damaged short term memory.
Trying to nonchalantly take my pulse at work, under the conference table in meetings at work. Freaking out that it's too fast (which is a self fulfilling prophesy, as anxiety makes it faster, which in turn creates anxiety, viscous circle that)
Every ache, pain, or stiffness gets attributed to my years of hard drinking.
My logical brain realizes that I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill on the health stuff, but it still haunts me.
It's not that I feel awful, and I certainly feel better than I did (comparatively). I can't put my finger on something specific, it's just that I don't feel quite "right" yet.
I've been kind of a hypochondriac. My blood work looked fine.
But been taking my BP constantly, still high at 135/85ish, but way better than the 165 over 100 it was the first weeks.
Every time I forget something, I wonder if I've damaged short term memory.
Trying to nonchalantly take my pulse at work, under the conference table in meetings at work. Freaking out that it's too fast (which is a self fulfilling prophesy, as anxiety makes it faster, which in turn creates anxiety, viscous circle that)
Every ache, pain, or stiffness gets attributed to my years of hard drinking.
My logical brain realizes that I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill on the health stuff, but it still haunts me.
It's not that I feel awful, and I certainly feel better than I did (comparatively). I can't put my finger on something specific, it's just that I don't feel quite "right" yet.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I don't necessarily think it is unusual to feel acute discomfort during a period of detox. People who fast tell of their bodies going through cathartic and really unpleasant things even in a fasted state. I think it takes a while for our bodies to achieve equilibrium again and that process can be uncomfortable.
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