My advice
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
My advice
Hello, all.
I just wanted to check in on this day 224 of sobriety. Wow that feels good to write. Almost seven and a half months. I feel SO DAMN LUCKY, even though hard work played a huge roll. I still feel so, so lucky.
I just wanted to try to give back, given all the help I've received here. So, if you're in those early days, here are some things I learned along the way.
1. Yes, it does get easier. Much easier. Don't think you have to live in this struggle for the rest of your life. You don't.
2. Whatever works for you, works for you. Some people live and die AA, and if it works for them, super. Others swear by AVRT, and that's great for them. For me, I just really need to understand the science of addiction. Understanding that has made literally all the difference.
3. So, some things I've learned (explained in my non-scientific way, as best as I understand it). GREY MATTER: This is in our brains. It helps us to make wise decisions (like don't drink and drive, only have 1 drink tonight because tomorrow is a work day, you're feeling sick so better not have that glass of wine). When you are an addict, your grey matter has decreased. A lot. So, it's not that you are some idiot making stupid decisions you should know better about, you literally can't make wiser decisions. BUT! With sober time, not only does you grey matter grow back, BUT it grows back more and better than ever. It's like your brain is rewarded for all it's hard work. How cool. So, if you think in these early days "maybe I should have a drink..." DON'T TRUST THIS THOUGHT. You're brain is BROKEN. Put the thought on hold for a few months and you'll see.
4. Another thing I learned: DOPAMINE. I knew you get a dopamine kick from alcohol. I DIDN'T know that the old dopamine kick you used to get (when you did/saw things you enjoyed) prior to being an addict decreases. SO, you literally like the things you used to like less, because your body is betraying you into feeding your addiction. This too goes away in time. I'm finding myself literally enjoying stuff again. For instance, not only am I no longer sitting through a play simply waiting for brunch and drinks after, but I'm also fully present for the play and loving it. It's like being a kid again.
5. When I first stopped drinking, I thought: this sucks. Everyone else gets to go home and have a drink after work but I don't. It is NOT FAIR I am damaged.
I don't see things that way at all anymore. Sure, some people might have a drink after work, but lots don't and lots shouldn't be. What is more exciting is that, for the other 95% of the day, I now get to be like "everyone" else: not hung over, not racing to get to my next drink, not hiding, hiding, and hiding some more. It was stupid I was focusing on such a short period of the day as opposed to the REST OF MY LIFE.
6. I relapsed after 4 months last year. I'm glad I did. I needed to run the experiment to prove I was an alcoholic. I needed it. Not saying everyone does, but I did.
7. 7 months is MUCH easier than 4 months. I can't imagine how 12 months will be in comparison.
God I hope this helps someone. You can all do it. Just put one step in front of the other, and before you know it sober life becomes normal, just like when you are a kid. A world of opportunities opens up. It really does. I remember when I had major knee surgery, I had to think flex my thigh muscle before each step during recovery. I asked "will I have to think to walk FOREVER." My physical therapist told me, "one day you'll just realize you are just walking, no thought". This is the same with sobriety. One day you'll realize you are sober, no thought.
Please contact me with any questions if you have them. GOOD LUCK!
I just wanted to check in on this day 224 of sobriety. Wow that feels good to write. Almost seven and a half months. I feel SO DAMN LUCKY, even though hard work played a huge roll. I still feel so, so lucky.
I just wanted to try to give back, given all the help I've received here. So, if you're in those early days, here are some things I learned along the way.
1. Yes, it does get easier. Much easier. Don't think you have to live in this struggle for the rest of your life. You don't.
2. Whatever works for you, works for you. Some people live and die AA, and if it works for them, super. Others swear by AVRT, and that's great for them. For me, I just really need to understand the science of addiction. Understanding that has made literally all the difference.
3. So, some things I've learned (explained in my non-scientific way, as best as I understand it). GREY MATTER: This is in our brains. It helps us to make wise decisions (like don't drink and drive, only have 1 drink tonight because tomorrow is a work day, you're feeling sick so better not have that glass of wine). When you are an addict, your grey matter has decreased. A lot. So, it's not that you are some idiot making stupid decisions you should know better about, you literally can't make wiser decisions. BUT! With sober time, not only does you grey matter grow back, BUT it grows back more and better than ever. It's like your brain is rewarded for all it's hard work. How cool. So, if you think in these early days "maybe I should have a drink..." DON'T TRUST THIS THOUGHT. You're brain is BROKEN. Put the thought on hold for a few months and you'll see.
4. Another thing I learned: DOPAMINE. I knew you get a dopamine kick from alcohol. I DIDN'T know that the old dopamine kick you used to get (when you did/saw things you enjoyed) prior to being an addict decreases. SO, you literally like the things you used to like less, because your body is betraying you into feeding your addiction. This too goes away in time. I'm finding myself literally enjoying stuff again. For instance, not only am I no longer sitting through a play simply waiting for brunch and drinks after, but I'm also fully present for the play and loving it. It's like being a kid again.
5. When I first stopped drinking, I thought: this sucks. Everyone else gets to go home and have a drink after work but I don't. It is NOT FAIR I am damaged.
I don't see things that way at all anymore. Sure, some people might have a drink after work, but lots don't and lots shouldn't be. What is more exciting is that, for the other 95% of the day, I now get to be like "everyone" else: not hung over, not racing to get to my next drink, not hiding, hiding, and hiding some more. It was stupid I was focusing on such a short period of the day as opposed to the REST OF MY LIFE.
6. I relapsed after 4 months last year. I'm glad I did. I needed to run the experiment to prove I was an alcoholic. I needed it. Not saying everyone does, but I did.
7. 7 months is MUCH easier than 4 months. I can't imagine how 12 months will be in comparison.
God I hope this helps someone. You can all do it. Just put one step in front of the other, and before you know it sober life becomes normal, just like when you are a kid. A world of opportunities opens up. It really does. I remember when I had major knee surgery, I had to think flex my thigh muscle before each step during recovery. I asked "will I have to think to walk FOREVER." My physical therapist told me, "one day you'll just realize you are just walking, no thought". This is the same with sobriety. One day you'll realize you are sober, no thought.
Please contact me with any questions if you have them. GOOD LUCK!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I agree with 95% wholeheartedly - it was a great opening post.
The only thing I would question is number 3 - about grey matter. I think if you catch your addiction in time you can fully recover but you really have to not get towards the 'end stages' of alcoholism if you don't want to irreparably damage your brain (and liver). So stay sober (if you're already recovering - note to self) or start getting sober now if you're lurking and worrying.
The only thing I would question is number 3 - about grey matter. I think if you catch your addiction in time you can fully recover but you really have to not get towards the 'end stages' of alcoholism if you don't want to irreparably damage your brain (and liver). So stay sober (if you're already recovering - note to self) or start getting sober now if you're lurking and worrying.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
The science and biological breakdown is what really opened my eyes. I can be argumentative by nature so all the moral arguments about why I should stop drinking had little effect on me. But, I didn't know much about the science of alcohol other than what I learned in high school bio a long time ago.
It was in IOP where I learned so many important things. In the past, I would hear about the criteria for "an alcoholic" but being a binge drinker, some of it didn't apply and I thought i was unique. I don't drink every day. I don't have the shakes. I have a good job, place, car, Im only hungover for a day etc.
But I learned about the stages of alcohol and how it progresses and so much of what I was going thru was explained to me. Stuff like PAWS, the relapse process, behavioral therapy etc. I also read a great book "alcohol explained" william porter that taught me things like Fading Affect Bias which explained why I seemed to forget so quickly about the last hangover, or why one drink led to the next until I was on a full binge. Stuff like that really made it clear to me that I wasn't going to outstrategize or out muscle alcohol and control it.
Good luck on your journey.
It was in IOP where I learned so many important things. In the past, I would hear about the criteria for "an alcoholic" but being a binge drinker, some of it didn't apply and I thought i was unique. I don't drink every day. I don't have the shakes. I have a good job, place, car, Im only hungover for a day etc.
But I learned about the stages of alcohol and how it progresses and so much of what I was going thru was explained to me. Stuff like PAWS, the relapse process, behavioral therapy etc. I also read a great book "alcohol explained" william porter that taught me things like Fading Affect Bias which explained why I seemed to forget so quickly about the last hangover, or why one drink led to the next until I was on a full binge. Stuff like that really made it clear to me that I wasn't going to outstrategize or out muscle alcohol and control it.
Good luck on your journey.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
Thanks for sharing this! I have no doubt that it will help many people. Early in 2017, I honestly thought that alcohol had damaged by brain so much that there was absolutely no hope for it. I am now just over 500 days sober and find myself constantly reminding my husband of things because I can now remember so much more. It feels SO much better being like this!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Thanks for sharing whats been working for you sohard - and congrats on your sober time 
D
D
THANK YOU for all your support thus far. I failed to mention above, logging on to SR all the time and reading/learning here has been pivotal. The success stories motivate me, the set-backs scare me (which is good for me), and the knowledge is priceless. I read here all the time and I’m a big reader of recovery memoirs, too. Currently reading Augusten Burroughs’s “Dry”. Good stuff. I relate so much to all formerly addicted writers (regardless if their tale is similar to mine, their addiction is), so their success stories really help to guide mine.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Your post was amazing and very much helps people like me. I am living Day 26 and am learning everything I can. So much of your post really resonated with me. Thank you very much. I am amazed at how many people with long term sobriety come onto this site and help us newly sober. Thanks again.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Brilliant, inspiring post, Sohard! I too found that reading material relating to the biological, neurological and psychological process of addiction, was a massive tool for freeing myself from the thoughts that I was doomed.
I've just completed the book, "Alcohol Explained 2" by William Porter. Although it's No. 2, he covers much of the material in book 1, so theres no requirement to read the first. Plus his Blog is a great source of stand-alone, free information on addiction.
I've just completed the book, "Alcohol Explained 2" by William Porter. Although it's No. 2, he covers much of the material in book 1, so theres no requirement to read the first. Plus his Blog is a great source of stand-alone, free information on addiction.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Brilliant, inspiring post, Sohard! I too found that reading material relating to the biological, neurological and psychological process of addiction, was a massive tool for freeing myself from the thoughts that I was doomed.
I've just completed the book, "Alcohol Explained 2" by William Porter. Although it's No. 2, he covers much of the material in book 1, so theres no requirement to read the first. Plus his Blog is a great source of stand-alone, free information on addiction.
I've just completed the book, "Alcohol Explained 2" by William Porter. Although it's No. 2, he covers much of the material in book 1, so theres no requirement to read the first. Plus his Blog is a great source of stand-alone, free information on addiction.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
Your post was amazing and very much helps people like me. I am living Day 26 and am learning everything I can. So much of your post really resonated with me. Thank you very much. I am amazed at how many people with long term sobriety come onto this site and help us newly sober. Thanks again.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 146
Excellent post and thank you. The dopamine part was very enlightening to me as this is what I struggle with. As an example, I may get some good news or some bad news (mostly when it's good) that will set my mind off in this tangent that I must reward myself somehow and once I have that in my mind, it may take an hour or so, I know I'm going to have a drink. My mind is almost on this auto setting to get my workout done, tidy up the office, make a call and then go to the liquor store....no matter what. I'm not sure how to battle this urge as I don't have that in other parts of my life but I'm open to suggestions. Honestly and this is going to sound sad, just the thought of me getting to the liquor store and getting my "fix" is almost as intoxicating (for lack of a better word) than actually drinking the drink. Just thinking of going there makes me feel buzzed! I then think that theres nothing else to look forward to tonight other than that quick dopamine rush which lasts about 45 minutes and then I'm back to feeling like hell.
Thanks for this insightful post, I'm going to keep it open in a browser and review it often.
Thanks for this insightful post, I'm going to keep it open in a browser and review it often.
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