To my wife.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 1
To my wife.
My beloved,
I know you're angry. I know You're hurt. You're angry because I left. You're angry because you find yourself high and dry, with out your other half in a situation that seems untenable to you. You're angry because what you perceive my life over the past week to be is some kind of peace, solitude, escape from my responsibilities to our home, to you, to the two girls I took on as my own. You're hurt because I checked out, ran, gave up on the things I promised I would fight for and protect. You're hurt because I'm acting selfish, as if my own needs and happiness are more important than your own. Your anger and your hurt is justified.
I've been angry before too.
Every time I came home from work to chaos because you decided to drink at 8 in the morning, I've been angry.
Every time I've had to hold the functioning of our family up after 3 in the afternoon because you couldn't even walk straight, I've been angry. I never left.
When you walked down the side of the steep, twisting mountian road on some drunken mission while I was sleeping before a work day and came home with a guy who we both know wants to sleep with you, you covered in cuts, gashes and bruises: I was hurt. I didn't leave.
When you promised me, with slurred speech, that you wouldn't go anywhere before I layed my head, only to get a phone call hours later that you had crashed our family car that I worked so hard to provide, on some other drunken mission, I was angry. I didn't leave.
All the times I asked you not to start arguments with our friends and neighbors, and you did it anyway. I was angry. I remained.
All the times you promised me that it would only be one tall can, yet you ended the day 6 tall cans later; I was hurt. I stayed.
Every time you told me it was the last time, the last beer, the last walk down the street to find someone who had booze, leaving me to be the only parent in our house... I forgave you. I stayed.
Every time you checked out, left your responsibilities to be free and uncaring towards your husband and your kids. When you were so selfish that you couldn't even fathom of the harm you were doing to your family, I felt betrayed. I still stayed.d
Every time you left your head, to get to a place where you were so aggressive with our kids that they didn't want anything to do with you and I had to play referee. To ask your children to "take it easy on you" because "mommy is having a rough day" I was hurt, and angry, and I stayed, and I suffered.
All the times I looked in your eyes, that I love so much, even though they're blurred with booze, and asked you, told you, begged you, cried to you, yelled at you, not TO GO TO THE STORE FOR ONE MORE.... And you did anyway. I was hurt. I was angry.
You have left me so many times.
You have betrayed my trust so many times.
You have been selfish so many times.
You have left me alone, abandoned, without hope, so many times.
I am hurt.
I am angry.
Now.
Now I have left.
I know you're angry. I know You're hurt. You're angry because I left. You're angry because you find yourself high and dry, with out your other half in a situation that seems untenable to you. You're angry because what you perceive my life over the past week to be is some kind of peace, solitude, escape from my responsibilities to our home, to you, to the two girls I took on as my own. You're hurt because I checked out, ran, gave up on the things I promised I would fight for and protect. You're hurt because I'm acting selfish, as if my own needs and happiness are more important than your own. Your anger and your hurt is justified.
I've been angry before too.
Every time I came home from work to chaos because you decided to drink at 8 in the morning, I've been angry.
Every time I've had to hold the functioning of our family up after 3 in the afternoon because you couldn't even walk straight, I've been angry. I never left.
When you walked down the side of the steep, twisting mountian road on some drunken mission while I was sleeping before a work day and came home with a guy who we both know wants to sleep with you, you covered in cuts, gashes and bruises: I was hurt. I didn't leave.
When you promised me, with slurred speech, that you wouldn't go anywhere before I layed my head, only to get a phone call hours later that you had crashed our family car that I worked so hard to provide, on some other drunken mission, I was angry. I didn't leave.
All the times I asked you not to start arguments with our friends and neighbors, and you did it anyway. I was angry. I remained.
All the times you promised me that it would only be one tall can, yet you ended the day 6 tall cans later; I was hurt. I stayed.
Every time you told me it was the last time, the last beer, the last walk down the street to find someone who had booze, leaving me to be the only parent in our house... I forgave you. I stayed.
Every time you checked out, left your responsibilities to be free and uncaring towards your husband and your kids. When you were so selfish that you couldn't even fathom of the harm you were doing to your family, I felt betrayed. I still stayed.d
Every time you left your head, to get to a place where you were so aggressive with our kids that they didn't want anything to do with you and I had to play referee. To ask your children to "take it easy on you" because "mommy is having a rough day" I was hurt, and angry, and I stayed, and I suffered.
All the times I looked in your eyes, that I love so much, even though they're blurred with booze, and asked you, told you, begged you, cried to you, yelled at you, not TO GO TO THE STORE FOR ONE MORE.... And you did anyway. I was hurt. I was angry.
You have left me so many times.
You have betrayed my trust so many times.
You have been selfish so many times.
You have left me alone, abandoned, without hope, so many times.
I am hurt.
I am angry.
Now.
Now I have left.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I’m not sure which posts go where on here but this might belong in the family and friends support section?
I don’t know if this account is true or not - or just a representation of what occurs in so many households containing a single alcoholic in a family situation? Regardless it is beautifully written and heartbreaking in equal measure. Addiction is revolting for everyone within its radius.
I don’t know if this account is true or not - or just a representation of what occurs in so many households containing a single alcoholic in a family situation? Regardless it is beautifully written and heartbreaking in equal measure. Addiction is revolting for everyone within its radius.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Hi and welcome to SR Zwied,
It must have been painful for you to share that, but it was meaningful for me looking back at myself as an former drinker and I know it will help others here in the Newcomers forum.
I hope it helps you too.
This is a place of great support and understanding - I'm glad you found us
D
It must have been painful for you to share that, but it was meaningful for me looking back at myself as an former drinker and I know it will help others here in the Newcomers forum.
I hope it helps you too.
This is a place of great support and understanding - I'm glad you found us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
I recognized my mother, father, sister, many exs, my now husband, and lastly myself in this post. Almost all of them have passed on from this disease. Thank you for this post. Im so glad I don't have to live like that anymore. Im also grateful that it did not kill me. Im still eligible. What a great reminder. Im very sorry for your pain.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I really appreciate you posting. We addicts have spread so much misery. I am so sorry you were on the other end of that. Must have been pure hell. I wish you and your children peace and healing, and the same for your wife, who is suffering too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
This is a wonderful post. Thank you so much for sharing. As alcoholics, we do "leave" constantly, even though we may be physically present. People who enable destructive behaviors do not actually help the situation - you are wise to recognize this and have the courage to act. I'm very glad you shared this with us. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hello,
Yes please post in the friends and family section too- The support for you will be tremendous. I am moved by your post. I hate this disease and how selfish it made me. Every time my motive was to be uncaring toward "my whole life"
Every time you checked out, left your responsibilities to be free and uncaring
powerful thoughtful words. It is so helpful to read the above in black and white.
That is why I read the Friends and Family page as well. Because THIS alcoholic
while under the influence in the grip of the disease think I am only hurting myself
So so far from the truth.
Yes please post in the friends and family section too- The support for you will be tremendous. I am moved by your post. I hate this disease and how selfish it made me. Every time my motive was to be uncaring toward "my whole life"
Every time you checked out, left your responsibilities to be free and uncaring
powerful thoughtful words. It is so helpful to read the above in black and white.
That is why I read the Friends and Family page as well. Because THIS alcoholic
while under the influence in the grip of the disease think I am only hurting myself
So so far from the truth.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,357
Thank you. Very powerful writing. Its valuable to me because I never want my family to be able to write something like this so I need to stay ahead of the disorder whatever it takes. I'm sorry this happened to your family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hello and Welcome to SR.
I’m sorry for all you have been through, it’s obvious you love your wife, but you need to separate from her destructive behaviors. I hope you can start to heal, and that your girls can as well.
I’m sorry for all you have been through, it’s obvious you love your wife, but you need to separate from her destructive behaviors. I hope you can start to heal, and that your girls can as well.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
