They didn't stop in time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 18
They didn't stop in time...
I stopped drinking the first time when I was 28. I didn't have a drop for 14 years. I had many adventures throughout this time - international travel, calculated risks, occupational drama and success, extreme fitness, family, and adventure that best remains untold. Wasn't easy, but so worth it.
14 years later, at the ripe old age of 42, I stopped at a gas station, bought a six pack of some pumpkin-flavored brew, and drove to a girl's apartment. I was the only guy in an apartment with three twenty something girls, newly enrolled in an MBA program, spent 8 hours a week in the gym for a year beforehand, my shirt fit very well, and was making serious money. On. top. of. the. world. And for the first time in 14 years, I took a sip of alcohol.
I was terrified. I remembered the intense physical withdrawals years earlier. I was committed to a mental ward of a hospital with serious withdrawal symptoms, at the expense of my family. Even 14 years later, this nightmare was still vivid.
And it didn't take much to really tie one on that evening. As funny as it sounds, even after two brews over two hours I was nervous driving home. I googled how to prevent a hangover. Water, drink a lot of water. A slept fine, woke up fine, and there were no ill effects. Perfect.
It wasn't long until a tailgate party emerged, in the middle of a Saturday. Woodford Reserve was unexpectedly introduced. A Dixie cup of beer. Another. Oh my, what is this? A strong pull of Woodford. For this first time in over a decade I was indeed drunk. And it felt interesting and fun.
So let's jump to the conclusion. High blood pressure. Heart arrhythmia. Emergency rooms. Depression. Benzos. Mental breakdowns. Psychiatrists. Tears. Get-well-soon pictures from innocent children. Anti-depressants. Extreme withdrawal. Emergency rooms again. Family tears. Physical anguish.
That was four years ago. And since then I've went a week, two weeks, four weeks, 6 months, a year. A day. One hour. Wake in the middle of night and my heart is racing... six hours, never again. Phone apps, 48 hours, thank God almighty I made it 48 hours. The next day at work, 8 hours, my voice is weak, my skin is crawling, sweating, never again. 10 hours, laying in bed, can't go much longer without sleep, nightmares, sweating, no sleep. Day 4, I think I made it, I can sleep, pink cloud. Then dopamine levels drop, why not, drink again, can't sleep, nightmares.
Oh, never again. This cold turkey withdrawal is a nightmare. But I never have to do this again. Sweating, hearing music that is not there, heart racing, arrhythmia, this time it is dangerous, no benzos in the medicine cabinet, should I call a doctor? Somehow I've survived, now it's time for recovery, time for family... why the heck did I just stop at the liquor store?
Anyway, for some odd reason I always enjoyed the stories from the Big Book where the people where seriously ****** up. Morning drinking, DTs, fired from jobs, families losts.... oh I find it all so entertaining and inspirational. Maybe I'm a sucker for drama.
So here is one for all those with similar tastes... I have the perfect life. The best car money can buy. The finest watches. A beautiful wife. Children that are truly a blessing. The big house.
And it's all on line... I drink in the morning now, I shake, voice quivers, I stumble in the morning shower. I wake up at 4AM in terror, searching empty bottles for any last sip. I leave during lunch, slam several beers, and spend the rest of the day trying to cover my breath.
I'm best after I have a few. Playing with my children, talking to my wife. My voice is strong, and I am genuinely happy. It will wear off soon though, and I will be in an utter state of panic and misery.
So... this isn't exactly a story of "they stopped in time", but rather a story of "they decided to do it again". I always enjoyed those stories for some morbid reason. The constant happy endings never did it for me.
So for those with a little bit of sobriety under your belt.. there will come a time where you are tempted. For me it was 14 years later with some serious hotties involved. And just like that... poof. And let me tell you, the misery that followed, no man should endure.
14 years later, at the ripe old age of 42, I stopped at a gas station, bought a six pack of some pumpkin-flavored brew, and drove to a girl's apartment. I was the only guy in an apartment with three twenty something girls, newly enrolled in an MBA program, spent 8 hours a week in the gym for a year beforehand, my shirt fit very well, and was making serious money. On. top. of. the. world. And for the first time in 14 years, I took a sip of alcohol.
I was terrified. I remembered the intense physical withdrawals years earlier. I was committed to a mental ward of a hospital with serious withdrawal symptoms, at the expense of my family. Even 14 years later, this nightmare was still vivid.
And it didn't take much to really tie one on that evening. As funny as it sounds, even after two brews over two hours I was nervous driving home. I googled how to prevent a hangover. Water, drink a lot of water. A slept fine, woke up fine, and there were no ill effects. Perfect.
It wasn't long until a tailgate party emerged, in the middle of a Saturday. Woodford Reserve was unexpectedly introduced. A Dixie cup of beer. Another. Oh my, what is this? A strong pull of Woodford. For this first time in over a decade I was indeed drunk. And it felt interesting and fun.
So let's jump to the conclusion. High blood pressure. Heart arrhythmia. Emergency rooms. Depression. Benzos. Mental breakdowns. Psychiatrists. Tears. Get-well-soon pictures from innocent children. Anti-depressants. Extreme withdrawal. Emergency rooms again. Family tears. Physical anguish.
That was four years ago. And since then I've went a week, two weeks, four weeks, 6 months, a year. A day. One hour. Wake in the middle of night and my heart is racing... six hours, never again. Phone apps, 48 hours, thank God almighty I made it 48 hours. The next day at work, 8 hours, my voice is weak, my skin is crawling, sweating, never again. 10 hours, laying in bed, can't go much longer without sleep, nightmares, sweating, no sleep. Day 4, I think I made it, I can sleep, pink cloud. Then dopamine levels drop, why not, drink again, can't sleep, nightmares.
Oh, never again. This cold turkey withdrawal is a nightmare. But I never have to do this again. Sweating, hearing music that is not there, heart racing, arrhythmia, this time it is dangerous, no benzos in the medicine cabinet, should I call a doctor? Somehow I've survived, now it's time for recovery, time for family... why the heck did I just stop at the liquor store?
Anyway, for some odd reason I always enjoyed the stories from the Big Book where the people where seriously ****** up. Morning drinking, DTs, fired from jobs, families losts.... oh I find it all so entertaining and inspirational. Maybe I'm a sucker for drama.
So here is one for all those with similar tastes... I have the perfect life. The best car money can buy. The finest watches. A beautiful wife. Children that are truly a blessing. The big house.
And it's all on line... I drink in the morning now, I shake, voice quivers, I stumble in the morning shower. I wake up at 4AM in terror, searching empty bottles for any last sip. I leave during lunch, slam several beers, and spend the rest of the day trying to cover my breath.
I'm best after I have a few. Playing with my children, talking to my wife. My voice is strong, and I am genuinely happy. It will wear off soon though, and I will be in an utter state of panic and misery.
So... this isn't exactly a story of "they stopped in time", but rather a story of "they decided to do it again". I always enjoyed those stories for some morbid reason. The constant happy endings never did it for me.
So for those with a little bit of sobriety under your belt.. there will come a time where you are tempted. For me it was 14 years later with some serious hotties involved. And just like that... poof. And let me tell you, the misery that followed, no man should endure.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by jaimier 
So for those with a little bit of sobriety under your belt.. there will come a time where you are tempted. For me it was 14 years later with some serious hotties involved. And just like that... poof. And let me tell you, the misery that followed, no man should endure.
Look forward to your family consequences and read up on the stages of alcoholism if you need incentive.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome back Jamier 
I got to a point I was at my best after a brew or two as well. I look back now and see how frightening a situation that is.
I stopped drinking, got through the withdrawal, worked on my recovery, changed my life and now I'm at my best all the time....Not every day is a home run but I'm on the field every day
I don't think it's ever too late to turn things around, no matter how many times you've tried.
D
I got to a point I was at my best after a brew or two as well. I look back now and see how frightening a situation that is.
I stopped drinking, got through the withdrawal, worked on my recovery, changed my life and now I'm at my best all the time....Not every day is a home run but I'm on the field every day
I don't think it's ever too late to turn things around, no matter how many times you've tried.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 108
Thanks for the reminder man. Sorry it had to come at your expense. I'm around 20 months sober and have decided to start dating again. Theres a girl that's really into me and in casual conversation she mentioned she likes to drink often to relieve stress. I told her I didn't drink and it was awkward. Shes about 12 years younger than me and is pretty good looking. Anyway, the point is I have had thoughts about what if I get into a situation where I might possibly feel like having a couple. It terrifies me. My sobriety hasn't really been put to the test yet and I'm scared of how I'm going to react. I've been reading a few stories like this here. You made it 14 years so you can do it again. I'm pulling for you. Take your life back. Keep us updated.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Jaimier,
WOW. That's an intense post. You haven't posted here in over three years. I hope you can pull through and get to long term sobriety again.
To echo what has already been said I hope you stick around and keep posting. You have my support.
WOW. That's an intense post. You haven't posted here in over three years. I hope you can pull through and get to long term sobriety again.
To echo what has already been said I hope you stick around and keep posting. You have my support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Thank you for your story, it is pretty scary that you can have 14 years sober and just like that it is gone. A good reminder for me with the holiday season approaching, to be on guard and work at sobriety everyday and to not become complacent.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
What were you doing going to a 20-something girl's apartment? I can't help but think there is a bigger story here about entitlement and secrets.
No matter, none of my business.
I went back to a drink after many years sober and I won't make that mistake again. I hope you dig your way out. Alcohol is definitely no respecter of leather interiors.
No matter, none of my business.
I went back to a drink after many years sober and I won't make that mistake again. I hope you dig your way out. Alcohol is definitely no respecter of leather interiors.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
You can have the sober life again Jaimier. Use your means to make that happen no matter what kind of perceived status you lose. You likely aren't perceived by others to be such a stellar success by the way. People aren't stupid. And I am filled with doubt about whether you are at your best after you've had a few. My guess is your loud and clear voice is a trigger to those around you that a drunk person is on the way and about to ruin our time. Again. You sound like you can do anything you want. Sell your car and use those resources to get some real help. This site is a great place to start. If you are open to it there is a goldmine of support here. As to your story, you tell it very well and you are obviously a talented writer. But it is a VERY typical story here and everywhere else. Nothing shocks and it isn't cinematic. It is just another person suffering who doesn't need to. Join us Jaimier and live your sober life again like you did before.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 368
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
You can have the sober life again Jaimier. Use your means to make that happen no matter what kind of perceived status you lose. You likely aren't perceived by others to be such a stellar success by the way. People aren't stupid. And I am filled with doubt about whether you are at your best after you've had a few. My guess is your loud and clear voice is a trigger to those around you that a drunk person is on the way and about to ruin our time. Again. You sound like you can do anything you want. Sell your car and use those resources to get some real help. This site is a great place to start. If you are open to it there is a goldmine of support here. As to your story, you tell it very well and you are obviously a talented writer. But it is a VERY typical story here and everywhere else. Nothing shocks and it isn't cinematic. It is just another person suffering who doesn't need to. Join us Jaimier and live your sober life again like you did before.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
You can have the sober life again Jaimier. Use your means to make that happen no matter what kind of perceived status you lose. You likely aren't perceived by others to be such a stellar success by the way. People aren't stupid. And I am filled with doubt about whether you are at your best after you've had a few. My guess is your loud and clear voice is a trigger to those around you that a drunk person is on the way and about to ruin our time. Again. You sound like you can do anything you want. Sell your car and use those resources to get some real help. This site is a great place to start. If you are open to it there is a goldmine of support here. As to your story, you tell it very well and you are obviously a talented writer. But it is a VERY typical story here and everywhere else. Nothing shocks and it isn't cinematic. It is just another person suffering who doesn't need to. Join us Jaimier and live your sober life again like you did before.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Your story does strike me as a bit odd. If you have a beautiful wife what were you doing hanging out with 3 twenty something hotties?
Your arrogance is a bit off putting. Still, I hope you can find peace and sobriety.
Your arrogance is a bit off putting. Still, I hope you can find peace and sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hang on folks. Where did all this judgement come from? We are all in the same boat here.
Jaimier, I am sorry to read that you are now in the thick of it. Your post was very intense and so well written. It explored the madness of addiction in such a descriptive way. Please seek out all help you can to get sober again and stay that way.
Jaimier, I am sorry to read that you are now in the thick of it. Your post was very intense and so well written. It explored the madness of addiction in such a descriptive way. Please seek out all help you can to get sober again and stay that way.
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