They didn't stop in time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by babycat 
Your story does strike me as a bit odd. If you have a beautiful wife what were you doing hanging out with 3 twenty something hotties?
Your arrogance is a bit off putting. Still, I hope you can find peace and sobriety.
Your arrogance is a bit off putting. Still, I hope you can find peace and sobriety.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Hang on folks. Where did all this judgement come from? We are all in the same boat here.
Jaimier, I am sorry to read that you are now in the thick of it. Your post was very intense and so well written. It explored the madness of addiction in such a descriptive way. Please seek out all help you can to get sober again and stay that way.
Jaimier, I am sorry to read that you are now in the thick of it. Your post was very intense and so well written. It explored the madness of addiction in such a descriptive way. Please seek out all help you can to get sober again and stay that way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Wow! I am actually gobsmacked by a couple of reactions you have had here. Let he/she who cast the first stone and all that....
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I read it this morning after an altercation yesterday with my ex partner and daughters dad which took me to a dark place and had me unscrewing the cap of a vodka bottle that I didn't (thank God) drink from, to a wasted bus journey this morning to pick up a prescription that I didnt have rhe right paperwork for, to getting p$ssed off with a guy who sat beside me on the bus ride back who kept exhaling loudly and suffocating me with garlic fumes, to making a decision on the bus to not go to my AA meeting because one woman there is a drama queen and is doing my head in!! A couple stops from home I opened up SR and read your post. My HP was like you need to read this! I jumped off bus and ran to get another to my meeting. Literally ran. Full of fear at taking a drink again.. So I thank you, for helping this alcoholic today.
Get back into the middle of the lifeboat. Get to meetings. Share. Pray. Stay close to SR. You are still alive and whilst we are still breathing there is ALWAYS hope. You can do this.!!! There is nothing in the bottom of a bottle for you, for me, for any of us here.
I will keep you in my prayers tonight.
🙏❤🙏❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I read it this morning after an altercation yesterday with my ex partner and daughters dad which took me to a dark place and had me unscrewing the cap of a vodka bottle that I didn't (thank God) drink from, to a wasted bus journey this morning to pick up a prescription that I didnt have rhe right paperwork for, to getting p$ssed off with a guy who sat beside me on the bus ride back who kept exhaling loudly and suffocating me with garlic fumes, to making a decision on the bus to not go to my AA meeting because one woman there is a drama queen and is doing my head in!! A couple stops from home I opened up SR and read your post. My HP was like you need to read this! I jumped off bus and ran to get another to my meeting. Literally ran. Full of fear at taking a drink again.. So I thank you, for helping this alcoholic today.
Get back into the middle of the lifeboat. Get to meetings. Share. Pray. Stay close to SR. You are still alive and whilst we are still breathing there is ALWAYS hope. You can do this.!!! There is nothing in the bottom of a bottle for you, for me, for any of us here.
I will keep you in my prayers tonight.
🙏❤🙏❤
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,926
Hi Jaimier
Thanks for taking the time to write that. It will make a lot of people stop and think. Sadly there are too many similar stories, although not many with as long a break as fourteen years. I have to be honest, when I stopped drinking coming up for a year ago, I really believed I’d be able to drink again occasionally. Stories like yours have shown me this isn’t the case. Big credit to you and the others for that.
So can I ask, did you not think you’d relapse and become a regular drinker after those first beers? I’m just curious as none of us are immune from relapsing.
And how are you now, by the way?
Thanks for taking the time to write that. It will make a lot of people stop and think. Sadly there are too many similar stories, although not many with as long a break as fourteen years. I have to be honest, when I stopped drinking coming up for a year ago, I really believed I’d be able to drink again occasionally. Stories like yours have shown me this isn’t the case. Big credit to you and the others for that.
So can I ask, did you not think you’d relapse and become a regular drinker after those first beers? I’m just curious as none of us are immune from relapsing.
And how are you now, by the way?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
Wow, thank you for sharing that — I hope you’ll continue posting here; you write very well. Also, I didn’t pick up on any arrogance in your post. When I read the part about your great life I just took it as you sharing what’s at stake if you don’t stop drinking. I can so relate to that. My situation is different, but I feel quite fortunate in many ways, and I don’t want to screw it up. I’ve only been sober for 11 months, so thank you for the reminder not to get complacent.
Anyway, I hope you’ll get yourself back on track. It’s so difficult at first, but you have it in you to do it.
Anyway, I hope you’ll get yourself back on track. It’s so difficult at first, but you have it in you to do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
A very scary but necessary post for many to read including me. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story.
I remember what is was like when I was in the middle of a binge. Not drinking to have fun but drinking to at least be able to function.
I remember what is was like when I was in the middle of a binge. Not drinking to have fun but drinking to at least be able to function.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Welcome Jaimer. I can relate to some parts of your story as far as going down some dangerous roads while thinking we can now control things. Id also second folks who think a good move would be to use some resources to get going in the right way.
On another note, I was surprised at some of the judgmental comments because I thought people were encouraged to be honest about themselves and how they got here. If there are topics that are off limits about our stories then it would be good to know that up front. Also, if we have are going to debate one another about each others behavior then thats good to know too.
On another note, I was surprised at some of the judgmental comments because I thought people were encouraged to be honest about themselves and how they got here. If there are topics that are off limits about our stories then it would be good to know that up front. Also, if we have are going to debate one another about each others behavior then thats good to know too.
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some posts that broke rule 4 and others that referred directly to or quoted those posts have been removed.
Dee
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No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Thanks for your story OP.
I also thought some of the responses to your post (prior to Dee stepping in) were baffling in their vitriol. Please keep on posting because I have so much to learn from someone that had 14 years sober.
I also thought some of the responses to your post (prior to Dee stepping in) were baffling in their vitriol. Please keep on posting because I have so much to learn from someone that had 14 years sober.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,926
Originally Posted by JustTony
. Please keep on posting because I have so much to learn from someone that had 14 years sober.
I say again, it’s only posts like this that stopped me from drinking again. It’s just not widespread knowledge it seems than an alcohol dependent cannot drink again moderately. Even my wife (who’s never drunk any alcohol) will occasionally ask in a restaurant if I want a small glass of wine. Yes, I do want, but I know that one glass will spell trouble.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Jaimer,
Welcome back. I would suggest that you join the Class of December 2019 sobriety group.
I joined the August of 2009 class many years ago. Not only was it a very supportive group, I also made several "virtual friends" that I had frequent private messages with on a daily basis. A few of us actually became Facebook friends. You don't have to have every conversation on this website in "public."
Welcome back. I would suggest that you join the Class of December 2019 sobriety group.
I joined the August of 2009 class many years ago. Not only was it a very supportive group, I also made several "virtual friends" that I had frequent private messages with on a daily basis. A few of us actually became Facebook friends. You don't have to have every conversation on this website in "public."
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Oregon
Posts: 47
Jaimer - I can relate to much of your post. When you are professionally successful, have the 'big house, fancy car and perfect family' people always think everything in your life must be easy. They don't see the demons of addiction, the lies to your family, etc.
I read your hastily, yet well-written post as a cautionary tale and will remember it for a long time to come. It's staggering that the abyss was still this strong for you after 14 years. I have never quit more than a couple of weeks before, but I was never quite down the rabbit-hole as far as you. Your post has strengthened my resolve to be sober and STAY sober. For that, I thank you.
I read your hastily, yet well-written post as a cautionary tale and will remember it for a long time to come. It's staggering that the abyss was still this strong for you after 14 years. I have never quit more than a couple of weeks before, but I was never quite down the rabbit-hole as far as you. Your post has strengthened my resolve to be sober and STAY sober. For that, I thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 211
Thanks for sharing your story Jaimier.
One of my best friends had 13 years of sobriety and his life was derailed after caving and sharing a 6 pack of Corona with a playful, yet insistent old friend from his party days. He said it was like someone had just bookmarked his life from when it'd been at its lowest point and he drank for years again.
Stories like his and yours help this community. Alcohol doesn't care and it's always ready and waiting.
I really hope you can begin to get well again.
My friend is currently 4 months sober btw 😎
-Z
One of my best friends had 13 years of sobriety and his life was derailed after caving and sharing a 6 pack of Corona with a playful, yet insistent old friend from his party days. He said it was like someone had just bookmarked his life from when it'd been at its lowest point and he drank for years again.
Stories like his and yours help this community. Alcohol doesn't care and it's always ready and waiting.
I really hope you can begin to get well again.
My friend is currently 4 months sober btw 😎
-Z
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,964
No judgment here, Jamier. Just compassion and support. You’ve done this before. You can do it again. Does your wife know and is she supporting you? Do you have other support? I hope you will keep coming back here but it sounds like you might also need a detox and ongoing AA or other support?
Accord, if you are still following this thread, I’d think twice about the girl. Dating a normie is one thing. But drinking to relieve stress is not a normie and is only going to cause problems. Just my two cents.
Accord, if you are still following this thread, I’d think twice about the girl. Dating a normie is one thing. But drinking to relieve stress is not a normie and is only going to cause problems. Just my two cents.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
my advice
Originally Posted by jaimier
I stopped drinking the first time when I was 28. I didn't have a drop for 14 years. I had many adventures throughout this time - international travel, calculated risks, occupational drama and success, extreme fitness, family, and adventure that best remains untold. Wasn't easy, but so worth it.
14 years later, at the ripe old age of 42, I stopped at a gas station, bought a six pack of some pumpkin-flavored brew, and drove to a girl's apartment. I was the only guy in an apartment with three twenty something girls, newly enrolled in an MBA program, spent 8 hours a week in the gym for a year beforehand, my shirt fit very well, and was making serious money. On. top. of. the. world. And for the first time in 14 years, I took a sip of alcohol.
I was terrified. I remembered the intense physical withdrawals years earlier. I was committed to a mental ward of a hospital with serious withdrawal symptoms, at the expense of my family. Even 14 years later, this nightmare was still vivid.
And it didn't take much to really tie one on that evening. As funny as it sounds, even after two brews over two hours I was nervous driving home. I googled how to prevent a hangover. Water, drink a lot of water. A slept fine, woke up fine, and there were no ill effects. Perfect.
It wasn't long until a tailgate party emerged, in the middle of a Saturday. Woodford Reserve was unexpectedly introduced. A Dixie cup of beer. Another. Oh my, what is this? A strong pull of Woodford. For this first time in over a decade I was indeed drunk. And it felt interesting and fun.
So let's jump to the conclusion. High blood pressure. Heart arrhythmia. Emergency rooms. Depression. Benzos. Mental breakdowns. Psychiatrists. Tears. Get-well-soon pictures from innocent children. Anti-depressants. Extreme withdrawal. Emergency rooms again. Family tears. Physical anguish.
That was four years ago. And since then I've went a week, two weeks, four weeks, 6 months, a year. A day. One hour. Wake in the middle of night and my heart is racing... six hours, never again. Phone apps, 48 hours, thank God almighty I made it 48 hours. The next day at work, 8 hours, my voice is weak, my skin is crawling, sweating, never again. 10 hours, laying in bed, can't go much longer without sleep, nightmares, sweating, no sleep. Day 4, I think I made it, I can sleep, pink cloud. Then dopamine levels drop, why not, drink again, can't sleep, nightmares.
Oh, never again. This cold turkey withdrawal is a nightmare. But I never have to do this again. Sweating, hearing music that is not there, heart racing, arrhythmia, this time it is dangerous, no benzos in the medicine cabinet, should I call a doctor? Somehow I've survived, now it's time for recovery, time for family... why the heck did I just stop at the liquor store?
Anyway, for some odd reason I always enjoyed the stories from the Big Book where the people where seriously ****** up. Morning drinking, DTs, fired from jobs, families losts.... oh I find it all so entertaining and inspirational. Maybe I'm a sucker for drama.
So here is one for all those with similar tastes... I have the perfect life. The best car money can buy. The finest watches. A beautiful wife. Children that are truly a blessing. The big house.
And it's all on line... I drink in the morning now, I shake, voice quivers, I stumble in the morning shower. I wake up at 4AM in terror, searching empty bottles for any last sip. I leave during lunch, slam several beers, and spend the rest of the day trying to cover my breath.
I'm best after I have a few. Playing with my children, talking to my wife. My voice is strong, and I am genuinely happy. It will wear off soon though, and I will be in an utter state of panic and misery.
So... this isn't exactly a story of "they stopped in time", but rather a story of "they decided to do it again". I always enjoyed those stories for some morbid reason. The constant happy endings never did it for me.
So for those with a little bit of sobriety under your belt.. there will come a time where you are tempted. For me it was 14 years later with some serious hotties involved. And just like that... poof. And let me tell you, the misery that followed, no man should endure.
14 years later, at the ripe old age of 42, I stopped at a gas station, bought a six pack of some pumpkin-flavored brew, and drove to a girl's apartment. I was the only guy in an apartment with three twenty something girls, newly enrolled in an MBA program, spent 8 hours a week in the gym for a year beforehand, my shirt fit very well, and was making serious money. On. top. of. the. world. And for the first time in 14 years, I took a sip of alcohol.
I was terrified. I remembered the intense physical withdrawals years earlier. I was committed to a mental ward of a hospital with serious withdrawal symptoms, at the expense of my family. Even 14 years later, this nightmare was still vivid.
And it didn't take much to really tie one on that evening. As funny as it sounds, even after two brews over two hours I was nervous driving home. I googled how to prevent a hangover. Water, drink a lot of water. A slept fine, woke up fine, and there were no ill effects. Perfect.
It wasn't long until a tailgate party emerged, in the middle of a Saturday. Woodford Reserve was unexpectedly introduced. A Dixie cup of beer. Another. Oh my, what is this? A strong pull of Woodford. For this first time in over a decade I was indeed drunk. And it felt interesting and fun.
So let's jump to the conclusion. High blood pressure. Heart arrhythmia. Emergency rooms. Depression. Benzos. Mental breakdowns. Psychiatrists. Tears. Get-well-soon pictures from innocent children. Anti-depressants. Extreme withdrawal. Emergency rooms again. Family tears. Physical anguish.
That was four years ago. And since then I've went a week, two weeks, four weeks, 6 months, a year. A day. One hour. Wake in the middle of night and my heart is racing... six hours, never again. Phone apps, 48 hours, thank God almighty I made it 48 hours. The next day at work, 8 hours, my voice is weak, my skin is crawling, sweating, never again. 10 hours, laying in bed, can't go much longer without sleep, nightmares, sweating, no sleep. Day 4, I think I made it, I can sleep, pink cloud. Then dopamine levels drop, why not, drink again, can't sleep, nightmares.
Oh, never again. This cold turkey withdrawal is a nightmare. But I never have to do this again. Sweating, hearing music that is not there, heart racing, arrhythmia, this time it is dangerous, no benzos in the medicine cabinet, should I call a doctor? Somehow I've survived, now it's time for recovery, time for family... why the heck did I just stop at the liquor store?
Anyway, for some odd reason I always enjoyed the stories from the Big Book where the people where seriously ****** up. Morning drinking, DTs, fired from jobs, families losts.... oh I find it all so entertaining and inspirational. Maybe I'm a sucker for drama.
So here is one for all those with similar tastes... I have the perfect life. The best car money can buy. The finest watches. A beautiful wife. Children that are truly a blessing. The big house.
And it's all on line... I drink in the morning now, I shake, voice quivers, I stumble in the morning shower. I wake up at 4AM in terror, searching empty bottles for any last sip. I leave during lunch, slam several beers, and spend the rest of the day trying to cover my breath.
I'm best after I have a few. Playing with my children, talking to my wife. My voice is strong, and I am genuinely happy. It will wear off soon though, and I will be in an utter state of panic and misery.
So... this isn't exactly a story of "they stopped in time", but rather a story of "they decided to do it again". I always enjoyed those stories for some morbid reason. The constant happy endings never did it for me.
So for those with a little bit of sobriety under your belt.. there will come a time where you are tempted. For me it was 14 years later with some serious hotties involved. And just like that... poof. And let me tell you, the misery that followed, no man should endure.
hmmm...
first off, I’m so sorry for the hell you are currently living through. It is sheer hell, this I know. I also know you can get out of this hole. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. It’s as simple as never swallowing a sip again. And, from your 14 year sober stretch, I know you know it becomes much easier too. I really wish you the best.
I’m very concerned about your mind frame, though. I don’t think it’s where it needs to be yet for a sober success story. Some of the ways you framed things I wondered about. Twice, you mentioned how you “always enjoyed” alcoholics falling from great heights stories. I was very surprised you didn’t qualify those statements. For instance, I love true crime novels/shows/articles, because the human mind and humanity fascinates me, particularly when it goes off the rails. Or, another example, I like reading newcomer “back again” stories, only because I know they help me to remain sober and I feel my sobriety strengthen as I read them. This is a comforting feeling.
But your statement of how you “always enjoyed” were unqualified. It almost seems like you willed/wished your relapse to happen so you could now be the main lead of the story this time. First billing.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean this to put you down. I really don’t. And, from Dee’s post above, I have a feeling there were some very obnoxious posts here. I don’t mean this to be another one. It’s just, to get sober, I think you need to be humble, scared, and, quite frankly, feel quite pitiful/pathetic. God knows I did. I was DESPERATE. But I don’t hear desperation in your post as much as glorification. Read it back over. Do you see how you never once asked for help? You did, however, think to remind us in your parting words yet again about the “serious hotties” (come on, ewww, no one’s impressed Jamier) and how no man “should endure” alcoholism. First, to get sober I think you need to get that that is so stupid and artificial (newsflash: every twenty year old girl is attractive. It’s called youth.) But I don’t think you’re near to realizing that, which is why you reminded us. I wish you would look back and say “how stupid was I to let my male ego ruin my sobriety based on some silly girls”. You don’t seem to recognize how idiotic that was (that’s not me being mean, god KNOWS I’ve been equally idiotic, but to get better I had to realize this). And as for the dramatic “no man should endure”, the good news is you don’t have to. You’re choosing to.
i think you need to get back to valuing what matters. It isn’t “international travel, calculated risks, extreme fitness, etc.” It’s being a good son, father, husband, friend, and community member. If you’d started with that, THEN I would’ve thought you'd been on top of the world. Caring, as a 42 year old man, that your “shirt fit very well” isn’t a sign you were at the top but rather a sign you hadn’t gotten anywhere near it yet.
Jamier, we are all just here for this one go around. Stop and realize what really matters and I think it’ll be a great help to you getting sober. I really do. I think it’s in you, or you wouldn’t be on SR now and reading this. But just throw out all the bs, celebrity name dropping, hotties, and big “extreme” and “calculated” adjectives and get back to the real boy you used to be. Care about your family and your future. Then I believe you can get better. I really do. Even though you didn’t ask for any help, I believe you want it.
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