least

Times like now are when we need support the most. Don't ban yourself. Reach out instead and take the help offered.

Delilah1

I’m really glad you’re back and posting Jeff, you are a valuable member of SR, and I always appreciate your posts.

FreedomCA

silentrun

Meh, you're among friends Jeff.

ScottFromWI

Hello Jeff - I was not around to see the post you are referencing but did take a look. You are a very intelligent person and i'm pretty sure you understand the dynamics of what happened, so I won't go into those details. And i'm certain you know what the solution is - which definitely does not include cutting yourself off from your support.

There's a lot of factors at play here - and likely the most important being the fact that you did not address some very important issues ( depression, anger ) while you were sober last time. Quitting drinking is a precursor to solving all of those issues, but it is not the solution. Your recent relapse prior to the outburst last night was brewing for a while - you could see it in your behavior here and your reluctance to seek help for said issues. You admitted as such multiple times too.

The thing is, we can't out-think our addiction or a lot of our mental health issues. We need help from the outside to guide us to a solution. I hope you choose to stay here and keep this part of the solution intact - you are always welcome here of course. I also hope you can find the courage to seek help for your other issues....it doesn't need to be this hard if you let others guide and counsel you.

wildflower70

When I was struggling to stay sober I posted some really dark stuff. My mind wasn't in a good place, just like what happened to you. Let this be a reminder, for you and all of us, that continued use (or a relapse) of alcohol will only lead to more insanity.

Give yourself permission to move on.....I did.

Blessings.

August252015

Echo what Dri Guy and Dee said - and, I get it because I have been there.

I'll also add something that was VERY hard for me to accept: I hear you playing the victim, too.

It was a backhanded and so ingrained behavior in me that it was tough to understand how I was doing it. By sorta sideways soliciting sympathy, for example, was a way I did it. Many other examples.

For me, that was exactly the prob- it was about me. And not in a good way of "selfishness" - which actually needs to be "self-preservation" or a positive version of taking care of me to get and stay sober.

Hope you do stick around. All of this is layered and difficult to accept in ourselves.

HeadEast

This is so true.

thomas11

Thank you all for the kind responses.

A few of you have brought something to my attention, and that is when I peel back the layers and get to the core, I was playing the victim a little and I'm pretty sure that's not a healthy perspective.

I am not a victim, I did what I did purposefully and of my own accord. One thing I've always tried to do is own my actions. Sometimes I don't want to, but I do.

Lastly, just got back from the gym for my 4th workout this week and my mind and body feels clean and pure again. Razor sharp.

ScottFromWI

Very good observations. Self awareness is critical in recovery and many other areas of life I think. I am glad you are still here posting too.

One comment/observation - it's great that you are getting back tot he gym, but while your mind might feel razor sharp it's important to remember that physical exercise will not solve the underlying mental health issues you have indicated you deal with. Yes it can help - but if you really want to "own up" to yourself - you need to address them in the appropriate fashion. I know you are aware of this but it's worth pointing out.

NerfThis

You're sounding much better already. I echo everyone who has said you're among friends here and there's no need to avoid the forum. It's in your best interests to stick around and use the support here. We all want the best for you

ThatWasTheOldMe

To be honest, this sounds like addictive voice sorcery.
I used to punish myself into a drink all the time - shame was my AV's best weapon.

hopeful4

This is a place of great support, where you need to be if you are struggling or not! Keep posting!

Atlast9999