Three years sober and dealing with treatment resistant depression
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Thank you all so much for your replies . I have just recently gone to AA . I’m hoping that will
prove helpful for me . I am currently taking
mirtazapine which i have been on for three weeks now , along with the Ativan, of course . I so desperately want to get off the Ativan and spoke with her about it last week but because she just started this other med (btw, med #24) she doesn’t want to mess with tapering off the Ativan while I am still seeing how this latest med will work . I know it sounds like I’m not advocating, but I do . As a matter of fact , she claims that because I am so obsessive about the meds and ruminate about all of them that it has gotten in the way of them being effective. I don’t know what to do because I also went to my gp and he said he is deferring to the psychiatrist about tapering off the Ativan . I really don’t know what to do . Thanks all for your input . I have to go back to work this week after taking a leave when Inwas trying to taper off two prior meds I was taking and had such terrible discontinuation effects . Of course, the dr denied that . I’m not feeling any better going back to work but I have to go back . Just pray maybe doing step work in AA will help somewhat .
prove helpful for me . I am currently taking
mirtazapine which i have been on for three weeks now , along with the Ativan, of course . I so desperately want to get off the Ativan and spoke with her about it last week but because she just started this other med (btw, med #24) she doesn’t want to mess with tapering off the Ativan while I am still seeing how this latest med will work . I know it sounds like I’m not advocating, but I do . As a matter of fact , she claims that because I am so obsessive about the meds and ruminate about all of them that it has gotten in the way of them being effective. I don’t know what to do because I also went to my gp and he said he is deferring to the psychiatrist about tapering off the Ativan . I really don’t know what to do . Thanks all for your input . I have to go back to work this week after taking a leave when Inwas trying to taper off two prior meds I was taking and had such terrible discontinuation effects . Of course, the dr denied that . I’m not feeling any better going back to work but I have to go back . Just pray maybe doing step work in AA will help somewhat .
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Relax!!!! These medication combinations become really complex when starting and stopping. Some of us have withdrawal effects. We are all different in that respect. I think AA is good. It will allow you to interact with people. As I think about this, just deal with your doctor on any of this. I am going through the same thing, but the last thing I would want to do is give you any advice. Your GP is not going to give you any advice when you are dealing with a psychiatrist. This is all so hard!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Keep trying the meds and see what happens. I have bipolar depression which is different from unipolar depression, and I responded to a latch ditch effort (just before I was scheduled for ECT) using a stimulant.
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Originally Posted by HeadEast 
Keep trying the meds and see what happens. I have bipolar depression which is different from unipolar depression, and I responded to a latch ditch effort (just before I was scheduled for ECT) using a stimulant.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
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Remember, this is just me and I have bipolar depression, not unipolar depression.
In addition to the severe depression, I started to have anxiety, which ended up becoming quite severe. I have never in my life had anxiety. It's horrible. Back in about November, my psychiatrist suggested that I try a stimulant just to see what would happen. The two choices he was considering were Ritalin and Adderal. He went with Ritalin. Ritalin immediately took away my anxiety, which he said meant I had some form of ADD. ADD is something I've never been thought to have in any way.
I'd compare taking Ritalin to drinking 45 cups of coffee. Things evened out and I continued on it. Then, during the last weekend of last year, I went into this super manic state, something I've never had before. I contacted my psychiatrist and he told me to stop the Ritalin. I came out of the manic state and the severe depression was gone. Just gone. I cancelled the ECT scheduled for the next week.
My psychiatrist said this is highly unusual for this to happen. I did stop the Ritalin that appears to have brought me out of the depression, but I am continuing the other meds that I am on because my psychiatrist didn't want to change anything for a while, which makes sense.
A stimulant was a last ditch effort for me and it worked, so far at least. Keep trying meds because you may never know what might work for you. Depression is horrible, so keep fighting, as hard as that may be.
In addition to the severe depression, I started to have anxiety, which ended up becoming quite severe. I have never in my life had anxiety. It's horrible. Back in about November, my psychiatrist suggested that I try a stimulant just to see what would happen. The two choices he was considering were Ritalin and Adderal. He went with Ritalin. Ritalin immediately took away my anxiety, which he said meant I had some form of ADD. ADD is something I've never been thought to have in any way.
I'd compare taking Ritalin to drinking 45 cups of coffee. Things evened out and I continued on it. Then, during the last weekend of last year, I went into this super manic state, something I've never had before. I contacted my psychiatrist and he told me to stop the Ritalin. I came out of the manic state and the severe depression was gone. Just gone. I cancelled the ECT scheduled for the next week.
My psychiatrist said this is highly unusual for this to happen. I did stop the Ritalin that appears to have brought me out of the depression, but I am continuing the other meds that I am on because my psychiatrist didn't want to change anything for a while, which makes sense.
A stimulant was a last ditch effort for me and it worked, so far at least. Keep trying meds because you may never know what might work for you. Depression is horrible, so keep fighting, as hard as that may be.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by HeadEast
Remember, this is just me and I have bipolar depression, not unipolar depression.
In addition to the severe depression, I started to have anxiety, which ended up becoming quite severe. I have never in my life had anxiety. It's horrible. Back in about November, my psychiatrist suggested that I try a stimulant just to see what would happen. The two choices he was considering were Ritalin and Adderal. He went with Ritalin. Ritalin immediately took away my anxiety, which he said meant I had some form of ADD. ADD is something I've never been thought to have in any way.
I'd compare taking Ritalin to drinking 45 cups of coffee. Things evened out and I continued on it. Then, during the last weekend of last year, I went into this super manic state, something I've never had before. I contacted my psychiatrist and he told me to stop the Ritalin. I came out of the manic state and the severe depression was gone. Just gone. I cancelled the ECT scheduled for the next week.
My psychiatrist said this is highly unusual for this to happen. I did stop the Ritalin that appears to have brought me out of the depression, but I am continuing the other meds that I am on because my psychiatrist didn't want to change anything for a while, which makes sense.
A stimulant was a last ditch effort for me and it worked, so far at least. Keep trying meds because you may never know what might work for you. Depression is horrible, so keep fighting, as hard as that may be.
In addition to the severe depression, I started to have anxiety, which ended up becoming quite severe. I have never in my life had anxiety. It's horrible. Back in about November, my psychiatrist suggested that I try a stimulant just to see what would happen. The two choices he was considering were Ritalin and Adderal. He went with Ritalin. Ritalin immediately took away my anxiety, which he said meant I had some form of ADD. ADD is something I've never been thought to have in any way.
I'd compare taking Ritalin to drinking 45 cups of coffee. Things evened out and I continued on it. Then, during the last weekend of last year, I went into this super manic state, something I've never had before. I contacted my psychiatrist and he told me to stop the Ritalin. I came out of the manic state and the severe depression was gone. Just gone. I cancelled the ECT scheduled for the next week.
My psychiatrist said this is highly unusual for this to happen. I did stop the Ritalin that appears to have brought me out of the depression, but I am continuing the other meds that I am on because my psychiatrist didn't want to change anything for a while, which makes sense.
A stimulant was a last ditch effort for me and it worked, so far at least. Keep trying meds because you may never know what might work for you. Depression is horrible, so keep fighting, as hard as that may be.
I also have a ton of anxiety with my depression . I can’t imagine taking a stimulant , especially when you said it feels like 45 cups of coffee . And I don’t understand; it actually put you in a manic state - you stopped the med- and the depression was gone ? My dr suggested quite a while ago about a stimulant and I just can’t unsee that when I have such bad anxiety.
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Location: milwaukee wi
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Hi Meraviglioso so proud of you really.. my hubby since he was 20 had been on a ton of meds. those he just took.. if you get my drift and those given through doctors.. met me in March of 1992, and he thought mmm I need to stay with her and have a better life.. it has been difficult to say the least.. love my hubby to bits.. have fought pleaded and got on my knees and begged Doctors not to shot him up with anymore drugs.. sometimes it worked .. most of the time I watched him slowly slide to a dark scary path. of hate for life.. Eddie Lee had open heart emergency surgery April 7th 2019.. it is almost a year.. his mind is his again . parts of his body hurt him often .. but the growing of a better blood system is important.. he knows that he will not die on my Watch. No Sir NOT ON MY WATCH.. have backed a Doctor up with my voice and stance on this.. prayers Dear Heart from the bottom of this old Lady clowns Heart.. you will find joy love and life again I know it...
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Forgive me as I have not read every single post in this thread but I wanted to share something with you.
I too have suffered from depression and anxiety from the age of 15 (I am now 40). I have been in therapy the entire time and have always been on meds. I am sure I have tried every single pill there is available in every single dosage and combination available.
I want to be very careful with my next statement as I do not want to deter anyone from seeking help and getting on medication- which I truly believe can help 99.9% of the population. In fact, I have not shared this in my own thread because I did not want to bring too much attention to it in a way that might deter someone from seeking help.
With that said, last September my meds were changed for the millionth time. I believe the new drugs introduced and the new dosages and combination are what led me to a suicide attempt. Never in my life had I seriously tired to end my life, but this time I really did. I swallowed over a hundred pills with the intent to end it all. I now believe this was a side effect of my medication because although I had sometimes talked about or thought about suicide while drunk it was nothing I ever actually took direct action to complete.
I fortunately woke up the next morning and was able to call for an ambulance. I was in the psychiatric unit for a week where they continuously "washed my blood" as they called it, pumping me with fluids and absolutely no drugs as I had overdosed in a bad way and the point was to clean me out before going forward. After consulting with my trusted psychiatrist I decided to go forward completely med free (except for two, alcohol specific meds that cut cravings but do nothing to my brain chemistry). I have ben med-free for over four months now and have never felt better in as long as I can remember.
I think anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications are a godsend for the majority of people who need them, I am NOT anti-med. But for some people, particularly after a long time, they can have negative effects.
I feel better than I have in years and in December of the last year I felt real, true JOY- like legitimate joy, feelings, happiness, in the moment peace- for the first time in YEARS. It was a simple moment at a school event for my kids. But I distinctly remember sitting there smiling, laughing and thinking "jesus, this is what feely happy actually feels like!"
So work with your doctor. If the meds help, do it. They do know what they are doing. But I offer my experience as an example of a case where too much for too long turned out to be the wrong solution.
I too have suffered from depression and anxiety from the age of 15 (I am now 40). I have been in therapy the entire time and have always been on meds. I am sure I have tried every single pill there is available in every single dosage and combination available.
I want to be very careful with my next statement as I do not want to deter anyone from seeking help and getting on medication- which I truly believe can help 99.9% of the population. In fact, I have not shared this in my own thread because I did not want to bring too much attention to it in a way that might deter someone from seeking help.
With that said, last September my meds were changed for the millionth time. I believe the new drugs introduced and the new dosages and combination are what led me to a suicide attempt. Never in my life had I seriously tired to end my life, but this time I really did. I swallowed over a hundred pills with the intent to end it all. I now believe this was a side effect of my medication because although I had sometimes talked about or thought about suicide while drunk it was nothing I ever actually took direct action to complete.
I fortunately woke up the next morning and was able to call for an ambulance. I was in the psychiatric unit for a week where they continuously "washed my blood" as they called it, pumping me with fluids and absolutely no drugs as I had overdosed in a bad way and the point was to clean me out before going forward. After consulting with my trusted psychiatrist I decided to go forward completely med free (except for two, alcohol specific meds that cut cravings but do nothing to my brain chemistry). I have ben med-free for over four months now and have never felt better in as long as I can remember.
I think anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications are a godsend for the majority of people who need them, I am NOT anti-med. But for some people, particularly after a long time, they can have negative effects.
I feel better than I have in years and in December of the last year I felt real, true JOY- like legitimate joy, feelings, happiness, in the moment peace- for the first time in YEARS. It was a simple moment at a school event for my kids. But I distinctly remember sitting there smiling, laughing and thinking "jesus, this is what feely happy actually feels like!"
So work with your doctor. If the meds help, do it. They do know what they are doing. But I offer my experience as an example of a case where too much for too long turned out to be the wrong solution.
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