Three years sober and dealing with treatment resistant depression
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Ladysadie 
So sorry for your depression but if you have tried 18 different medications along with taking the Ativan (a Benzo) continuously for three years, you might want to talk to your medical doctor about withdrawing from the benzos as they can be a bitc* kitty to withdraw from. It could be that the Ativan is the culprit to the painful depression?
I hear you on the fact of "where has my life-force joy of living gone to". It is there in your DNA but the rewiring of our brains takes time, months and sometimes even years. I have likewise let myself go, lost friendships, lost my desires and interests I once had. I have lost pets that have passed away only to feel I had no energy for a new one. I used to be active in my community and gave many interests up. But like you, I want very badly to get back on track as there is plenty of life left to live.
Today is a good day to start walking forward. Part of my own plan is to get outside with my feet in the dirt/grass/nature. Spend less time in my head and more time moving. This is the end of a very hard year for me, I want the new year to be different. I hope you can figure out your body-mind connection with the help of your Primary Care physician. Perhaps maybe change your psychiatrist to a more holistic practitioner? One who can help restore your beautiful brain into healthy vibrant self? Sending you hugs.
I hear you on the fact of "where has my life-force joy of living gone to". It is there in your DNA but the rewiring of our brains takes time, months and sometimes even years. I have likewise let myself go, lost friendships, lost my desires and interests I once had. I have lost pets that have passed away only to feel I had no energy for a new one. I used to be active in my community and gave many interests up. But like you, I want very badly to get back on track as there is plenty of life left to live.
Today is a good day to start walking forward. Part of my own plan is to get outside with my feet in the dirt/grass/nature. Spend less time in my head and more time moving. This is the end of a very hard year for me, I want the new year to be different. I hope you can figure out your body-mind connection with the help of your Primary Care physician. Perhaps maybe change your psychiatrist to a more holistic practitioner? One who can help restore your beautiful brain into healthy vibrant self? Sending you hugs.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by HeadEast
Hi rharman, I was just wondering how you were doing.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I sent you a message the other day.
You didnt receive it?
If not I'll try to resend.
Sorry you're still feeling like this.
There IS a solution. I believe you're just chemically screwed up.
My suggestion was to taper off what youre taking with the help of your psych doc and start fresh with another doctor.
What this doctor is doing obviously isnt helping.
Menopause, pills, alcohol for 14 years...youre body, mind and spirit are in turmoil.
Please be good to yourself. There is a solution.
I dont know what hrt is. All I know is theres been a huge turn around in me in just 4 months now.
You didnt receive it?
If not I'll try to resend.
Sorry you're still feeling like this.
There IS a solution. I believe you're just chemically screwed up.
My suggestion was to taper off what youre taking with the help of your psych doc and start fresh with another doctor.
What this doctor is doing obviously isnt helping.
Menopause, pills, alcohol for 14 years...youre body, mind and spirit are in turmoil.
Please be good to yourself. There is a solution.
I dont know what hrt is. All I know is theres been a huge turn around in me in just 4 months now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Ok, hormone replacement.
You'll have to forgive me, I log on here after I make my coffee and it's usually before the sun comes up.
It didnt click because HRT has never been an option for me as my mother died of breast cancer at age 39 and they wont chance it.
But somehow, Im still here and regaining my interest in life,
Honestly, I dumped my husband, therapist who wasnt doing us any good, and started from scratch.
Some fits, starts and alcohol binges and I seem to be getting it right this time.
New GP, some low dose meds, just allowing healing.
No drama, no rainbows and unicorns. Just BETTER.
Before you mess with HRT, Id be off all those meds youre taking. Especially the Ativan
I was so reliant on benzos. I used to have BAD panic attacks.
Ive been fine for 4 months.
And I was where you are.
I have no desire to drink, but even if I did it is not an option for me. It makes me absolutely insane.
You'll have to forgive me, I log on here after I make my coffee and it's usually before the sun comes up.
It didnt click because HRT has never been an option for me as my mother died of breast cancer at age 39 and they wont chance it.
But somehow, Im still here and regaining my interest in life,
Honestly, I dumped my husband, therapist who wasnt doing us any good, and started from scratch.
Some fits, starts and alcohol binges and I seem to be getting it right this time.
New GP, some low dose meds, just allowing healing.
No drama, no rainbows and unicorns. Just BETTER.
Before you mess with HRT, Id be off all those meds youre taking. Especially the Ativan
I was so reliant on benzos. I used to have BAD panic attacks.
Ive been fine for 4 months.
And I was where you are.
I have no desire to drink, but even if I did it is not an option for me. It makes me absolutely insane.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand what you are going through because I'm going through the same thing. Any of these meds can cause withdrawal symptoms because it is thought they might be working at some level you don't realize and when you stop them it makes the depression worse. Lamactil is especially that way. My Dr. had me taper off that one when I quit it. I couldn't agree more with Shift about trying a new doctor. We all could benefit from a second opinion for any medical condition. Stopping Ativan is going to be a challenge and you may require medical help with that one. In fact, I would absolutely recommend medical help for stopping Ativan feeling like you do. Also get a second opinion. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
Ok, hormone replacement.
You'll have to forgive me, I log on here after I make my coffee and it's usually before the sun comes up.
It didnt click because HRT has never been an option for me as my mother died of breast cancer at age 39 and they wont chance it.
But somehow, Im still here and regaining my interest in life,
Honestly, I dumped my husband, therapist who wasnt doing us any good, and started from scratch.
Some fits, starts and alcohol binges and I seem to be getting it right this time.
New GP, some low dose meds, just allowing healing.
No drama, no rainbows and unicorns. Just BETTER.
Before you mess with HRT, Id be off all those meds youre taking. Especially the Ativan
I was so reliant on benzos. I used to have BAD panic attacks.
Ive been fine for 4 months.
And I was where you are.
I have no desire to drink, but even if I did it is not an option for me. It makes me absolutely insane.
You'll have to forgive me, I log on here after I make my coffee and it's usually before the sun comes up.
It didnt click because HRT has never been an option for me as my mother died of breast cancer at age 39 and they wont chance it.
But somehow, Im still here and regaining my interest in life,
Honestly, I dumped my husband, therapist who wasnt doing us any good, and started from scratch.
Some fits, starts and alcohol binges and I seem to be getting it right this time.
New GP, some low dose meds, just allowing healing.
No drama, no rainbows and unicorns. Just BETTER.
Before you mess with HRT, Id be off all those meds youre taking. Especially the Ativan
I was so reliant on benzos. I used to have BAD panic attacks.
Ive been fine for 4 months.
And I was where you are.
I have no desire to drink, but even if I did it is not an option for me. It makes me absolutely insane.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by HeadEast
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand what you are going through because I'm going through the same thing. Any of these meds can cause withdrawal symptoms because it is thought they might be working at some level you don't realize and when you stop them it makes the depression worse. Lamactil is especially that way. My Dr. had me taper off that one when I quit it. I couldn't agree more with Shift about trying a new doctor. We all could benefit from a second opinion for any medical condition. Stopping Ativan is going to be a challenge and you may require medical help with that one. In fact, I would absolutely recommend medical help for stopping Ativan feeling like you do. Also get a second opinion. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I absolutely was suicidal. Of couse I didn't want to die, but I wanted to be free of the hell I was in.
If Im getting better, you can absolutely get better.
Come off of the crapolla youre on with the help of your doctor. please dont fo this by yourself.
I was a smart a** who thought I could do everything. I would never do it again.
And I NEVER thought I'd see the day where I didnt have Klonopin or Ativan in the house "just in case" ( I really suffered with panic). But I havent picked up my prescription renewal and will tell the doctor I dint need it anymore when I see her in January.
The two anti D's she gave me must have worked.
Im truly amazed..
I was in bed for two weeks after my last binge.
You need to go easy on yourself and make some life adjustments to support healing but thats a good thing.
Dont even worry about Ketamine etc. Thats a last resort and I believe you have many other options.
its entirely possible for you to totally bounce back.
If Im getting better, you can absolutely get better.
Come off of the crapolla youre on with the help of your doctor. please dont fo this by yourself.
I was a smart a** who thought I could do everything. I would never do it again.
And I NEVER thought I'd see the day where I didnt have Klonopin or Ativan in the house "just in case" ( I really suffered with panic). But I havent picked up my prescription renewal and will tell the doctor I dint need it anymore when I see her in January.
The two anti D's she gave me must have worked.
Im truly amazed..
I was in bed for two weeks after my last binge.
You need to go easy on yourself and make some life adjustments to support healing but thats a good thing.
Dont even worry about Ketamine etc. Thats a last resort and I believe you have many other options.
its entirely possible for you to totally bounce back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I sent you a message the other day.
You didnt receive it?
If not I'll try to resend.
Sorry you're still feeling like this.
There IS a solution. I believe you're just chemically screwed up.
My suggestion was to taper off what youre taking with the help of your psych doc and start fresh with another doctor.
What this doctor is doing obviously isnt helping.
Menopause, pills, alcohol for 14 years...youre body, mind and spirit are in turmoil.
Please be good to yourself. There is a solution.
I dont know what hrt is. All I know is theres been a huge turn around in me in just 4 months now.
You didnt receive it?
If not I'll try to resend.
Sorry you're still feeling like this.
There IS a solution. I believe you're just chemically screwed up.
My suggestion was to taper off what youre taking with the help of your psych doc and start fresh with another doctor.
What this doctor is doing obviously isnt helping.
Menopause, pills, alcohol for 14 years...youre body, mind and spirit are in turmoil.
Please be good to yourself. There is a solution.
I dont know what hrt is. All I know is theres been a huge turn around in me in just 4 months now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I absolutely was suicidal. Of couse I didn't want to die, but I wanted to be free of the hell I was in.
If Im getting better, you can absolutely get better.
Come off of the crapolla youre on with the help of your doctor. please dont fo this by yourself.
I was a smart a** who thought I could do everything. I would never do it again.
And I NEVER thought I'd see the day where I didnt have Klonopin or Ativan in the house "just in case" ( I really suffered with panic). But I havent picked up my prescription renewal and will tell the doctor I dint need it anymore when I see her in January.
The two anti D's she gave me must have worked.
Im truly amazed..
I was in bed for two weeks after my last binge.
You need to go easy on yourself and make some life adjustments to support healing but thats a good thing.
Dont even worry about Ketamine etc. Thats a last resort and I believe you have many other options.
its entirely possible for you to totally bounce back.
If Im getting better, you can absolutely get better.
Come off of the crapolla youre on with the help of your doctor. please dont fo this by yourself.
I was a smart a** who thought I could do everything. I would never do it again.
And I NEVER thought I'd see the day where I didnt have Klonopin or Ativan in the house "just in case" ( I really suffered with panic). But I havent picked up my prescription renewal and will tell the doctor I dint need it anymore when I see her in January.
The two anti D's she gave me must have worked.
Im truly amazed..
I was in bed for two weeks after my last binge.
You need to go easy on yourself and make some life adjustments to support healing but thats a good thing.
Dont even worry about Ketamine etc. Thats a last resort and I believe you have many other options.
its entirely possible for you to totally bounce back.
I’m sorry . Just feel completely hopeless . I don’t really have a lot of faith in my primary care . I now have six or seven different diagnosis . Severe treatment resistant MDD recurring , gad , ocd , binge eating disorder and alcohol use disorder . How lovely ......
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
They probably would have told me I had "alcohol use disorder" discounting the first half of my life and the years I never drank and the fact that I was medicatiIng anxiety, depression and OCD.
The only thing youre sure of is that what youre currently doing isnt working.
Time for a change. The change you make is up to you.
What I did thank God worked for me
And I was taking benzos every day up until 4 months ago.
The last time I took them I took 60 .5 Klonopin over a 5 day period. I couldnt cope anymore
The only thing youre sure of is that what youre currently doing isnt working.
Time for a change. The change you make is up to you.
What I did thank God worked for me
And I was taking benzos every day up until 4 months ago.
The last time I took them I took 60 .5 Klonopin over a 5 day period. I couldnt cope anymore
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I absolutely was suicidal. Of couse I didn't want to die, but I wanted to be free of the hell I was in.
If Im getting better, you can absolutely get better.
Come off of the crapolla youre on with the help of your doctor. please dont fo this by yourself.
I was a smart a** who thought I could do everything. I would never do it again.
And I NEVER thought I'd see the day where I didnt have Klonopin or Ativan in the house "just in case" ( I really suffered with panic). But I havent picked up my prescription renewal and will tell the doctor I dint need it anymore when I see her in January.
The two anti D's she gave me must have worked.
Im truly amazed..
I was in bed for two weeks after my last binge.
You need to go easy on yourself and make some life adjustments to support healing but thats a good thing.
Dont even worry about Ketamine etc. Thats a last resort and I believe you have many other options.
its entirely possible for you to totally bounce back.
If Im getting better, you can absolutely get better.
Come off of the crapolla youre on with the help of your doctor. please dont fo this by yourself.
I was a smart a** who thought I could do everything. I would never do it again.
And I NEVER thought I'd see the day where I didnt have Klonopin or Ativan in the house "just in case" ( I really suffered with panic). But I havent picked up my prescription renewal and will tell the doctor I dint need it anymore when I see her in January.
The two anti D's she gave me must have worked.
Im truly amazed..
I was in bed for two weeks after my last binge.
You need to go easy on yourself and make some life adjustments to support healing but thats a good thing.
Dont even worry about Ketamine etc. Thats a last resort and I believe you have many other options.
its entirely possible for you to totally bounce back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I stay away from psychiatrists now.
I believe it probably saved my life.
You wonder why you fèel like this after being yanked on and off anti psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti depressants?
And yes, I came off benzos on my own after the meds she gave me kicked in.
I kid you not, I just realized I didnt want or need them anymore.
Thing is, until you start with your system clean, whos to know whats working or not working anymore?
I didnt believe anything either. And it took a month or two, but I just didnt care. Just wanted to do SOMETHING. I had absolutely nothing to lose at that point.
I believe it probably saved my life.
You wonder why you fèel like this after being yanked on and off anti psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti depressants?
And yes, I came off benzos on my own after the meds she gave me kicked in.
I kid you not, I just realized I didnt want or need them anymore.
Thing is, until you start with your system clean, whos to know whats working or not working anymore?
I didnt believe anything either. And it took a month or two, but I just didnt care. Just wanted to do SOMETHING. I had absolutely nothing to lose at that point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I stay away from psychiatrists now.
I believe it probably saved my life.
You wonder why you fèel like this after being yanked on and off anti psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti depressants?
And yes, I came off benzos on my own after the meds she gave me kicked in.
I kid you not, I just realized I didnt want or need them anymore.
Thing is, until you start with your system clean, whos to know whats working or not working anymore?
I didnt believe anything either. And it took a month or two, but I just didnt care. Just wanted to do SOMETHING. I had absolutely nothing to lose at that point.
I believe it probably saved my life.
You wonder why you fèel like this after being yanked on and off anti psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti depressants?
And yes, I came off benzos on my own after the meds she gave me kicked in.
I kid you not, I just realized I didnt want or need them anymore.
Thing is, until you start with your system clean, whos to know whats working or not working anymore?
I didnt believe anything either. And it took a month or two, but I just didnt care. Just wanted to do SOMETHING. I had absolutely nothing to lose at that point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I stay away from psychiatrists now.
I believe it probably saved my life.
You wonder why you fèel like this after being yanked on and off anti psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti depressants?
And yes, I came off benzos on my own after the meds she gave me kicked in.
I kid you not, I just realized I didnt want or need them anymore.
Thing is, until you start with your system clean, whos to know whats working or not working anymore?
I didnt believe anything either. And it took a month or two, but I just didnt care. Just wanted to do SOMETHING. I had absolutely nothing to lose at that point.
I believe it probably saved my life.
You wonder why you fèel like this after being yanked on and off anti psychotics, mood stabilizers and anti depressants?
And yes, I came off benzos on my own after the meds she gave me kicked in.
I kid you not, I just realized I didnt want or need them anymore.
Thing is, until you start with your system clean, whos to know whats working or not working anymore?
I didnt believe anything either. And it took a month or two, but I just didnt care. Just wanted to do SOMETHING. I had absolutely nothing to lose at that point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by rharman
I’m sorry , but what took a month or two ?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I was still taking benzos when I went to the new doctor.
Id just wait until the pysch meds were out of my system ( ask your current psychiatrist how long it takes and be looking for a GP while you're waiting.
Then I went in,, told her I was anxious and depressed due to my divorce and relocation, and she ran a ton of tests and four months later here I am.
I think Ive mentioned before that the first one helped, but I wasnt quite there. So she added one more and then I was able to totally phase out the benzos.
Much much better.
This is what I did, and Im just presenting it to you as an example.
We have CHOICES. I have learned to really take responsibilty when it comes to meds and what Im putting in my mouth and who I allow to mess with my mind.
Id just wait until the pysch meds were out of my system ( ask your current psychiatrist how long it takes and be looking for a GP while you're waiting.
Then I went in,, told her I was anxious and depressed due to my divorce and relocation, and she ran a ton of tests and four months later here I am.
I think Ive mentioned before that the first one helped, but I wasnt quite there. So she added one more and then I was able to totally phase out the benzos.
Much much better.
This is what I did, and Im just presenting it to you as an example.
We have CHOICES. I have learned to really take responsibilty when it comes to meds and what Im putting in my mouth and who I allow to mess with my mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by rharman
I am also taking a bunch of supplements which haven’t really seemed to help so I don’t know if I should keep taking them either . Probiotics, magnesium, vitamin b complex , omega threes , vitamin d and so on . Also don’t eat all day , just drink coffee constantly and hold the hell on through each and every day .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I was still taking benzos when I went to the new doctor.
Id just wait until the pysch meds were out of my system ( ask your current psychiatrist how long it takes and be looking for a GP while you're waiting.
Then I went in,, told her I was anxious and depressed due to my divorce and relocation, and she ran a ton of tests and four months later here I am.
I think Ive mentioned before that the first one helped, but I wasnt quite there. So she added one more and then I was able to totally phase out the benzos.
Much much better.
This is what I did, and Im just presenting it to you as an example.
We have CHOICES. I have learned to really take responsibilty when it comes to meds and what Im putting in my mouth and who I allow to mess with my mind.
Id just wait until the pysch meds were out of my system ( ask your current psychiatrist how long it takes and be looking for a GP while you're waiting.
Then I went in,, told her I was anxious and depressed due to my divorce and relocation, and she ran a ton of tests and four months later here I am.
I think Ive mentioned before that the first one helped, but I wasnt quite there. So she added one more and then I was able to totally phase out the benzos.
Much much better.
This is what I did, and Im just presenting it to you as an example.
We have CHOICES. I have learned to really take responsibilty when it comes to meds and what Im putting in my mouth and who I allow to mess with my mind.
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