Three years sober and dealing with treatment resistant depression
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
This is happening to me. I'm nearly eight months sober and I'm finding myself becoming lower and lower all the time. HRT definitely helped and so has sertraline, but they are just enabling me to get out of bed and not follow through with my suicide plan (it's similar to yours!). I've also wondered if AA would help, I attend SMART groups and they are great, but really focus on the more immediate stuff not lifelong recovery. I've forced myself to go out, volunteer etc but I return home and feel the same. I also used to religiously exercise but now I don't. Maybe we should try AA xx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
for anyone reading who feels really low, like they can;t go on and needs help please do read this link and maybe even call one of the helplines
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
we care about everyone here
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
we care about everyone here
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
in AA, you may be suffering from untreated alcoholism.
Alcohol was my solution to my alcoholism. Alcohol kept my alcoholism at bay while I was drinking. Then the alcohol was gone. Arrrgghhhhhhh!!! Life sucks.
I need a new solution. Those 12 steps are the meat of AA. Work those steps and see if your depression goes away. Talk about working the steps or take your time working those steps and you will get half-measures (nothing).
Work those steps and see if you change. See if your perspective changes. Just see what happens.
Those 12 steps have saved my life. They treated my alcoholism and today I don't suffer; I deal with life. Amazing.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Love and hugs,
~SB
Alcohol was my solution to my alcoholism. Alcohol kept my alcoholism at bay while I was drinking. Then the alcohol was gone. Arrrgghhhhhhh!!! Life sucks.
I need a new solution. Those 12 steps are the meat of AA. Work those steps and see if your depression goes away. Talk about working the steps or take your time working those steps and you will get half-measures (nothing).
Work those steps and see if you change. See if your perspective changes. Just see what happens.
Those 12 steps have saved my life. They treated my alcoholism and today I don't suffer; I deal with life. Amazing.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Love and hugs,
~SB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Unfortunately you may have to try more than 18 different tablets to find the correct one, even though you didn’t suffer with depression before you gave up drink, 100% you will suffer a lot more if you drink, take it from me it’s hell, I never want to be in that place again, never give up on trying to find the right medication for you, also exercise is a massive help with depression good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
in AA, you may be suffering from untreated alcoholism.
Alcohol was my solution to my alcoholism. Alcohol kept my alcoholism at bay while I was drinking. Then the alcohol was gone. Arrrgghhhhhhh!!! Life sucks.
I need a new solution. Those 12 steps are the meat of AA. Work those steps and see if your depression goes away. Talk about working the steps or take your time working those steps and you will get half-measures (nothing).
Work those steps and see if you change. See if your perspective changes. Just see what happens.
Those 12 steps have saved my life. They treated my alcoholism and today I don't suffer; I deal with life. Amazing.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Love and hugs,
~SB
Alcohol was my solution to my alcoholism. Alcohol kept my alcoholism at bay while I was drinking. Then the alcohol was gone. Arrrgghhhhhhh!!! Life sucks.
I need a new solution. Those 12 steps are the meat of AA. Work those steps and see if your depression goes away. Talk about working the steps or take your time working those steps and you will get half-measures (nothing).
Work those steps and see if you change. See if your perspective changes. Just see what happens.
Those 12 steps have saved my life. They treated my alcoholism and today I don't suffer; I deal with life. Amazing.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Love and hugs,
~SB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I was going to reply to this post last night, but I figured I'd basically have to write a book and Im sick of that story. Sick of talking about that part of my life because Im ready to move on from it.
Truly nightmarish.
Fact is in my case I needed the RIGHT help.
Come of everything with the help of your psychiatrist and start with a clean slate with a new doctor.
I went the psychiatrist route and frankly I ended up like you. Switched to a million different things until I couldnt take it anymore, more chemically screwed up than ever.
You are thankfully alcohol free, so at least your brain isnt screwed up from that.
I decided I would give it one more shot, went to a new doctor, a GP, and lo and behold something finally worked.
MeetIngs never worked for me. I couldnt concentrate for one thing. I didnt care anymore.
i didnt even want to get out of bed.
Find something that resonates with you and DO THAT.
Truly nightmarish.
Fact is in my case I needed the RIGHT help.
Come of everything with the help of your psychiatrist and start with a clean slate with a new doctor.
I went the psychiatrist route and frankly I ended up like you. Switched to a million different things until I couldnt take it anymore, more chemically screwed up than ever.
You are thankfully alcohol free, so at least your brain isnt screwed up from that.
I decided I would give it one more shot, went to a new doctor, a GP, and lo and behold something finally worked.
MeetIngs never worked for me. I couldnt concentrate for one thing. I didnt care anymore.
i didnt even want to get out of bed.
Find something that resonates with you and DO THAT.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Originally Posted by rharman
I responded to the others but the comments didn’t come through . Thank you all for your replies. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for the three years I have been sober . We have tried over 18meds and combinations in three years and nothing has worked . I am tapering off the three I am currently on because I simply don’t know what else to do . I remain horribly depressed - never had any relief with all those meds . I am going back to AA in hopes that starting over there will help relieve this depression . I am focused on not drinking . As I said before , I have not felt tempted at all in three years but the longer the depression goes on, the more I think about it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by HeadEast
Excellent point! I forgot all about that.
Its amazing how that tiny gland can mess with you.
It regulates everything- mood, body temp, weight, cell turnover, hair growth...everything
Especially with women.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I was going to reply to this post last night, but I figured I'd basically have to write a book and Im sick of that story. Sick of talking about that part of my life because Im ready to move on from it.
Truly nightmarish.
Fact is in my case I needed the RIGHT help.
Come of everything with the help of your psychiatrist and start with a clean slate with a new doctor.
I went the psychiatrist route and frankly I ended up like you. Switched to a million different things until I couldnt take it anymore, more chemically screwed up than ever.
You are thankfully alcohol free, so at least your brain isnt screwed up from that.
I decided I would give it one more shot, went to a new doctor, a GP, and lo and behold something finally worked.
MeetIngs never worked for me. I couldnt concentrate for one thing. I didnt care anymore.
i didnt even want to get out of bed.
Find something that resonates with you and DO THAT.
Truly nightmarish.
Fact is in my case I needed the RIGHT help.
Come of everything with the help of your psychiatrist and start with a clean slate with a new doctor.
I went the psychiatrist route and frankly I ended up like you. Switched to a million different things until I couldnt take it anymore, more chemically screwed up than ever.
You are thankfully alcohol free, so at least your brain isnt screwed up from that.
I decided I would give it one more shot, went to a new doctor, a GP, and lo and behold something finally worked.
MeetIngs never worked for me. I couldnt concentrate for one thing. I didnt care anymore.
i didnt even want to get out of bed.
Find something that resonates with you and DO THAT.
Thank you for this . So you didn’t go to meetings before .... do you now ? I am having nightmarish withdrawals and I am on three different meds now . Last one to try and get off of will be ativan , which I have been on for three years . I don’t know about you but this is my third depression in my life . I also have major anxiety and ocd . I just don’t know how to move forward because quite frankly, nothing resonates with me . I don’t care either and I just claw my way through each day . Crying spells all day, everyday. I did have my thyroid checked . It’s fine . Cortisol levels checked and were high in the afternoon . However did it through saliva testing and no regular doctor or psychiatrist gives any credence to saliva testing . I truly am just lost . I have lost friends and family over these three years . I just really need help . Have been inpatient for my mental health three times in 28 years . I am just so weary.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by HeadEast
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It's just awful. I've been going through the same thing this last year and know the feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment that occur as it becomes obvious that each and every new medication isn't working. Definitely go to AA. It gets you out of the house. My depression has become so bad that I'm starting ECT treatments in a couple of weeks. It is what it is. I have to do something, and this is generally considered the next step in treating conditions like mine. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes. (ECT = Electro Convulsive Therapy)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by rharman
Thank you for this . So you didn’t go to meetings before .... do you now ? I am having nightmarish withdrawals and I am on three different meds now . Last one to try and get off of will be ativan , which I have been on for three years . I don’t know about you but this is my third depression in my life . I also have major anxiety and ocd . I just don’t know how to move forward because quite frankly, nothing resonates with me . I don’t care either and I just claw my way through each day . Crying spells all day, everyday. I did have my thyroid checked . It’s fine . Cortisol levels checked and were high in the afternoon . However did it through saliva testing and no regular doctor or psychiatrist gives any credence to saliva testing . I truly am just lost . I have lost friends and family over these three years . I just really need help . Have been inpatient for my mental health three times in 28 years . I am just so weary.
I dont go to meetings and I have ZERO compulsion to drink.
In my case I was in no condition to "go to a meeting". Period.
I knew I needed help, my gp put me on a low dose anti D and I rested. And I felt better. A bit.
Then I hit a rough patch and she added another low dose anti D to the one is was already taking and Im 1 million times better.
No benzos, no urges to binge, depression lifting and Im feeling hopeful again.
I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the lows and urges to come back. They havent.
Imho you need to get stable before you can nake a decision on anything else.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
My depression got really bad on meds. I really think the meds were making it worse, I've never felt that kind of overwhelming, weighted down, just sad and unexplained episodes of depression without meds. It was the 80s, maybe meds are different today but I don't trust em.
I think the medical community would rather keep people on meds then actually solve any problems. Solved problems dry up revenue.
I think exercise is very important for mental health. Our brains and bodies were designed to move. Our brains are designed for physical stress. I think the brain starts to create it's own stress when it doesnt get exercise. So much is going on the brain when you exercise.
Working the steps isn't the only way to get over alcoholism and depression but it has helped millions. Probably worth a shot.
I think the medical community would rather keep people on meds then actually solve any problems. Solved problems dry up revenue.
I think exercise is very important for mental health. Our brains and bodies were designed to move. Our brains are designed for physical stress. I think the brain starts to create it's own stress when it doesnt get exercise. So much is going on the brain when you exercise.
Working the steps isn't the only way to get over alcoholism and depression but it has helped millions. Probably worth a shot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Originally Posted by rharman
i exercised for years religiously until I quit drinking and things spiraled out of control. I am now somewhat agoraphobic and haven’t been to the gym . I know I need to overcome my fears and do it . Have been unable to do even basic things because of this .... going to the store , going out with friends because of this depression . It has completely changed who I am forever and somehow I need to find my way back because this is no way to live life . I have lost family and friends as a result .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I was going to reply to this post last night, but I figured I'd basically have to write a book and Im sick of that story. Sick of talking about that part of my life because Im ready to move on from it.
Truly nightmarish.
Fact is in my case I needed the RIGHT help.
Come of everything with the help of your psychiatrist and start with a clean slate with a new doctor.
I went the psychiatrist route and frankly I ended up like you. Switched to a million different things until I couldnt take it anymore, more chemically screwed up than ever.
You are thankfully alcohol free, so at least your brain isnt screwed up from that.
I decided I would give it one more shot, went to a new doctor, a GP, and lo and behold something finally worked.
MeetIngs never worked for me. I couldnt concentrate for one thing. I didnt care anymore.
i didnt even want to get out of bed.
Find something that resonates with you and DO THAT.
Truly nightmarish.
Fact is in my case I needed the RIGHT help.
Come of everything with the help of your psychiatrist and start with a clean slate with a new doctor.
I went the psychiatrist route and frankly I ended up like you. Switched to a million different things until I couldnt take it anymore, more chemically screwed up than ever.
You are thankfully alcohol free, so at least your brain isnt screwed up from that.
I decided I would give it one more shot, went to a new doctor, a GP, and lo and behold something finally worked.
MeetIngs never worked for me. I couldnt concentrate for one thing. I didnt care anymore.
i didnt even want to get out of bed.
Find something that resonates with you and DO THAT.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
So sorry for your depression but if you have tried 18 different medications along with taking the Ativan (a Benzo) continuously for three years, you might want to talk to your medical doctor about withdrawing from the benzos as they can be a bitc* kitty to withdraw from. It could be that the Ativan is the culprit to the painful depression?
I hear you on the fact of "where has my life-force joy of living gone to". It is there in your DNA but the rewiring of our brains takes time, months and sometimes even years. I have likewise let myself go, lost friendships, lost my desires and interests I once had. I have lost pets that have passed away only to feel I had no energy for a new one. I used to be active in my community and gave many interests up. But like you, I want very badly to get back on track as there is plenty of life left to live.
Today is a good day to start walking forward. Part of my own plan is to get outside with my feet in the dirt/grass/nature. Spend less time in my head and more time moving. This is the end of a very hard year for me, I want the new year to be different. I hope you can figure out your body-mind connection with the help of your Primary Care physician. Perhaps maybe change your psychiatrist to a more holistic practitioner? One who can help restore your beautiful brain into healthy vibrant self? Sending you hugs.
I hear you on the fact of "where has my life-force joy of living gone to". It is there in your DNA but the rewiring of our brains takes time, months and sometimes even years. I have likewise let myself go, lost friendships, lost my desires and interests I once had. I have lost pets that have passed away only to feel I had no energy for a new one. I used to be active in my community and gave many interests up. But like you, I want very badly to get back on track as there is plenty of life left to live.
Today is a good day to start walking forward. Part of my own plan is to get outside with my feet in the dirt/grass/nature. Spend less time in my head and more time moving. This is the end of a very hard year for me, I want the new year to be different. I hope you can figure out your body-mind connection with the help of your Primary Care physician. Perhaps maybe change your psychiatrist to a more holistic practitioner? One who can help restore your beautiful brain into healthy vibrant self? Sending you hugs.
Last edited by Ladysadie; 12-18-2019 at 01:17 AM. Reason: typo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
Hi there,
Its 5:00 am here and Im having my coffee and still a bit groggy.
I'll shot you a message when I can reply with an awake mind
i'd like to respond thoughtfully and with a clear head.
Its 5:00 am here and Im having my coffee and still a bit groggy.
I'll shot you a message when I can reply with an awake mind
i'd like to respond thoughtfully and with a clear head.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
