mistory5

I have to tell on myself so I can get a grip. I've been relapsing every 10 to 14 days. Usually I will binge drink for 1 to 4 days and I stop and get back to trying to get Sober. I go to AA but I'm afraid to tell my circle that I'm struggling. I started going to AA meetings and became close to a few members back in may. I told on myself 2x in meetings. They were very supportive and I got right back to working the program. I just can't get the courage up to tell them I'm constantly relapsing. I've been thinking of looking into a recovery house or something long term treatment. I've done the 28 day rehab several times and still drink after I leave. I feel like I'm going insane. I want to drink right now but am fighting it as hard as I can. The liquor stores don't open until 9a. I had 3 unopened beers from last night. I was tempted to drink them but I pictured what would happen if I do. I would be at the liquor store as soon as it opens getting something hard liquor and it would just go on and on. Has anyone else struggled with sobriety at the 10 to 14 day mark? Its like an incredible strong desire comes over me to drink, but I never tell anyone when it happens. I give in. Quite honestly if I didn't have negative consequences from drinking i would not be trying to stop. I also feel myself getting a little bored with AA although it does keep me from isolating. But I feel like such a heel not sharing the truth about my relapsing every couple of weeks. I also do phone meetings. I mostly listen I don't share with them either because when I used to share I was always sharing that I relapsed. I know they are sick of hearing it. Has anyone used cambral to help with cravings? If so did it work? I'm looking for people who were chronic relapses but finally was able to stay sober. I'm not a first time winner by a long shot. I find myself actually starting to feel jealous of people in the rooms that say they are Sober and are always sharing how glorious AA has been for them. Mostly everyone I associate has long , long term sobriety. It boggles my mind.

doggonecarl

Sorry to read you are struggling.

So you're going to meetings. Great. Are you working the program? Going through the steps with a sponsor?

wildflower70

Hey there,

I was a chronic relapser, drinking after 30, 60 or 90 days of sobriety. I did this for about 5 years. I even made it longer...6 -8 months and boom, back to drinking. For me, it was that I continued to put myself in risky situations where I would be tempted to drink. My triggers were;

Spending time with my dysfunctional family
Trying to date new people and act "normal" on dates
Doing the same routine and expecting different results
Quitting drinking without really understanding that I can NEVER drink again.

These things all kept me in a cycle of relapsing. I had to stop/change each and every one of these aspects in my life. So, I did. I stopped going to places where drinking was obvious, I stopped dating, I stopped visiting my family and I stopped fantasizing that drinking was EVER an option again.

Today I am 15 months sober, and I'm never going back. Ever.

You can do this too....change your thinking, change your routine.

mistory5

I have a Sponsor that I like, but I really don't think she knows what she is doing. She only wants me to read the BB for now. I read it then we read it together and discuss it. We are on chapter 3 which is taking forever. Either she cancels our meeting or I cancel. She lives about an hour away. I also found out that I'm her first sponsee. I think she has either 3 or 4 yrs Sober. I really don't know if that's her way of working the steps(reading BB) or if we haven't gotten to.that yet. I'm going to ask her tonight when I call her. I think she might not like me asking her that though. I asked her in the beginning exactly what are we doing? I think she got a little offended. I know one thing for sure...I'm stuck on the 1st step. She is always busy too. I'm thinking of asking someone from the phone lines to Sponsor me as well. Is it ok to have 2 sponsors?

mistory5

Ty very much. That last part about fantasizing is a very big trigger for me.

ShiftHappens

I was a chronic binger.

It was BADDDDD.

My last binge three months ago something finally worked.

I went back to my doctor and told her I still felt out of control and absolutely at the end of my rope.

I was on a low dose anti D already which kind of helped a bit, but didnt quite do the trick.

She added another low dose anti D that I know alot of people used to stop smoking at one time.

Wow.

I havent felt this hopeful in a long time

I have zero urge to drink alcohol and the thought of it makes me sick.

I was totally against pills, especially psych meds, but I went to my GP who said Id just have to take them for a year or a two and Im so glad I did and found something that worked for me.

Im never going back ever either. Ever.

nez

I was stuck in the hell you describe for 3 years. Two weeks going to meetings and sober, then go back out to get beat up some more. Over and over again.Then went to a 28 day rehab. Made it six months and relapsed. Came back to AA determined to make it and I did for 5 years before relapse once again. Came back to AA and this time actually worked the steps ( in order, completely, honestly, to the best of my ability). The difference it made is like the difference between night and day. I now have 16 years. I now know peace and serenity. I now am comfortable in my own skin, which hindsight and step work has shown was all I every wanted in the first step.

Long before I picked up my first drink at 18 years of age, I was never comfortable in my own skin and good with being just me. Those feelings definitely played a big part in picking up that first drink. Once I did pick up that drink, I thought I had found the solution. Little did I know the actual solution, for me, would be found many drinks and 32 years later and only after working the twelve steps of AA.

I wouldn't trade my life today for anything. I also wouldn't change a change about my journey either because going through hell was the only way I was going to know and fully appreciate what I have today.

I am not a big book thumper. I don't believe AA is the only way. I just know what worked for me...and that is the 12 steps.

Zebra1275

Has anyone else struggled with sobriety at the 10 to 14 day mark?

Yep.

I was sober for 5.5 years and then had a drink in a restaurant with dinner, because I apparently thought I was cured. In no time at all my drinking was back to excessive levels. For a year I tried to get sober again. I would be sober for about 10 days then I would have a 3 day binge. This "on again, off again" drinking pattern lasted for a year.

Then my wife took me in to get medical help with the detox. I was hospitalized a couple of days. In the hospital I went to my first AA meeting, and I realized that AA just might help me.

Getting involved in AA and joining this website were two key ingredients in helping me to get sober again when I got home.

Although I no longer go to AA, I still log onto this website almost everyday. I will have 10 years of sobriety in a few months, so it's possible to get sober.

ciowa

I was a binge drinker so i wasnt technically relapsing because i was not trying to stay sober. However, i thought if i "dried out" for a few weeks, ate better, slept better etc, that id be able to not drink as hard core. It was only after i went into iop that i learned the addiction just gets worse with every drinking bout. It didnt matter how many days or weeks i was dry. The out of control drinking was always what will happen so i stopped.

PalmerSage

It's funny when I think back about "serial relapsing," I did a lot of what you describe but in reality, I was just continuing to drink with short breaks. What ultimately worked for me was to decide that I was OVER IT. I posted here constantly, asked for advice, called out thoughts of drinking, and did not allow myself to entertain ANY romantic thoughts of drinking. None. When people here gave me advice (especially the people I thought were super annoying, lol) I took it, and if I felt myself pushing back hard, I really examined those thoughts.

You have to decide that you're done, and that you will put sobriety first one day at a time. The good thing is that you're not alone, we are 100% here with you.

Gabe1980

I was a serial relapser on a 3 day cycle, then a two week cycle and then a 4 week cycle and now I am currently struggling around the 10 -12 weeks. Keep at it. It does gradually improve. For some folk it is a one off decision but for lots of us it is a long slog over years to get there.

I am wondering if part of not wanting to tell people around you, you are struggling is because it would mean having to own up to choosing to drink, cause it is a choice. Owning it was one of the best things I did. First my husband, then my family and AA. Keeping it to yourself gives you a 'get out' clause. Tell people you trust how you are feeling. You just did here - which is awesome! It really does help xx

Sohard

Hmmm. I’m trying to think of some words to help. From your post, I don’t think you are actually relapsing. Rather, I think you haven’t really stopped drinking, you’ve just hit pause for a few days/weeks here or there. What have you tried? What haven’t you tried? Medication? Medication was a godsend to me. Throw everything you’ve got into this. What you are currently doing is INCREDIBLY HARD when you keep quitting drinking over and over and over and stay struggling in this rip tide. So take a deep breath, swim with the current, take it day by day and add up your sober time. The longer you stay not drinking, the easier that becomes. Just do yourself a favor, give yourself some grace, and try again and again (no embarrassment! Addiction is not your fault!). You CAN do this.

D122y

I had hellish paranoia when I quit. When I drank it went away. As I sobered up, it returned in spades. It was a hell hole.

That paranoia is what I used to stay clean. I knew it was only going to get worse if I started again. I still use it today.

I have irreversible brain damage from my years of drinking. I think all drinkers have it, the more they drink the worse it gets.

Meds can help. I wasn't able to take them because of my line of work. I suffered through. The suffering continued to escalate for me well into 90 days clean.

That is when I found SR. I learned about kindling, paws, and ptsd. Basically, drinkers go crazy in the end if they overdue it for too long.

Going insane is a crappy way to go out and I decided I didn't want to go out like that.

Booze damaged my emotional side of the brain. The emotions are hell to deal with. My emotions were used to drinking for every occasion. My brain had to rationalize its way out. It is left and right brain war. Hence part of my insanity.

That is my view on the science of my addiction. Understanding that helped me to not be too hard on myself when I felt insane.

It had to peak and then I started to see the re wiring. It was a physical healing, but my brain seemed to have to rewire. It wasn't like I got better, it was like I got used to feeling wacky.

Thanks.

least

I was a serial relapser too, until I finally decided that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. It was hard at first but a suggestion given me was my saving grace: practicing gratitude every day. It changed my attitude for the better and made me happier too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

snitch

Sounds like you need a new sponsor and to get working on those steps . Leave your pride at the door. Share that you are struggling. You don't know what people are thinking and anyway it doesn't matter what they think. AA is for anyone who has a desire to quit drinking and you have that desire. You just havent been able to yet. I didn't get sober from my first AAmeeting. I was in and out for a couple of years until I found a sponsor and started working with her. Meetings are great but it is the steps that are making me well and removing tbe obsession to drink. This is your life on the line here.

Dee74

Every time I drank again I got a little closer to being willing to change everything.

I hope you're getting closer to that point too, mistory.

If I can do this, you can too

D

Delilah1

I’m so glad you came here and posted about how you’re feeling, I think that’s a great step, and one that might be a really helpful piece of recovery.

It sounds like you’re stuck in the cycle of taking a few days off from drinking, and then starting again, you aren’t giving yourself enough time to feel all the benefits sobriety can offer. I joined SR in 2012, and finally took my last drink December 31, 2015. In between those times I had different periods of sobriety ranging from several months, to several weeks, but I never truly took alcohol off the table for good.

What finally worked for me was focusing on making healthy choices for myself both physically and emotionally. I came here daily and read and posted, I still do. I started going for walks each day to clear my head, I now make sure going for a walk preferably outdoors is a part of my routine. I read lots of books about recovery, and learned something from each person’s story. I worked really hard at remaining focused on the present moment, learning about mindfulness was probably the thing that has helped me the most. Every now and then I still find myself staring to spin a little what might happen, or think about what I should have done differently in the past, and I work hard to use breathing and mindfulness techniques to get myself back into the present moment, which is the only thing I can control.

You can do this. Why don’t you start by reading and posting here daily. Join the December class and the 24 hour thread, both are great supports.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR!

kinzoku

I was a chronic relapser too. Maybe I still am, I can't know the future. All I know is the only solution is to be honest with yourself, and after that, if you can, with others.

So if AA is your support system for sobriety... you can't get what you need out of it until you are honest.

That's how I feel anyhow.

On a hopeful note: you can see here how many people struggled as you have here. You can do this. One day at at time.

Soberwolf

I'm glad to see you again Mistory

PhoenixJ

Support to you, MiS