herby

Hi all, I've stopped drinking for 7 days. I'm amazed I've managed so long especially when my husband is an alcoholic too. Luckily he hasn't bought booze into the house, I don't know how long that will last, especially with it being Xmas. I've been drinking heavily for the last 29 years since I met my husband. At the moment I'm blaming him for my addiction. I've wasted most of my life. There's no such thing as a happy alcoholic. So my life has been very unhappy and unproductive. I'm 59 and want to live a spiritual life from now on. I know I can beat this with the help of meditation. I can't see my marriage working as he is non- spiritual and we are arguing all the time cos I'm so angry with myself for wasting my life.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us and I can understand your frustration. But,be kind to yourself. The main thing is that you're here now and ready to stop living and live a spiritual life. That's great. One of my favorite sayings is from the great Maya Angelou "I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better.'

SoberRican

Congrats on 7 days . hey we get it. Cant get that time back. But moving forward you can start a new life. Heck your hubby might change his mind once he See his women go thru the changes in you. But do this for you feel me.join us on this journey. Be the best thing you ever did. I promise you. ✌

abgator

First: Stop blaming someone else for your alcoholism. It's a chemical problem and he didnt give you the inability to stop. That's on your brain.

Now if he doesn't want to quit and you do, then yeah, you have a big problem. But if you want to get sober, stop the blame game right now and take responsibility for your actions, accept them, and alter accordingly.

HeadEast

Herby, meet Anna. She is one of the administrators of this site and is simply awesome. You will find that out. 7 days is a really good start. Build on that momentum. There is a lot of good information here and a lot of good advice will follow.

gypsytears

Hi & welcome. Congrats on your decision to live a healthier, alcohol free, more spiritual life. Seven days is a wonderful start. It’s still very early days though so I would just sit back and let your sobriety sink in and become you before you start planning the possible end of your long time marriage. There will be ups & downs in your recovery so right now I’d suggest just hanging on and take care of yourself. The other stuff will work themselves out and when the time is right you’ll know what to do. I’m sober but my husband is not. I have no plans on divorcing him just because I’m sober. There are other couples that do decide to split. No need to figure that out right now. The main thing is... don’t drink .

Dee74

Welcome Herby - congrats on your week

A recovery journey is a very personal and individual one.

Regardless of your marital issues and the relationship with your husband and his own problems, it's best to focus on you and your recovery.

D

Hevyn

It's great to have you with us, herby. Wonderful news about your 7 days sober - we know how hard it is.

I drank 30 yrs. and everything came to a head in my 50's too. I was so glad to get free of it and to discover the sober me - she had been hiding for a long time.

least

Welcome to the family Herby! I'd work on staying sober right now and not make future plans. You never know what can happen. Take care of yourself in these early days. Getting sober can be a bumpy road for a while so don't let it throw you off recovery.

Surrendered19

Welcome Herby. Please don't blame your husband. I am 18 days sober after 30 years of hard hard drinking. Blaming anyone, even blaming yourself, doesn't really work with this thing. I could blame so many people in my past for the trajectory of my life after assigning blame to everyone and being angry and wanting vengeance for all of that, I'd still be right back where I was when I started all of that blaming and anger. It would accomplish absolutely nothing. Anyway, congrats on 7 days. Let's do this together. Day 18 is so peaceful and calm and feels so healthy. Let's keep going. Read SoberRican's daily post, and so many others on this site. A treasure for all of us.

fini

herby, welcome.
take that energy you’re putting into anger and blame and redirect it in the new direction you’re walking and you will see positive change.
good to have you here.

Lorax1981

Hi herby - I felt like I wasted my life but we’re just starting a new chapter.

August252015

Welcome!

herby

Yes of course you are right. It's not my husband 's fault. Alcoholism is a disease. Thank you for your support.

herby

yes you are right. Thank you for your wise words.

herby

Thanks so much for your advice. It's a great help.x

FeelingGreat

Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking. I will just suggest you don't put all your faith in meditation although I'm sure it will help tremendously. There are other simple practical steps you can take.
- Don't allow yourself to get too hungry, thirsty or tired. You're body is used to calling for alcohol when this happens.
- Eat well, and get plenty of sleep.
- Identify your danger hours (usually after work) and make sure you can distract yourself. Maybe have a soft drink in your hand.
- Stay away from holiday drink parties this year. You don't need the temptation.

Good luck will happen with good plans.

herby

Thank you all so much for all your advice. It's much appreciated. I'm so glad I found this site. I found it by accident. The Universe is helping me. I know there is something out there that will help me , now I'm trying hard to be good, kind and to live a productive life. I'm sure this Site is going to help me win. I no longer feel alone. THANK YOU x

herby

That's great advice, thanks 😊

Dee74

Glad to have you aboard Herby

to save confusion with your initial thread with a very similar title I'll merge them for you.

You can start as many threads as you need but its best to try and vary the titles a little