DriGuy

Well, that puts it in perspective!

Briansy

Thanks for the recommendation, Anna. Just downloaded it on Audible and will start listening today...

DriGuy

Alcoholics in recovery actually have it very very good, and some keep coming back because they want to. At least, this is what I have observed.

Tetrax

Yeah I get this - and often feel this - I just meant the 'it' as in, you know, that darkness deep within, that thirst which defies all logic.

I just wish there were one simple answer as to what this whole addiction thing's all about.

DriGuy

It does defy logic, but the cure is behavioral in nature, which is heavily dependent on action rather than logic. I spent a lot of time thinking about my problem without results. When I decided not to drink again, it was more like following directions, actually just one direction; "Don't take that drink." When you start thinking about it, it allows your AV to participate in the process. Questions like "What if," and "But suppose," and "Yeah but," enter the process and turn something simple into a state of confusion.

Getting sober for me was an odd exception to the way I solved life problems because it depended almost entirely on behavioral change. My usual thinking algorithm didn't seem to work.

silentrun

I see 2 parts to that statement.

The first is the thirst for the substance because it's hijacked our rewards system and we crave it like we crave our next breath. You could read up on ΔFosB. Sugar and exercise can also use that. I think that's why so many people recommend a good walk to ease cravings. I know a piece of cake used to take the edge off of mine. It can be quite stable but you can address it.

The second part for me was the self-hatred. I didn't have a feeling of having a center of something worthwhile. My center was weak, not enough, stupid, wicked. People in my life had done that to me both intentionally and unintentionally. I took it and ran with it when I should have just attributed their behavior to them. I took things personally and that was a huge mistake. That took a full year of sobriety and near-obsession levels of effort to realize all of it. I hung around people in recovery and things rubbed off on me.

I was thinking more about your ex-flame analogy. I used to put my ex's face on the cravings in early sobriety. I had dated this guy on and off for 2 years and he was abusive. Much in the same way the alcohol became. I had a moment when I realized we were both reading from scripts we had been taught as children. I didn't want to be that person anymore and he was deep within his role. I went from intense emotional pain to freedom with one insight. I didn't get to walk away without a healing process when I realized my abusive relationship with alcohol because that's not how this works.

What kind of fool do you think I am
I ain't fallin for you all over again
I ain't playin a game that I know I can't win
What kind of fool do you think I am
Oh, what kind of fool do you think I am