Ishmael

I'm so numb. In the rawest sense. I just bought our first house. The kids are still young. I returned to school, did well, have a good job. All my reasons I had for quitting have changed. It used to be so clear. My life sucked and I didn't have anything good because I was at the bar or jail or rehab. Now I have all kinds of stuff and I am "successful" and I don't go to the bar but I have one in my house. And I'm so numb. I wish I could figure out what is wrong with me so I don't pass this on to my beautiful little boys.
I'm a 41 year old male. Structural engineer. Used to want to be an artist. Husband. Father of two awesome little boys. Totally lost. Slipping into numb oblivion.

Dee74

Hi Ishmael

doesn't sound like theres anything wrong with you that's not wrong with the rest of us.

Addiction is no respecter of gender class, financial position or social situation.

Fortunately there are a number of ways that people have found to stay sober for good and you'll see a lot of them here - using this site, seeing a doctor or a counsellor, exploring a meeting based group like AA or SMART or lifering etc:
a non meeting based approach like Rational Recovery/AVRT, inpatient or outpatient rehab....

there are folks here who've left addiction behind. For good.
All you have to do is join us.

Read around, see what others are doing, post here regularly.

You don;t have to feel like you do right now anymore

D

HeadEast

I've struggled with how to write this. I've had problems my entire life that required medication for a short time. That is an option you might consider which would require you to see a doctor. Often it is temporary, and just allows you to not feel lost. Others will post with other ideas. I know it is easier said than done, but please keep it in perspective and look at your options. You do have options. Like I said, I've really struggled with this post and wanted to give you hope. Others will post giving you ideas.

sugarbear1

I felt like you, but I had lost everything (a home, relationships, self, material things, job.....) and felt like you. I worked and keep working those 12 steps of AA. It was the last thing I tried (I think I tried most methods for staying stopped and away from the drink) and only thing that worked for me. I no longer feel alone, isolated, lonely, sad, miserable, gross....I have joy and peace on a daily basis. How cool is that?

SoberRican

Only way this gonna work is going all in. Surrender. What's booze doing for you? Sure you catch a buzz. Then what. Get yourself where your sick till you get a fix. Hopefully your not to that level cause if you is then thats another issue. Take it one day at a time. Can you not drink for 24 hours? If so then the next day say the same thing. The days will add up. ✌

SoberStevie

You're young, you have a profession, you can still be an artist - it isn't one or the other - work at your profession, develop your passion - reassess further down the line. You're a husband, not an ex husband - that's a positive. You live with two awesome little boys. Note that one - you live with them, you don't see them on weekends or shared contact...
You still have it all Ishamael.
So now you are at a crossroads, you either give up drinking, and like the wise guy says above, you don't think "I'm never going to drink again ever" because that's overwhelming. You do it for 24 hours, then you repeat.
Or, you carry on drinking and I think in the future you will post something like your first post but it will read:
I have lost my job, have no hobbies and my wife is filing for divorce. I won't be with my boys which will break my heart. I have no reason to get up in the morning, I've lost everything.
What I'm trying to say, is that you have to choose the path to sobriety, or the path to destruction.
So, which path will you choose?
We're here, we struggle, but we want to help you. But ultimately, only you can decide what you want more.

SereneEdition

C0ntr0ls

+1 SoberSteve.

I'm in the process of repairing my past relationships with my former wife who put up with all the **** for years and the kids.

I'm wasn't an envious or jealous person who looks at what others have that I don't until last night at a high school basketball game and seeing the families [Moms, Dads and kids] together and thinking I effing had that but threw it all away. YMMV