short and sweet
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
Originally Posted by thomas11 
MLD, someone has to step in and tell them they need to grow the eff up and that its not funny. That's my 2 cents.
I still think you need to step back and wait until you have calmed down more.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Jeff man...
I get you're worried about your dad...I get that you've got a lot of anger built up too.
I get that you want to fix things, control the situation, and make them see sense....
I get you might even feel a little guilty its been so long since you've seen them - properly even tho your reasons for doing so were totally valid.
but man..,,slipping over to the dark side, going defcon 5 and wanting to **** them up and threatening them with physical harm is not just rational man.
Its not a reasonable or healthy response and like I said, I'm worried.
You're not posting like the Jeff I know and we all know.
I'd be worried if someone posted like this drunk and as far as I know you're sober.
Dangerous time to bring it up again maybe, but I think you need some mental health help, bud.
I hope you can step back from this - it's doing you no good Jeff.
D
I get you're worried about your dad...I get that you've got a lot of anger built up too.
I get that you want to fix things, control the situation, and make them see sense....
I get you might even feel a little guilty its been so long since you've seen them - properly even tho your reasons for doing so were totally valid.
but man..,,slipping over to the dark side, going defcon 5 and wanting to **** them up and threatening them with physical harm is not just rational man.
Its not a reasonable or healthy response and like I said, I'm worried.
You're not posting like the Jeff I know and we all know.
I'd be worried if someone posted like this drunk and as far as I know you're sober.
Dangerous time to bring it up again maybe, but I think you need some mental health help, bud.
I hope you can step back from this - it's doing you no good Jeff.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
Jeff man...
I get you're worried about your dad...I get that you've got a lot of anger built up too.
I get that you want to fix things, control the situation, and make them see sense....
I get you might even feel a little guilty its been so long since you've seen them - properly even tho your reasons for doing so were totally valid.
but man..,,slipping over to the dark side, going defcon 5 and wanting to **** them up and threatening them with physical harm is not just rational man.
Its not a reasonable or healthy response and like I said, I'm worried.
You're not posting like the Jeff I know and we all know.
I'd be worried if someone posted like this drunk and as far as I know you're sober.
Dangerous time to bring it up again maybe, but I think you need some mental health help, bud.
I hope you can step back from this - it's doing you no good Jeff.
D
I get you're worried about your dad...I get that you've got a lot of anger built up too.
I get that you want to fix things, control the situation, and make them see sense....
I get you might even feel a little guilty its been so long since you've seen them - properly even tho your reasons for doing so were totally valid.
but man..,,slipping over to the dark side, going defcon 5 and wanting to **** them up and threatening them with physical harm is not just rational man.
Its not a reasonable or healthy response and like I said, I'm worried.
You're not posting like the Jeff I know and we all know.
I'd be worried if someone posted like this drunk and as far as I know you're sober.
Dangerous time to bring it up again maybe, but I think you need some mental health help, bud.
I hope you can step back from this - it's doing you no good Jeff.
D
Dee, I am at defcon5 and can't dial it back dude. I'm going to drink myself to sleep as its the only option I see at this point. My father who I love thinks I'm going to kill him, and I just might. Its a sad state of affairs. Let me play this out Dee, I will survive. Sorry to disappoint the sobriety folks.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Jeff - we both know that drinking at this point is just like hitting the pause button. After you sober up and get over the physical pain, as well as the guilt, shame and remorse, your family issues will still be there. Drinking won't make them go away. You drinking "at" your family won't change their behavior.
Drinking is not the only option here for you. Please take some deep breaths and play this all the way out.
Drinking is not the only option here for you. Please take some deep breaths and play this all the way out.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I didn't want to believe it but yeah - you drinking right now at least makes sense of this thread.
You drinking doesn't make sense in itself tho.
If you were drinking to feel better that obviously didnt pan out.
If you were drinking to make the intolerable tolerable I think that failed too man.
If you were drinking to find a way to get through to your dad that didn't work either.
Drinking solves nothing Jeff.
It doesn't diminish our problems, it diminishes us.
Drink some water and sack out man. Do me a solid tho and come back and read this thread tomorrow as an example why you need to stay sober.
Tomorrow is another day - be ready for it
D
You drinking doesn't make sense in itself tho.
If you were drinking to feel better that obviously didnt pan out.
If you were drinking to make the intolerable tolerable I think that failed too man.
If you were drinking to find a way to get through to your dad that didn't work either.
Drinking solves nothing Jeff.
It doesn't diminish our problems, it diminishes us.
Drink some water and sack out man. Do me a solid tho and come back and read this thread tomorrow as an example why you need to stay sober.
Tomorrow is another day - be ready for it
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Jeff,
It seems to me like no contact with your family was justified as getting together with them sucked you right back into the family role/script you’ve always had. The toxic dynamic touches you immediately and put you right back where you had been before.
Ive been in this place before. I had to switch my role in the family and go no contact to protect myself. It’s hard as hell but so much better than all the anger and hurt that goes with stating within the dysfunction.
Im sorry you are angry and hurting but I don’t think that anything you do can change them. You may as well scream at a brick wall and see if it will change: it will have the same effect as screaming at your family.
Maybe it’s time to close that chapter of your life, you know? The toxicity isn’t doing you any favors.
I hope you can put the drink down, make some peace with yourself, and put the focus and healing back on yourself.
It seems to me like no contact with your family was justified as getting together with them sucked you right back into the family role/script you’ve always had. The toxic dynamic touches you immediately and put you right back where you had been before.
Ive been in this place before. I had to switch my role in the family and go no contact to protect myself. It’s hard as hell but so much better than all the anger and hurt that goes with stating within the dysfunction.
Im sorry you are angry and hurting but I don’t think that anything you do can change them. You may as well scream at a brick wall and see if it will change: it will have the same effect as screaming at your family.
Maybe it’s time to close that chapter of your life, you know? The toxicity isn’t doing you any favors.
I hope you can put the drink down, make some peace with yourself, and put the focus and healing back on yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
okay, had a little cool down time and a good meal. I will never back away from the fact that my feelings are justified. How I reacted was probably not justified. That being said, for many years I felt my parents thought I was their "toy". I was the result of premarital sex. shot gun wedding. S0 they thought I was just cute, but not to be taken seriously. I warned them, they laughed. Tonight they saw I can be ruthless and I'm not a "joke" or a "toy". We'll see where this goes, but from my standpoint, can't be bad. So much more to say, but it only pertains to me and I don't want to bore people.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
I didn't want to believe it but yeah - you drinking right now at least makes sense of this thread.
You drinking doesn't make sense in itself tho.
If you were drinking to feel better that obviously didnt pan out.
If you were drinking to make the intolerable tolerable I think that failed too man.
If you were drinking to find a way to get through to your dad that didn't work either.
Drinking solves nothing Jeff.
It doesn't diminish our problems, it diminishes us.
Drink some water and sack out man. Do me a solid tho and come back and read this thread tomorrow as an example why you need to stay sober.
Tomorrow is another day - be ready for it
D
You drinking doesn't make sense in itself tho.
If you were drinking to feel better that obviously didnt pan out.
If you were drinking to make the intolerable tolerable I think that failed too man.
If you were drinking to find a way to get through to your dad that didn't work either.
Drinking solves nothing Jeff.
It doesn't diminish our problems, it diminishes us.
Drink some water and sack out man. Do me a solid tho and come back and read this thread tomorrow as an example why you need to stay sober.
Tomorrow is another day - be ready for it
D
I'll do you a solid brother because I owe it to you. You're obviously a rock here, but I feel if I met you it would be like we knew each other since high school. Yeah, bro, and to all others, gave in. This makes twice in a short period of time. Not good. Carl says take it off the table FOREVER. Tough thought, but probably right.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by thomas11
I'This makes twice in a short period of time. Not good.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
My family is about as dysfunctional as they come....and I used to drink over it... a lot. You know what it got me? The same dysfunctional family, with me leading the pack. The blind leading the blind.
Sad....really sad. Follow the advice given here by your SR friends. Let go of that anger, dump the booze, and start living YOUR life!
Blessings
Sad....really sad. Follow the advice given here by your SR friends. Let go of that anger, dump the booze, and start living YOUR life!
Blessings
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
What they do is out of your control. You getting bent out of shape doesn't help anything. And drinking... well you know what that brings. 
I hope you'll go no contact with them again and save yourself the heartache and frustration. And please stop drinking.
I hope you'll go no contact with them again and save yourself the heartache and frustration. And please stop drinking.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by thomas11
MLD, someone has to step in and tell them they need to grow the eff up and that its not funny. That's my 2 cents.
someone has to accept that.
and then find a way to help dad if that’s what they want to do.
help without hurting someone, certainly including himself.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Jeff you're a good guy - there's no need to punish yourself by drinking.
maybe its time to take a read back through your threads and remind yourself of where drinking took you and whats at stake here.
I get your pain. I know you love your Dad even tho he drives you crazy. but just as I resist people trying to tell me how to live my life, others resist me telling them how to lives theirs.
Sometimes the stakes are really high and stepping back is the last thing we want to do. We want to drag that damn horse kicking and screaming, to water.
That doesn't work.
All we can do is lay out how we feel, in a calm, non confrontational way, and then let go of the outcome because, brother, it's not your outcome.
I still say water and bed is the best course for right now
D
maybe its time to take a read back through your threads and remind yourself of where drinking took you and whats at stake here.
I get your pain. I know you love your Dad even tho he drives you crazy. but just as I resist people trying to tell me how to live my life, others resist me telling them how to lives theirs.
Sometimes the stakes are really high and stepping back is the last thing we want to do. We want to drag that damn horse kicking and screaming, to water.
That doesn't work.
All we can do is lay out how we feel, in a calm, non confrontational way, and then let go of the outcome because, brother, it's not your outcome.
I still say water and bed is the best course for right now
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by thomas11
Dee, I am at defcon5 and can't dial it back dude. I'm going to drink myself to sleep as its the only option I see at this point. My father who I love thinks I'm going to kill him, and I just might. Its a sad state of affairs. Let me play this out Dee, I will survive. Sorry to disappoint the sobriety folks.
Reading through this thread I had a feeling you were drinking. I am sorry that you are, because you’ve worked really hard at your sobriety.
I can relate to being upset or angry with family members. My brother causes me to feel that way, but the healthiest thing for me to do is distance myself. I think you may need to think about distance in this situation. If you are truly worried for your dad’s health contact a social worker, or even call for s welfare check.
I really hope you wake up tomorrow and get rid of any remaining alcohol, and start back on your recovery.
❤️Delilah
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Jeff, you reminded me of myself in my drinking days. I could have a temper and it was all fired at things and people I couldn’t control, didn’t like, usually family members, remembering the past and hating my parents for how I felt.
Booze takes the rationale off the table, takes our conscience and sometimes sanity away. Lethal cocktails.
Hope you managed to get some water down you and get some sleep.
Booze takes the rationale off the table, takes our conscience and sometimes sanity away. Lethal cocktails.
Hope you managed to get some water down you and get some sleep.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Dee saysSometimes the stakes are really high and stepping back is the last thing we want to do. We want to drag that damn horse kicking and screaming, to water.
Yeah man I;m on board with that. I've let it go for now. I take no pride in being a bad mother effer. but its my life's path and dragon got out of its cage today. I hope to not see it for another 20 years. Not a good look.
Yeah man I;m on board with that. I've let it go for now. I take no pride in being a bad mother effer. but its my life's path and dragon got out of its cage today. I hope to not see it for another 20 years. Not a good look.
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DEE SAID there's no need to punish yourself by drinking.
I publish this line for those 100's of people who peruse this site but do not belong. Those of you who are hesitant, get over any label and if you think you need help.......get it.
I publish this line for those 100's of people who peruse this site but do not belong. Those of you who are hesitant, get over any label and if you think you need help.......get it.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
With all due respect Jeff whatever you did in the bad old days that was not your lifes path.
You may have have done bad things but you are clearly not a bad man.
Your life's path is being the caring and loving husband and son we all know you are.
Don't let that be taken away from you by a return to drinking.
D
You may have have done bad things but you are clearly not a bad man.
Your life's path is being the caring and loving husband and son we all know you are.
Don't let that be taken away from you by a return to drinking.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
With all due respect Jeff whatever you did in the bad old days that was not your lifes path.
You may have have done bad things but you are clearly not a bad man.
Your life's path is being the caring and loving husband and son we all know you are.
Don't let that be taken away from you by a return to drinking.
D
You may have have done bad things but you are clearly not a bad man.
Your life's path is being the caring and loving husband and son we all know you are.
Don't let that be taken away from you by a return to drinking.
D
I'll leave it at this. My dad has referred to himself as the 800 lb gorilla in the room when it comes to building casinos. And he was right. I'd go to get rental cars in MS and they'd rent me a lincoln Mark 10 or higher and not blink an eye.
Today the 800 lb gorilla had to call his MIMI (wife, my Mom)to make sure I was't going to bash his head in. who wins? I don't feel victorious.
And you know why, because if I showed up at his door step he would have pissed himself.
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