Day 14
 

I have lurked for a few months and have now joined. Nervous about posting because I still feel shell shocked. Day 14 for me after drinking scary amounts of everything for nearly 2 decades. REALLY scary amounts the last 10 years. I don't know how I am here to write this. I am humble and grateful that I am not dead although I have hurt so many others - something that I will eventually have to make amends for, if that can even be done. Thank goodness I never physically hurt anyone. I don't know how I didn't. I am battling with hating myself, filled with such shame, while at the same time wanting to live. I have the same collection of ongoing life problems that everyone has but, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can now start to pick those apart and take care of the details with a clear head. I don't have a good plan for long term recovery yet. I have been reading here at SR which I find to be a most amazing place. I have been walking and trying to get my nutrition back together. Have medical appointments and dental appointments scheduled. I know I need to reach out and establish an in-person support system. I am so grateful for getting this chance. I'll look to you all to help me and I need so much help. My main feeling, while "rested" and clear headed, is still one of just being dazed as I look back at what I did to myself and my family. Thank you for listening.

Congratulations!!! I have a hard time putting things like this into words. Keep going and keep educating yourself. There will be a lot of great advice posted soon.

Hey no worries we all have baggage from our boozing days. Moving forward. One day at a time is all you need to do.

Congrats on day 14!

I don't sleep well at all, but the feeling of being clear-headed and calm is great, even in the middle of the night. One of the good problems that I now have is to fill so many more hours in the day. I have 4-8 more hours conscious every single day. Two weeks ago today I drank a bottle of wine in the car on the way home from work, drank another when I got home, passed out by 6:00 p.m. and woke up 12 hours later on my Day 1. On a weekend I would sleep 14-16 hours straight. Now at 6:00 p.m. I have as much clean time in front of me as I could ever wish for. And at 4:00 a.m., my most grateful time, I am happy to get up and sip a cup of coffee and hop onto SR.

Welcome to the family! :) Congrats on your first two weeks of sobriety. Lots of support here and I hope we can help you stay sober for good. :hug:

Thank you all so much. I want so badly to stay sober for good Least. I really get upset looking back at what I did to myself and my friends and family. The insanity of alcohol is shocking. This chance to live a meaningful life means everything to me.

Welcome to the posting side of things surrendered :)
I think at the moment the main thing is one day at a time...stay sober today, back up again tomorrow...the rest of the stuff will sort itself out later :)

D