Loss of parent
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR 
My emotions have been all over the place today. I went to a noon AA meeting and sobbed most of the time, but sharing was great. Got lots of hugs afterward and some wise words from a chaplain. Also leaned on many good friends and family. I do there is growth from the darkness.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR
Hello, I just lost my mother and thought it would be good to post here. She was 92 years old and had fallen and broken her hip. She had complications from surgery, but really I think she felt ready to pass.
I’m in early sobriety, so I have an urge to drink and numb the loss. But I’m going to honor my mom’s life by staying sober.
I’m in early sobriety, so I have an urge to drink and numb the loss. But I’m going to honor my mom’s life by staying sober.
I understand how you feel. My mother passed away suddenly this year and I was in shock. She went to the hospital on Friday and when I went to pick her up on Saturday she was asking for a priest and to receive Last Rites.
You're sad and will be for some time but to start drinking over her death won't ease the pain.
My condolences go out to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR
Hello, I just lost my mother and thought it would be good to post here. She was 92 years old and had fallen and broken her hip. She had complications from surgery, but really I think she felt ready to pass.
I’m in early sobriety, so I have an urge to drink and numb the loss. But I’m going to honor my mom’s life by staying sober.
I’m in early sobriety, so I have an urge to drink and numb the loss. But I’m going to honor my mom’s life by staying sober.
Values are what we think are more important than our feelings!
When my father died, on 2009, I stopped drinking and doing drugs because I had to help my 92 year old mother cope. I had no problem not drinking because I valued my mother more than getting high. Eventually she accepted my fathers death and I went right back to making drugs and alcohol my values and purpose in life. In retrospect, I should have realized the importance then of how values shape our behavior.
It took me five more years to realize that values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life, not getting high every chance I could.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. Choose good values that would make yourself, others and God proud.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, and the loss of your canine companion. 
I'm glad you've decided to stay sober. Drinking doesn't make the pain go away, it just covers it up temporarily, but it all comes back eventually. 
I'm glad you've decided to stay sober. Drinking doesn't make the pain go away, it just covers it up temporarily, but it all comes back eventually. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 138
Sorry for your loss and thanks for your timely post. My 84 year old father broke his hip two weeks ago and is having complications due to surgery. Last conversation with the DR yesterday, was removing the breathing tube this weekend and making him "comfortable" - barring some miraculous recovery.
I am early in my most recent recovery also and I will NOT drink. I had 10 years sober when my younger brother died. I relapsed and binged for two years. It was not worth it, as it made things much worse. Stay strong! You wont regret it.
I am early in my most recent recovery also and I will NOT drink. I had 10 years sober when my younger brother died. I relapsed and binged for two years. It was not worth it, as it made things much worse. Stay strong! You wont regret it.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
Kudos to you! Interesting perspective. You value what your mother would have wanted for you, over your drinking. You value your mother's values.
Values are what we think are more important than our feelings!
When my father died, on 2009, I stopped drinking and doing drugs because I had to help my 92 year old mother cope. I had no problem not drinking because I valued my mother more than getting high. Eventually she accepted my fathers death and I went right back to making drugs and alcohol my values and purpose in life. In retrospect, I should have realized the importance then of how values shape our behavior.
It took me five more years to realize that values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life, not getting high every chance I could.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. Choose good values that would make yourself, others and God proud.
Values are what we think are more important than our feelings!
When my father died, on 2009, I stopped drinking and doing drugs because I had to help my 92 year old mother cope. I had no problem not drinking because I valued my mother more than getting high. Eventually she accepted my fathers death and I went right back to making drugs and alcohol my values and purpose in life. In retrospect, I should have realized the importance then of how values shape our behavior.
It took me five more years to realize that values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life, not getting high every chance I could.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. Choose good values that would make yourself, others and God proud.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by izzy1962
Sorry for your loss and thanks for your timely post. My 84 year old father broke his hip two weeks ago and is having complications due to surgery. Last conversation with the DR yesterday, was removing the breathing tube this weekend and making him "comfortable" - barring some miraculous recovery.
I am early in my most recent recovery also and I will NOT drink. I had 10 years sober when my younger brother died. I relapsed and binged for two years. It was not worth it, as it made things much worse. Stay strong! You wont regret it.
I am early in my most recent recovery also and I will NOT drink. I had 10 years sober when my younger brother died. I relapsed and binged for two years. It was not worth it, as it made things much worse. Stay strong! You wont regret it.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Today is the appointment with the vet to help Freddie dog across the rainbow bridge. He’s lying at my feet and doesn’t want to get up. It’s time...I know, he knows.
May God grant me serenity and courage.
Tomorrow I fly home to join family.
May God grant me serenity and courage.
Tomorrow I fly home to join family.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR
I do find when there is a purpose and need to help others, my desire to drink just vanishes. Isn’t that “self seeking slipping away”?
I do know that when you serve others, you empower yourself with your unselfish behavior and regain control of your feelings, in a healthy manner. Specifically you escape the helplessness trap from an emotional perspective. There are many ways to escape the trap of feeling helpless, but serving others is a powerful one. In fact it is why many of us post here, including me.
We all want to experience happiness in our lives, we want to be in control, because the perception of control, makes us feel good.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. This scripture might appear paradoxical but when you delegate control to God, he reciprocates with the empowering Holy Spirit.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
I don't understand what you mean when you reference, "Self seeking, slipping away."
I do know that when you serve others, you empower yourself with your unselfish behavior and regain control of your feelings, in a healthy manner. Specifically you escape the helplessness trap from an emotional perspective. There are many ways to escape the trap of feeling helpless, but serving others is a powerful one. In fact it is why many of us post here, including me.
We all want to experience happiness in our lives, we want to be in control, because the perception of control, makes us feel good.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. This scripture might appear paradoxical but when you delegate control to God, he reciprocates with the empowering Holy Spirit.
I do know that when you serve others, you empower yourself with your unselfish behavior and regain control of your feelings, in a healthy manner. Specifically you escape the helplessness trap from an emotional perspective. There are many ways to escape the trap of feeling helpless, but serving others is a powerful one. In fact it is why many of us post here, including me.
We all want to experience happiness in our lives, we want to be in control, because the perception of control, makes us feel good.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. This scripture might appear paradoxical but when you delegate control to God, he reciprocates with the empowering Holy Spirit.
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