Briansy

Cheers Dee. What a shame that one of those dead was a Cambridge grad with a social conscience and very handsome. Very sad for his family and disturbing as a London resident. I was blacking out at the time of its happening but caught up in it today.

saoutchik

Welcome to Weekenders Briansy!Great to have another Londoner or resident of London on the thread.

There's an old saying "If you can remember the 1970's you were there."

Talking of which here's Chi-town legend Curtis Mayfield from 1972 I reckon (the caption says 1970)
https://youtu.be/8USz7gb2RGQ

Mags1

Hiya Weekenders

Hi Briansy

The more I hear about the Tower Bridge murders, I see this should not have happened.

Kaily, I was exactly the same, drank to get blotto, I was in a loop and couldn’t get off. It was pure madness.

Thankfully I’m free of that.

It’s the first of December, countdown to Christmas and Pinch, Punch,First of the Month.

Have a good Sunday, it’s great waking up hangover free. Never tire of it.

Kaily

Morning all,

Woke up to what sounded like an enormous explosion just after 4 am. Apparently it was a sonic boom coming from two RAF fighter jets ~ perfectly normal then.

Hi Briansy and welcome.

Mags I am looking forward to January. Wouldn't mind being on a desert Island somewhere for December.

Manta I look forward to that post. My mind gets so muddled with it all, I understand it but fear it. A battle with an unseen beast.

Bim I am not keen on self help books or websites. Apart from being here I tend to play word games, browse puppies(not getting one) and ebay.

Peaceful Sunday everyone.

Willow00

Manta I look forward to your big post too.
As several of you have said, I too always drank to get drunk. One or two never cut it for me. One or two bottles more like. The AV mostly doesn’t even try to trick me now with “just one or two drinks.” It tries to trick me with “you can just get drunk for this one or two nights”. And sometimes even with, “so what if you’re drunk most of the time, is that so bad really?” What an utter liar the AV is, a liar and a cheat and a thief that robs us of our life.

BUT the biggest way the AV tries to trick me, is by trying to make me forget the dreadful consequences of my drinking, the awful awful hangovers, headaches, nausea, sickness, anxiety, depression, guilt and heartache. It tries to downplay those horrible consequences. So my job is to remember to play the tape forward and try to vividly remember the consequences of drinking. That’s what’s stopping me from picking up a drink. And I never want to experience those horrible consequences again.

On a much brighter note, I just went for a lovely walk on the beach and found a beautiful Nautilis shell rather broken, but still very beautiful When I was drinking, I missed out on so much, I couldn’t even be bothered going for a walk on a beautiful day.

Life is so much richer sober

Kaily

Great post Willow. when my naughty mind thinks about relapsing it is always with a few bottles not a few glasses. It would be a proper hunker down, curtains closed drink to oblivion scenario. It can't happen. Thanks for the reminder.

Wow what a big beautiful impressive shell.

saoutchik

Wow! That is a beautiful shell Mags.

I was woken by that sonic boom too, they are a bloody menace! I thought a bomb had gone off.

Take care off yourself MantaLady, don't let your AV deceive you.

Mags1

Kaily, Saou, they’re on a practice then, hopefully? We have some fly along the river Trent, sound like they’re coming through the roof somedays.

Willow, what the heck! That shell is amazing. Is it as big as it looks and will you be taking it home with you?

Kaily, a desert island in December, with the waves lapping gently and the sun shining down, walking on a warm soft sand barefoot, sounds blissful.

MantaLady I look forward to your post too.

Willow, playing the tape forward helped me in the early days. It gets easier the more you reject the AV, a bit like the good/bad wolf.

THE WOLF YOU FEED
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Willow00

Thanks Mags, that’s a great story about the wolves. I have a similar kind of story printed out on my fridge.

Yes the shell is big, as big as the palm of my hand. And I did take it with me. It didn’t have a living creature in it anymore, a fair chunk of it was broken and I figured that if I didn’t pick it up, the next person to come along would anyway. I try not to take many shells from the beach but this one was too beautiful for me to resist. I put it in with a few other favourite shells in my bathroom, to remind me of the beauty and freedom of the beach

MantaLady

So, I relapsed again last night. I am sat outside my house in the fog and mist, feel absolutely terrible and guilty as hell. I have no memory of most of the night. Had to delete a public post I made, back to checking my phone logs and must have invited an old booty call over. The scary thing is nothing has changed in terms of how I get when I am drinking, one night and slipped back into everything like the last year and a half hasn’t happened. I am angry and ashamed with myself. Don’t know what else to say just needed to post this before I chicken out and try and pretend it didn’t happen. x

Willow00

(((((Manta))))) well done for coming straight back to SR. I so feel for you. But all that sober time isn’t wasted! I relapsed too and am only back to 18 days sober. I had over a year, and I would’ve been 18 months if I hadn’t drank. It all came straight back to me too, drinking to excess. I have no control over my alcohol consumption other than to have zero alcohol. Not a single drop can I have.

You’ve learned so much, and you still have those lessons. And now you’ll have learned even more about yourself from this latest happening. But you’re still here and a bit wiser.

Sending you a huge hug. You probably feel like crap now, but it will get better again

I felt awful too, and so guilty, and ashamed to admit it to everyone on SR. But everyone was so supportive and welcomed me back with open arms. Just like you. I feel like SR is family, and I get more support here than from anyone in my “real” world. SR is family and you’re an important member of this family

MantaLady

Thanks Willow. I can’t quite believe I have done this again. I have absolutely ruined my weekend, today is a write off and I have someone in my house I just wish would disappear. The rehab online meeting is in 20 minutes so think I should join that even though I really don’t want to and want to hide. x

Kaily

Sorry Manta that this has happened. I can almost feel your pain and regret. All I can suggest is start again. You don't want or need this.

I hope you start to post regularly again as well. Let us know how you are, share life's ups and downs. Express those drinking thoughts. The good the bad and the ugly.

Kaily

Willow I thought your shell was this big...

Briansy

Same. Oblivion only. Ugh.

Willow00

Manta hopefully the person will leave soon and you don’t have to see them again and you can put it behind you. I’ve done so many stupid things drunk too. I think we all have and can relate. Good idea to join the online meeting, get straight back on the train. I remember your early posts, a year and a half ago when I joined SR, reaching out your hand to help people get up on the train with you. Well we’re reaching out our hands to help you climb right back on with us
We’re all on this journey together x

And be kind to yourself, eat healthy food, hydrate, and rest as much as you need to x

Willow00

Holy moly Kaily, that’s enormous!
Nope mine is only about 10cm lol, covers the palm of my hand

saoutchik

Sorry, I meant "that shell is beautiful" Willow. My excuse is that it's early and I was woken up in the middle of the night by a sonic boom.

Manta, I'm sorry you relapsed. What you said about how nothing has changed despite a lengthy period of abstinence seems to be the way it is for all of us with alcohol issues. Something in our brains has become like a broken non-return valve, it's fine if not used but however long it is left it never repairs itself.
I have always had the impression that you set very high standards for yourself and don't get me wrong that is a good thing but just because you, me, or anyone quits drinking it is not a panacea to all of the other aspects of our lives.

Don't get too downhearted, you're obviously doing things right. The struggle against alcoholism is a war of attrition not a pitched battle you can win outright. I was the relapse world champion but eventually even this slow learner recognised the signs of one in advance and learned how to avoid them and you will too.

Briansy

So sorry to hear about your relapse Manta - but amazing you had nearly 18 months. I am going to have my first shower in 3 days now. And consider facing the world.

Willow00

Great that you’re still here Briansy you’ll feel heaps better after a nice shower. Keep resting and drinking lots of fluids. I filled up with multivitamins too, and good nutritious food. Each day gets a little easier. You’re doing great

And no worries Sao
Being woken by a sonic boom would have anyone discombobulated. I love the opportunity to use such a cool word, thanks