Not drunk, can't take it anymore
 

I need out of my head. Now. I am an abject failure in life. Do no want to carry on, do not resuscitate . the video explains it all. Jeff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dth4...&start_radio=1

Hey Thomas11. What's up?

having a bad day bro. really bad.

Yeah - that can happen. I end up that real dark place some times. It seems like there's nowhere to go. It passes after a little while - posting here helps a bit.

Feel free to share - that can make a difference.

Is there anything you can tell me/us about what has/is happened/ing?

Thanks.

yeah, Jeff that video is very dark, especially since it is originally from Linkin Park.

I hope you can take a few deep breaths and work through whatever is going on, we all have regrets and shame. It's kind of the Human Condition.

Call a Helpline if you need it...you're not alone, this will pass.

I'm sorry your in so much pain Jeff. I find that song to contain an answer though. Let go of what I've done...let mercy come.

I'll just speak for myself. I felt that mercy pass over me during an episode of self-hating abuse I regularly heaped on myself. I felt it release. It was like sunlight moving across a field and it caught me. We all do what we are programmed to do until we examine ourselves. Self-hatred had become an addiction in its own right for me. There was no one to blame, not even me. It was if I had been acting out a part I was made to play. So had the people who hurt me.

No one had been keeping score beside me. I was raised to believe my actions were of supreme importance and had the power to affect God. They weren't. The didn't amount to much at all. I alone had the power to wipe the slate clean as the song goes, so I did.

You are far from being a failure Jeff. Look around you and see what you have and what you have done. Maybe it's not what you hoped for, but it's probably more than some. Maybe try to get out of your head and get into others. I think we are all here to not just better our lives, but the lives of others. Every time I have contact with other people, I've changed their lives, hopefully for the better. When you think about it, it's actually impossible to be a failure. Sure, some things don't work out the way I want no matter how hard I try, but the fact that I worked at it makes me a success. Your being here is a success. Maybe break down your successes in small increments. Sometimes, small successes lead to bigger successes. I think sometimes looking at the big picture can blur the things I'm doing well today.:You_Rock_

Hi Jeff

there's no extra points in suffering alone.
None of us can make you go see someone or call a helpline...but I hope you will.

It's not necessary to suffer like this - especially when to me and your many other friends here you're anything but a failure, man.

You deserve a break - and a little help Jeff.

D

Heres the answer in the song you chose Jeff:
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

I found it exceptionally hard to forgive myself because for some weird reason I thought I should be held to a higher standard. I'm not better than anyone else so why should that be the case?

Something that helped me was I would forgive someone for something they had done to me then I figured I should get forgiven for something. It soon became clear to me this would end up being a wash. Such a shame because some of those things I had been holding onto for 40 years like there was going to be a final exam or something and I should remember them.

One last thing Jeff. I was raised in an abusive home that pretty much told me I was a failure, that I wouldn't amount to much. If I stayed in my head and went along with this belief, I wouldn't of managed to succeed at what I have done. What's going on in your head is just a roadblock to what you are capable of doing. John

Jeff, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I'm glad you posted, and I hope you know that you don't need to suffer. Things will get better.

As the others said - you are not alone, Jeff. You are valued and cared about here. You're still working on yourself, like we all are. Things can turn around - never give up.

Sending you prayers for peace of mind. :hug: Don't lose yourself in despair. :hug:

Thank you Bimini, I agree, this too shall pass.

I would prefer to respond to all, but "this" is pretty succinct in how I feel. Thank you John.

Hi D122, I know your story and its painful to hear, but you emerged a champion.
To answer your question, I believe I have an untreated mental illness. I have days in which I do not want to live any longer. Very selfish, but true. Today has been one of those days.

If you had any other kind of illness Jeff you'd get it treated, right?.
Don't let pride fear or stigma keep you unhappy.

It really is so unnecessary Jeff.

D

So yes Dee you are 100% correct. And maybe that is the craziness if mental illness. I say that because I read your response and smile. And yet I flirt with death earlier in the day.

Yeah, its a common myth that people with mental illness are always one way or another. I could still smile on my worst days, could never stay in bed all day although nothing in me made we want to get up, always felt the responsibility to be there for others no matter how bad I felt inside...

there is a light at the end of every tunnel Jeff - and it's not an oncoming train :)

D