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Dating in Early Sobriety

Old 11-25-2019, 07:30 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NicLin View Post
trust that my sponsor really does know best, because, well, she is an example of strong, confident and unwavering principles within her life. And I want that.

As far as getting into a unemotional relationship, I myself cannot. I know how I have felt in them and I almost always place my worth into a person and their attention to me. Once that leaves, so does my worth. That is something I know I need to work on and little by little,
If I'm sensing this correctly, determination like that is what will get you through.
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Old 11-25-2019, 07:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I actually proposed in Feb 2016 after being sober for a whole 11 days and got married after being sober for only five months. I always laugh about pursuing the future Mrs. Tiles while being a full blown alcoholic. I must have been a really charming drunk.

It helps that she doesn't drink at all.
In any case, I know I took a big risk by making a big life decision in early recovery, but I felt confident that I was going to be able to remain sober, and my marriage and sobriety have worked out great so far.
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Old 11-25-2019, 10:32 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Very happy for you and Mrs. Tiles!!! That's exactly it, we are all on our own journey and must do what is right for us, with keeping in mind that the suggestions given to us are being given by those who walk around free men and women.

Glad it worked for you both!
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Old 11-26-2019, 01:25 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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A couple of AA program quotes from the book:

Dating or not dating (my words) -" we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone."

"We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct."

What that says is that dating or not is irrelevant to your recovery and AA does not wish to make any recommendations on the matter. It is your business and nobody elses.

I was a willing victim of a serial predator in AA very early in sobriety, jumped in deeper than any sane person would have done, could not believe my luck. It all turned to custard, in one sense a disastrous relationship, in another the most valuable experience of my recovery.

It was never a threat to my sobriety because I never lost sight of the fact that I was aiming to place my dependence on God, and lovely though she was, the lady was not God.

There is nothing wrong with having a bit of fun, in fact the book also says this:

" While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor."
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