When Did You Know You Were In Trouble?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 87
When Did You Know You Were In Trouble?
At what point were you smacked with the brutal realization that your addiction was out of control? As the disease progresses we slowly lose a little of ourselves each day, but we stay in denial that we actually have a problem until it reaches a boiling point, whether it's one moment or a series of events.
Me: My disease had progressed rapidly for the prior six months, like exponentially. We went to Northern AZ to celebrate a birthday. I never really wanted to go, I wanted to stay home and drink, but I relented since it was a family member's birthday. In those days, on weekends, I got up at 6am and started drinking, but now I had to stay sober all day because I had to drive 150 miles with my family.
I had never really experienced serious withdrawals up until that point, because I found a way to keep myself lit mostly all of the time. I figured I could white knuckle it until the trip was done and we got to dinner and then have a drink or two to calm my nerves.
Well, we get to dinner, and I order a vodka tonic, pretty much slam it as fast as possible without drawing attention. It didn't even touch my withdrawal symptoms (didn't help that the drinks were watered down), so I wait a socially acceptable amount of time and order another....nothing. I drank a total of three or four drinks and I was still a mess. Withdrawals symptoms were barely touched.
Long story short, I spent the night without sleeping and major chills, nausea, etc. I really wanted to go to the hotel bar, but I was with my wife and kids, and didn't want to let on that I NEEDED more drinks.
I just could not get the amount of booze I needed to break through the withdrawals that night, which at the time was at least 16 oz. of straight vodka just to get me feeling OK.
This was a defining day and I 'came out' as having a drinking problem and really started seeking help a month later. Luckily it never came to a DUI or something more destructive, but I was definitely on that path.
SC
Me: My disease had progressed rapidly for the prior six months, like exponentially. We went to Northern AZ to celebrate a birthday. I never really wanted to go, I wanted to stay home and drink, but I relented since it was a family member's birthday. In those days, on weekends, I got up at 6am and started drinking, but now I had to stay sober all day because I had to drive 150 miles with my family.
I had never really experienced serious withdrawals up until that point, because I found a way to keep myself lit mostly all of the time. I figured I could white knuckle it until the trip was done and we got to dinner and then have a drink or two to calm my nerves.
Well, we get to dinner, and I order a vodka tonic, pretty much slam it as fast as possible without drawing attention. It didn't even touch my withdrawal symptoms (didn't help that the drinks were watered down), so I wait a socially acceptable amount of time and order another....nothing. I drank a total of three or four drinks and I was still a mess. Withdrawals symptoms were barely touched.
Long story short, I spent the night without sleeping and major chills, nausea, etc. I really wanted to go to the hotel bar, but I was with my wife and kids, and didn't want to let on that I NEEDED more drinks.
I just could not get the amount of booze I needed to break through the withdrawals that night, which at the time was at least 16 oz. of straight vodka just to get me feeling OK.
This was a defining day and I 'came out' as having a drinking problem and really started seeking help a month later. Luckily it never came to a DUI or something more destructive, but I was definitely on that path.
SC
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
May 25th 2015, I had a freak fall in my house while drunk. Broke both my legs badly including ruptured patella tendon and quadriceps pulled off the femur. Surgery on both legs on the same day. 2 weeks in hospital, 4 months in wheelchair, a year of rehab, had to sell my company. It became clear I had a problem.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
I'd say after about 3 days of drinking vodka during all of my waking hours, I finally fell into a fitful sleep and kept waking up all night in pain, delirious sleep and on an emotional rollercoaster. One of the worst nights I had and I still drank one more day to wean myself off. I couldn't hold down water for a full day and after I ate for 2 days, Id get dizzy for a few minutes. And after that, I still did one more 4 day binge of vodka (6weeks later) before stopping.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
When I started drinking in the morning to stop the shakes. 
I'd drink several glasses of wine and end up sleeping it off in the middle of the day. It took me a while after that to finally quit for good.
I'd drink several glasses of wine and end up sleeping it off in the middle of the day. It took me a while after that to finally quit for good.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,806
I knew I was in trouble quite a while before I actually stopped. There were several events that told me I was in trouble, but the one that stands out and really got my attention was when I tripped and knocked myself out on my concrete front steps at about 2 in the morning. I was out there for over an hour, in the cold (it was February in Wisconsin, but warmer than usual), until my ex-husband, who was at my house babysitting our son, woke up and realized I should have been home and went to investigate and found me out there. He got me into the house and into bed, and somehow in the morning I got up long enough to make sure the kid got to school (he walked to school). I laid in bed the next day with a severe concussion and a fractured skull (I didn't know that) barely able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Called the ex and told him to come to the house when he was done working and take me to the emergency room. But I was so bad by then that we had to call an ambulance. They came and took one look and took me to the "big city" hospital 35 miles away, because our small-town hospital can't handle head injuries. I was in the hospital for 3 days. It scared me, but my sick alcoholic mind convinced me I tripped because the front steps were icy and dangerous and it was dark (all true, but not why I tripped). So I carried on a couple more years after that. But in the back of my mind, the rational part of my brain KNEW without a doubt that I was in big trouble. It took a 3rd DUI to finally drive it home that I had to quit, and I did, haven't had a drink since that arrest, almost 5 years ago.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by ciowa 
I'd say after about 3 days of drinking vodka during all of my waking hours, I finally fell into a fitful sleep and kept waking up all night in pain, delirious sleep and on an emotional rollercoaster. One of the worst nights I had and I still drank one more day to wean myself off. I couldn't hold down water for a full day and after I ate for 2 days, Id get dizzy for a few minutes. And after that, I still did one more 4 day binge of vodka (6weeks later) before stopping.
awful awful way to exist.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by MLD51
I knew I was in trouble quite a while before I actually stopped. There were several events that told me I was in trouble, but the one that stands out and really got my attention was when I tripped and knocked myself out on my concrete front steps at about 2 in the morning. I was out there for over an hour, in the cold (it was February in Wisconsin, but warmer than usual), until my ex-husband, who was at my house babysitting our son, woke up and realized I should have been home and went to investigate and found me out there. He got me into the house and into bed, and somehow in the morning I got up long enough to make sure the kid got to school (he walked to school). I laid in bed the next day with a severe concussion and a fractured skull (I didn't know that) barely able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Called the ex and told him to come to the house when he was done working and take me to the emergency room. But I was so bad by then that we had to call an ambulance. They came and took one look and took me to the "big city" hospital 35 miles away, because our small-town hospital can't handle head injuries. I was in the hospital for 3 days. It scared me, but my sick alcoholic mind convinced me I tripped because the front steps were icy and dangerous and it was dark (all true, but not why I tripped). So I carried on a couple more years after that. But in the back of my mind, the rational part of my brain KNEW without a doubt that I was in big trouble. It took a 3rd DUI to finally drive it home that I had to quit, and I did, haven't had a drink since that arrest, almost 5 years ago.
Congrats on 5 years Sober.
I love your signature about a few bad chapters very inspiring.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,922
Spending every Saturday and Sunday morning in bed too ill to get up, and every weekday feeling no better but having to get up and go to work with a hangover ☹️ It becomes the norm after a few years and is a total waste of life.
No one can deny the benefits of being hangover free 🙂
No one can deny the benefits of being hangover free 🙂
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
The withdrawals also was what did it for me. From 6 am when I woke up until 17h00 when I got back from work to have that first whiskey was absolute hell. Shaking, nausea, heart palpitations and extreme anxiety. I survived like that for about 6 months and then gave up the fight. Alcohol won. I had to leave it behind to continue living.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,153
I suspected I had a problem for many years, but not serious enough to quit. As is the pattern, I slowly got worse, but still figured I could manage my drinking, and that it wasn't that bad. Then I suddenly entered what I call the spiral. Previously, I was headed down hill, but certainly not in a spiral. In the last 6 months of my drinking, approximately the duration of the spiral, my condition deteriorated more than it did in the past 25 years. I was doing so much dumb **** that I knew it was serious. I was now the classic stereotype of the drunk. It was too ugly for me to bear.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 55
I’ve known it for years, it’s been a problem ever since I picked it up. Years of feeling like death, anxiety and paranoia. Drink driving conviction in 2011, endless family arguments. I turned 40 this year and this is my second serious attempt to stop-using this site and my insight and willpower to make sure I achieve it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by DriGuy
I suspected I had a problem for many years, but not serious enough to quit. As is the pattern, I slowly got worse, but still figured I could manage my drinking, and that it wasn't that bad. Then I suddenly entered what I call the spiral. Previously, I was headed down hill, but certainly not in a spiral. In the last 6 months of my drinking, approximately the duration of the spiral, my condition deteriorated more than it did in the past 25 years. I was doing so much dumb **** that I knew it was serious. I was now the classic stereotype of the drunk. It was too ugly for me to bear.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 741
I drank for almost 30 years and knew within the first 10. I didn't care it was a part of life. I managed my drinking and did what I had to do. Work, school. gym, running. Many weeks I only drank 2 nights. I knew I couldn't let it get totally out of hand. Recovery meant a life without alcohol and I just did not see that as a possibility.
It wasnt until I got back into hard drugs. Once I drank I turned into a junkie! It was amazing, I would start drinking and swear up and down I would not do drugs that night. Next thing you know I'm pacing the floor thinking about drugs and I can't stop myself. I would sober up and philosophize about how this won't happen again . Any solution, except not drinking, can you imagine not drinking that's just nuts!
Eventually it led to serious consequences and once actually in that much trouble God and recovery suddenly didn't look so bad. Once I could get myself out of the bottle and read the label it was like oh, duh.
It wasnt until I got back into hard drugs. Once I drank I turned into a junkie! It was amazing, I would start drinking and swear up and down I would not do drugs that night. Next thing you know I'm pacing the floor thinking about drugs and I can't stop myself. I would sober up and philosophize about how this won't happen again . Any solution, except not drinking, can you imagine not drinking that's just nuts!
Eventually it led to serious consequences and once actually in that much trouble God and recovery suddenly didn't look so bad. Once I could get myself out of the bottle and read the label it was like oh, duh.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Yea, I had years of knowing I was in trouble. Several falls and stupid arguemants, missed work etc... The last time I was laid off for 8 months and drinking all day. I could barely make it till 6pm when my wife got home. I would barely make it till dinner then eat a few bites and go to bed. At like 7pm. Summer was coming around and I could not even make it sober enough to go out golfing after everyone got off work. I knew then that I did not want to waste a summer like that. It took 10 years of self contemplation on a daily basis to finally "decide" to quit. But I probably knew I was in trouble for 15 years. The first 15 years I thought I was just having fun. I said I was going to quit when I had my daughter at 38, then said I would quit when I turned 40, then at 48 I had enough. It sure does progress fast toward the end. God how stupid that was. I'm just glad I was smart enough to quit. And glad you all quit as well. I can relate to most of these stories.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
For me, it was a couple of things:
I used to drink and drink, go to bed, then wake up at 3 am for no good reason at all, unable to go back to sleep. The crushing anxiety, dry mouth, headache, and utter shame were far worse than whatever troubles I was trying to drink away.
Every time that happened, I thought, “I’m out of control.” But I’d be back at it the next day anyway.
Then there was the time I had an incapacitating hangover and told everyone that the reason I was stuck in bed was because I had come down with something. I think I played it off as a mild stomach bug. God, that was miserable. And then my little girl drew me a picture of our dog with a thought bubble that read, “Feel better soon, my favorite human.” Jesus, that did me in.
That, along with a few other things made me realize I was just going to have to stop drinking entirely. I didn’t get it right on my first attempt, but I did manage to come around sometime soon afterward.
I used to drink and drink, go to bed, then wake up at 3 am for no good reason at all, unable to go back to sleep. The crushing anxiety, dry mouth, headache, and utter shame were far worse than whatever troubles I was trying to drink away.
Every time that happened, I thought, “I’m out of control.” But I’d be back at it the next day anyway.
Then there was the time I had an incapacitating hangover and told everyone that the reason I was stuck in bed was because I had come down with something. I think I played it off as a mild stomach bug. God, that was miserable. And then my little girl drew me a picture of our dog with a thought bubble that read, “Feel better soon, my favorite human.” Jesus, that did me in.
That, along with a few other things made me realize I was just going to have to stop drinking entirely. I didn’t get it right on my first attempt, but I did manage to come around sometime soon afterward.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I remember sitting in a College Pub just after I had turned of age. I looked around the thought, "It doesn't make them feel the way it makes me feel." I think that the first time I recognized "something". It was a long time afterwards though, before I "knew it" for sure. Life got easier after that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 135
I started trying to “cut back” or quit when I was still in high school so I’ve known it was a problem for a long time. I always drank too much whenever I drank. But I knew I was in trouble when I couldn’t go a day without drinking, when I’d get violent shakes about 12 hours after my last drink. That started happening when I was 29. I worked at a bar then so it was an easy fix but still definitely disturbing. When I was 31, I had my first and only withdrawal seizure.
I’m 41 now and have been sober for 15.5 months.
I’m 41 now and have been sober for 15.5 months.
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