Rock bottom . Again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Rock bottom . Again
But this time it truly is. I have been a member before but made a new name today
yesterday, I was selfish once again and got the smallvodka shot bottles . My SO knew right away I had been drinking. I lied up and down. Then he found one of the empty ones. I don’t even remember where I left it .
i went to bed very early after we argued.
I am so full of shame. Again. I’ve been here so many times. I’m so scared. I’m so scared of losing my family.
I told him I did lie. I said that isn’t me and he said he is tired of dealing with that person.
i said maybe it’s time I talk to someone.
i am at a job now and haven’t talked to him. I had to go in late too.
i admit I have a problem. I know this . I can be sober for months and then I sneak around again . I always get caugh. I want this to be the last time. He doesn’t believe me. I am so ashamed.
yesterday, I was selfish once again and got the smallvodka shot bottles . My SO knew right away I had been drinking. I lied up and down. Then he found one of the empty ones. I don’t even remember where I left it .
i went to bed very early after we argued.
I am so full of shame. Again. I’ve been here so many times. I’m so scared. I’m so scared of losing my family.
I told him I did lie. I said that isn’t me and he said he is tired of dealing with that person.
i said maybe it’s time I talk to someone.
i am at a job now and haven’t talked to him. I had to go in late too.
i admit I have a problem. I know this . I can be sober for months and then I sneak around again . I always get caugh. I want this to be the last time. He doesn’t believe me. I am so ashamed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hi,
I have been where you have been many many times. Great job for posting here.
Take care of your self today and try to get through today sober. Every day you stay sober for 24 hours you will feel better. Maybe find a woman's AA group. They are very supportive and really can empathize with your situation. You have all ready confessed to your SO. Do this for yourself. sneaking nips and going to bed angry and ashamed is no way to live. I have lived that life for way to long.
Stay sober today and get a great nights sober sleep -post here you will feel better in the morning.
I have been where you have been many many times. Great job for posting here.
Take care of your self today and try to get through today sober. Every day you stay sober for 24 hours you will feel better. Maybe find a woman's AA group. They are very supportive and really can empathize with your situation. You have all ready confessed to your SO. Do this for yourself. sneaking nips and going to bed angry and ashamed is no way to live. I have lived that life for way to long.
Stay sober today and get a great nights sober sleep -post here you will feel better in the morning.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by faith823 
Hi,
I have been where you have been many many times. Great job for posting here.
Take care of your self today and try to get through today sober. Every day you stay sober for 24 hours you will feel better. Maybe find a woman's AA group. They are very supportive and really can empathize with your situation. You have all ready confessed to your SO. Do this for yourself. sneaking nips and going to bed angry and ashamed is no way to live. I have lived that life for way to long.
Stay sober today and get a great nights sober sleep -post here you will feel better in the morning.
I have been where you have been many many times. Great job for posting here.
Take care of your self today and try to get through today sober. Every day you stay sober for 24 hours you will feel better. Maybe find a woman's AA group. They are very supportive and really can empathize with your situation. You have all ready confessed to your SO. Do this for yourself. sneaking nips and going to bed angry and ashamed is no way to live. I have lived that life for way to long.
Stay sober today and get a great nights sober sleep -post here you will feel better in the morning.
This morning he wasn’t AS mad but he has every single right to be because I messed up yet again. How many chances will he give me? I don’t want to be this person anymore
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Welcome. Lets start working on this starting now. Moving forward. Let's keep you off the sauce. One day at a time. This addiction really sucks. But there is a way out. Stick around here. Get hydrated rested etc. When you get home. Time needs time. It will work out for you. ✌
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by Lisalily
thank you I am working right now and feel so dreadful. I feel so sick physically and mentally. I have only been to one AA meeting before and I felt so uncomfortable but I am going to try to find a women’s one that’s a good idea.
This morning he wasn’t AS mad but he has every single right to be because I messed up yet again. How many chances will he give me? I don’t want to be this person anymore
Mine would eventually forgive me-until they don't I have been with him for 11 years and we are estranged. I actually lost another job and had
to move back in with my parents. I am going through a lot right now.
But I have been sober for 23 days and feel so much better. I hope you find an AA meeting that inspires you. I have started to go again and receive so much hope and inspiration.
Well move forward. You have today. You made it to work. You addressed the situation last night. It is done and today is a new day. And its your DAY 1 and your Sober. Sounds like he understands you want help I am sure he feels helpless he can not help you. You have another chance to show him with actions. Nobody could save me. I was my own giant problem. I kept feeding into the problem. It feels so nice that currently I feel like I am part of the giant solution. One day at a time is so manageable
Take care of you and everything will fall into place. Come home have a nutritious dinner , look for a woman's meeting to attend in the near future and I am sure you will go to bed feeling much better.
This feeling you are experiencing will Pass. Stay sober and you will never have to feel this particular way again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by Lisalily
Yesterday, I was selfish once again and got the small vodka shot bottles . My SO knew right away I had been drinking. I lied up and down. Then he found one of the empty ones. I don’t even remember where I left it .
I went to bed very early after we argued.
I am so full of shame. Again.
That was my story exactly (the vodka, the sneaking around, the SO that knows, lying, fighting...) I'm only on day 24, but in my situation I had to take action right away or else I knew that I wouldn't and it would continue. My last time, I woke up full of shame and promised my husband that I was done. I found an AA meeting and went that afternoon. I then came home and researched different programs. I decided on an Intensive Outpatient Program. I had to wait until Monday to register myself and in that short period of time, I had almost talked myself out of doing it. "I'm not that bad. I can do this myself. It's a waste of money...." Luckily a friend called at the right time and talked me through my lies. I hung up from her and called to register myself. I got in right away and I love it!!!
I needed to take action to show my family that I meant business. Words meant nothing, as I had said them so many times. This time I made the decision myself that I was really done and did something about it.
Are you done??
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
It's hard to deal with the messes that we make with our drinking, and lying is such a big problem for us alcoholics. I hope that your SO will forgive you but I suspect it might take awhile and take some significant changes on your part.
You said you can stop for months and then begin to drink again. My suggestion would be that you need to add something to your recovery plan to help you feel good about your life so you don't feel the need to drink again. What kinds of lifestyle changes have you made?
You said you can stop for months and then begin to drink again. My suggestion would be that you need to add something to your recovery plan to help you feel good about your life so you don't feel the need to drink again. What kinds of lifestyle changes have you made?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
I'm glad you posted & told us about this, Lisalily. We all understand - most of us have done this too. It's very hard to explain our behavior to others who don't have the problem. That's why SR is a blessing - we never have to feel alone.
Please keep posting. You can stop for good and never have this awful feeling again. We're with you.
Please keep posting. You can stop for good and never have this awful feeling again. We're with you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome (back) 
Anna makes a great point - to move from spurts of sobreity to permanent recovery I had to make more changes than just not drinking.
Think about what that might mean for you.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here.
D
Anna makes a great point - to move from spurts of sobreity to permanent recovery I had to make more changes than just not drinking.
Think about what that might mean for you.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by MagnumCat
Lisalily, I hear you!
That was my story exactly (the vodka, the sneaking around, the SO that knows, lying, fighting...) I'm only on day 24, but in my situation I had to take action right away or else I knew that I wouldn't and it would continue. My last time, I woke up full of shame and promised my husband that I was done. I found an AA meeting and went that afternoon. I then came home and researched different programs. I decided on an Intensive Outpatient Program. I had to wait until Monday to register myself and in that short period of time, I had almost talked myself out of doing it. "I'm not that bad. I can do this myself. It's a waste of money...." Luckily a friend called at the right time and talked me through my lies. I hung up from her and called to register myself. I got in right away and I love it!!!
I needed to take action to show my family that I meant business. Words meant nothing, as I had said them so many times. This time I made the decision myself that I was really done and did something about it.
Are you done??
That was my story exactly (the vodka, the sneaking around, the SO that knows, lying, fighting...) I'm only on day 24, but in my situation I had to take action right away or else I knew that I wouldn't and it would continue. My last time, I woke up full of shame and promised my husband that I was done. I found an AA meeting and went that afternoon. I then came home and researched different programs. I decided on an Intensive Outpatient Program. I had to wait until Monday to register myself and in that short period of time, I had almost talked myself out of doing it. "I'm not that bad. I can do this myself. It's a waste of money...." Luckily a friend called at the right time and talked me through my lies. I hung up from her and called to register myself. I got in right away and I love it!!!
I needed to take action to show my family that I meant business. Words meant nothing, as I had said them so many times. This time I made the decision myself that I was really done and did something about it.
Are you done??
I haven’t decided what to do yet, there’s a meeting tonight for women I may go but I’m not sure yet. I did talk to him about it and he seemed supportive
i didn’t drink yesterday so that’s a win. Also I did have two unopened vodka and threw those away which is a big deal for me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by DriGuy
I hope you find a meeting, or you can hang out here, or you could go to a mixed meeting. Some do it on their own. I couldn't. Good luck. I hope you can make it stick. It's worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by Hevyn
I'm glad you posted & told us about this, Lisalily. We all understand - most of us have done this too. It's very hard to explain our behavior to others who don't have the problem. That's why SR is a blessing - we never have to feel alone.
Please keep posting. You can stop for good and never have this awful feeling again. We're with you.
Please keep posting. You can stop for good and never have this awful feeling again. We're with you.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
Hi Lisalily, addiction makes us act differently than we normally would. I thought I had mine in the bag at 8 months and allowed myself to drink, just the one! We know where that leads to.
It took me a good few years to give up for good.
Don’t be afraid to reach out....I found so much knowledge here on SR, learnt about the tools I needed to stay sober.
You can do it!
It took me a good few years to give up for good.
Don’t be afraid to reach out....I found so much knowledge here on SR, learnt about the tools I needed to stay sober.
You can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Thanks for all the support everyone
talking to my husband now through texts
he is really reedy to move on. He said this is the last time and he wants to get in writing that if I mess up again he will have sole custody of our daughter.
i can’t lose my family! I feel so discouraged. He just keeps saying I’ll do it again, he’s heard this before. he has every right to feel this way. I am so upset.
talking to my husband now through texts
he is really reedy to move on. He said this is the last time and he wants to get in writing that if I mess up again he will have sole custody of our daughter.
i can’t lose my family! I feel so discouraged. He just keeps saying I’ll do it again, he’s heard this before. he has every right to feel this way. I am so upset.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
All you can do now is stay sober and show him you mean it. Words mean nothing at this point, it's actions that count. Hopefully in time he will see that you are staying sober. Maybe he is just angry now and lashing out and will calm down in a few days. How old is your daughter?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
All you can do now is stay sober and show him you mean it. Words mean nothing at this point, it's actions that count. Hopefully in time he will see that you are staying sober. Maybe he is just angry now and lashing out and will calm down in a few days. How old is your daughter?
of course it’s not, I Can’t believe I did this. I am so upset
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