Rock bottom . Again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau 
Hi lisalily it must be hard for you with your husband going hot and cold as that is bound to cause you extra stress and anxiety at a time you just want to be calm. I know what you mean to about needing to find time for yourself I need to do that to it's like i just need some hobbies or something to try and find something i can enjoy or do to relax
I feel so sick right now he is just telling me how I’m a drunk, etc I’ll never stop, the damage is done ..
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Originally Posted by Lisalily
I just feel like I have to be this perfect person all the time and I just can’t anymore
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by Lisalily
i am sorry you’re going through that with him too. That’s how my husband is, supportive and sweet and then gets upset (he has a right to be of course) and goes on like this . He said our relationship is broken and he is tired of living with a selfish person... I know I can do this I have been sober before for long periods of time. He doesn’t believe me anymore though
I hate the walking on eggshells its an awful place to be. No matter if you are right in a situation- you are wrong if you were drinking.
You are in the heat of these emotions with him now. I am sure things will get better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by faith823
I am there with you. I have heard this many times. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope you can be kind and gentle to yourself tonight. Hold your head up high., but be humble enough to get all the support and help you can obtain. You acknowledge there is an issue. That is the first step. We are all human and we all have issues. Try and stay positive. Go online google some inspirational passages. The Daily reflections is full of great comfort.
I hate the walking on eggshells its an awful place to be. No matter if you are right in a situation- you are wrong if you were drinking.
You are in the heat of these emotions with him now. I am sure things will get better.
I hate the walking on eggshells its an awful place to be. No matter if you are right in a situation- you are wrong if you were drinking.
You are in the heat of these emotions with him now. I am sure things will get better.
i just got home and he is in the car on the phone with his father, I’m presuming telling him *** it the situation.
he said he would be telling his family in case he needs them for when I make the same mistake and he needs me to leave .
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
I'm not sure I understand why he wants you to deal with this privately or outside of AA but it's not really my place to question that feeling. I do know that AA is a place that everything you say will stay in that room. I have seen people in my AA group outside of AA and we casually say hi ask how their day is etc... but we dont bring up being "sober". AA was/is great for me. It got me jump started and finally moving forward after many steps back.
As you mentioned he has a right to be mad. But texting back and forth is never good when dealing with a sensitive situation. Always best to talk in person as its personal. Tone is never expressed in text messages. So it may be a good idea to suggest that if we feel something while at work to write it down and discuss later this evening etc. You are after all at work and supposed to be working for an employer paying you to do work, not text. And I mean that in a nice way.
Stay sober. Prove you can stay sober and addressing your issue constantly will go a long way. Dont get complacent because that's when mistakes are made. Be proactive in your sobriety.
As you mentioned he has a right to be mad. But texting back and forth is never good when dealing with a sensitive situation. Always best to talk in person as its personal. Tone is never expressed in text messages. So it may be a good idea to suggest that if we feel something while at work to write it down and discuss later this evening etc. You are after all at work and supposed to be working for an employer paying you to do work, not text. And I mean that in a nice way.
Stay sober. Prove you can stay sober and addressing your issue constantly will go a long way. Dont get complacent because that's when mistakes are made. Be proactive in your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Lisalily,
How are you feeling today? I agree with all the posts above. Getting machine gunned with negative texts is not helping the situation. Nor your state of mind. You do not deserve that. I also agree that a meeting will be your safe space to be you.. There is a sense of calm and a feeling of taking care of yourself Example-making time for the meeting is self care, working on your recovery/self enhances self esteem. Also AA is great because if you do not feel like sharing you can still be present and relate. Come up with a dialog in your own head what will help and you can practice in your recovery.
However you go about YOUR recovery is up to YOU alone. Just keep posting here. I pray that you have a better day today
How are you feeling today? I agree with all the posts above. Getting machine gunned with negative texts is not helping the situation. Nor your state of mind. You do not deserve that. I also agree that a meeting will be your safe space to be you.. There is a sense of calm and a feeling of taking care of yourself Example-making time for the meeting is self care, working on your recovery/self enhances self esteem. Also AA is great because if you do not feel like sharing you can still be present and relate. Come up with a dialog in your own head what will help and you can practice in your recovery.
However you go about YOUR recovery is up to YOU alone. Just keep posting here. I pray that you have a better day today
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I am sorry to say but your husband sounds like a bully to me.
Please do not sign anything and please don't let him text you with threats like that.
If he wants to discuss something as important as your family and your sobriety it needs to be face to face.
Not by text.
I was in a similar situation to you.
I thank to goodness I am away from him now.
I took control of my life with AA and my friends here at SR.
I will be 8 years sober in Feb 2020.
Please PM me if you need to.
Please do not sign anything and please don't let him text you with threats like that.
If he wants to discuss something as important as your family and your sobriety it needs to be face to face.
Not by text.
I was in a similar situation to you.
I thank to goodness I am away from him now.
I took control of my life with AA and my friends here at SR.
I will be 8 years sober in Feb 2020.
Please PM me if you need to.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
He needs to do some research and stop putting it all on you.
Jekyll and Hyde behavior combined with playing blame games and making threats is not how to support someone who has a drink problem and it will just make it worse.
Jekyll and Hyde behavior combined with playing blame games and making threats is not how to support someone who has a drink problem and it will just make it worse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 337
Maybe in his own stupid way he is trying to make you stay off the booze, but laying on the guilt like he is doing is not helping, don't do it for him, do it for you, get all the support you can, and if he wants to keep it private why is he telling his father, go to AA, chat with friends, keep reading and posting here, but at the minute take care of you, I'm sorry but I really don't like his attitude, guilting you, making you feel shame, does he even understand what you and all of us have been going through, but as the days go by without booze, you will feel better and stronger. X
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